JACKRUSSELLGIRL

If you are serious about getting sober and telling your wife that you are going to stop for good, what are some of the things you would be doing?

Thanks!!!

CarolD

I'll have to leave that for our married members
to share on.
Hope all is going well for you...

suki44883

I can only speak for myself, but when I decided to stop drinking, I didn't tell anyone anything. I called a medical detox facility and asked if they had a bed available. Luckily, they did, so I packed a bag and got a ride and signed myself into a 6 day detox program. After that, I went to an all day 2 week IOP (intensive outpatient therapy) program. After that, I did 3 weeks of part-time IOP, three days a week. I had been prescribed Naltrexone, which I took for about 3 months, during which time I saw a counselor.

tyler

I also found that when I was finally serious about getting clean and sober, I didn't say anything to anyone. I let my actions speak for themselves. I had talked about it for years, never actually accomplishing anything. As they say, "actions speak louder than words.

As far as behavioral differences go, other than the obvious, not drinking, I found that my overall moods and outlook on life improved, though not immediatly. It took awhile. I found it easier to get up in the morning, as I wasn't hung over. I spend more time here on SR, it is kinda my substitute for meetings. I've taken a much bigger interest in my son. Unfortunatly I lost the whole wife and family thing before I got "serious", so I have to do this from afar, but I am working on it. Hope some of that helps. Take care.

freespirit78

Personally I am still new to this and I am not really telling anyone other than two close friends and my bf.

exquisitered

Well I wasn't as smart as I should have been. I quit on my own and had some withdrawls, though nothing life threatening thankfully. I was ashamed to admit I was an alcoholic to a doctor until I had proven to myself I could stop on my own or something (very stupid!) anyway, after I was sober a few weeks I made a doctor's appointment. He prescribed Campral and 90 meetings in 90 days. I took the med for the first 3 months, and went to the meetings. Most importantly I actually quit instead of just saying I would.

Fubarcdn

When my wife told me that I was ready to quit, I wrote her a letter making amends for all the things that I had put her through and promising never to drink again.
I read this letter every Sunday and through it my urges to drink have gone away.
I also have a list of the goods and bads of not drinking and as long as the needle points to not drinking I will not drink.

crown86

I made this promise so manytimes to my live-in fiance...she eventually left before I quit.

The biggest thing would have been to simply quit.

keithj

When I thought I was serious about getting sober, I made a lot of promises to do so. I'd not drink for a number of months, reminding my wife that I'd made it through another day. Then, invariably, I'd get drunk and try to blame it on her. I could make all the decisions I wanted, I just couldn't manage those decisions.

When I got desperate to get sober, I called a guy in AA who talked of a spiritual solution as being my only hope. I went to meetings whether or not I felt like it. I made committments to meet this guy and I kept those committments. I spent many hours sitting with a Big Book, a straightedge, and pens of various colors, painstakingly underlining certain sentences and paragraphs. I called that guy every day. I shut everything else out in my life and focused single-mindedly on taking the actions required to have a spiritual awakening.

As the result, I recovered. And there was no more question about the alcohol problem. The change was obvious, and convincing someone else of that was pointless.

chip

Some things I'd do:
-Speak with a doctor about a medical detox
-Attend AA meetings to develop a support network
-Read AA literature
-try to slow down, or control my drinking if I'm told by my doctor to wait for a medicial detox.
-set a quit date for a medical detox
-remove alcohol from my home
-do some serious soul searching: WHY am I doing this? WHAT will be different this time? HOW will I change to live a sober lifestyle?
-make contacts in AA. Speak with these people daily, and become immersed in AA.

ErikaT

I am guessing you have a boyfriend or husband that is telling you that he quit and you have your doubts. ?? The thing you are looking for is *HONESTY*. If he made it a point to tell you he is quitting,..and he was serious....he would not, then...immediately NOT talk about it. Alot of alcoholics tell loved ones that they have quit to "shut them up" so to speak. They are tired of hearing people comment about their drinking and saying they have quit seems like a good way to kill the topic. I would say someone isnt serious if they are saying "its a breeze"..."No problem". If someone with a drinking problem announces that they have quit and are seemingly having no problem with it at all....then they havent really quit. If you ask him how its going and he tells you he is having trouble sleeping or having weird dreams thats a sign he is serious. If he is admitting that it isnt easy...then he is serious. If he is acting like hes got this thing licked....no problem...then chances are, he isnt serious.

CarolD

ErikaT.....Welcome to our SR Alcoholism Forum

CAPTAINZING2000

I'd exclude the word good and replace it for today. Tomorrow is promised to
no one!

Cloudbusted

I can tell you my from my own personal experience what I have been doing. My wife wants to separate, and get back together with the stipulation that I get better. I have gone to a rehab counselor, licensed clinician, and a psychiatrist. I have only drank once since we spoke. I struggle with wanting to drink, and trying to be honest with her about this. I am in the processes of being diagnosed with a mental illness, and that would make me co-dependent. I am very sincere about getting better. I talk more openly about my feelings, and fears. I don’t b.s. with my wife anymore, or try to hide things. I have tried to be more present in her life and my kids life. I do more things with her now. Things I thought I would not enjoy in the past, but have found them a not only a big distraction from drinking but good fun as well. I have been exercising in the morning. There has been a lot more dialogue with my wife. I don’t know if you have children, but I have been using them as inspiration. I also use them to help me be more stable and stay in focus. I am reaching out for the first time, and trying to develop a support system. I tried going to AA a few times and struggle with wanting to go, but I have joined SR and google things about alcoholism trying to educate myself. I will be presented with a treatment plan for my co-dependency, and plan to follow it rain or shine. That’s about the jist of where I am at. I talked with my wife in the past about getting serious on seeking help, and this time I am serious about it. Hope that this helps.

JACKRUSSELLGIRL

Thanks everyone for your responses. I am so tired of listening to the, I am going to get help BS. He starts and stops. He stopped for @ 6 months and then started up again. When he stops, I must admit that he is not a dry drunk and we get along. I am trying to work on myself and not focus on his BS but it is really hard at times.

These forums really help when dealing with this situation. I guess time will tell if he is serious or not.

CAPTAINZING2000

how long as he been on the merry go round?

Insulated

Firstly I would be honest with myself.

I recall my ABF saying "YOU are the reason I drink". To which I replied "Oh yeah? Then I remove myself from the addiction equation"....Captain Morgan had a permanent residence. Getting honest with yourself is a personal private decision and in doing so, if one is serious, the actions are going speak louder than any words. It's an internal decision and willpower isn't something you can verbally express. Show by action.

least

My kids begged me to quit and I would tell them I had just to get them off my back. They knew, tho, that I was still drinking, I couldn't fool them for long. When I did finally quit they noticed the change in my behavior and attitude. My 'saying' I was 'going to' quit didn't matter, only my actions did.

Cloudbusted

My wife offering me an ultimatum snapped me into reality. Denial is a strong thing and it took something drastic in my life to see through it. I know this sounds like a suggestion, but I am not trying to suggest. Just expressing what my wake up call was.