over a month of sobriety...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ferndale, MI
Posts: 14
over a month of sobriety...
i'm a newcomer and am thankful for this site as it is one i visit when i'm getting ready to go to bed and am ever having trouble with where my mind may be.
it was time to join to have another outlet outside of the 90/90 i am actively pursuing + having a sponsor + friends i've met through AA + friends that know of my disease and are supportive. the more help the better, right?!
i remember taking my 1st drink when i was 8, pilfering wine from our pantry. subsequent alcohol picked up in high school. i found myself using it to cope with a variety of issues, my father's untimely passing, my mother's battle with xanax and alcohol, my dogmatic catholic upbringing to which i could never truly relate, like most alcoholics, i ended up in the middle of a vicious cycle.
october 2009, i was on a 3 day binge of whiskey - i was in the habit of picking up a 1/2 or pint on my way home from work and drinking it by the time i got home (drinking while i drove home) and was done with it by the time i reached home - about 1 mile away. i met my friend up at the bar, she had no idea that i'd been on a 3 day binge at this point, nor did she know that i had just consumed a 1/2 of whiskey. we had a couple of beers and i'd ordered our 2nd shot of whiskey while she was in the bathroom. upon her return, i was face down on the table and evidently, she and the barmaid carried me out to my car. i insisted on sleeping in my car after her pleading with me to let her drive me home (i remember none of this, of course.) around 5 am, the next morning, i decided to drive and ended up crashing into a tree at an intersection. no one was hurt, i had burns from the airbag and a broken rib. i refused the breathalyzer, failed all the tests, was informed that my blood test showed .231 and woke up in jail the next morning on a friday. i went to my 1st AA meeting that sunday. i admit, i went because i knew it'd look good in front of the judge. i ended up incredibly lucky with the right attorney coupled with half-hearted attendance at AA meetings on a fairly consistent basis. instead of a mandatory suspended license for a year, i have it restricted through this november coupled with 90 days of PBTs, 6 months of randoms, monthly therapy sessions, monthly PO meetings and probation court and a couple of classes. i blew dirty on new years day and subsequently drank a few glasses of wine a couple of days after that. the fact that i would tempt fate despite all of the luck thrown my way is what made me stay focused on staying sober since 1/4/10.
that's my story, but now i find myself puzzled because i'm restless, absolutely not focused at work though i go to meetings every day. i figure it's all a part of the process but feel like my skin is crawling at times and i can't stand it. this is easily the hardest thing i've ever done and am proud of myself thus far. i look forward to hearing from you folks with any advice you have to give and look forward to staying in touch.
it was time to join to have another outlet outside of the 90/90 i am actively pursuing + having a sponsor + friends i've met through AA + friends that know of my disease and are supportive. the more help the better, right?!
i remember taking my 1st drink when i was 8, pilfering wine from our pantry. subsequent alcohol picked up in high school. i found myself using it to cope with a variety of issues, my father's untimely passing, my mother's battle with xanax and alcohol, my dogmatic catholic upbringing to which i could never truly relate, like most alcoholics, i ended up in the middle of a vicious cycle.
october 2009, i was on a 3 day binge of whiskey - i was in the habit of picking up a 1/2 or pint on my way home from work and drinking it by the time i got home (drinking while i drove home) and was done with it by the time i reached home - about 1 mile away. i met my friend up at the bar, she had no idea that i'd been on a 3 day binge at this point, nor did she know that i had just consumed a 1/2 of whiskey. we had a couple of beers and i'd ordered our 2nd shot of whiskey while she was in the bathroom. upon her return, i was face down on the table and evidently, she and the barmaid carried me out to my car. i insisted on sleeping in my car after her pleading with me to let her drive me home (i remember none of this, of course.) around 5 am, the next morning, i decided to drive and ended up crashing into a tree at an intersection. no one was hurt, i had burns from the airbag and a broken rib. i refused the breathalyzer, failed all the tests, was informed that my blood test showed .231 and woke up in jail the next morning on a friday. i went to my 1st AA meeting that sunday. i admit, i went because i knew it'd look good in front of the judge. i ended up incredibly lucky with the right attorney coupled with half-hearted attendance at AA meetings on a fairly consistent basis. instead of a mandatory suspended license for a year, i have it restricted through this november coupled with 90 days of PBTs, 6 months of randoms, monthly therapy sessions, monthly PO meetings and probation court and a couple of classes. i blew dirty on new years day and subsequently drank a few glasses of wine a couple of days after that. the fact that i would tempt fate despite all of the luck thrown my way is what made me stay focused on staying sober since 1/4/10.
that's my story, but now i find myself puzzled because i'm restless, absolutely not focused at work though i go to meetings every day. i figure it's all a part of the process but feel like my skin is crawling at times and i can't stand it. this is easily the hardest thing i've ever done and am proud of myself thus far. i look forward to hearing from you folks with any advice you have to give and look forward to staying in touch.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 413
Originally Posted by blinky17 
but now i find myself puzzled because i'm restless, absolutely not focused at work though i go to meetings every day. i figure it's all a part of the process but feel like my skin is crawling at times and i can't stand it.
Restless, irritable, discontent ... that's part of being an alcoholic. Without alcohol, it's like being a fish out of water. Sobriety is just so unnatural for us!
AA meetings are helpful, but for me, the real solution is in working the 12 steps. Once I resolved all of those issues through working the steps, sobriety became enjoyable and even NORMAL. It was like having a whole new life.
Anyway, I'm glad you're here, and I hope you keep posting and keep in touch. SR is a great place. I'm so grateful for everyone here.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Glad you decided to join us on the sharing side of SR
Welcome to our Alcoholism Forum.....
Yes earlly sobriety is a difficult time for most of us.
Not until I started Step work ...did I feel a shift
from weak sobriety into solid recovery....
I agree with Clutch
Plese keep in focus....Yes you can win over alcohol
Welcome to our Alcoholism Forum.....
Yes earlly sobriety is a difficult time for most of us.
Not until I started Step work ...did I feel a shift
from weak sobriety into solid recovery....
I agree with Clutch
Plese keep in focus....Yes you can win over alcohol
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Poconos PA
Posts: 1,544
Yeah, first two months and I miss beer dearly. I guess all we can do is try to remain focused on sticking with it long enough until the worst of the cravings subside. Funny, I don't feel it as a craving anymore though. In the first month I felt that itch like I remember when quitting cigarettes but now the desire to drink a beer is because I am thirsty and know it will taste good. I also know that if I do drink a beer the alcohol will kick in and I will be on the road to being hooked again.
As someone told me in a previous post, "Just remember, Beer is not an option" Just keep that in mind Blinky that drinking is not an option. Find a diversion and stick to your guns. You got this fight won if you can do that.
Keep up the good work.
As someone told me in a previous post, "Just remember, Beer is not an option" Just keep that in mind Blinky that drinking is not an option. Find a diversion and stick to your guns. You got this fight won if you can do that.
Keep up the good work.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: KC MO
Posts: 980
Congrats on your sober time.
I'm the "drinking just isn't an option guy". It seemed to help me. If you start thinking you can drink, the idea keeps sounding better and better. If you get it into your head that you just can't do it so you might as well forget it. Forgetting it gets easier. (does for me anyway).
I have been sober almost 11 months, and I can't explain how good it feels. Beer no longer sounds good to me, and I drank at least a 12 pack a day for 30 years.
I know it is very tough at first, but sobriety really is worth all the difficulty. Every day it does get better.
I wish you the best.
Fred
I'm the "drinking just isn't an option guy". It seemed to help me. If you start thinking you can drink, the idea keeps sounding better and better. If you get it into your head that you just can't do it so you might as well forget it. Forgetting it gets easier. (does for me anyway).
I have been sober almost 11 months, and I can't explain how good it feels. Beer no longer sounds good to me, and I drank at least a 12 pack a day for 30 years.
I know it is very tough at first, but sobriety really is worth all the difficulty. Every day it does get better.
I wish you the best.
Fred
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ferndale, MI
Posts: 14
thank you all for the kind words and support. i'm beginning step 4 since i feel ready for it as well as my sponsor feeling i am ready for it. another thing that i'm worried about is that i've got to face filing for bankruptcy and foreclosing on my house. beginning the process is daunting. for 1, it's partly the result of my alcoholism that found me in the financial position i am in. for 2, i'm afraid that the emotional process and stress of actually doing it will lead to some toxic thinking. i know i'm not alone in dealing with the financial **** storm and foreclosure i am facing. but, like a lot of difficult times in my life, i put things off and drank my way through something that is inevitable or had to face anyway. i've read from other posts and heard from friends that what you worry about ends up not being as bad as you once thought. i suppose it's all a part of the process of retraining my brain and rewiring my neurons! if i can get through this, i envision myself incredibly empowered that i can move on with my life. i realize what's done is done, i'm just a bit afraid. if anyone's out there that went through bankruptcy or losing their home that can offer advice, i'd appreciate it!!!
if i can get through this, i envision myself incredibly empowered that i can move on with my life. i realize what's done is done, i'm just a bit afraid. if anyone's out there that went through bankruptcy or losing their home that can offer advice, i'd appreciate it!!! Don't resist, allow
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Originally Posted by blinky17
i'm just a bit afraid. if anyone's out there that went through bankruptcy or losing their home that can offer advice, i'd appreciate it!!!
I've never been through either of these but I do know that it will be easier for you going through them when working the 12 steps, rather than if you were drinking.
Good luck in the process and your recovery. This is a great support site to use.
Nonexistent Willpower
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 439
Holy cow Blinky! Glad you made it. It sounds like you're in good hands if your sponsor has you on step 4. I would say more than anything the best advice I could suggest is keep marching forth on the steps. Get the weak items out on the table quickly, and move on with through 5-9, you can always go back and do them again.
"i figure it's all a part of the process but feel like my skin is crawling at times and i can't stand it."
What you are feeling is nothing abnormal, but will go away. It's promised. The biggest challenge is to stay sober long enough to get through the steps.
"this is easily the hardest thing i've ever done and am proud of myself thus far."
Yes it's by far the heardest thing I've ever done also. But also the most rewarding.
As far as your financial situation, no amount of money, or property, can buy the gift we have. It's free for those who want it. As for your other problems I'll tell you like my sponsor told me "As long as you stay sober, it really won't matter.." He was right.
Please keep posting. You've really helped me today.
"i figure it's all a part of the process but feel like my skin is crawling at times and i can't stand it."
What you are feeling is nothing abnormal, but will go away. It's promised. The biggest challenge is to stay sober long enough to get through the steps.
"this is easily the hardest thing i've ever done and am proud of myself thus far."
Yes it's by far the heardest thing I've ever done also. But also the most rewarding.
As far as your financial situation, no amount of money, or property, can buy the gift we have. It's free for those who want it. As for your other problems I'll tell you like my sponsor told me "As long as you stay sober, it really won't matter.." He was right.
Please keep posting. You've really helped me today.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
