DayWalker

Hey guys, very hard to come back here but in a way I feel good about coming back. Sure some of you remember me, was a member here for about a year but I stopped posting about 3-4 months ago. Reason I stopped posting back around oct/nov was I started drinking heavy again. No reason to sugar coat it so just being honest with everyone.

I was doing good for awhile there, but started having trouble sleeping were I couldn't go to sleep till about 5/6am...so after a few weeks of that I started "self medicating" again. Started off drinking (a bunch) at night, then started drinking a bunch and taking tylenol pm with drinking, then drinking/tylenol/xanax every night just to go to sleep. Got to the point the past few weeks where it takes a fifth of vodka/two Tylenol PM's/two xanax just to get to sleep at night. Biggest drawback to that has been I don't wake up for 15-20hrs after I go to sleep (insert funny pun here)...but not funny at all.

Anyway....A few days ago I just simply felt tired of this. I know you always hear about hitting your "bottom" and thats when your ready to make a change. And In the past I thought I had hit my "bottom'...jail, car crashes, losing women, losing jobs....I always thought that was my bottom. But funny thing is...what I have felt this past week I think is more my bottom than what I went through years ago. I haven't had to re-experiance those things like car wreak/arrest/etc etc...but this past week I have felt more shame and self loathing than I have ever thought I ever could in my entire life. Its been worse than any "bottom" I have ever thought I experianced before.

So as hard as it is for me to come back here and admit what I have been up to...I'm doing it. Because I know what I've been doing is just killing me and I need to get myself on the right path again no matter how embarassing it seems. 3 days sober and back.

Steve

geekorunique

Welcome back honey. It must have taken a lot of courage to come back and I thank you for doing it. Shows me that it doesn't work out there! Have you ever gone to Alcoholics Anonymous? I know that without the meetings, the people and the 12 steps there's no way I could stay sober...I don't believe I would have a defence against a drink.

Try and remember that if you stay away from the first drink it is impossible to get drunk...simple I know but it took me a long time to accept that!

We're all here for you...add me as a friend if you like and I'll help you best I can.

Just stay with the winners...it's much easier! xxxxx

DayWalker

Thanks geekorunique.

Yep I actually have quite a bit of experiance with AA. Been going on&off for over 10 years. Was a steady member of a "primary purpose" AA mens group for about 2 yrs back around 2002-2004. And I know the next question lol..."why did I stop going"....to be honest, I stopped going because like every alcoholic out there, I hate to be told what to do, and thought I didn't need them and could do it on my own....plain and simple I know that's not a vaild reason to stop going, but just being honest. But in the back of my mind I know I can't do it on my own.

And I'd be happy to add you as a friend if you can tell me how to do so...I'm not entirely computer literate so not sure how to do that on here.

Steve

Dee74

Hey Steve

I wondered where you been - I'm sorry to hear the details but I think most of us have been there.

Welcome back
D

DayWalker

Thanks Dee...I totally remember you. I look forward to talking with you "Capt2000"..."sunrise" and all you guys once again!

BTW - if anyone wants to know if its still BAD out there in the drinking world, just PM me...I'd be happy to fill ya in on the fact that your still not missing anything!

Steve

Cathy31

Welcome back! The sober life is definitely the better life!

WEll done
Cathy31
x

intention

Welcome back Steve.

Thanks for the reminder that our lives were always back when we were drinking.

Hope to see you posting more.

mirage

Welcome back Steve...I know coming back can be a hard thing to do, so good for you! Looking forward to hearing how you're doing!

CarolD

Steve.....

I'm glad you are here and getting back on track.

Have you considered going to your doctor
about your sleeping difficulties?
No money?
Hmmm....how much were you spending on your
unsecessful dangerous "self medicating" plan?

No need to answer me....
just saying.....

keithj

Welcome back Daywalker.

Actually, my question is more about how you worked the Steps. Primary Purpose AA, in general, is usually pretty straight from the BB, solid stuff. You probably heard the solution. Hard part is being able to accept the spiritual help that is freely offerred.

Wolfchild

Welcome back! It's good to see you here again!

least

Welcome back! Good to hear you're on the sober path again. It's worth it.

Nevertheless

Glad to see you back.
Keep at it. Spring is right around the corner. I missed so many because I was drunk. How many times I didn't do something because I was to drunk to go anywhere.
Fred

sunrise1

Hi, DayWalker, I'm glad you're back. I too had to do the "walk of shame" several times here, but I'm glad I did too. It's always hard to come back and admit you weren't able to remain sober, but it is a learning step, and hopefully will be another reminder of why you don't want to do it again.

Dust off your chair and have a seat... welcome home.