New Here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Maryland
Posts: 259
New Here
Hello everyone,
I have been lurking here for a few weeks and from reading the postings of how others have dealt with alcohol I have chosen to stop drinking.
I am 42 and have been a drinking heavily for over 20 years. I am not and never have been an everyday drinker. It started in high school and esclated in College and throught the years and gone up and down in my drinking. It has always been a social activity to me and at times I would ease off it became an issue.
In the last year or so I have been realizing that I am drinking more and more and instead of going out for a few at happy hour and then home for dinner with the wife and kids, I would stay out and get black out drunk.
In the last six months there has been many nights where I woke up a not sure where how I got home or what I had done in parts of the nights. As the ecomony hurt my business, I am in Real Estate, I started drinking more and having the shame spirial of hangovers of self doubt and loathing etc...
Well 10 day ago I went to Vegas with two other couples to celebrate a birthday for a long weekend. All of us are partiers and went hard for four day, taking drugs and drinking to excess. On the plane ride home in the mist of a hangerover to epic proportions, it became aparent to me that I have to stop.
I logged on this site and read the thread about "under the infulance" and it hit home. I have not had a drink since, I know it is only eight days but it feels good.
Sorry to ramble but wanted to give a background.
Here is where I am today and I have some concerns and thoughts going forward and thought I would write them here.
1) I smoke pot, have for over 20 years and still do. Not everyday but close to it. I have read some threads here and some people take an all or nothing viewpoint. I can understand the thinking there but do not agree with the approach. What have other people encountered?
2) How to deal with the social business drinking activties? One to two times a week I have to meet after work with contacts in a Happy situation, it is a very important part of my business. It has been easy so far, I say I am taking a break after a hard weekend in Vegas, or I have a school function later on. But in time I will run out of excuses..
3) My wife is also a drinker and fully supports what I am going through but now she is feeling guilty if she has a drink and I do not. This weekend for example we went to a friends house and hung out and watched tennis while the kids played together. They were all have drinks and I didn't, no big deal made by anyone at the time, but he next morning she told ne she felt "guilty" she had a drink and did not support me. I told her that wasn't the fact that I am doing this for me to become a better person, father, husband and business owner, not for anyone else. She understood but I could tell wasn't sure on how to handle?
Thanks again for all the postings, although I do not understand everyones point of view, it is all helpful and if it works for you and you are better off and happier then who I am to question.
Please forgive spelling and grammar,
Bmwcycle
I have been lurking here for a few weeks and from reading the postings of how others have dealt with alcohol I have chosen to stop drinking.
I am 42 and have been a drinking heavily for over 20 years. I am not and never have been an everyday drinker. It started in high school and esclated in College and throught the years and gone up and down in my drinking. It has always been a social activity to me and at times I would ease off it became an issue.
In the last year or so I have been realizing that I am drinking more and more and instead of going out for a few at happy hour and then home for dinner with the wife and kids, I would stay out and get black out drunk.
In the last six months there has been many nights where I woke up a not sure where how I got home or what I had done in parts of the nights. As the ecomony hurt my business, I am in Real Estate, I started drinking more and having the shame spirial of hangovers of self doubt and loathing etc...
Well 10 day ago I went to Vegas with two other couples to celebrate a birthday for a long weekend. All of us are partiers and went hard for four day, taking drugs and drinking to excess. On the plane ride home in the mist of a hangerover to epic proportions, it became aparent to me that I have to stop.
I logged on this site and read the thread about "under the infulance" and it hit home. I have not had a drink since, I know it is only eight days but it feels good.
Sorry to ramble but wanted to give a background.
Here is where I am today and I have some concerns and thoughts going forward and thought I would write them here.
1) I smoke pot, have for over 20 years and still do. Not everyday but close to it. I have read some threads here and some people take an all or nothing viewpoint. I can understand the thinking there but do not agree with the approach. What have other people encountered?
2) How to deal with the social business drinking activties? One to two times a week I have to meet after work with contacts in a Happy situation, it is a very important part of my business. It has been easy so far, I say I am taking a break after a hard weekend in Vegas, or I have a school function later on. But in time I will run out of excuses..
3) My wife is also a drinker and fully supports what I am going through but now she is feeling guilty if she has a drink and I do not. This weekend for example we went to a friends house and hung out and watched tennis while the kids played together. They were all have drinks and I didn't, no big deal made by anyone at the time, but he next morning she told ne she felt "guilty" she had a drink and did not support me. I told her that wasn't the fact that I am doing this for me to become a better person, father, husband and business owner, not for anyone else. She understood but I could tell wasn't sure on how to handle?
Thanks again for all the postings, although I do not understand everyones point of view, it is all helpful and if it works for you and you are better off and happier then who I am to question.
Please forgive spelling and grammar,
Bmwcycle
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hello again.....
Glad you did decide to come down to our main Forum
and share.
1. SR is all about recovery thus....
It is against our SR Forum Rules to promote
the use of alcohol or drugs...especially illegal ones.
2. To protect my early sobriety.....I quit working in
the hospitality industry I took an office position
with less money....less stress I also made no secret
of my choice to be AA sober...in business or socially.
3. I was happily divorced for years before my drinking/recovery
became an issue I have no experience to share on marriage.
Others will be along with their epxeriences.....more useful than mine
Glad you did decide to come down to our main Forum
and share.
1. SR is all about recovery thus....
It is against our SR Forum Rules to promote
the use of alcohol or drugs...especially illegal ones.
2. To protect my early sobriety.....I quit working in
the hospitality industry I took an office position
with less money....less stress I also made no secret
of my choice to be AA sober...in business or socially.
3. I was happily divorced for years before my drinking/recovery
became an issue I have no experience to share on marriage.
Others will be along with their epxeriences.....more useful than mine
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Maryland
Posts: 259
Sorry about #1 i did not realize the rules. I am not promoting nor am I encouraging the use of anything just looking for insight from others.
After reading my post I realized that I did not go into the possitive of the past week,
I an much happier without the hangovers, feel more confident in both social and business situations.
Spending more time with people I like rather than people I drink with.
All in all enjoying what cards a dealt to me and taking the blame or praise for the way I play them, instead of drinking to forget.
After reading my post I realized that I did not go into the possitive of the past week,
I an much happier without the hangovers, feel more confident in both social and business situations.
Spending more time with people I like rather than people I drink with.
All in all enjoying what cards a dealt to me and taking the blame or praise for the way I play them, instead of drinking to forget.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Saint Louis, MO
Posts: 285
Welcome and congratualtions on your decision. I guess the question becomes if you think you are an alcoholic or not. If you think you are, then smoking pot would not be good. Really, you can do whatever you want, so I won't lecture you as to what is right or wrong. In my experience as a heavy drinker and pothead, and someone who still thinks if I ever relapse it will be on the pot because I never had as bad of consequences from that, I choose to stay away from both because in the end they serve the same function--allowing me to escape from reality in a little fuzzy euphoria that I can't handle because as an addict I allow myself to become enveloped by it. I was once at a meeting where a guy spoke who said that he still smoked pot but didn't drink. One of the members asked him why he didn't just get drunk, he could have been having alot more fun and it would have been the same difference. If you are obstinate about your smoking pot experiment please do keep coming around and checking in, maybe you know something I don't. Good luck.
1 bite&all resistance crumbles
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: IRELAND
Posts: 2,208
Welcome! I guess it depends - are you alcoholic or not? Do you want to stop or not?
If you want to stop this is a great place for support. Suffice to say 'stopping' drinking or doping means a total and utter change of personality, life, approach, etc! It's HUGE and it's SO WORTH IT but in my experience I can't do it half heartedly.
I also considered a bit of pot after 2 years sobriety but as hendershot so nicely put it, what's the diffs! It's about being inauthentic and not living life on life's terms which anyone is entitled to do but if in 'recovery' (I don't know if that's what you want it's usuall a spiritual personality changing thing) we say we don't need to escape life with a drink or drug even if the easier way. A better life is the sober and clean one. That's been my experience - and half measures availed me nothing.
I think it's great you're looking for answers and reaching out! Keep us posted!
Cathy31
x
If you want to stop this is a great place for support. Suffice to say 'stopping' drinking or doping means a total and utter change of personality, life, approach, etc! It's HUGE and it's SO WORTH IT but in my experience I can't do it half heartedly.
I also considered a bit of pot after 2 years sobriety but as hendershot so nicely put it, what's the diffs! It's about being inauthentic and not living life on life's terms which anyone is entitled to do but if in 'recovery' (I don't know if that's what you want it's usuall a spiritual personality changing thing) we say we don't need to escape life with a drink or drug even if the easier way. A better life is the sober and clean one. That's been my experience - and half measures availed me nothing.
I think it's great you're looking for answers and reaching out! Keep us posted!
Cathy31
x
Don't resist, allow
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Hi and welcome. Great news you have decided to quit.
As to social functions, if you really cannot avoid them, then you don't have to make excuses. Just say you have quit and your health is improving because of it. There is no need to elaborate but just make sure people know you don't drink anymore. It won't take long before they get used to it.
With regards to smoking pot, perhaps the question is for you to answer. Why do you need or want to smoke it?
As to dealing with your wife's feelings of guilt - you have enough to deal with with quitting drinking and learning to stay sober. AA has a solution to this in the 12 steps, which will also give you a solution to dealing with your wife's feelings. I really would recommend that you seek help there. This is very difficult to do alone. I couldn't do it alone.
Good luck.
As to social functions, if you really cannot avoid them, then you don't have to make excuses. Just say you have quit and your health is improving because of it. There is no need to elaborate but just make sure people know you don't drink anymore. It won't take long before they get used to it.
With regards to smoking pot, perhaps the question is for you to answer. Why do you need or want to smoke it?
As to dealing with your wife's feelings of guilt - you have enough to deal with with quitting drinking and learning to stay sober. AA has a solution to this in the 12 steps, which will also give you a solution to dealing with your wife's feelings. I really would recommend that you seek help there. This is very difficult to do alone. I couldn't do it alone.
Good luck.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Maryland
Posts: 259
Thanks for all the support and insight.
It is a lot to think about, never looked at it from this perspective.
Went on a one day business trip yesterday and had two hours to kill in the airport. In the past I would have spent that time in the bar, drinking doubles for an extra two dollars, and get a good buzz on and top it off with two on the plane. Instead I bought my kids some small presents and read a book.
My kids are going to love me being sober,
Once again thanks for the support, it is good to know that it is here,
Bmwcycle
It is a lot to think about, never looked at it from this perspective.
Went on a one day business trip yesterday and had two hours to kill in the airport. In the past I would have spent that time in the bar, drinking doubles for an extra two dollars, and get a good buzz on and top it off with two on the plane. Instead I bought my kids some small presents and read a book.
My kids are going to love me being sober,
Once again thanks for the support, it is good to know that it is here,
Bmwcycle
Being Me for the first time
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Wishek, North Dakota
Posts: 1,160
Welcome to the SR Family BMW .. its a great bunch of people with lots of support , Congrats on your Sober days . It will and does get sooo much better.
As for the wife , your doing as you said this for you not for anyone else , and thats exactly right , Perhaps you can set example for your wife , after all its a progressive thing and maybe an maybe not , your spouse mite end up lokin for help as you are . But setting an ezample mite help her later on down the road . there are many thu out this forum who's spouse has an occassional drink , Im one of them
My Husband has an occassional beer now and then , and has not nor even remotly become an issue . And Im ok with him having one . Im very strong in my recovery , and even if he did or didnt drink its still my choice to not have one .
Well have a great day and thanks for joining the family , your gonna love it here ~ huggles Endzy~
As for the wife , your doing as you said this for you not for anyone else , and thats exactly right , Perhaps you can set example for your wife , after all its a progressive thing and maybe an maybe not , your spouse mite end up lokin for help as you are . But setting an ezample mite help her later on down the road . there are many thu out this forum who's spouse has an occassional drink , Im one of them
My Husband has an occassional beer now and then , and has not nor even remotly become an issue . And Im ok with him having one . Im very strong in my recovery , and even if he did or didnt drink its still my choice to not have one .
Well have a great day and thanks for joining the family , your gonna love it here ~ huggles Endzy~
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 21
Hi bmwcycle. I'm gonna take a wild guess here, but do you ride a BMW? It's always been a struggle for me to keep my boozing and riding separate. I've been successful, but I live in fear of one night being too drunk to think rationally. Incidentally, this is the same reason I don't own a firearm. It's just awfully sad that a grown man can't trust himself to not morph into an idiot on any given night.
PS - I've owned a lot of bmws over the years...outstanding machines!
It's always been a struggle for me to keep my boozing and riding separate. I've been successful, but I live in fear of one night being too drunk to think rationally. Incidentally, this is the same reason I don't own a firearm. It's just awfully sad that a grown man can't trust himself to not morph into an idiot on any given night. PS - I've owned a lot of bmws over the years...outstanding machines!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Maryland
Posts: 259
Yes Triumphtriple I ride a Bmw motorcycle, an amazing thrill. Been thinking about riding a lot since I stopped drinking. Can't wait to go on a long ride in total control. Used to ride to the bar and like a bozo get a buzz and ride, how reckless I was. You should take up riding again..
Things are still going well, but has been tough since we have had 24 inches of snow over the weekend and the super bowl parties. All good though and I had a really good time without drinking. A few of my buddies asked me why I wsn't partaking and I just said I was taking a break fronm drinking and also driving in the snow with my kids. No issues. I know I am going to have my ups and downs.
Things are still going well, but has been tough since we have had 24 inches of snow over the weekend and the super bowl parties. All good though and I had a really good time without drinking. A few of my buddies asked me why I wsn't partaking and I just said I was taking a break fronm drinking and also driving in the snow with my kids. No issues. I know I am going to have my ups and downs.
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