Lenina

Merc,

Please do lurk! Read the stickies at the top of the forum, read the posts of our peers and learn as much as you can!

I really have learned so much here. I've learned most people here are helpful and kind. Post if you want, you'll be surprised how much we have in common. It's been very helpful for me.

Love,

Lenina

justjo

Hey Merc, many of us cant take criticism (or maybe thats how we take it). When I first came to this forum I was a wreck and I was told straight up, sideways and beneath with advise. I didnt like some of the comments either but you know what, the truth hurts sometimes. Reality hurts but you can help yourself if you really want it.
If you read my other post here, I told you something personal. I dont share much with others in my life but here I can write and write all I like and you can too. Just take any comments you like that will help you, thats ok.
Truelly though the people here just care about you and dont want to see you hurt anymore.
As I said, my sister did die from alcoholism. I never thought in a million years I would be arranging her funeral at 41. She had dreadful pains from drinking and her liver finally crashed. She told me about the pains she had, the black bruises, the yellow skin, her hair was falling out and I couldnt even recognize her.
All that said, that doesnt mean much to you because you didnt know her, but I felt every bit of pain she did. It can happen and it does.
You still hold a job, have your family etc etc. Try to think about what your reality is or could be. Im no expert, dont know you either, but Merc, do you want to get to the point of no job, family, lying in a bed all day out of your mind? Wondering who to call.
Most say - You have to want it and do it yourself. After my experience with my sister I could probably say she was at a point - that she couldnt do it herself, she was too far gone.
You are still here, a beautiful human being who deserves more than this. FIGHT it, get professional help.
You say, you cant go into rehab (but you would like to) Job, money, all that - weight it up, how much do you spend on booze that could go into helping yourself. Really ask, ask your family and friends to support you. You will never know unless you do.
I told my sister I would pay for her rehab but she always came up with some excuse not to. Dont like to hear that - well she ran out of excuses dying a slow death.
Please keep coming in here, to lurk, talk whatever and dont worry about what others say or think. After all its only an opinion/everyones experiences.

soidog

Good discussion here. I come to this forum once a night, or sometimes just a few times a week. In my experience, this is a wonderfully supportive community in general and maintaining that supportive and tolerant environment is what makes it attractive. Its clear that many, many people here have been through hell in some form. People have lost a LOT to drinking. Its a normal reaction to feel confusion - even anger - to see someone drink their life away.

Having said that, I agree with the earlier poster that piling on criticism (even if well-intended) can be a big turn off. Positive reinforcement is always going to be a better motivator than negativity. I think a mix of both is always going to be needed for true changes in behavior, but more positive than negative reinforcement is more effective.