justjo

How did your test results go?

mercurial me

Update here. I've been away for a while (x2 months back to my old routine)
Test results were as expected-aka not good. My doc said he's worried about chirrosis (sp?) setting in. I've made a series of therapy appointments with a psychologist that used to be a pastor of mine. Sober since Friday but back in my same hell. Fatty, horribly painful liver as my withdrawl symptoms. Can't sleep on my right side and get a proper nights rest. I've got to turn the corner this time.

Hope everyone out there had a good weekend

Lionne

Hi mercurial,
Good for you that you have decided to stop after those 2 months, and making therapy appointments is also a good step. But I hope you are also taking care of your body.
I am not gonna sugar coat it, this is serious, as drinking is causing you medical problems. Did you start drinking again when you got the results? If so, as scary as it is to know for sure that you have liver problems, drinking will not push these worries aside for long. There is nothing that it won't make worse, literally. It can get a lot better if you get sober, and it will lead to slow and painful death if you continue to drink.

I am just wondering whether you are detoxing alone or if there is any medical supervision? Especially if you have started to have medical problems due to drinking, it's probably good if a dr. is involved in this. Even better, in a medical environment.

You don't need to go through all of this alone, there is medical help you can get, and there is also support available- both here and in real life. Getting safely through detox and considering looking for a support group in real life will increase your chances to succeed. For many, doing it alone doesn't work out. Please take care and keep posting, it is never too late to quit drinking.

mercurial me

All of the medical doctors I've seen have just said "I cannot help you" or "keep checking in." I'm one of these reasonably high functioning alcoholics who presents well, (I think) but has self medicated for years to control anxiety. I was on Paxil years ago but that stopped working for me and all the other SRRI drugs have never worked either.

I'm hoping seeing a psychologist will be helpful but we'll see. Tried AA dozens of times but it has never worked for me as I work in the medical field and don't trust the groups for confidentiality.

My girlfriend just considers me a lost cause as she met me this way and I haven't changed in 8 years together.

The pain in my kidneys & liver last night was horrid. I had to sleep on my back on a maze of pillows. Too scared to live to scared to die. Sober scared straight today.

Taking5

Try it again. I know dozens of healthcare professionals in AA. They do not "tattle" on one another because they are all there for similar reasons.

shantra32

Your posts have been on my mind since I read them yesterday.............it makes me sad that you are so young and you having such serious health problems due to alcohol. I was having health problems due to alcohol; nothing as serious as you but it was enough to scare me straight. I am 36 years old and 36 days sober and I have no intentions of turning back. I'm not going to lie......I have a craving here and there.......but when I do.....I recognize it and I know how to handle it. For me, I walk and keep busy. But when I crave, I think back to the moment that scared me soo bad, I prayed harder than Ive ever prayed before for the strength to leave this horrid life behind me. I was a weekend binge drinker......not every day thank god. And the few times I have craved, I have realized that it was nothing more than boredom. You need to figure out why you feel the need to live like this? You can turn this around. The physical pain you describe would be enough to scare me straight. You deserve better than this for yourself. I feel more alive in the past month that I have felt in the last 10 years and you can do it too. You need to find something that will work to help keep you sober and in turn help keep you alive. You are in my thoughts....

mercurial me

Thank you for your thoughts. That in itself is reassuring as are your words of finding a better life.

Scared sober again today and bought a ton of cranberry juice in an effort to help kidney functioning. I just pray I can sleep tonight but I know it won't take due to this discomfort. I feel too guilty to talk about this stuff with my g/f and family as I know it will just cause them worry & it's embarrassing because this hell is all my own doing.

CarolD

Hmm...
you are literally drinking yourself to death
because you are concerned about what
other people will think?

Yes...that sure sounds like alcoholic thinking.
Your brain is saturated ..can't think clearly.

Even if you don't choose to go to AA to learn
how to live sober.....perhaps this will help.

I'm praying for your mind to clear...

Texasblind

I hope this isn't medical advice, but an overlooked culprit in alcohol withdrawal are our electrolytes. Often we are so worried about the tremors and the liver pain that we neglect our blood sugar.

Water, non acidic juice, and gatorade (or the like) and a ton of it.

juliwuli

when i was trying to heal my liver after almost drinking myself to death too, i cut back on protein abit and stepped up the carbs so the liver had less work to do whilst healing, also took milk thistle for a few months,
Your liver may be okay if you stop drinking permanently, and start on the repair work,which will take time,
i know i can never drink again , ever, because if i do i will die, S. A. T,

mercurial me

Made it through the day. Less pain in my liver & kidney areas but still uncomfortable. Had a stressful day at work and the car almost drove me autopilot to the liquor store but I know that is not an option. Came home, made supper for the g/f and she and I went for a walk.

I'm kind of pissed off at my doctor because when I saw him x3 years ago and told him of my drinking habits and that I was drinking just to control my everyday anxiety he said:
"If alcohol is working for you to control anxiety than I can't prescribe anything better than that"

So here I am with a ****** liver. I know it's my fault but for some reason that advice he gave was like a license for me to drink. Anyways, thanks for the support guys. Hopefully once I get over all of these withdrawl symptoms I'll be able to reciprocate in kind.

Lenina

mercurial,

Part of my recovery was taking responsibility for my actions. I was never bluntly honest with my doctor about how much I drank or how often. I knew I had a problem way before anyone else did. A big part of the reason I didn't tell my doctor was because I didn't want him to tell me to quit.

So, when I had to sit down and be honest with myself, really honest, there's no way I could blame anyone else for the drinking I did. Please don't set yourself up for resentment.

Love,

Lenina

justjo

Have you considered going into a live-in rehab centre. There you can get support and the medication you need to get through all the withdrawals. Even a detox centre can help too. It is dangerous to do this on your own.

mercurial me

I would love to do that but I don't have any financial support (except from myself) and in the meantime I need to keep working. I know this isn't the smartest thing to be doing

ImReadyToQuit

Not saying your lying, but I find that EXTREMELY hard to believe...

Not to mention this is what you posted in the newcomer forum 3 years ago..

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...er-newbie.html

Sudz No More

Merc, I understand how you feel but the Doc did not put the bottle to your head and pull the trigger. It is best for you now to focus on today and then tomorrow and then the next day. I hope you can break the ugly cycle we call Alcoholism before it breaks you. Best of luck to you in the coming weeks.

mercurial me

You've got me pegged! I'm just on here being deceitful in an effort to elicit sympathy from others.

Lenina

merc,

Please don't take offense. The disease of alcoholism really twists our thinking. We all pretty much have the same pattern, it's the nature of alcoholism. Believe me, we want to see you get well. We know it's possible because we were able to heal!

I couldn't do it alone. I needed other alcoholics in recovery to help me. I learned some unpleasant truths about me. The good news was, I could heal, I could get sober and be happy. I have over two years now. I'm peaceful and happy. You can be too.

Love,

Lenina

mercurial me

Thanx to everyone for your support & advice in this thread. I simply can't handle the criticism if I write the wrong thing though. I'm just going to lurk in this site for now. Have a great week everyone and stay sober. Toxic brain signing off

Dee74

Merc

Although it may not feel like it sometimes, nearly everyone who takes the time to reply on a site like this really *is* trying to help...we're a wide variety of people here and I think ultimately there's great benefit in that...but it can take some getting used to too

I hope you decide to post some more soon...reading's great but feedback is important too

Take care
D