Day 17, need clarification!
 

Hi everyone,
It is day 17 for me today and the drinking debate is really starting again in my head!
I have learnt so much from this site especially that drinking problems really are individual and no "one size fits all" for symptoms and recovery.
My problem is that recently have taken trip to Europe for Xmas with 16 year daughter. Struggled to stop before going but could not win the fight, as too early and still struggling with denial. Made the decision when o/s to just try "harm minimisation" so managed to control drinking at 2 drinks a day for 16 days only one slip where I ended up having 4 and felt terrible for not controlling it. Back to Sydney into routine again and 2 binges which made me so sick hence the rehab phone calls as desperate to stop. (cant afford to take time off from work,especially after coming back from Europe).
What i cant understand is why did I manage to control for those two weeks with no cravings? Was it the new exciting environment of europe? I WAS terrified of getting intoxicated in front of daughter as I am a secret drinker usually in my bedroom with door locked quickly gulping down bottle of vino after bad day, or drinking away from home when out with friends (max 2 bottles of wine in 1 day is my worst binge so far)
I am now struggling with the thoughts that when my 30 days of penance are up I can control my drinking.
Thankyou all for reading this long-winded post.
I feel so much better without the alcohol in my system, certainly more self-respect! If I was NOT an alcoholic of sorts, would I have this debate going on in my head?

I can't say J...

I know for years I managed to hold it together 'when I had to'....and then I lost even that meagre ability...I know I was damn miserable doing it...weren't you?

Not much of a life, is it?
D

I have no idea why you had no cravings for 2 weeks. But I think from this one and your posts before, you have the disease. Like you say, if you were NOT, you probably wouldn't have the debate going on. Normal drinkers also don't drink in their bedroom with the door locked.
The last time I had a debate going in my mind, I was telling my self I could drink. I was going to drink.
Once I told myself I'm an alcoholic, I can't drink so I might as well for get it. Or drinking just isn't an option. the cravings go away. As Carol says the cravings only last a few minutes. (I know they can seem like days) But it really is just a few minutes.

As long as it's in your mind that there is a chance to drink, you will have cravings. The more you think you can, the stronger the cravings get.
Stick with it.
Fred

That's not quitting.

That's just not drinking for a specified amount of time.

Lots of alcoholics do that.
I tended bar for years
and often customers would 'take a break'
and usually they'd do that
when their drinking had esclated to a new higher level
and they'd scared themselves
in some way.

30 days
60 days
antibiotics- ten days...
whatever.

That's not quitting.

Quitting is not drinking... ever.

You didn't have 'cravings' because you knew
you were only going to stop for a certain time.
Think about it.

You're not controlling the alcohol
when you're setting a clock to start back.
You take back your own life
when you put the alcohol
away for good.

Otherwise it's just a glorified coffee break.
Pun intended.

have you looked into programs of recovery?

Recovery is all about changing the self.
There's some really great methods out there.

imo.......no
and when their not drinking they dont suffer with the obssession either.
normal drinkers are a strange bunch.......sipping drinks and "enjoying" the flavour..
my wifes an odd one........she forgets she poured herself a glass of wine and it will still be there in the morning..........weird...lol.

alcoholism for me is as much about what happens when i dont drink as when i do.
plagued by an obssession with alcohol........no matter how bad it got i shortly started to think.........."ah come on.. was it really that bad".....
this went on for years......cant drink......cant not drink.

for me its over........"turn the light out on the way out".

thankyou everyone for your helpful replies!
The thankyou button on this thread on my computer is faulty so not able to press for every response.
Your replies have really helped to strengthen my resolve to stay sober. I am going to make an effort to detach from drinking thinking and TIME my thoughts about alcohol as that really does help. Also practice H.A.L.T. and go to more meetings as identifying helps thinking as well.

:scoregood