Deckard97

I picked up my hidden bottle, I looked at it and went to the bathroom and flush it down the toilet. My mind was thinking Enough is enough this needs to end. I am really going to do it this time. I will never get drunk again. I know the escape from reality alcohol offered me will be history. I now have to accept the dreaded emptiness for years to come. The friend is gone and I am happy now.

intention

Hi, I am so glad you have made the decision to quit.

But recovery should be joy not a 'dreaded emptiness for years to come'. That would be enough to drive anyone to drink.

Do you have any plans to help you stay quit this time?

Fubarcdn

Good for you Deckard.
When you get the urge to drink again try to remember the freedom that you felt as you poured that booze down the toilet.
On a remorseful day several years ago I did the same but went back to drinking because I did not remember the freedom I felt from performing that act.
I just thought of that incident today and thought maybe if I tried to remember that feeling things would have been different.

keithj

Good job on that decision, Deckard.

'Dreaded emptiness' is the last way I would describe my sober life. My life is full beyond my dreams. That required a little more than not drinking, however.

CarolD

Glad to know you are heading in a better direction...
Welcome back to SR

hughs dad

Good for you. One day at a time. Just remember, you don't have to not drink "forever" - just today. Wake up tomorrow and just tell youself "I'm not going to drink today".... Best of luck to you!

Ceres

"I now have to accept the dreaded emptiness for years to come"

That's really an illusion. Your disease is having you think that way. Honestly, the more time you get, the more you'll see that not having alcohol is no punishment. We don't feel deprived in any way. I'm 2 1/2 years in. Except for the occasional thought, I'm grateful everyday I don't have to put that crap in my mouth anymore. That ball and chain is gone.

Coolmel

Gratz on making the decision...I never saw quitting drinking as a passing friend but did used to call my cigs "my little buddies"....so I know how feel. Good luck and keep coming here if you get the urge.

Day 27 for me.

Gypsy Feet

I quit as a punishment to myself. Months later I came to realize my "mistake". Today my life is richer and more manageable than I could have ever hoped for. I have sunlight in my heart where once darkness dwelt. I didn't ask to be happy, joyous and free, it was just a by product of kicking my friend alcohol to the curb.

Dee74

Good choice Deckard

Like others here, the last thing I would do is describe my life now as 'dread emptiness'.
I hope you find your decision to quit as monumental and positive as I do mine.

D

MyPaperAnchor

My life without booze is far from dreaded emptiness. I think if I thought of sobriety that way I wouldn't be ready to quit.

flutter

Just to jump on to what a few other folks are saying, I wanted to wish you the best in your sober journey, and also offer my experience that my life is fuller now than the dreaded emptiness I felt while I was a drunk. It gets better, and better.. stick with it, get some support, and pat yourself on the back for making a really good life choice.

Deckard97

The only plans I have is to never take a trip to a liquor store. I began drinking since May 2000 so thats almost 10 years of not remembering anything. I am now drinking lots of coffee reading some books and keeping myself occupied with whatever even a doin a crossword puzzle. Anything that keeps me from thinking about alcohol. Everything seems overwhelming and been getting nightmares, its tough. I will be healthy.

intention

Hi Deckard,

You are relying on will-power here to keep you sober. Will-power will only last for so long and once it is exhausted you will be likely going back to the booze again.

You really do need to look at having some actual programme for recovery. There's some info here
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...resources.html

I find the solution in working the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Take care

noname4266

Congrats to anyone who has made the choice to become sober. But I am finding so much more joy and goodness and no dread what so ever. The dread was waking up and not remembering what happened the night or day before. The dread was the look in my children's faces or of them bring me a bucket to throw up in because I could not get up myself. The dread was having to face those around me after a bout. It was losing a job and a house and respect from others most importantly my family. It was losing Friends and not caring at the time and now knowing some losses cannot be replaced. It is knowing that my ex-husband will never see me the same. My dread came from knowing I had to try to hide the bottles, lie to run to the liquor store, know when each were open and how fast I could get to them. I may be only a few months in to sobriety but I am sooo much a better person. I can know look in the mirror and not cringe. I can look at my family and not worry about what they are thinking. I am now waking up and this feeling alone feels better than any other drunk I ever had. "In the end its not the years in your life but the life in you years" Abraham Lincoln