soberinwpg

Well I've been in the program for nine years. I have numerous addictions. Booze was my first and I am an alcoholic. I've lost my kids twice b/c of my active using. So you would think that I would SEE that I have a problem and do whatever I can to stop this right?
I was sitting in a Step One meeting yesterday and it hit me. I never had a desire to stop. I had a desire to control. I like that feeling that booze gives me. I have had a beer or 2 in my past. My addiction still wanted to believe that I could control it.
*sigh*
My name is Roberta and I'm an alcoholic who NOW has a desire to stop.
I was bawling last night. It's like I finally realized that I can't live like this anymore.
Best feeling EVER.

CarolD

Thanks for sharing your awakening with us.

Forward we go...side by side...

bananagrrrl

Thank you for sharing Roberta.

I have had a hard time of accepting the label of being 'alcoholic'. My sponsor and I spoke about it in depth and came to the conclusion that I have to and DO accept that that I am an alcoholic, I just don't have to go around shouting it from the mountain tops.

yeahgr8

I prefer the term ethanol challenged

hope3

Hi Roberta, sounds like you hit the acceptance stage of step #1. It is a very freeing feeling after we get over fact we just can't drink "normally".

Good for you...

Hope and Love

hope3

Dee74

I remember that feeling Roberta - 'holy moly - I've been trying to *control* this...'
Things got a lot better after I just let it go, and accepted I was an alcoholic

thanks for sharing that
D

ANGELINA243

NOW is all that matters. Roberta--did that give you a sense of relief? Sometimes we have to surrender that control--surrender to win what some say. Keep moving forward. We do recover.