flattrackbaby

Hello.
I am a binge drinker. I found this site after a really bad binging experience this past Saturday. I have been binging (on and off) since High School. I am now 42 years old. I have never been a daily drinker, never drank in the A.M., and can have liquor/beer/wine in the house and have no desire to drink it. My problem is that sometimes when I drink (especially in social settings or with people around that make me nervous/anxious (strangers) - I overdrink - seriously overdrink). My husband is a good man and we've been together for 3 years and have a great relationship. I have only binged twice in the past 3 years, but this Saturday was very bad. I did not continue to drink once I got home (for once). He worries terribly for me when I get like this, concerned about alcohol poisoning. I also have started blacking/browning out when I binge, this has been going on for about the past 7 years or so. I am extremely depressed for days after a binge and very remorseful. My husband was married to a woman who was a full-blown alcoholic. He knows the signs and assures me I am not an alcoholic at this point (he said he should know - he lived with one), but I definitely have a problem with drinking on occasion. He means everything to me, and I can't bear to put him through (on any level) what he went through with his ex-wife. He does not deserve that. What makes no sense though is I can have a beer at home with my husband and quit (quite happily) after 1 beer. BUT it is just he and I at home, where I'm comfortable and content. I also suffer from anxiety. When I started Jr. High (from a private school) I was so nervous that my mother would give me a valium before I left for school. I realize this was not normal behavior. Also, alcoholism runs in my Dad's side of the family. There is a lot of American Indian blood in my Dad's family. My grandfather (Dad's Dad) was almost 100% Native American. My Grandfather was an alcoholic and many of my Dad's brothers were as well. Is my binging genetic possibly? My main concern is (and I've expressed this to my husband) that one day I will cross that invisible line and start drinking 24/7. How do you know you cross a line when you can't see it.... I would rather come back from where I am (on the edge) instead of crawling out of the abyss which I know will be much more difficult. I am glad I stumbled across this site. I have been to AA in the past, and was not welcomed by the people there because I was 'only a binge drinker'. They did not seem to think I had a real problem because I didn't drink 24/7 - yet. I just don't understand why a group that is supposed to 'help' people like me sort things out, don't want to help until I cross that line.....
Thanks for listening.

keithj

Shame on that AA group. One of AA's two qualifying criteria for alcoholism is if, when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic.

And now for the hard part. If that be the case (you are alcoholic), you may be suffering from a condition which only a spiritual experience will conquer. That's AA's stance, or at least it is supposed to be.

Do you want to stop drinking for good and all? If so, AA has a solution for you. But if you don't want that, there isn't much AA can help you sort out.

littlefish

WELCOME TO SR Flattrackbaby!!!!!

I would take the first step by informing yourself all about alcoholism. I am an alcoholic yet I didn't know a darn thing about it.

This site is a treasure trove of information, and SR is how I learned so much about this disease. Check out lots of the stickies here and quotes from books like "Under the Influence". There is a lot to learn!

I am sorry to hear you had a bad experience with AA. Sadly, there are AA groups that simply are not well organized and it just drives me nuts that the wrong stray comment here or there may send a newcomer away. But, it happens.

Please keep in mind it is a totally volunteer organization so F-ing up does often go without repurcussions. That said, AA is the program of my recovery.

Binge drinkers can indeed be alcoholic. I was both a daily and a binger, so you can imagine what my roller coaster looked like.

Yes, genetics may come into play. I have a hard time finding someone in my family who is NOT an alcoholic.

Keep coming back! You will find amazing support and fellowship here!

flattrackbaby

Hello and yes, I am ready to be DONE with the binging. It is interesting what you said about a spiritual experience. I actual have to agree, BUT it is almost humorous at the same time, as I am from a religious upbringing and attended a private parochial school. I recognize that I have a problem and my dear husband said that is the biggest part of the battle, realizing I DO have an issue with alcohol. I don't go out thinking I'm going to binge tonight, it is just that once I get past a certain point it is like a 'switch flipped' and I have no control over stopping once I get past a certain point. I'm sure most folks on here understand that analogy - unfortunately....

Fubarcdn

Welcome to SR Flattrack.
I am a binge drinker too so I know exactly where you are coming from.
Last year I decided that because of that I am better off not to drink at all.
I was a little more frequent than you but what I did was make a list as to the advantages of drinking and the disadvantages and as long as the list points to abstinence I will not drink.
You may want to try something like that.
Whatever course of action you take I wish you all the best.

keithj

Yep, I can relate. Once I started drinking, my off switch was broken. This is described in AA's Big Book in the Dr.'s Opinion, the chapter before the first chapter. That craving for more is termed as an allergy to alcohol.

Those 8 pages go on to say that the phenomenon of craving (needing more once we've started) is the one sysmptom that all alcoholics have and normal drinkers do not have. All of the other issues don't matter. Doesn't matter whether you drink when happy, depressed, have different jobs, come from different backgrounds, who your daddy was, if you have this symptom, you're probably one of us.

And if you're one of us, you just might be pretty screwed.

So, if you don't have the ability to stop once you start, the solution is to not start drinking. Abstinance is the only way of avoiding over drinking and suffering the consequences of over drinking.

That's the point Bill Wilson, primary author of the Big Book, got to. He knew he couldn't safely drink at all. And that's when his problems got worse.

Stopping is easy. You do it, flattrack, in between binges. All you have to do is not pick up that first drink, and you'll be just fine.

However, you may find it difficult (or impossible) to not pick up that first drink. That's where the rest of that Book and the solution contained therein comes into play.

CarolD

Welcome to SR and to our Alcoholism Forum.....

There are different stages of alcoholism
Blackouts are discussed on post 19 here
but please read the entire link

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

Glad to know you are here with us....
Blessings to you and your husband

dasha

Hi Flattrackbaby, one thing is for sure, there are so many genuine sincere people here
i dont wish to go on some emotional trip about things here, but there good guys who
like to see people gettin better,

NewMe11109

Welcome FTB - Sorry about your AA experience, but keep searching for a good group.

I've always liked the thought that "non-alcoholics don't worry that they are alcoholics". So, I wouldn't use your husband's criteria for whether you are an alcoholic or not.

For me, I found that despite others feeling that "no, you're not an alcoholic", I was. Deep down inside, when I was brutally honest with myself, I was clearly an alcoholic and getting worse.

You have a gift to have realized it early enough to avoid so much pain...

Welcome!

Dee74

Hi flattrackbaby

Welcome to SR - noone here can tell you whether you're an alcoholic or not - but your drinking seems clearly to be a problem for you.

I started as a binge drinker so I have some idea of where you're coming from...many bingers stay bingers but I was unfortunate enough to end up an all day everyday drinker - the 'classic alcoholic'.

I actually didn't see much of a difference between the two behaviours in me....I drank much the same way, for much the same reasons...I just, gradually over time, erased the lines where the times I 'couldn't drink' were.

I'm glad to see you tackling this now

I hope you can find a better AA group this time - and, of course, you can always count on us here SR for support and encouragement.

Hope to see you round some more
D

intention

Hi and welcome.

I'm sorry to say this but your husband doesn't know. He is not an expert on alcoholism just because he lived with one alcoholic. What he means is that you are not like his ex wife.

I am an alcohlic and a binge drinker. Just like you. I could go periods of time not thinking about a drink. There are plenty of us here on this site.

The fact that you are now blacking out is a sign of how your alcohlism has progressed. In the last months of my drinking I started to black out after two drinks, yet I had a high tolerance and could drink a lot in the binge. I just remember none of it.

I hope you think about quitting/getting onto a recovery programme. This is not going to get better.....it's only going to get worse.

JoeRaisin

It has been my experience that, while nobody can guarantee what will happen once they are intoxicated, an alcoholic cannot guarantee what he/she will do once they start drinking.

I too, was a binge drinker who could go for a period of time without drinking but when I did, it frequently ended badly. AA was the answer for me.

That said, the reason AA worked for me was that I went into it knowing I could not control my drinking or the periodic desire that had me talking myself back onto the roller coaster again and again.

If you are still on the fence try Moderation Management which you can find on the 'net. That program can help you figure out a plan that will enable you to avoid the abusive drinking that has you concerned.

But you have monitor yourself carefully and if you cannot adhere to a moderate, responsible drinking pattern you have to stop taking the risk and go the abstinence route - but then you can do so knowing that the idiots in the meetings who say you are not an alcoholic are not to be listened to as you KNOW you have the lack of control that is the hallmark of the alcoholic.

Perhaps you will be able to work a moderate drinking plan (most of those who drink abusively end up doing so) and in that case - problem solved. But move forward understanding that intoxication is a dangerous and risky state of mind in which many people (not just alcoholics) make poor decisions that cause irreparable harm to their lives in many different ways.

Responsible drinking means NOT putting yourself at risk in that way, so if you chose to go that route, be very careful about following your plan - don't allow yourself the complacency of a "that was just that one time" drunk. Those "one time" incidents tend to add up and besides, it only takes "one time" to lose that which is most important to you.

Good luck.

bob123

hi flattrackbaby...

another binge drinker here.. im 40 and binge drunk since i was at school...
same deal.. sporadic..weeks..months of nothing... but once i start..well after a couple of pints..lose control...quaff quaff quaff..

had blackouts since I can remember...err that doesnt work.. well had blackout experiences
at early stages of drinking.

Ive never done the drinking every day thing.. unless you count weekend benders of course..

holy crap i joined SR in 2005..

Generally i have been in a cycle...


1 mega-binge
2 do something bad/silly/embarassing/dangerous/disgusting..etc etc
3 feel like crap..paranoid as hell because of blackouts
4 decide on abstinence.
5 have a few months off..
6 decide my spell of abstinence shows i can drink responsibly (ha ha)
7 goto step 1

Ive not drunk for six months... cos i reached some new lows in terms of things I did when drunk..and
how i felt afterwards.. enough is enough kind of moment..finally I feel like ive finished with
it..

unfortunately.. ive had a couple of binge sessions on drugs (hadnt touched em for years)...and also the
gambling.. Ive got a handle on those now.. :-\


Anyway.. stopping completely is the best thing for me.. i did the cost benefit analysis stuff
as well. did it years ago...but seems i wasnt quite ready..

i am now...think life will be a lot easier without binge drinking...and the horrors of the paranoia
post blackout/binge


good luck in whatever you decide