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With my mother's talk of life, and my grandfather's insults...



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With my mother's talk of life, and my grandfather's insults...

Old 01-17-2010, 05:28 AM
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Post With my mother's talk of life, and my grandfather's insults...

I felt so much like touching the drink, I'm 32 days sober and PROUD OF IT, but I will not stoop that low again to ruin my health to drink, I am just not that person anymore.

It's just the men in my life *Grandfather, former stepfather, etc* have always expected me to be more like a man when being autistic I have a developmental disorder and I am slow... and I'm so scared whenever anyone brings up to me about how I do not pull my weight around the house WHEN I'VE BEEN DOING MORE JOBS THAN I EVER DID ... in this family of mine I JUST CAN'T WIN NO MATTER WHAT I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T STAND MY GRANDFATHER!!!!!!!
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Old 01-17-2010, 05:34 AM
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Hi Paulos , just do what you can and have been doing , dont let them bring you down , and your right you dont have to stoop to any other level . 32 days is flipping fantastic . keep up the good work , dont be discouraged from other peoples thinkings of what your not doing , Were only capable of doing what we can . focus on the good stuff not on the neg ~ huggles Endzy~:ghug3
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Old 01-17-2010, 07:14 AM
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I know it's difficlt to live with other people
who have various ideas on what's necessary/important.


Mabye the 3 of you could sit down for a discussion?
Make a list of who does what chores and when?
I found that helped when I had room mates...

Here is something I find calming ...The Serenity Prayer
.God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
All my best glad your staying healthy and sober
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Old 01-17-2010, 07:42 AM
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Hello Paulos
32 days sober is something to be very proud of.
We all have times when we feel we can't win no matter what we do. The important thing is not to drink over it.
I hope you can work things out with your Grandfather. We all need our family.
I never met either of my grandfathers. They were both gone before I got here.
I wish you the best
Fred
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Old 01-17-2010, 10:12 AM
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No one can make you drink! No one has the right to supress you! No one can get inside your soul. Try to keep your own heart clean, brave and full of love and dignity. Leaving with someone you can't stand is an arduous trial. Just try to retain that little something that makes your soul a human soul. I wish you courage and all the best
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Old 01-18-2010, 05:02 AM
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Hi Paulos,

One of the biggest things I learned in recovery was to pay attention to my side of the street.

You have no control over the reactions of others no matter what you do and to do things (such as picking up more chores) in anticipation of a particular response from the others in the household can only lead to frustration as I found early in recovery that nobody ever appreciated my efforts as much as I thought they should. The emoticon you used is VERY appropriate to trying to make people appreciate me as much as I think they should -

Look at what you are doing in regard to the big picture - try and look at it objectively. For some, doing more than they used to would still not be as much as the others.

Good Luck

Make them tell you what is expected and do it in such a way as to convey that you WANT to do your fair share but may not be certain what that is. Let them know that generalities ("you're not pulling your weight") isn't helpful and you need to know exactly what your weight is expected to be in regard to the weight the others are pulling.

That puts the ball in their court (it's called assertiveness) and you will find out whether or not their expectations are fair or not.

Be aware that in some cases, the elderly expect that their share of "weight" should diminish as the younger generation comes of age and that's not always unfair. It could be that your Grandfather feels (from HIS perspective) that he's been busting his ass all his life and now that there are other who could be lightening his load he's STILL at it. May or may not be the case here.
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