Notices

Bitterness

Old 12-28-2009, 05:13 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Drk
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 73
Bitterness

I've heard that people who've abused alcohol, other drugs, etc. often become quite bitter.

I realize I feel this way a lot of the time.

Anyone else?
Drk is offline  
Old 12-28-2009, 06:13 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
 
Astro's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,459
Yep, I'm a pretty bitter person sometimes. I hold grudges and struggle with anger and resentment. My current bitterness is about financial issues, I can't seem to "let go and let God", I don't have a lot of faith that all is well right now.

But I know that my bitterness is a choice, I'm choosing to live and act that way. The program of AA and the 12 Steps give me the freedom from these things, right now though I'm making the decision to sit in that misery, I know that I have to work my way towards a brighter place.
Astro is offline  
Old 12-28-2009, 06:26 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Southern Colorado
Posts: 1,167
No. Dubious luxury. We're not allowed to have bitterness in A.A.
McGowdog is offline  
Old 12-28-2009, 06:36 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 62,115
Well, I was bitter long before I began abusing alcohol.

I played the role of martyr in my family dynamic, and I went back and forth between anger and depression. Feeling bitter was normal for me. One of the things that happened to me, by not dealing with these emotions, was that my physical health was affected. I had terrible headaches, muscle spasms in my back and insomnia. So, in desperation, I turned to alcohol for some relief. Of course, the relief was very short-lived and all too quickly, I had a huge problem to deal with.

Alcohol brought me to my knees and I almost lost everything that was important to me. I had to examine my life and make many changes. Coming close to losing everything made me acutely aware that I had much to be grateful for. I started a Gratitude Journal, which wasn't easy for me, and it helped me a lot.

As Astro said, how we feel is a choice. It's not always easy, but you can make a choice to live with joy in your life, rather than bitterness.
Anna is online now  
Old 12-28-2009, 08:29 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
where the light is
 
gravity's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
The bitterness has nothing to do with alcohol. It has everything to do with me. While I do struggle with accepting some things as they have turned out, I refuse to be negative about it for the rest of my life. I can only feel sorry for myself for so long.
gravity is offline  
Old 12-28-2009, 08:46 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Nonexistent Willpower
 
Stereosteveo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 439
Yeah

Originally Posted by Drk View Post
I've heard that people who've abused alcohol, other drugs, etc. often become quite bitter.

I realize I feel this way a lot of the time.

Anyone else?
Yeah, it kind of goes along with the ballgame. Resentment being the #1 offender in my book. Thank God for the steps.

When I got to the point for 10,000th time when it was either drink or start my 4th step, I somehow mustered up enough power to put the pen to the paper.

Amazingly effective simple process. Haven't "had" to drink since.
Stereosteveo is offline  
Old 12-28-2009, 09:08 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Ninsuna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Northern California
Posts: 204
Well, I was bitter long before I began abusing alcohol.
Amen to that.
Ninsuna is offline  
Old 12-28-2009, 09:15 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Not all better, getting better
 
tyler's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
For me personally the bitterness was much worse when I was still activily using. I was pissed at the world and especially at myself. I knew I was destroying myself and everyone and everything around me, but I seemed to be unable to do anything about it.

In the rooms I was told that they would "love me until I learned to love myself." It was a very generous offer, but I didn't even care enough about myself to allow that. It was only after I was able to quit poisioning myself on a daily basis that I started to feel better.

Am I still bitter, yes, sometimes. Mostly because I wasted so much time and hurt so many people who cared about me. But I know understand that the only thing I can do to make all of that in any way better is to be a better person today. It's the only thing I really have any real degree of control over. Do I love myself now? Tough question. I definately don't hate myself like I used to, and I'm even getting to the point where I'd say I like who I've become a little, so at least that is progress.

Bitterness can destroy us just like drugs and alcohol can. If left unchecked it has lead many and addict and alcoholic back to old habbits. I've learned to deal with it in my own way, AA offers up a bit of a more structured solution, but no matter what you do, IMHO it is important that it is faced head on.

Sorry to hear you are going through a rough patch Astro. Hang in there and keep it one day at a time. That's how I'm dealing with it. Some days are better than others, but you just gotta keep plugging away. I hope the new year brings you better times. Take care.
tyler is offline  
Old 12-28-2009, 09:47 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Southern Colorado
Posts: 1,167
Originally Posted by tyler View Post
In the rooms I was told that they would "love me until I learned to love myself."
In my group we say stuff like, "You ought to start loving yourself less and start loving others a little more." and "Get out of your head! Get out here!"

Yeah, bitterness, resentment, regret, shame, apathy, etc... all great stuff to go into column 1.

Oh, something else we say in our meeting, "Eff your feelings! They don't tell you anything. They lie to you." That is, of course, until you get cleared up with a set of steps or so. You can be busy just suiting up and showing up for life, start engaging people and helping out and before you know it... you won't have time to fret and you might even get a little something in return too.
McGowdog is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:59 PM.