Drk

I've heard that people who've abused alcohol, other drugs, etc. often become quite bitter.

I realize I feel this way a lot of the time.

Anyone else?

Astro

Yep, I'm a pretty bitter person sometimes. I hold grudges and struggle with anger and resentment. My current bitterness is about financial issues, I can't seem to "let go and let God", I don't have a lot of faith that all is well right now.

But I know that my bitterness is a choice, I'm choosing to live and act that way. The program of AA and the 12 Steps give me the freedom from these things, right now though I'm making the decision to sit in that misery, I know that I have to work my way towards a brighter place.

McGowdog

No. Dubious luxury. We're not allowed to have bitterness in A.A.

Anna

Well, I was bitter long before I began abusing alcohol.

I played the role of martyr in my family dynamic, and I went back and forth between anger and depression. Feeling bitter was normal for me. One of the things that happened to me, by not dealing with these emotions, was that my physical health was affected. I had terrible headaches, muscle spasms in my back and insomnia. So, in desperation, I turned to alcohol for some relief. Of course, the relief was very short-lived and all too quickly, I had a huge problem to deal with.

Alcohol brought me to my knees and I almost lost everything that was important to me. I had to examine my life and make many changes. Coming close to losing everything made me acutely aware that I had much to be grateful for. I started a Gratitude Journal, which wasn't easy for me, and it helped me a lot.

As Astro said, how we feel is a choice. It's not always easy, but you can make a choice to live with joy in your life, rather than bitterness.

gravity

The bitterness has nothing to do with alcohol. It has everything to do with me. While I do struggle with accepting some things as they have turned out, I refuse to be negative about it for the rest of my life. I can only feel sorry for myself for so long.

Stereosteveo

Yeah, it kind of goes along with the ballgame. Resentment being the #1 offender in my book. Thank God for the steps.

When I got to the point for 10,000th time when it was either drink or start my 4th step, I somehow mustered up enough power to put the pen to the paper.

Amazingly effective simple process. Haven't "had" to drink since.

Ninsuna

Amen to that.

tyler

For me personally the bitterness was much worse when I was still activily using. I was pissed at the world and especially at myself. I knew I was destroying myself and everyone and everything around me, but I seemed to be unable to do anything about it.

In the rooms I was told that they would "love me until I learned to love myself." It was a very generous offer, but I didn't even care enough about myself to allow that. It was only after I was able to quit poisioning myself on a daily basis that I started to feel better.

Am I still bitter, yes, sometimes. Mostly because I wasted so much time and hurt so many people who cared about me. But I know understand that the only thing I can do to make all of that in any way better is to be a better person today. It's the only thing I really have any real degree of control over. Do I love myself now? Tough question. I definately don't hate myself like I used to, and I'm even getting to the point where I'd say I like who I've become a little, so at least that is progress.

Bitterness can destroy us just like drugs and alcohol can. If left unchecked it has lead many and addict and alcoholic back to old habbits. I've learned to deal with it in my own way, AA offers up a bit of a more structured solution, but no matter what you do, IMHO it is important that it is faced head on.

Sorry to hear you are going through a rough patch Astro. Hang in there and keep it one day at a time. That's how I'm dealing with it. Some days are better than others, but you just gotta keep plugging away. I hope the new year brings you better times. Take care.

McGowdog

In my group we say stuff like, "You ought to start loving yourself less and start loving others a little more." and "Get out of your head! Get out here!"

Yeah, bitterness, resentment, regret, shame, apathy, etc... all great stuff to go into column 1.

Oh, something else we say in our meeting, "Eff your feelings! They don't tell you anything. They lie to you." That is, of course, until you get cleared up with a set of steps or so. You can be busy just suiting up and showing up for life, start engaging people and helping out and before you know it... you won't have time to fret and you might even get a little something in return too.