Patk

Hi Everyone,

I would like some input and advice about a kind of delicate issue I have with a friend. My friend drinks daily, in the morning, afternoon, evening, at home in front of his 6-year old daughter and wife, and just about everywhere else. He drinks before his private lessons (he's a teacher). When I am with he and hus daughter when he goes into the local convenience store to buy a couple of cans of beer he tells his daughter he is "buying some pop." I am not sure if a girl this age knows the difference between alcoholic drinks and soda?

Usually he is a pretty mellow guy, even when he's had a lot to drink, though he can be a bit moody. He has admitted to me that he is depressive and that his liver is probably damaged from all the drinking he has done-he's 50 years old. We live in Japan and he says the only thing that has kept him here is his family. I am a recovering alcoholic. Have told him about my efforts to keep sober. I am not sure if I should tell him how concerned I am about his health...since I have had difficulty keep on the wagon for a long period. I know what it is like to drink in the morning since I used to do that. Any advice would be appreciated




PatK

CarolD

In your BB please check out "Working With Others"

You could also urge him to see a doctor
to acess whatever physical damage he is doing by drinking.
this works best if he is honest with his doctor about alcohol.

how are you doing these days?
Have you made any beneficial changes?

All my best to you and your family...

Peter

You are his friend, no?

By all means tell him of your concerns for his health. Just remember to do it in a loving manner. Do not judge or be condescending.

Nevertheless

I agree with Peter.
His wife is probably backed in a corner over this, and it's mostly her concern. He probably knows what he's doing is wrong, and telling him might make him drink more. Of course , you know him better than we do.
But the fact is he probably won't quit unless something happens to upset his routine. He won't quit unless he wants to, and then it won't be easy.
The way I see it , there isn't a whole lot you can (or should) do, unless he asks for help.
You might talk about how glad you are to not drink anymore,or things you do now, that you couldn't when drinking. But don't overdo it.
Fred

Patk

Hi CarolD,

I am doing pretty good these days. Haven't had a drink in a few weeks. Might have a chance at a full-time teaching job in the spring of 2010-fingers crossed. My wife and two kids are healty so I have a lot to be thankful for. Yeah, I have too much time on my hands which leads to looking back on my past which gets me very down...I really appreciate your concern and asking about me and my family.

My very best to you and your loved ones for 2010!

PatK

coffeenut

Congratulations on YOUR sober time! And welcome to SR.

Stereosteveo

Find a meeting over there and then invite him to go with you? That way you don't have to tell him anything. He will hear what he wants/needs to hear.

joedris

I'll go along with everyone in saying that your should tell him about your concerns, but in a kindly manner. And you should be aware that this is all you can do for him. The decision to do something about his drinking is his and his alone, there is nothing you can do there. And since you haven't been sober for a long period yet, I think that being around this guy is a potential threat to your own sobriety. Being around someone who is constantly drinking isn't where you need to be right now.

I would suggest that you tell him your concerns and then distance yourself from him, not as a form of punishment for him, but as a matter of survival for yourself. You must place your own sobriety as your first priority. You cannot help others if you don't care for yourself first. I know this sounds harsh and selfish, but this is the one place where you have to look out for #1. I wish you the best of luck in staying sober. You'll find that life just keeps getting better and better.