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Xmas strategies to avoid relapse?

Old 12-21-2009, 05:39 PM
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Xmas strategies to avoid relapse?

I had been sober for just over two months but drank four days ago after someone I had not told about my alcoholism gave me some whiskey as a gift.

Xmas is really going to be a struggle for me as everyone is going to be drinking constantly around me. My family say they support me but they really don't understand this disease, despite my father dying from it.
I shall be spending Xmas with my family at my sister's place and she is the lleast supportive at all. She even said to me "You've GOT to drink, it's Christmas!" which is completely ridiculous.
I know I'm not going to end up joining in with them and "making merry", more likely I'll end up swiping some drinking and having it alone in a room by myself.
I haven't really got a strategy other than to rely on my willpower and I'm not sure that is going to be enough. Maybe it would've been if I hadn't drank a couple of days ago but those few drinks were enough to set my mentality and cravings back to day one.

Please share your tips and strategies whether you be new to sobriety or long term sober.
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Old 12-21-2009, 06:50 PM
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Welcome back....

Please check out this thread

The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com

All my best
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Old 12-21-2009, 07:13 PM
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I relasped on Christmas day 3 years ago because someone gave me a bottle of wine, the only thing I can do is never forget that day and be ready for it this year.

It has taken 3 years for me to "try" again, alcohal does take over so its best to be on gaurd at all times.

Easier said than done, I should know...

Good luck!
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Old 12-21-2009, 08:46 PM
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Hello Harry
It sounds to me like you have already made your mind up. If you go you are going to drink, but you are going to swipe some booze and go drink alone?
I would avoid that situation like the plague. If you do go and drink you will have relapsed twice in a very short time, and it will be even harder to stop.
The way you are explaining it , you sound like you don't want to go.
I realize this is a family thing. But you say you lost your father to this. If they don't understand after that when will they?

The first rule of this is sobriety comes first. If you are going to stay sober it has to.
If you go to this thing and get the urge to drink, leaving in the middle of a family get together will be very awkward. It would be so much easier to drink than leave.
Of course I don't know you, so if you sit home you might also be just as tempted. Myself, it would be a lot easier at home with a couple good movies, and a pizza. Maybe call about the time you know your sister is 3 sheets to the wind and listen to how loco she sounds (or maybe not)
Just my off the wall opinion
Fred
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Old 12-21-2009, 08:53 PM
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I'd tell everyone to bring their own drink if possible or to make sure to order a drink if, it's a place you order drinks be careful on getting a punch you just never know if, someone added to it.

Tell them you can't have anything to drink under Dr.'s orders Dr. Bob. Tell them what ever you have to your sobriety is at stake if, it bothers you to tell them you're an alcoholic.

It's no body's damn business why you don't want a drink, just don't drink
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Old 12-21-2009, 09:16 PM
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Originally Posted by CarolD View Post
Welcome back....

Please check out this thread

The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com

All my best
That link doesn't appear to work for me.
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Old 12-21-2009, 09:20 PM
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lol

me neither!!!!!!!!
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Old 12-22-2009, 12:53 AM
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Harry, I wish I had some advice for you. I'm not a drinker, so I can't really even begin to give advice. I just wanted to say that I'm rooting for you. Even though your real family isn't being supportive, your SR family is. Hang in there!

Hugs.
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Old 12-22-2009, 01:00 AM
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this one

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rent-time.html
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Old 12-22-2009, 06:59 AM
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Originally Posted by HarryB View Post
Please share your tips and strategies whether you be new to sobriety or long term sober.
There is a huge difference in strategy. Being recovered, whether it be for a long time or a short time, means that I am placed in a position of neutrality towards alcohol. It has no allure for me. I'm not avoiding it. I'm a free man.

Without that recovery experience, all bets are off. The plan, however, is simple. I have to be willing to go to any lengths. If I can't be somewhere with absolute certainty of not drinking, then I have no business being there. No exceptions. My sobriety comes first in my life.
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Old 12-22-2009, 07:04 AM
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Just reread your post, bought back memories of me telling everyone i was through with drinking then having to drink on the sly...wish i hadnt bothered in hindsight and just quit when i was done and willing to get help...whatever you choose to do have a good one:-)
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Old 12-22-2009, 07:07 AM
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Originally Posted by Nevertheless View Post
Hello Harry
It sounds to me like you have already made your mind up. If you go you are going to drink, but you are going to swipe some booze and go drink alone?
I would avoid that situation like the plague. If you do go and drink you will have relapsed twice in a very short time, and it will be even harder to stop.
The way you are explaining it , you sound like you don't want to go.
I realize this is a family thing. But you say you lost your father to this. If they don't understand after that when will they?

The first rule of this is sobriety comes first. If you are going to stay sober it has to.
If you go to this thing and get the urge to drink, leaving in the middle of a family get together will be very awkward. It would be so much easier to drink than leave.
Of course I don't know you, so if you sit home you might also be just as tempted. Myself, it would be a lot easier at home with a couple good movies, and a pizza. Maybe call about the time you know your sister is 3 sheets to the wind and listen to how loco she sounds (or maybe not)
Just my off the wall opinion
Fred
I don't have my mind made up, I was merely stating what I know I'd do if I succumbed.

I have a lot of complicated stuff going on with my family right now. For a start my sister has only just left her partner after he punched her in the face, cut her face open and got arrested. I feel VERY obligated to be there for her this Xmas, even if she can't show me support for my own problems.

I'd definately spend Xmas alone...if I didn't know that would be even more triggering for me to pick up. I've never spent a single Xmas alone and the prospect of it depressed me greatly.
I am going to spend the holidays with my sister and my family, I just need to find a good way of coping with the situation rather than just ignoring it. I can't hide from drink my entire life.
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Old 12-22-2009, 07:08 AM
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Originally Posted by CAPTAINZING2000 View Post
I'd tell everyone to bring their own drink if possible or to make sure to order a drink if, it's a place you order drinks be careful on getting a punch you just never know if, someone added to it.

Tell them you can't have anything to drink under Dr.'s orders Dr. Bob. Tell them what ever you have to your sobriety is at stake if, it bothers you to tell them you're an alcoholic.

It's no body's damn business why you don't want a drink, just don't drink
They know I'm an alcoholic but they don't take it seriously. Despite my father dying, they seem to think alcoholism is just a bad habit that can be easily curbed with the slightest application of will power.
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Old 12-22-2009, 07:12 AM
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Originally Posted by keepcominback View Post
Harry,

My sponsor from AA would say to me, "Go get done". If your not done, go get done. She means that if you still want to drink, drink. Go get that knowledge of your real condition if need be.

You are asking how to avoid drinking, so that implies you don't want to drink, yet as soon as someone gave you a gift of alcohol, you drank it.

I understand that, I did that last year on Christmas day. A bottle of brandy was mailed to us, I had about 26 days sober, I got resentful, everyone else gets to drink on Christmas, and I drank.

So...I don't personally agree with telling anyone to go get done. I think to encourage a person with alcoholism to drink is wrong, but these people in AA, my sponsor, and people at an AA big book study working on a chapter called Working with others, really seem to say, to move on, if a person doesn't want to stop, or they still have some lurking notion that they can drink, or inwardly wish they could get away with a few....

Harry, if you want to stay sober, only you can make it happen. If you think you can't do it, start after Christmas as a New Year's Resolution to yourself?

Good Luck, and Merry Christmas Harry.
Wanting to stop drinkiing does not make you immune from picking up.

I do not need to drink myself nearly to death again to remind myself not to do it. I don't think I'll EVER stop liking alcohol or thinking about drinking but it's something I've got to learn to deal with.
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Old 12-22-2009, 07:27 AM
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Originally Posted by HarryB View Post
I have a lot of complicated stuff going on with my family right now.
Uh, no you don't. You have life going on. Everything you posted after this is just life going on. Your reaction to life is what is unmanageable. It seems like all that stuff going on is really your problem. But, I think you have just one problem. Untreated alcoholism. As long as that remains your problem, life will continue to seemingly dominate you with its circumstances.

That was pretty bold and up front preaching from me, Harry. I actually feel a lot more sympathetic than it indicates. I've been where you are right now, where all this stuff seemed conspired against me to keep me drinking. I'd run around trying to keep everything in my life together, and thereby avoid looking at my real problem. My real problem was that I was an alcoholic. There is a treatment for this condition, but only if you can take a look at the real problem.

Once that problem got solved, as the result of taking specific, precise actions that were suggested to me, the rest of life got real easy.
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Old 12-22-2009, 07:36 AM
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Harry, I don't know that I've got much to add because this is my first Christmas without drinking. I'm on day 57 so I'm still new to sobriety. Thankfully I'll be spending most of the holidays with my in-laws who are non-drinkers. But I can totally relate to the tempatations. Our friends and neighbors do not yet know that I have quit drinking. They brought over a bottle of homemade irish cream. I sooooo wanted to try it. But my husband got to do that and report back to our friends Because of the holidays I've been trying other 'festive' type drinks that are non-alcoholic. Mixing cranberry juice with club soda, hot apple cider, etc. I know this doesn't replace the urge or desire but helps me mentally I guess feel like I'm not totally left out (if that makes sense). You can do it!!
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Old 12-22-2009, 07:46 AM
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Originally Posted by HarryB View Post
...they seem to think alcoholism is just a bad habit that can be easily curbed with the slightest application of will power.
It doesn't matter what they think. What do you think? Do you think alcoholism can be easily curbed with the slightests application of willpower? Do you think it can be curbed with a serious application of willpower? And more importantly, what do your actions indicate? It's one thing to have a belief, but what I really believe is demonstrated by my actions.

If I believe that alcoholism is a very serious, fatal condition, and that I need to do whatever it takes to stay sober, then my actions indicate that belief. If my actions indicate that I can casually just avoid or control drinking, then that's really what I believe, despite what I might say.
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Old 12-22-2009, 07:53 AM
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Originally Posted by HarryB View Post
They know I'm an alcoholic but they don't take it seriously. Despite my father dying, they seem to think alcoholism is just a bad habit that can be easily curbed with the slightest application of will power.

You hit the nail on the head there. I've had people with college education ask me how much longer would I have to go to AA etc. They seemed to think, you can go to AA and learn to drink responsibly again.

I've never been able to understand how several of my friends can order a drink and not finish it either!!
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Old 12-22-2009, 07:55 AM
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Harry, first of all I sympathize with you greatly. It is terrible to hear that your father lost his life over this wicked substance. You are still here, however, and still have the incredible power of choice.

I know the anguish of sitting sober and miserable in the middle of a party. I can't express enough how happy I am that I've said NO over and over this year since I quit drinking in June. You have to remember that you are a special and unique creature of this planet and unfortunately, you don't get to enjoy the pleasure of drinking if you are indeed alcoholic. WORSE THINGS CAN HAPPEN! You know that!

Accept your condition, listen to all the people here trying to tell you it's going to be OK. You have to press on, or accept the same fate your father did. It is entirely up to you and in your hands. However I think if you persevere, even if it means going outside and screaming and punching things while everyone is inside drinking, you will thank yourself immensely later on. Go to a meeting before the party if you think that will help you. Tell your sister that you desperately need her to support your decision not to drink. Be an individual and make your own individual choices. You'll be amazed to find that down the road, people will begin to look up to you and ask you how you did it, as they see their own lives as possibly being improved by the cessation of drink.

Good luck to you. This is a hard time of the year for us booze hounds but nothing is impossible. You know the potential to do whatever you want lies only within you.
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Old 12-22-2009, 08:10 AM
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Last year at Christmas my then 94 year old mother and I toasted each other with 2 back-to-back shots of imported Hungarian moonshine. She's still alive, and I wish I could toast with her again this Christmas, but I won't (I'll be 5 months w/o alcohol on 12/24). Or, maybe I will, but I'll have ginger ale in my shot glass while Mom can have the moonshine... :-)
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