biravatch65

I've come to the conclusion that alcohol is truly but a symptom. Sure there may be physical dependence... but it seems what I'm really addicted to is turmoil and pain.

Good times.

December15

Maybe alcohol gives you some temporary relief from the pain, but it never gets rid of it. For that we have to address the causes of our pain, whether it be some chemical imbalance or emotional scarring from our childhood. This deep investigation is a long term solution that can work.

rockworm

Congratulations. I think you have discovered the difference between a hard drinker and an alcoholic. For me, I saw alcohol as the solution to the turmoil and pain. When I was not drinking life sucked. Alcohol solved the problem briefly, but afterwords, the pain and turmoil was worse. In the end, the solution and the problem became indistinguishable.

There is a program/solution out there that will help. I do hope you find it.

CStyle

Welcome to the brotherhood of Chaos Junkies ....ha ha ha

I am not laughing at you, only at the fact that I too suffer from the same addiction.

The big book talks about the fact that after a time our alcoholic (turmoil, chaos, etc) state, seemed the only normal one. I don't know about you, but I am super high functioning under pressure. Man when crap is hittin the fan, I am on it. When things are normal and quiet, I am just waiting for the shoe to drop. Man, those uncomfortable times where nothing dramatic is happening. No problems to tackle, no struggle to fight my way through.

All I can say, is that with time, you learn to truly enjoy the peace and SERENITY. I have very, very little drama in my life today. To be quite honest it took me about 7 years of being sober, before I was ok with not having drama. Some people never grow out of it, but there is hope

soberinwpg

Ugh. What did this alcoholic do when she got her kids back, was working for 2 years, got some financial stability, got a boyfriend, got the trust of her family back and was in with her friends again? Drank.
*sigh*

I hear ya.

Zencat

I was depending on alcohol and other dangerous mind altering chemicals to help me slide through life without any cares or worries. Then I slid into a hole where alcohol became my woe and wrecked my life.

Fortunately I found effective treatment that makes my life worthwhile and rewarding without the desire to alter my mind with alcohol or any other funky stuff.

CarolD

Thank you for your mlitary service ...

Both my son and his older son belong to the DAV
Although drinking is not one of their issues....they go
to PTSD clinics and regular counseling.
As you probably know the VA has many resources.

Perhaps that would benefit you as well.
I certainly hope so....

jamdls

I think i was addicted to feeling numb--stopping drinking was not difficult for me but having to face life sober was a daily struggle, now it's a daily joy.

Sudz No More

For years when I lived alone in Philly as an aspiring songwriter I used the drink as a crutch to hide behind my discontent of the elusive break all artists want but rarely get. I would drink to drown my sorrow, after enough drinks I didn't feel so sad anymore. When I got over not winning the musical lottery and moved on to other things in life, got a new career path, found a great wife I still had the itch to imbibe. I had been drinking daily for so long to drown unhappiness that now I had become dependent on the buzz to feel normal. My wife hated this at first but I was always able to control acting drunk because of the huge tolerance I had acquired. After a few months of living with me and seeing that I didn't get belligerent or sloppy drunk she stopped caring. At the time I drank about 8 per day but over the years it slowly crept up. I finally had to come to terms with myself one day after noticing my head felt light everyday after the first beer and every morning going to work I had brain fog. I was past 12 a day at this point and some of them were double malts. I always told myself I would know when it was time to quit, it was time.