Drk

I spent so many years using alcohol as a way to allow me to interact with others, and so many years retreating into my own mind drinking alone at the computer, that now that I'm 6 months sober, I feel shy around people.

I've heard that being sober is o.k. and great, but that you need to start working on skills as well to change your life for the better.

I think if I don't learn to be more interactive, it'll affect my work, social life, etc.

I feel very down about this today.

Astro

I learned to come out of my shell at big AA meetings. And then I learned to sit outside at a coffee shop and watch people, smile at them and say hello. Shocked the heck out of me when they smiled back.

I've never changed with discomfort and sometimes pain, and most of the time I have to force myself to do something I normally wouldn't do, with more practice it becomes easier.

BTW, there are no wimps in recovery, only winners.

least

One way you could (learn to) interact with others would be to volunteer somewhere. A homeless shelter, a soup kitchen, the animal shelter, or a local school. Volunteering would offer practice at social interaction and at the same time, give you a good feeling about yourself while helping someone who really needs the help. Give it a try!

55438

I am surprised that Least didn't suggest this...get a puppy! (Only if you can support it.) They are such great icebreakers and will get you out there away from the computer.

CarolD

Think of yourself as a wimp?
Sure .... because you are a
.Wonderous....Interesting .. Motivated... Person

Well done on your 6 months....Congratulations!

Nevertheless

I have the same problem, only I don't think it's because of my drinking. I think that is how I started drinking.
I grew up an only child, and always had problems making conversation or being a part of things. I guess I started with weed, and it lead to harder things. BEER.
This is a problem I really don't think I can fix, like my alcoholism. But I think I can learn to deal with it. I no longer care if I'm a popular person or not. I think I used to try to hard because I wanted people to like me.
I don't know the answer but to me being sober sure beats the hell out of the way I was when I used to drink.
Fred

thejaywalker

Drk, I totally understand where you are coming from. I used alcohol for so long and from such an early age that my " social " development was sorely lacking, and I was so self conscious about it.

My sponsor at the time really helped me with this. He was quite the social butterfly, and it seemed natural for him.

For me, I had to keep going to meeting regularly ( even though some days I did not feel like it ) and intensive step work really helped me discover a new me. And also learned to view others differently .

Today it is much different than it was in those early days.

" This too shall pass "

Drk

Thanks guys

barb dwyer

Drk -
You're not a wimp. You're just learning a different means of socializing.

It sounds hokey as heck, but that book 'how to win friends and influence people' by Carnegy .... is actually helpful.
I *hate* to say that, but it's true.

When I was in early recovery, it was MONTHS before I could sit through a complete conversation. I'd just get up and leave. No goodbye, not excuse me - nothing. I'd feel a panic coming on - and I'd hit the trail.

Luckily -
there was a bajillion others around me who knew what was going on because THEY had experienced the same thing.

You're doing so great, hon. Give yourself time, and give yourself a chance.

NewMe11109

I agree with the others. We all felt this way. Start getting involved with other alcoholics. It is a great way to get over these fears.

barb dwyer

One sponsor I knew had one of her painfully shy sponsees select say, five people (this was a woman's group, understand) and go up to each one, and give them ONE compliment.

I watched that woman grow exponentially.

It's amazing what a little compliment and genuine interest will do.

hendershot

If you were a wimp you wouldn't be feeling shy--you wouldn't be feeling anything at all because you would isolate yourself with a bottle infront of your computer. The fact that you are trying to change your life and putting yourself in socially awkard situations is a testement to the fact that you are actually the opposite of a wimp--you're courageous. It takes courage to live with anxieties and addiction and try to overcome them. Getting drunk is the cowards way out. Don't forget it.

BunnyLaRoo

Hi lovey,

I find volunteering in my city works wonders for meeting new people and they are decent people. Please, try it.

Bunny

Cornbrosia

I spent years on my computer making friends and i thought i was working on my social skills. But it just doesnt translate into the real world. I also re learned my social skills at AA meetings. It took a long time but it worked

yeahgr8

There you go:-)

When i spent 5 months without alcohol last October and no recovery program, i got myself so crazy that i ended up going to social anxiety therapy which was just embarassing for me as all the others in the group asked EVERY session 'why is he here?', cos someone told me i had it thats why hehe...go to AA, make some friends, work the steps, get sanity back in your life...all the rest will fall into place...