Starting Anti-Depressants
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Columbus, OH
Posts: 5
Starting Anti-Depressants
Hi! I am new around here, but I have been sober and in AA for the past 13.5 months. For a while I was doing my 90 in 90 and all the good stuff that they told me to do in treatment. Things started to clear up a little bit. I worked through the steps and things got better. I really slowed down on my program, stopped going to meetings, stopped talking with other alcoholics, just stopped doing what I should have been. The past week or so, however, I have had the most overwhelming and scary feelings. The feeling that I am living my life in a dream, or that I'm watching things on tv, but it's my life, have just been incredibly overwhelming. I have gone to the psychologist, and my medical doctor (after talking to my psychologist), prescribed me to celexa. The suicidal thoughts creep in, but I am constantly talking to other alcoholics, my loved ones and my sponsor, so really, suicide is not an option. That isn't me thinking those things. It is such a scary feeling to not feel like things are real, and I am hoping that it will be taken care of by getting back on my program and taking this medication. If anyone has any experience, strength and hope with these feelings I would really appreciate it. I hope these are just by-products of the depression, but I feel like I'm the only person to ever experience this. PLEASE HELP! haha
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 413
Originally Posted by MarkZee31 
For a while I was doing my 90 in 90 and all the good stuff that they told me to do in treatment. Things started to clear up a little bit. I worked through the steps and things got better. I really slowed down on my program, stopped going to meetings, stopped talking with other alcoholics, just stopped doing what I should have been. The past week or so, however, I have had the most overwhelming and scary feelings. The feeling that I am living my life in a dream, or that I'm watching things on tv, but it's my life, have just been incredibly overwhelming.
You're not alone there. When I stop doing what I'm supposed to do, I also become severely depressed, sometimes even suicidal.
When I force myself to get back into the habit of taking care of myself, the way I should, I feel normal again.
It's funny ... I have to work to feel normal
But it's better than the alternative.Please take care of yourself and keep posting.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Columbus, OH
Posts: 5
Thanks clutch, I just can't shake these strong disassociative feelings...it's so damn weird! Of course I have that goldfish mentality, that when I'm feeling something now, I have felt it forever.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 117
Two
Hi Mark, talk about being in between a rock and a hard place. I really feel for you because I can recall what it was like to come into my second year of sobriety. It's a miracle that you've gotten to this point, so hold on to what you have.
Don't want to scare you any, but I'm back to Day 6 after 18 years without taking a drink. I've still not taken any drink in all my years in the program but I've developed chronic widespread systemic pain and it's hard for me to get out of bed. I can say though that I don't feel depressed or suicidal although physical pain, spasms and contractions can at times be so crippling that I just can't function so my quality of life is greatly diminished.
When I came into sobriety through AA 18 years ago, on my first night after a meeting, my sponsor came back home with me and had me dump all my medication along with the booze. It was my moment of complete surrender, and it was good for me... There was an anti-depressant in that batch that went down the toilet, and it was the last thing I thought would be good for me to give up because it had been administered through medical advice. However, my sponsor explained to me that I wouldn't know what my real feelings were until I tried living life without them, and she happened to be right about that.
It's a hardball kind of thing to throw away meds, and in a way, following sponsor's advice or doctor's advice is relying on a human power to restore sanity, but it turned out to be good for me to get off the meds at that time. I was then 18 years younger and a have had mess of physical trauma since then, so it's a different story, yet part of my recent experiences with pain management doctors ordering me to take certain medications this year proved to me that anti-depressants and anti-convulsants, as well as narcotics get in the way of my conscious contact with my higher power... Although, the pain relievers were giving me functionality to at least stop having pain so I could walk.....
I will say though that anti-depressants run the risk for creating suicidal feelings-- it's one of the side effects listed on the information sheet, so... maybe it's not you but the side effect of the new medication you've been put on and you should discuss with your physician as well as your sponsor.
If you have a Big Book around, maybe read up on the 2nd Step, and write out what you're feeling. I did that and then got on my knees to beg my higher power for help. For some reason, the 2nd year is worse than the first for many folks I've known, including myself... the 2nd year is like one long continuous Second Step phase... got so sick of getting on my knees that I wrote ASK in big letters on my wall to help remind me to do that. Maybe I've got to do so again.
Hang in there.
Don't want to scare you any, but I'm back to Day 6 after 18 years without taking a drink. I've still not taken any drink in all my years in the program but I've developed chronic widespread systemic pain and it's hard for me to get out of bed. I can say though that I don't feel depressed or suicidal although physical pain, spasms and contractions can at times be so crippling that I just can't function so my quality of life is greatly diminished.
When I came into sobriety through AA 18 years ago, on my first night after a meeting, my sponsor came back home with me and had me dump all my medication along with the booze. It was my moment of complete surrender, and it was good for me... There was an anti-depressant in that batch that went down the toilet, and it was the last thing I thought would be good for me to give up because it had been administered through medical advice. However, my sponsor explained to me that I wouldn't know what my real feelings were until I tried living life without them, and she happened to be right about that.
It's a hardball kind of thing to throw away meds, and in a way, following sponsor's advice or doctor's advice is relying on a human power to restore sanity, but it turned out to be good for me to get off the meds at that time. I was then 18 years younger and a have had mess of physical trauma since then, so it's a different story, yet part of my recent experiences with pain management doctors ordering me to take certain medications this year proved to me that anti-depressants and anti-convulsants, as well as narcotics get in the way of my conscious contact with my higher power... Although, the pain relievers were giving me functionality to at least stop having pain so I could walk.....
I will say though that anti-depressants run the risk for creating suicidal feelings-- it's one of the side effects listed on the information sheet, so... maybe it's not you but the side effect of the new medication you've been put on and you should discuss with your physician as well as your sponsor.
If you have a Big Book around, maybe read up on the 2nd Step, and write out what you're feeling. I did that and then got on my knees to beg my higher power for help. For some reason, the 2nd year is worse than the first for many folks I've known, including myself... the 2nd year is like one long continuous Second Step phase... got so sick of getting on my knees that I wrote ASK in big letters on my wall to help remind me to do that. Maybe I've got to do so again.
Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Don't do anything with your meds without talking to your doctor.
I was wondering if the disassociative (sp?) feeling started before or after the Celexa. You have probably not been on them long enough to feel the benefits, but you might be having some side effects.... which may lessen as you get used to the med.
Don't change anything with your meds without talking to your doctor.
Mark
I was wondering if the disassociative (sp?) feeling started before or after the Celexa. You have probably not been on them long enough to feel the benefits, but you might be having some side effects.... which may lessen as you get used to the med.
Don't change anything with your meds without talking to your doctor.
Mark
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to our SR Alcoholism Forum....
Only professionals can acess what is best for you.
I'm glad you are seeing yours regarding your needs.
For me....I don't see the point in discussing my med's
or treatment plan with other AA members.
I don't discuss AA with my medical team either....
As SR members....we must follow this guideline....
Glad to know you are getting back to active AA
Only professionals can acess what is best for you.
I'm glad you are seeing yours regarding your needs.
For me....I don't see the point in discussing my med's
or treatment plan with other AA members.
I don't discuss AA with my medical team either....
As SR members....we must follow this guideline....
10. Medical Advice: No Posts giving medical advice, medication advice, or psychiatric advice. Do not use the forum to give or ask for professional medical or psychiatric advice. If you are a medical professional, please remember the forums and chat are for peer support only and not to be used for distributing professional medical advice and/or using the forum to represent your professional services. Medical and Psychiatric advice includes giving a diagnosis, treatment plan, medication advice and dosage suggestions, over the counter and natural home remedies that should be approved by medical professionals. Detox can be dangerous and life threatening at times. Please consult with your physician
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 117
lesson I'm learning these days is that "we're not doctors"
in you, you'll know what's working and what will stand in your way from your recovery
should the anti-depressants work against your recovery, consult with your physician about the bad side effects.
also, if you're physically able, exercise is totally beneficial for breaking through depression... when I first came into the program and had to dump meds because my sponsor and group was against them, I did have a healthier body and found relief in jogging three miles a day and exercising at a gym every other day for 40 minutes each session. Keep eating healthy and journal when you can.
in you, you'll know what's working and what will stand in your way from your recovery
should the anti-depressants work against your recovery, consult with your physician about the bad side effects.
also, if you're physically able, exercise is totally beneficial for breaking through depression... when I first came into the program and had to dump meds because my sponsor and group was against them, I did have a healthier body and found relief in jogging three miles a day and exercising at a gym every other day for 40 minutes each session. Keep eating healthy and journal when you can.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
thanks Carol!
hi mark - and welcome!
sending prayers of peace of mind for you,
and I was glad to read you're stepping up your meetings
and re-immersing yourself in the Fellowship.
FOr me,
meetings and active participation in the Fellowship are as fundamental as any medication.
*sending those prayers and positive thoughts now*
hi mark - and welcome!
sending prayers of peace of mind for you,
and I was glad to read you're stepping up your meetings
and re-immersing yourself in the Fellowship.
FOr me,
meetings and active participation in the Fellowship are as fundamental as any medication.
*sending those prayers and positive thoughts now*
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 679
Your post does make it unclear about when the dissociative feelings started; if it was a before celexa or after thing.
A couple things: one, anti-depressants can be tricky and like people said they can give you those effects. Some bodies are more sensitive so sometimes you have to start really slowly or they make you feel crazy. This happened to me once. However, when I talked to my doctor, actually I had to get a better doctor who was more atuned to panic issues she made the dose more manageable and the anti-depressants totally saved my life. I have definitely experienced an adjustment phase.
Also, along those lines, I personally have had some bad prescribing experiences and would recommend seeing a psychiatrist and building a relationship with him/her as opposed to any MD. I wouldn't want a GP prescribing me anti-depressants because they can be tricky and tweaks of mood can be so important to monitor to people in recovery. Again, it wasn't clear from your post if you are already seeing a psychiatrist.
I completely disagree with the other poster. I fully believe in anti-depressants. And the belief is not only because of my own experience but I took a class on brain chemistry and pharmacology of behavioral health this semester and it really opened my eyes even more to the wonders of the brain and all the different psychoactive medications out there. The science behind it is as sound as any other. But it also is best when used with counseling and all the other methods of self-care...getting back to the program, routines, etc.
I hope you feel better soon. It will pass. I know that when I feel crappy and crazy I always feel like it will never go away but luckily it always does
A couple things: one, anti-depressants can be tricky and like people said they can give you those effects. Some bodies are more sensitive so sometimes you have to start really slowly or they make you feel crazy. This happened to me once. However, when I talked to my doctor, actually I had to get a better doctor who was more atuned to panic issues she made the dose more manageable and the anti-depressants totally saved my life. I have definitely experienced an adjustment phase.
Also, along those lines, I personally have had some bad prescribing experiences and would recommend seeing a psychiatrist and building a relationship with him/her as opposed to any MD. I wouldn't want a GP prescribing me anti-depressants because they can be tricky and tweaks of mood can be so important to monitor to people in recovery. Again, it wasn't clear from your post if you are already seeing a psychiatrist.
I completely disagree with the other poster. I fully believe in anti-depressants. And the belief is not only because of my own experience but I took a class on brain chemistry and pharmacology of behavioral health this semester and it really opened my eyes even more to the wonders of the brain and all the different psychoactive medications out there. The science behind it is as sound as any other. But it also is best when used with counseling and all the other methods of self-care...getting back to the program, routines, etc.
I hope you feel better soon. It will pass. I know that when I feel crappy and crazy I always feel like it will never go away but luckily it always does
Eating protein and life.
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Just. Plain. Grateful.
Posts: 503
Caveat: The following is my own experience as I am not a physician, merely sharing my story in the hopes that it helps.
Mark,
I suppose this may be as much for my benefit as for yours. But I was having a down time in my life about 4 years ago and my gf at the time suggested I see a doctor.
Said doctor, asked me...
"Are you depressed?"
"Yes" - Script for Zoloft
"Are you having trouble sleeping?"
"Yes" - Script for Ambien
"Are you anxious?"
"Yes" - Script for Ativan
Keep in mind this was only four years ago and I had never had a problem with alcohol/drugs before.
The Zoloft helped by taking the edge off and with anxiety but it caused me to not give a brown about things like I should have. The Ambien was a nightmare and don't remember what I did but was told what I did and let's just say it would make the porn industry blush. The Ativan, made me calm but even more anxious when it wore off.
I'm convinced the Zoloft led me to drinking heavily - it didn't take much to get drunk on this stuff - a six pack of light beer and I was wasted. Do to my new found nonchalant attitude, I drank more and more often. The book "Under the Influence" states that increases in Serotonin, (ie SSRI anti-depressants) levels can cause some to have a increased desire to drink.
I went cold turkey off Zoloft almost three months ago (on Christmas day it will be officially three months). I was tired of taking a medication I didn't think I needed, I was tired of drinking, and I was tired of not caring as much as I should.
I guess the moral of the story for me is that doctors are human beings and unfortunately some are seen as Gods. They are merely human beings like you and I that have put a lot of time, effort, and money into getting themselves certified and "educated" in the field of the human body.
I think more people need to do the research on ANY drug you are prescribed. I foolishly and blindly followed my doctor's advice to a t and have regretted it ever since. In the end you are the one putting substances into your body. Don't get me wrong some people have great results and DO REQUIRE medication to function, but I was not one of them.
The sad part was that most doctors will tell you there are no withdrawal symptoms with SSRIs and I beg to differ as I suffered for the first month and several forums contain similar stories - but that's another topic.
All the best, I hope things work out for you!
PS
My desire to drink has been cut in half (I image the other half is behavioral based on the last four years) - but it's just too much work to get drunk now.
Mark,
I suppose this may be as much for my benefit as for yours. But I was having a down time in my life about 4 years ago and my gf at the time suggested I see a doctor.
Said doctor, asked me...
"Are you depressed?"
"Yes" - Script for Zoloft
"Are you having trouble sleeping?"
"Yes" - Script for Ambien
"Are you anxious?"
"Yes" - Script for Ativan
Keep in mind this was only four years ago and I had never had a problem with alcohol/drugs before.
The Zoloft helped by taking the edge off and with anxiety but it caused me to not give a brown about things like I should have. The Ambien was a nightmare and don't remember what I did but was told what I did and let's just say it would make the porn industry blush. The Ativan, made me calm but even more anxious when it wore off.
I'm convinced the Zoloft led me to drinking heavily - it didn't take much to get drunk on this stuff - a six pack of light beer and I was wasted. Do to my new found nonchalant attitude, I drank more and more often. The book "Under the Influence" states that increases in Serotonin, (ie SSRI anti-depressants) levels can cause some to have a increased desire to drink.
I went cold turkey off Zoloft almost three months ago (on Christmas day it will be officially three months). I was tired of taking a medication I didn't think I needed, I was tired of drinking, and I was tired of not caring as much as I should.
I guess the moral of the story for me is that doctors are human beings and unfortunately some are seen as Gods. They are merely human beings like you and I that have put a lot of time, effort, and money into getting themselves certified and "educated" in the field of the human body.
I think more people need to do the research on ANY drug you are prescribed. I foolishly and blindly followed my doctor's advice to a t and have regretted it ever since. In the end you are the one putting substances into your body. Don't get me wrong some people have great results and DO REQUIRE medication to function, but I was not one of them.
The sad part was that most doctors will tell you there are no withdrawal symptoms with SSRIs and I beg to differ as I suffered for the first month and several forums contain similar stories - but that's another topic.
All the best, I hope things work out for you!
PS
My desire to drink has been cut in half (I image the other half is behavioral based on the last four years) - but it's just too much work to get drunk now.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 117
Howzit?
Hi Mark,
Just checking in with you to see how you're doing today.
Good posts here within bounds of what we may advise...
Basically everyone's saying keep close with your doctor's care,
follow doctor's instructions and don't stop taking prescribed meds
without doctor supervision unless in yourself you may know if
something is having a bad side effect and is causing imminent
harm. We're all blessed with an internal process to know
when something is toxic. Some medications can be downright
topsy turvy to the point one might experience immediate bad
side effects so if such negative side effects written on the
medication sheet show up and there's direction on the sheet
to discontinue use right away, it's within bounds to stop taking
such medication and phone your pharmacy and physician at once.
I appreciate what Unitoxicated shared about because I've had
an experience like that while in recovery when doctors were
trying to find medicine to treat my Fibromyalgia, but those meds
made me feel loopy and close to relapsing so because that was
an imminent danger for me, I wrote it off as a bad side effect
and stopped taking them at once, especially when the negative
side effects were noted on the prescription sheet. And like Sfgirl
said, some medications are needed because there's a chemical
imbalance within one's brain, so it's not a matter of a person
being responsible for such imbalance.
Keep a journal of your medication use, like what time you take
your medication and note down the effects they're having. This
will also help your doctor see that you're doing your part in your
wellness and recovery, and provide evidence for your doctor
to work from...
Regarding the feelings you're having with watching a life on TV that
is your own but someone else is living it, MarkZee is on spot about
identifying such experience as being a dissociative state. Before I came
into AA 18 years ago, after witnessing the devastation of the LA Riots
when everything around the city burned down, I became incredibly
depressed and a doctor put me on an anti-depressant that exacerbated
the sensation of disassociation. When I would be walking, it felt like an
out of body experience because while I'd see my arms moving, they
didn't feel like they were mine, like I was without a body. I developed
vertigo while other sensations like touch, hearing, smelling became
hypersensitive, but in hindsight I believe that was the result of post
traumatic stress caused from the trauma of witnessing violence in
my community. But once I had gotten off that medication and spent
many hours sharing with others in the program, doing Inventory through
4th Step, moving on to 5,6,7,8, those dissociative feelings vanished
from my life for good. There were no more oceanic white noises in
my head, the world stop spinning around, I could feel again and feel
deep emotions of love, a profound connection with God and other people.
So while today it may feel like you could be stuck in this mode forever,
do not be discouraged..
I'm hoping that my story will lend you some reassurance that everything
can work out and you'll be feeling involved with life on a conscious level
that is not over-stimulated by sensations.
Take care,
W
Just checking in with you to see how you're doing today.
Good posts here within bounds of what we may advise...
Basically everyone's saying keep close with your doctor's care,
follow doctor's instructions and don't stop taking prescribed meds
without doctor supervision unless in yourself you may know if
something is having a bad side effect and is causing imminent
harm. We're all blessed with an internal process to know
when something is toxic. Some medications can be downright
topsy turvy to the point one might experience immediate bad
side effects so if such negative side effects written on the
medication sheet show up and there's direction on the sheet
to discontinue use right away, it's within bounds to stop taking
such medication and phone your pharmacy and physician at once.
I appreciate what Unitoxicated shared about because I've had
an experience like that while in recovery when doctors were
trying to find medicine to treat my Fibromyalgia, but those meds
made me feel loopy and close to relapsing so because that was
an imminent danger for me, I wrote it off as a bad side effect
and stopped taking them at once, especially when the negative
side effects were noted on the prescription sheet. And like Sfgirl
said, some medications are needed because there's a chemical
imbalance within one's brain, so it's not a matter of a person
being responsible for such imbalance.
Keep a journal of your medication use, like what time you take
your medication and note down the effects they're having. This
will also help your doctor see that you're doing your part in your
wellness and recovery, and provide evidence for your doctor
to work from...
Regarding the feelings you're having with watching a life on TV that
is your own but someone else is living it, MarkZee is on spot about
identifying such experience as being a dissociative state. Before I came
into AA 18 years ago, after witnessing the devastation of the LA Riots
when everything around the city burned down, I became incredibly
depressed and a doctor put me on an anti-depressant that exacerbated
the sensation of disassociation. When I would be walking, it felt like an
out of body experience because while I'd see my arms moving, they
didn't feel like they were mine, like I was without a body. I developed
vertigo while other sensations like touch, hearing, smelling became
hypersensitive, but in hindsight I believe that was the result of post
traumatic stress caused from the trauma of witnessing violence in
my community. But once I had gotten off that medication and spent
many hours sharing with others in the program, doing Inventory through
4th Step, moving on to 5,6,7,8, those dissociative feelings vanished
from my life for good. There were no more oceanic white noises in
my head, the world stop spinning around, I could feel again and feel
deep emotions of love, a profound connection with God and other people.
So while today it may feel like you could be stuck in this mode forever,
do not be discouraged..
I'm hoping that my story will lend you some reassurance that everything
can work out and you'll be feeling involved with life on a conscious level
that is not over-stimulated by sensations.
Take care,
W
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Pittsburgh PA
Posts: 32
I've been on nearly every medication imaginable for ADHD, Bi-Polar and Mild Tourettes sydrome for the past 18 years. I've abused a lot of these meds. My rule of thumb is that if it doesn't make feel intoxicated in any way and its not considered addictive it should be ok. But there are plenty of hardliners who would disagree with me. I take prozac depakote and seroquel now and that works really well for me. I rarely get depressed anymore. That can also be atributed to my program of recovery. Treating mental ilnesses wont cure your alcoholism and getting sober wont neccisarily(sp?) solve all of your mental conditions but it certainly helps
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