thismuststop

I sit here a defeated man. I simply cannot stop. I have tryed and tryed and I always end up right back where I started again. Here lately has been the worst for me. I have been slamming well over a 12 pack every single night for months and I know to some this may be nothing but for me I can literally feel it killing me. I have woken up to a wet bed on several occasions, and every single morning and even throughout the day I vomit violently. You can just look at me and tell that I am a drunk. I have been under a tremendous amount of stress lately in fear of being fired or layed off of my job and have been drinking like never before. My co-workers all now know that I am an alcoholic and my reputation has been destroyed. Im also having alot of problems at home. I usually just come home from work, withdrawl myself to my bedroom, and drink until I blackout every single evening. I want to stop but I feel that I cannot. I am fighting not to goto the store right now and im not sure if I will win. I cant stand the cravings. My body is trembling and im literlly fighting back the tears. All I can think about is alcohol. I need help but if I do goto a detox or rehab I will be fired from my job and the way the economy is now this must not happen. Im living paycheck to paycheck and im scared. I dont think I can do it cold turkey this time. I have searched for AA meetings near me and have found a couple of them tonight, I think I might need to go but I am nervous about it.

basIam

I had to keep going back but eventually it worked

Nevertheless

Welcome to SR
By all means GO.
Everyone there has had to walk through the door for the first time. Everyone else was scared also and they all know what it's like.
AA has kept me sober. It's now been over 8 months. Life sober is sooooo much better.
If you don't go you will be kickin yourself in the butt wishing you had.
Just walk in like you own the place, find an empty chair and ask "is this seat taken" and the rest should be a piece of cake.
People at AA always welcome new people because it helps keep everyone there sober.
I wish you the best.
Fred

Sudz No More

I had a Bachelor Pad years back and a Buddy of mine was this deep in as well. I remember him coming out home from work one day and told me he had to leave right away. He recovered, married a girl he met at AA and they live great lives together raising their children. You need to get up off that couch and admit yourself to a detox center, you are in too deep to go it alone.

Best of luck to you.

FanofJoeMcQ

can you try going to AA meetings? Its the only thing that helped me get sober and clean. The people in AA and NA reached out to me in spite of my repeated failed attempts to stay sober/clean. I am glad you came here to talk about it. Its a lonely lonely place to be. We need people who understand to help us find a way out.

Sudz No More

Talk to your employer and ask for sick leave. Is there no compassion in this world? If I thought I needed to go to detox I would speak candidly to the managers and possibly even the owner. I may still go this route in January but right now I really feel like I am almost out of the woods with my own demons.

If you think you can, try to cut back a little every day until you can handle the withdrawal. My guess by reading your post is that you won't be able and shouldn't try it on your own. Remember, serious withdrawal symptoms can be fatal so you are best to seek medical help.

Boleo

Now is a good time to try AA. You have already taken the first step admitting that you are powerless over alcohol.

mikel60

We all felt this way once - all of us. Whether we're sober one day or 15 years we've beaten the disease for today. go fotr it. I hope you are at a meeting as I type - it saved me and many of my friends.

We've all been there. Get thee to recovery. Never alone again!

thismuststop

Thanks for your concern everyone, it means alot to me. I ended up getting a 6 pack but after that was finished it didnt do a thing except take the edge off a little and stop my trembling, but just gave me even more cravings. Luckilly my loving gf held me down and threatened to tie me down to the bed because I was about to give up and walk back to the store and get enough to obliterate me. She used to be a stone cold whiskey drinker and had to be locked away and monitored to detox and recover, she hasnt had a drop since. I admire her determination. For me, it will likely take more than that. She takes 1mg xanax and gave me 2 of them and it is helping me deal with the craving for MORE, but only just enough not to go and get anymore.. but it is still all I can think about. We are going to go to AA together tomorrow and everyday if I have to to address this problem, but im not sure if that will be enough. I prey it will because ive gotten myself into a bad situation now.


[QUOTE=Sudz No More;2452728]Talk to your employer and ask for sick leave. Is there no compassion in this world? If I thought I needed to go to detox I would speak candidly to the managers and possibly even the owner.QUOTE]

hahahaha not where I work, I feel like Bob Cratchit working for Mr. Scrooge. They fire people left and right there. Ive been there for over a year now and without me the whole damned division would have crumbled, but it doesnt matter one bit. They are itching to fire people.

FanofJoeMcQ

Please be careful. If your GF is in recovery then have another recovery person monitor you. Its very dangerous to detox without professional help. I am praying for you both.

CarolD

Welcome to our recov ery community....

Here us sine de tox info....

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

Mixing alcohol with other drugs is double dangerous.

Most ER doctors know how to assist with de tox.
The Salvation Army has a free de tox center in many
areas

At the end of my active alcoholism....I was more interested
in saving my sanity than I was concerned over my job.

I'm glad the 2 of you are checking out AA.
You can turn your life around.. from defeat to success.
It's been an awesome adventure in living sober for me

TheSunAlsoRises

We all have been there... please don't take Xanex, I cant tell you what to do, but I know for me that really didn't help anything... and mixing it w/ booze is extremely dangerous... get into AA (thats what I did)... or detox then AA... best of luck

Clayton

FBL

I spent nearly 30 years drinking too much beer, the past 10 years were 12-18 beers per day, nearly EVERY day (and even more on the weekends). I finally went to the emergency room on June 22 of this year and it literally saved my life. I haven't had a drop since then. Please see a doctor and be totally honest about your drinking. You CAN quit...I'm living proof.

c49

If you are this sick while drinking you will be much sicker when you detox and I am certain of that.

Look at the possibilities... you can easily be fired for stinking of last nights booze and constant vomiting and still need to medically detox.

We had to take some chances getting sober. I work insane amounts to pay my bills too but I can say with 100% clarity that I'd rather have no job and no money than to live another day in a sick, drunken hell.

You're living in hell. See if your health coverage extends beyond the event that you are terminated. You may go to detox even if you are fired. Keep posting!!!

endzoner

Hi thismuststop... you said you cant take leave from work , what are your options then ? you said youve tried to quit but hasnt worked , and your worried you gonna get canned. SO if you continue to drink your gonna loose your job adventualy correct? SO before that happens and it causes you to drink even more then you already do . Hows bout opening that door at the rehab and takin there hand and leading you to the path of recovery . You have nuttin to loose , but alot to gain !!! you see how life is for your GF . shes one willed person to stand there withyou thu all your sickness . wish you well ~huggles Endzy~

thismuststop

I am drinking my morning coffee and getting ready to goto a meeting right now.

KenL

Good for you TMS. I have only just recently looked into AA myself. I have been to only two meetings thus far but I am going to another one today. I can see how being there is a good thing. There is a feeling of being part of something more than just ourselves. That feeling is a wonderful thing. Getting out of our heads and joining the real world out there is so important for us alcoholics. It's when we isolate and dwell on our problems that we fall into trouble. We need to be out there getting and giving help. If that means hanging out with a bunch of sober drunks then so be it. Where else can you go and feel as accepted? There are meetings everywhere each day of the week. The place I go to has 4-5 meetings per day. Yesterday I went to a speaker meeting. The guy who spoke celebrated 13 years of sobriety. There were a few others with less time but still they were successful by being a part of AA.

And this coming from a guy who used to bash AA.

Be grateful for having a girlfriend who knows where you're at and is willing to go to meetings with you. You truly are fortunate in that regard. Make sure you take care of that girl and thank her for what she's doing to help you.

You're moving in the right direction now. Keep moving that way and your days will get better and better.

keltie

Please hang in there- you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. There are people here who were as "bad off" as you and have gone on to live wonderful lives. It's not too late. How did your meeting go?

sunrise1

TMS, how did the meeting go? We are thinking about you.

barb dwyer

TMS-

please absolutely consult a doc ...
at some stage in our alcoholism...
the addiction is far more than psychological.
It's a true physical need,
and stopping alcohol w/o medical supervision
can be lethal.

Please PLEASE consult a doctor.

I didn't and I'm still paying for it three years later.

Hope the meeting went well.