Nevertheless

Good to see you back Debs
The best card players take crap hands and turn them into winning hands.
One thing for sure , you won't stop unless you keep trying. SO KEEP TRYING.

Fred

littlebluedog

Welcome back Debs. How about we get off that ol' pity pot now and try again? (I should know, I've spent plenty of time on it myself. )

keltie

I recently fell off the wagon after 6 (nearly 7) years. I'm starting over, too. The reasons for my relapse were just what you wrote- I felt it wasn't fair that others could party and have a great time and I couldn't. But you have to ask yourself- is the short "good time" which precedes the inevitable disaster worth it? People like us can't have a normal relationship with alcohol. It helps me to think of it like diabetes. I'm sure diabetics would love to have normal blood sugar levels, but would they go out and recklessly consume sugar? Not without a whole lot of negative consequences! Same with us and alcohol. Everyone has their burden to bear.

It helps me to think it all the way through when I want to drink. Sure, I'll have fun for about an hour, then I will ALWAYS take it too far. What is more appealing to me than a momentary buzz is the thought that i'll wake up tomorrow without a hangover, without feeling ashamed, without guilt. Think it through and consider the inevitable consequences.

Good for you for coming here and starting fresh. It's never too late for a fresh start!

Bamboozle

Hey, Debs.

Every time I beat myself up it was easier for me to drink. The more I cut myself down the more I needed something to 'pick me up'.

When I stopped beating myself up and accepted my problems (all of them, not just alcohol....but depression as well), I picked myself up out of my mess.

Stick around SR for a while. Use this place instead of booze. When you struggle reach out for help.

It seems like lots of folks have wonderful stories of victory...but what you don't see is the blood, sweat and tears that these folks have put in to getting well. It's a long, hard journey.

You have a lot of support here. Stick close, pick yourself up, stop beating yourself up and move forward. You can do this.

debs

Do you think I should call my parents and ask for help?

They'll be so hurt.

They thought I was doing so good..

And I was...

For awhile.

Dee74

Only you know your folks, but the very fact you're thinking of asking them suggests to me theyre good people, and folks who you think will help, Deb.

Anyone who can help you right now is an asset

D

debs

I'm so scared.

I'm such a failure.

I just wanna be better.

Dee74

You're not a failure.
People who never give up can't be a failure, Deb.
You can't lose if you keep the ball in play.

You know the drill.
First step is stop drinking.

Second step is find a support network that works for you and helps you stay sober.

Reach out and make some changes Deb
D

debs

Thank you so much, Dee...

You're so sweet and really are an inspiration to me...

...and everyone else.

Thank you.

I really am so grateful for yall...

I may call my mom today and ask for help.

I may just do that.

keithj

Debs,

Sorry to hear you are struggling, but really it's not surprising at all. Alcoholics drink. It's what we do. I think it's a miracle when any of us finds a way out from that.

Your parents might be surprised or disappointed. Call them if you want. But more importantly, in my opinion, is to call someone who will not be surprised. Call a recovered alcoholic who has been exactly where you have been and can show you a solution to your problem.

And I'm not just talking about someone who attends AA meetings. I'm talking about someone who lives and breathes the spiritual solution outlined in the Big Book. It will be obvious who they are, not just by their words, but by their actions.

Say you need help, reach out, and they will show up.

debs

I wanna go to a meeting but I'm too drunk to drive. I just want all of this to end.

debs

I even tried ordering a 'big book' with my mom's credit card... months ago... cos I had no money.. still don't... anyway, the book never arrived.

Gotta wonder if it was Satan working or if I'm just destined a shitt hand..

I'm not trying to have a pity party here... I just don' know how to deal with this.

I'm really just so tired of everything.

I know I'm drunk and no one probably will wanna take me seriously...

But I'm reaching out for help.. I texted my sister in law begging for help; she stopped by (I think), but I was in a drunken sleep...

I just tried to call her again and she didn't answer.

There's gotta be an answer...

People just don't understand..

We, as alcoholics, hate it as much as they (normal people) do, but we're unable to stop.

They just don't get it.

Believe808

Deb here is the phone number for the AA Central Service Office in Tyler Texas. Call them and ask if someone can come pick you up for a meeting.

903-597-1796

debs

I got in touch w my SIL... she came over and is gonna take me to a medical detox.

I'm so scared.

Pray for me.

Please.

Mark75

Prayers. Good for you.

Mark

TheMaster

This place is not for people to flash any badges of honor for staying sober. It's for people like you that are trying and having trouble.

It's called "support"...

If everyone licked it & never had trouble, this place would be useless and probably would not exist.

I'm on 8 weeks, now.

No badge of honor or victory. It's just a choice to make everyday.

If I can do it, you can do it.

That is the bottom line. It does become easier over time. One thing you must do is put the past behind you. I started back after 3 years sober because it looked fun again and I wanted to re-live my youth a little (although I didn't realize it, then). I forgot how much of an angry young man I was when I drank on a regular basis.

You have to look inside yourself and identify what aspects of your life are holding you down and do something about them. If your friends drink & they make you want to, get new friends. If something else triggers your desire to drink, remove it from your life.

Identifying those things in your own life is probably the most difficult part, but once you do it, you can begin the correction process.

NewMe11109

Hi Debs - Think of relapse as you just learning another thing not to do again.

Ask yourself ...

What was I thinking before I had that drink? (Usually we relapse in our minds before we actually take the drink.)

Once you can identify the thinking, you can then look at what caused the thinking.

Then, go work on THAT. THAT is your problem for which the alcohol was your solution.

Yes, call your parents. Reach out to others. We can't do this alone.

debs

The detox place wouldn't accept me...there's too long a waitin list...

We can't afford the self-pay option...

I'm startin to sober up now and realizin' wot an ass I made of myself.

I hate regrets so much.

Almost as much as I hate alcohol.

Bamboozle

Please be safe while detoxing, debs. Get thee to a hospital pronto if you need to.

keithj

Debs, you can do this. Although medically supervised detox is the absolute best and safest option, it just isn't available to everyone. I would never advise letting fear of withdrawl get in the way of getting sober. It's used as an excuse to keep drinking for a lot of people. Many have gotten past the first few days danger zone with some supervision from a friend, relative, or recovered alkie.

If things get bad (any sign of seizures or hallucinations), do not hesitate to call 911. The ER can't legally turn you away if you are in danger like that. Have somebody stay with you.

As comically old-school as it sounds, a little honey and orange juice does wonders those first couple of days. Keep the sugar coming.

I just got back from talking with a new guy. He's as hopeless as they get. Last week, there was nothing on the table between us but a bottle, a loaded gun, and a Big Book. He couldn't quite decide which way he wanted to go. This week, there's a glimmer of hope and a trace of willingness to seek a spiritual solution.

I am really, really rooting for you.