Whats the ******* point???
 

Well today I almost drank. I went home for a night and considered staying there (its 130 miles away) untill the end of the week as my flatmate is having a party, and I just cant stand the thought of watching all the people enjoy themselves while I dont. The party is here, in the apartment I live in, and I know its going to be horrible either being there and not drinking or making some sort of pathetic attempt to avoid the place untill the latest possible time (midnight, perhaps?) then creep into bed hoping nobody notices. I felt like **** about it, and decided spending an entire four days at home just to avoid something is bordering on ridiculous. But this is on Saturday, today however I almost drank. I was thinking maybe I could drink a few beers, and hopefully see its not such a big deal and meet a few people. I decided I'd head on up anyway and make my mind up closer to the time. Then I saw my ex at a petrol staion, well thats who I think it was anyway, she looked over, looked away (I still cant be sure it was her), and I felt anxious, angry, I was on my way to the bathroom and when I got in there, didnt want to come out untill I was sure she had gone. I looked at myself in the mirror and started hating myself, I look the shadow of what I was three years ago when we were going out, and lately have become so depressed I've lost interest in dating. I walked out of the bathroom, paid for my petrol, and tore off in a furious rage. I felt so angry. I decided to buy some drink on the way to dublin and walking around the off licence in the supermarket, suddenly realised how stupid it all was and just left the store. Sat in my car drinking red bull and trying to chill. Calmed down a little. And yet, I see no point in anything any more. The shop was just closing when I passed it half an hour ago and I almost wish I'd gone inside and bought something. It seems almost anything could be better than this vaugue descent into nothingness. I cant stay motivated at the gym doing wieghts, because I dont like looking in the mirror anymore. The more I try to look after my appearance the more depressed I get. I dont even see the point in getting fit, as I've lost interest in sex.

Right I'm back, I went out to my car to have a smoke and ended up driving around looking for a pub. I sat outside contemplating for a bit, maybe if I'd had my warmer coat I would have gone in and walked home im still thinking of going right now i dont know what the **** to do im starting to lose the plot maybe i should go home tomorro if things dont get better i will have to drink as ive lost interest in everything else things i used to really enjoy things i used to live for whats the ******* point???????????????

hi 087never

Do you do any kind of recovery programme?
For many of us it's just not enough to just not drink.

I think support is vital - SR is great - but you sound so up against the wall I think maybe some face to face support would be useful.

The time to act is now. You don't want to go back there - if you're anything like me you can lose weeks or even months when drinking.

Think about it. Call somebody.

D

I have booked alcohol counselling, which is on monday, this is the earliest they could get me in. I understand what your saying that its not enough just not to drink but I have lost interest in things I used to enjoy and become more antisocial generally.

087Never, Good Lord, give it some time. Give yourself some time. I know you're bored and not having fun and becoming antisocial but it's okay. It's not the end of the world. Sometimes people just need to withdraw into themselves a bit in order to strengthen themselves. It doesn't mean you're becoming antisocial. Are you going to A.A.? You will make new friends there, sober friends, people to hang out with and do things with who are not going to threaten your sobriety. You're doing the right thing, and you're doing the right thing by staying away from the people who are partying.
Good luck.

Hey 087, sorry for asking because I may have missed it in another thread, but how long have you been dry? It doesn't sound like very long. I--erm we all understand how awful the first stint is, the important thing is to trudge through it and see what is on the other side. You feel anti-social, don't think you can go to a party, it may seem ridiculous... it is not. If you are anything like me it will take some real time to start to settle after you have put down the last drink. I use AA in my recover, but I know and appreciate there are other methods out there... you might want to check it out in addition to counseling... and shop around a bit--not all AA is created equal... Keep posting, let us know how things are going...

Clayton

Good luck with yr counselling, mate :)
D

I became antisocial BECAUSE I drank. I don't know how far you are into alcoholism. But in my case I got too plowed to go out into public. Mostly because I had to drive home. But also because I drank to the point I couldn't stand up.
Drinking isn't going to solve anything. It will cost money, hangover, and you will regret it when you sober up.
The reason nothing was fun for me anymore was because of alcohol. I really was walking around in a fog even during the day when I wasn't drinking.
I have been sober 8 months, and it really is like learning to live over again.
I am doing things I havn't done in years. I am watching TV shows I didn't know existed because I used to get too drunk to follow a simple TV show.
Give it some time.
Alcohol is telling you you need to drink.
The reality is most people don't need booze to have fun. When you drink you hang out with people that drink. Soooo when you quit you feel like an outcast, and you have a big empty spot.
Give it a chance, it takes work.
Fred

:hug:
The point is to improve your life.
All my best

hello there and welcome to sr.imo you sound as if you are irritable,discontent,unhappy? i was like this too if i was seperated from drink,that is until i got on a recovery programme.i use the 12 steps of alcoholics anonymous.have you thought about giving it a try? since getting sober 10 months ago,i have been to a couple of social occasions and had a wonderful time,this is because i am free of the obsession,i no longer wonder what it would be like or want to drink like "normal" folk.booze dosnt hold a place in my life anymore,its for others.my life has changed beyond recognition since doing the 12 steps with a sponsor.alot of people find them daunthing,but its just a set of principles to live a new and wonderful life by.i feel like i have never felt before in my life and im 37.things are just great now,i see things through a new set of eyes.i too tried alcohol counciling,in fact i tired everything,drs,hospital,tablets,you name it.in the end though i had to change inside.please let us know how you get on with the councilor.