DrinkingvsPast
Absolute Evil
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Charlotte NC
Posts: 206
DrinkingvsPast
It just occurred to me, recently, that my drinking habit was an extension of something else.
I was trying to hold onto the past. For some strange reason, I had this distorted, romanticized, view of the past with drinking & everything.
I tried reconnecting with old high school people on facebook & everything. Not to go out drinking or anything, but just to connect with the past.
I guess I thought the present & future were just not so great, in comparison with that care-free past I knew. I was one of the wild boys, back then. We partied, rasied hell, even got in a few fights on occasion.
Part of my awakening from this delusion came when most of these people I tried to reconnect with either barely spoke to me or did not speak at all (outside of a "hello" maybe).
I threw all of my old high school yearbooks in the trash, awhile back, after a reunion that I did not attend. I looked through the senior yearbook and out of 800+ people, I only saw 10-11 that I might want to chat with.
I still did not link this to my drinking for another year or so, but after I stopped in September and let my head clear, it finally did sink in. I drank to hold onto this "free" feeling of my youth.
I am 41, now and only now am I dropping the past and looking solely to the future.
The past is something that is forever gone and no matter how hard you try, you cannot "recapture" it. You only bring yourself down trying, as I did for many years.
I was trying to hold onto the past. For some strange reason, I had this distorted, romanticized, view of the past with drinking & everything.
I tried reconnecting with old high school people on facebook & everything. Not to go out drinking or anything, but just to connect with the past.
I guess I thought the present & future were just not so great, in comparison with that care-free past I knew. I was one of the wild boys, back then. We partied, rasied hell, even got in a few fights on occasion.
Part of my awakening from this delusion came when most of these people I tried to reconnect with either barely spoke to me or did not speak at all (outside of a "hello" maybe).
I threw all of my old high school yearbooks in the trash, awhile back, after a reunion that I did not attend. I looked through the senior yearbook and out of 800+ people, I only saw 10-11 that I might want to chat with.
I still did not link this to my drinking for another year or so, but after I stopped in September and let my head clear, it finally did sink in. I drank to hold onto this "free" feeling of my youth.
I am 41, now and only now am I dropping the past and looking solely to the future.
The past is something that is forever gone and no matter how hard you try, you cannot "recapture" it. You only bring yourself down trying, as I did for many years.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Traveling in Europe
Posts: 415
Good to hear you saw through the delusion... many don't... fortunately at some point I realized I can't re-capture those first few drinking/using moments again no matter how hard I try... Good luck... what program of recovery are you planning? counseling? Rehab? AA? It is important to have something in place... Best wishes
Clayton
Clayton
Absolute Evil
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Charlotte NC
Posts: 206
I do not have any real program. I just come here on occasion and treat it as a "meeting" (all I ever wanted from AA in the 1st place was to listen to stories, not read the book & say prayers).
So far it has worked.
So far it has worked.
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