mmeat

Hey guys. I came across this post on the net while looking into reasons for drinking. Seemed to have rung a bell for me.
"I am not an alcoholic, but as a fellow 'shame addict' I want to let you in on a little secret: the guilty feeling is the reason you drink. Crazy, eh? But it's true. Shame is a very, very strange thing.

See, shame isn't like normal, healthy guilt. Normal, healthy guilt says: 'I've done something wrong. I must make it right. If I can't make it right, then at least I'd like to make sure that I don't do it again.' That's the healthy way to feel about things we do wrong (and everybody does things that are wrong at times). But I'm sure you're well aware that that is not what goes through your head when you're processing the night before, is it? What does on in your head is a whole jumble of feelings, this burning, searing sensation of self-loathing, this almost moaning sense of regret, of wishing you could undo certain things you've done. Well, okay, I'm not really talking about you anymore; I'm talking about me, because that's how it feels when I go through that process. And while I have a different object for my shame (I'm chronically irresponsible – ignore car insurance payments, don't get the rent in on time, horrible credit score, etc) I think shame is really the same for everyone, and it's always something that can take over.

Shame is addictive mostly because it's a manifestation of a desire to punish oneself. Every time you feel ashamed of yourself, the part of you that's doing the shaming gets to feel like it's doing the right thing. So, though it seems counter-intuitive, you drink not just because of the chemical addiction but also to feed that tiny part of you that feels satisfied the next morning when it berates you and makes you feel like ****. That part of you takes charge and acts as judge and jury, proclaiming that this is so shameful that it must be hidden and that this ought to be a secret which you alone live with. It does this because isolating you is the best method it has for keeping you beaten down.

That's why friends are so important in a situation like this, especially for people like me and you who suffer a lot from our shame. Friendship kills the shame. The shame wants you to tell not a soul about the **** that happened last night, to try to pass it off as if nothing happened and act too mortified to speak when the subject comes up. But when you talk to a true friend about it, and that friend can still look you in the eye and care about you and value you as a human being, it just demonstrates that the voice of shame in your head is dead wrong – this isn't the most mortifying thing that's ever happened to a person, it's not the absolute end of your social life, and while you still have a long way to go, you've got people who want to see you get there.

Talk to a friend or two long and hard about what you've been through. Get it off your chest. Forgive yourself so that you can go about putting it right. You are worth more than this problem, so don't give in to the voice that wants to hold on to the shame out of fear or self-loathing."
Any opinions?

Boleo

I wish it was really that simple. For me, I had to overcome a plethora of feelings before I could stay sober. Shame was just one of them.