Patk

Hi Everyone,

Can anyone out there share how they cope with their un/under-employment situation and sobriety? Not that I was a saint when I was single and out of work, but I find now as a married man with two small kids (2 1/2 and 4 months) that I feel more pressure to get a full-time job and be "the provider." I am currently teaching (I'm a teacher) about 8 hours a week, and get stressed out when I think of the future; and thus use this as a feeble excuse to throw in the towel and drink;which I have done a few times during the last month. My wife doesn't nag me about work, so it is a kind of self-imposed martyrdom complex...I have asked before in a previous post if others have found the adage of AA, "put spiritual matters ahead of financial/career..." to be true.


PatK

smacked

Maybe the same reasons for what you feel as 'pressure' to find gainful employment will also help you stay sober (wife... 2 year old.. 4 year old..).

nandm

I have been unemployed for nearly 4 years now after a 20 year professional career. My career ended due to PTSD related to it. I have been sober nearly 9 years. I have not found that the pressure of being unemployed has caused me any problems in my sobriety in fact it has probably been beneficial as it has allowed me to attend more meetings, learn more about the program and truly learn how to trust my HP.

Today I know that as long as I maintain my spiritual program and put one foot in front of the other regarding obtaining a job that my HP will take care of the rest. Even unemployed my needs have been met. Even when I have become worried that the money was running out something would come along and there would be money enough to take care of things. I don't question it any more. I just know that if I am living within my means and keep in mind the difference between a need and a want as well as keep putting one foot in front of the other to find a job, my HP will provide abundantly for me.

Astro

Fortunately I'm still employed, but there are days when I struggle with resentments about it. I'm still spending 50 hours a week at the office but my pay has been cut, I lost dental benefits for my kids and myself, and my health insurance is about to be modified or cut. Seems like the bills and debt are piling up while the income is going down.

But I agree with nandm, everything I need is provided for me by my spirituality and faith in a Higher Power that I choose to call God. My family has a roof over our heads, food on the table, transportation. You name it, we've got what we need.

I've got two kids and recently remarried, my wife has a daughter, a grandchild, and another grandchild on the way. Everything is provided for all of us, no matter what. I do put my recovery and spirituality before anything though, for without sobriety I'd have none of this. I never want to lose sight of that, take it for granted, or stop being grateful for it.

One thing I know for sure....if the financial situation gets bleaker....taking a drink won't improve it in any way.

laurie6781

I have to agree with the above posters.

At the end of 2000 I was literally given an ultimatum by my Drs that I HAD TO QUIT WORKING. My health was terrible, there were some real serious issues going on and I was incapable of taking care of my patients any longer. Talk about a real 'kick in the gut.' Me who was used to working 60 to 80 hours a work, can't work? What???

It would take almost 3 years for my disability to be approved and about 5 years to get me back on my feet and actually walking. Now during the time I was fighting to get my disability I went through everything that I had saved trying to keep a roof over my head and utilities on, just bare minimums.

What I started to realize as Nandam said that by continuing (sometimes under protest) to work a 'spiritual program' to the best of my ability, my needs were met.

I cannot tell you how my electric was paid many times or my gas bill. I don't know to this day. I cannot tell you who would leave the bags of dog food on my door step ............ the Easter Bunny? Santa Claus?? But my dogs were fed as well.

What I started to realize was that what I had been doing those previous 19 1/2 years in recovery of helping others when I could with what I could, was now coming back to me. WOW what a concept. Today, I continue to pass on what I can when I can, I like getting Karma back two fold.

Now I am not sure how Japan is set up, but are there not some other type of part time jobs you could get? short term? to help with the finances. Not necessarily teaching just anything that would bring in some $$$$? When I found recovery I didn't magically walk back into my profession, I started at whatever I could get even if it was 'minimum wage' to become 'self supporting through my own contributions' and I was not picky. I had come to understand what "willing to go to any lengths meant to me." I started to see by watching others that I could work my way out of the hole. I had stopped digging, and now it was going to be a long climb to the rim.

Maybe, just maybe, it is time to stop 'beating yourself up' and instead start looking at what else you can do, besides teaching, for right now.

Now in the process of taking whatever job I could get I also started learning about changing my 'attitude' toward others and how I 'treated' others be they be customers, co-workers or just the man/woman on the street. As I changed my attitude, I became more employable.

Not only did I have to 'work' those 12 steps, but then I had to learn how to 'live' them on a daily basis. And when the roof fell in at the end of 2000 and I had to work real hard at 'living' the 12 steps on a daily basis. Did I hate my wheel chair? YOU bet I did! Did I hate having to have people help me? YOU bet I did! I hated having to be carted around by others while my vehicle just sat there, I hated all the Drs visits. I hated having to have help in the house, and someone helping me take a shower. As I got a bit stronger, I figured out how to take my own damn shower. Sure it was slow, sometimes took me over 2 hours, but I did it. Slowly, I started to learn how to do things for me, and slowly the Drs were finding ways to correct some of my health problems and very slowly I got my 'freedoms' back.

The old saying of "Faith without works is dead," started to have new meaning for me. Whether it was faith in a HP, God, The Universe or myself that I could do more, it was faith.

I am sorry I went on so long, didn't mean to, but maybe I needed the reminder for me.

Patk you can do this. You can find alternatives that will help you (your own self esteem and self worth) and your family.

Just as a thought, anytime there is a 'help wanted' sign in the window of a shop, go in and ask, even if you don't think you are qualified or think you may be over qualified. How about putting up some flyers for 'private tutoring' in English?

Don't know if what I have shared helps but I hope so.

Love and hugs,

LBW

My Dad was sober for 13 years. Then he lost his business... that he built from the ground up and worked on 7 days a week, 12 hours a day... and he started drinking again. I was 18 and in college. It was heartbreaking for me, but at least I was miles away from witnessing the self-destruction. My sister was 16 and going through a really challenging period of high school. Left to her own devices without any parental guidance, she started using drugs and dropped out of school.

My Dad continued to drink for 12 years. He had many opportunities to get back on his feet again, but he squandered them all because of his drinking. Recently, he has gotten two DUI's. They took away his driver's license. He is unemployable.

My sister has just completed her 5th rehab and is doing pretty good now (fingers crossed). My Dad finally quit drinking too but he's not the same. He is a defeated man. My mother has been working all this time to support both of them. When my mom comes home from work, she does their laundry and babysits my sister's child.

It has been an awful, awful, awful 12 years. I often wonder how different things would be if he had not started drinking again. I beg you to please do what ever it takes to avoid returning to alcoholism. It can ruin not only your life but your entire family's life. You have no idea the effect this can have on your children.

CarolD

Hmm....
I've replied to your career problems in earlier post.

I still sugest you consider re-lcating from rual Japan
and point your job search in other areas.

You also might find an area with AA meetings in English.
that would be a plus.....IMO

Blessings to the four of you...