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Almost 3 months

Old 11-10-2009, 11:16 AM
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Almost 3 months

Hello everyone!

I've been around these boards a couple of years, mostly lurking. I've also written some posts about how bad I want to quit and some mental health problems as well. I've tried to quit on my own and it didn't work out. Made it almost 3 months but then I drank again - to no prevail.
Well, now I'm almost 3 months sober again. I've been going to AA and it has helped immensely. Just to be with people that are like me and understand me has helped so much. I've started doing steps 1, 2 and 3 with my sponsor and I think I've "got it". The hard part is to make it a real part of you to believe in a higer power and act accordingly. And of course to admit to yourself that you're reeeally an alcoholic. I still think thougts like "I can have one more session" then get back on track. I probably could, but I really don't WANT TO! I know I'd have regrets and hate myself again. Plus I'm so much healtier in every way now that I don't drink. I don't want to waste that away for another "session". This whole denial thing and "the voice" is the hardest part of getting sober. I REALLY want to be sober and happy but there's that damn voice a lot of the time. The good thing is that I recognise it for what it is: The disease talking!

I have smoked some pot. But I don't like pot anymore, so I'm not sure why I keep smoking it :/ it's not a problem in the same way alcohol is, but I'd like to quit that too entirely.

Anyway, I just wrote to say "hi" and that I'm doing well so far. I'm not drinking, trying not to smoke pot and in general I'm feeling a lot better! Still have fears and some anxiety but it's so much less now then it used to be when drinking.

Best of luck to all of you. This board has been and continues to be a major inspiration to me!

All the best
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Old 11-10-2009, 11:24 AM
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Originally Posted by jazzz View Post
The hard part is to make it a real part of you to believe in a higer power and act accordingly. And of course to admit to yourself that you're reeeally an alcoholic.
Some people make their higher power GOD. For example G-O-D, or group-of-drunks. Don't let the higher power part trip you up. I belong to AA and I love it. It changed my life drastically! I could say that it is the best thing that ever happened to me.

We all wonder if we are alcoholic and if we can drink moderately again. I haven't drank in almost seven months and I still wonder if I can handle it one more time. In all honesty, only alcoholics would still be thinking about alcohol after not having any for several months.

Hang in there you are doing great. Don't let the pot make you think you can drink.
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Old 11-10-2009, 11:57 AM
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Good to know of your progress.....
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Old 11-10-2009, 01:19 PM
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Why do we do this? Give somebody a pat on the butt and tell them what a great job they are doing when we know they are just fooling themselves? Is it because we don't want to hurt somebody's feelings or scare them off, or because we're afraid they won't like us much? I don't get it. Don't we have something better to offer than a cheerleading section?

Jazz, I'm in a really good mood today, so try not to take this as a grumpy reply. I'm happy that you have stopped drinking for a couple of months, and it's not surprising that you feel physically better.

But this is serious business. I believe what the Big Book says about a physical allergy to alcohol. For me, and for most other non-AA folks around here, complete abstinence is recommended. You are not sober. And that's OK. Lots of people come to this site with a desire to be sober or making attempts to do so. What jumps out at me is that you talk about working the 12 steps and you're still smoking pot. What does your sponsor say about this?

Originally Posted by jazzz View Post
I've started doing steps 1, 2 and 3 with my sponsor and I think I've "got it".
Honestly, I don't see how your pot smoking is compatible with Step 1. It is, however, and outside issue as far as AA is concerned. But as far as actually taking the Steps where honesty is required, I don't think it flies.

Originally Posted by jazzz View Post
And of course to admit to yourself that you're reeeally an alcoholic.
Here's the kicker, jazz. To know if you're really an alcoholic, you have to know what it means to be an alcoholic, according to the BB. It's really not any of my business, except as it concerns AA as a whole, but I think you suffer from horrible sponsorship. Someone that probably tells you you're doing great when really you aren't getting it at all.

Although my post is harsh, jazz, I actually do want to see you get sober and help if I can. If you want to get serious about it, and turn that 3 months into something permanent, it might help to really sit down with the BB with someone that knows what they are talking about.
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Old 11-10-2009, 03:23 PM
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Hey Keithj

I see where you're coming from. I did tell my sponsor that I had smoked pot and he didn't take it lightly. He told me that I'd have to understand that I can't smoke pot even. I do understand that. I was just honest and told him.

I am reading the Big Book, and I am identifying and coming to understand alcoholism. I know I am one. And I for sure want to do something about it and get well, that's why I'm here and that's why I havent't had a drink in almost 3 months.

Smoking pot can seem much more harmless then to drink alcohol. It's not that a big deal, or so it seems. I've come to understand, tough, that for me smoking pot just means getting depressed, introvert and paranoid while I'm high. So, I'm quitting pot as well and my sponsor understands this.

keithj, I know that I might not seem 100% in my post, and I didn't write it so I'd get pattet on the back. It's fine that you say what you think and I thank you
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Old 11-10-2009, 05:34 PM
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We all have different journeys, if you smoked some but came to realize it doesn't do anything for you then who cares... be honest with your sponsor (as you said you have) and kick that too, you will be amazed at the increased clarity... Work those steps, I thought about one more session around your time of sobriety, I worked the steps, got a few more months down the road and I don't have a compulsion to drink--contingent on my spiritual condition. Stick with it man...
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