Five stages of grief/death.
Retired Pro Drunk
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Saint Paul, MN
Posts: 901
Five stages of grief/death.
Someone mentioned in a meeting last night a possible correlary with the 5 stages of grief/death and one who is diagnosed as an alcoholic. Wondering others thoughts on this...
The 5 stages of grief/death are:
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
In looking at my own history, I can say without a doubt that I experienced denial, depression, and acceptance. As far as the bargaining piece goes, I'm thinking that my relapses and trying all sorts of ways to control drinking are a form of bargaining. And in that regard, I believe I displayed that as well.
Anger though... I'm not an angry guy. I will say that there were times when I wished I could drink normally. Sort of the, "sucks to be me because I can't go out with everyone else and have a beer or two at happy hour" attitude. You know, that attitude where you're thinking it will be impossible to have any fun ever again. Thought that might be more of the depression piece.
The order of the stages is another part of the puzzle where I'm not sure things fell. Certainly denial was first for me with acceptance being the last. The three in the middle, assuming I did go through all three (of this I'm not sure), seem like a mixed bag of one thing or another at various or all the same time.
Anyone else feel like they went through these stages of grief before they accepted they were/are an alcoholic. Please share!
The 5 stages of grief/death are:
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
In looking at my own history, I can say without a doubt that I experienced denial, depression, and acceptance. As far as the bargaining piece goes, I'm thinking that my relapses and trying all sorts of ways to control drinking are a form of bargaining. And in that regard, I believe I displayed that as well.
Anger though... I'm not an angry guy. I will say that there were times when I wished I could drink normally. Sort of the, "sucks to be me because I can't go out with everyone else and have a beer or two at happy hour" attitude. You know, that attitude where you're thinking it will be impossible to have any fun ever again. Thought that might be more of the depression piece.
The order of the stages is another part of the puzzle where I'm not sure things fell. Certainly denial was first for me with acceptance being the last. The three in the middle, assuming I did go through all three (of this I'm not sure), seem like a mixed bag of one thing or another at various or all the same time.
Anyone else feel like they went through these stages of grief before they accepted they were/are an alcoholic. Please share!
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Northern Colorado
Posts: 143
Originally Posted by justanothrdrunk 
Someone mentioned in a meeting last night a possible correlary with the 5 stages of grief/death and one who is diagnosed as an alcoholic. Wondering others thoughts on this...
The 5 stages of grief/death are:
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
In looking at my own history, I can say without a doubt that I experienced denial, depression, and acceptance. As far as the bargaining piece goes, I'm thinking that my relapses and trying all sorts of ways to control drinking are a form of bargaining. And in that regard, I believe I displayed that as well.
Anger though... I'm not an angry guy. I will say that there were times when I wished I could drink normally. Sort of the, "sucks to be me because I can't go out with everyone else and have a beer or two at happy hour" attitude. You know, that attitude where you're thinking it will be impossible to have any fun ever again. Thought that might be more of the depression piece.
The order of the stages is another part of the puzzle where I'm not sure things fell. Certainly denial was first for me with acceptance being the last. The three in the middle, assuming I did go through all three (of this I'm not sure), seem like a mixed bag of one thing or another at various or all the same time.
Anyone else feel like they went through these stages of grief before they accepted they were/are an alcoholic. Please share!
The 5 stages of grief/death are:
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
In looking at my own history, I can say without a doubt that I experienced denial, depression, and acceptance. As far as the bargaining piece goes, I'm thinking that my relapses and trying all sorts of ways to control drinking are a form of bargaining. And in that regard, I believe I displayed that as well.
Anger though... I'm not an angry guy. I will say that there were times when I wished I could drink normally. Sort of the, "sucks to be me because I can't go out with everyone else and have a beer or two at happy hour" attitude. You know, that attitude where you're thinking it will be impossible to have any fun ever again. Thought that might be more of the depression piece.
The order of the stages is another part of the puzzle where I'm not sure things fell. Certainly denial was first for me with acceptance being the last. The three in the middle, assuming I did go through all three (of this I'm not sure), seem like a mixed bag of one thing or another at various or all the same time.
Anyone else feel like they went through these stages of grief before they accepted they were/are an alcoholic. Please share!
I definitely see a correlation between grief and alcoholism.
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Absolutely... No question did I go through a grieving process...
And like you, the order of the middle three was a little jumbled... and actually I still revisit them... Also, like you, I am not an angry guy, that's not to say I don't lose my temper, but anger was not a dominate force in my grief.
IMHO, it is useful for the newly recovering person to look at this concept. Understand it. Share it. then.... move on. If you must, come back for another tour... but it gets better, it really does.
Mark
And like you, the order of the middle three was a little jumbled... and actually I still revisit them... Also, like you, I am not an angry guy, that's not to say I don't lose my temper, but anger was not a dominate force in my grief.
IMHO, it is useful for the newly recovering person to look at this concept. Understand it. Share it. then.... move on. If you must, come back for another tour... but it gets better, it really does.
Mark
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 50
Yes I do think you go through the grieving process. I know I did, and still am. I have almost 11 months and it is getting easier. I don't really think about it as much as I did and I feel like I am entering the acceptance phase. However, occasionally I still will think about drinking and get the aching in my throat, and chest,and just feel like I can't breathe and want to cry!- I associate those feeling with grief from when I lost my father to cancer. I feel really terrible comparing the two experiences because that sounds like I am heartless, but the physical and emotional sensations I felt were nevertheless very similar to losing a loved one. I guess it is because I always thought of alcohol as almost a person really, like the best friend I ever had... too bad it turned out to be my worst enemy too.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 225
The book 'Alcoholics Anonymous' warns us that we alcoholics cannot afford to hold onto anger. Why would we bargain if we weren't angry? And many psychology books link depression with anger. (None of which is meant to knock wholesome anger at an actual wrong.)
Of course I think that once first having appeared, these elements become recurring themes within our experience.
What me!!!!! Be deprived of my excellent support!!!!! Chosen with the utmost highest of intentions by my supreme standard of discernment!!!!!
The angle it comes at us at, might vary between those diagnosed alcoholic by an authority and those of us who diagnosed ourselves alcoholic - especially if we undiagnosed ourselves again after !
Of course I think that once first having appeared, these elements become recurring themes within our experience.
What me!!!!! Be deprived of my excellent support!!!!! Chosen with the utmost highest of intentions by my supreme standard of discernment!!!!!
The angle it comes at us at, might vary between those diagnosed alcoholic by an authority and those of us who diagnosed ourselves alcoholic - especially if we undiagnosed ourselves again after !
Blu**ed Lines...A ClockWork SR
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: AZ
Posts: 2,529
I've heard it said that the 5 stages is self help construct designed to draw addictive codies into purchasing more self help books. That being said; alcohol was the primary relationship for a long period of time. Healthy periods of mourning are usually around six months which incidently correlates to when many in recovery really start feeling better. The bargaining part never made sense to me. Seems to be another name for denial. For me I have accepted anger and depressive feelings as part of learning to deal with life as it is and now have real insight as to their causes. At a little over three months with a quality program I know my quality of life is getting better and will continue to do so.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
i think its important to mention that there is no set organized route for the grief process.
the list you posted can be jumbled.........some get stuck
some just experience one......some none at all.
if your interested i read a book called "on death and dying" by kuber ross..(i think thats the right author)....very interesting read..
the list you posted can be jumbled.........some get stuck
some just experience one......some none at all.
if your interested i read a book called "on death and dying" by kuber ross..(i think thats the right author)....very interesting read..
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