People drinking in front of me
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 91
People drinking in front of me
I had a Halloween party last night at my house. It was three couples and their children between the ages of 2 and 4. I am pregnant so I didn't even have the choice of drinking. This makes it alot easier to abstain.
However, this is the first drinking event I've been to (let alone hosted) since I decided that I would continue to NOT drink even after the baby is born. Before, when I knew in the back of my mind that I could drink again once the baby was born, it was much easier. This time it was hard... at first.
When I was getting ready for the party, there were many things that did not go as planned. My 2 year old refused to wear the halloween costume he picked out and was excited about before. He also wouldn't let me paint his face. He threw temper tantrums all day and refused a nap. He wouldn't eat any of the nutritious food I made him. My husband kept disappearing for most of the day --making himself unavailable to help me clean. When he was around, he was rude to me. My sister was supposed to come over early to help me cook but she couldn't.
Then my husband cracked a beer and sat down to watch the football game. It hit me that if I were drinking too, I would be in the greatest mood in spite of all this. Not that I wanted to right then, I was pregnant.... but I mean, in the future, how could I NOT drink during times like this. This was supposed to be fun... a party. I started thinking the party was going to suck. I was going to be miserable.
Before people arrived, my husband also told me about the night before. We had met my entire family for dinner. 18 people all together. It was my mom's side, the non-alcoholic side. Now my husband tells me something I didn't notice.... everyone was drinking wine. My aunt had 3 glasses and announced she wasn't driving. (I didn't see that). My uncle was slurring when we were leaving. (I didn't notice that either). My other aunt had 2 glasses and looked tipsy. Everyone else only had 1.
When everyone arrived at my party, the men made margaritas. Everyone started drinking. Ok, so now I'm really starting to convince myself that maybe one day I can handle drinking again. Maybe I'm no worse than all these other people. My family, all these couples...
BUT that was the last I thought about. I got really busy with the kids and before long I was laughing. The whole group went trick or treating. My son didn't have a costume but he wore a halloween shirt... and he was adorable. I had a great time.
Afterwards, we came back to my house and I served dinner. Then the women continued to play with the kids and the men watched football. My son had the best time! He was shaking with happiness at times. All the kids did... and that made me SOOOO happy to watch.
When everyone left, I thought about the drinking thing again. Only one woman drank, and it was 1 glass of wine. The men drank for the first half of the evening but then all stopped after dinner. No one was drunk in the slightest.
If I had not been pregnant and had this same party... I would have pounded beers and thought everyone else was just as into drinking as me. I wouldn't have eaten all the food I spent the day preparing because I would be drinking. I would have continued drinking after everyone else stopped. I would have said stupid things I would later regret. My husband would tell me the next day how bad I was slurring. I would have continued drinking after everyone had left. I don't know how late I would have stayed up because I would eventually blackout. I would have eaten in this drunken state and got food everywhere, probably left food out that should have been in the fridge. I might have drunk emailed or something. I wouldn't have cleaned up after the party... it would have been a mess. I would have a terrible hangover the entire next day -- throwing up all day long. The mess would continue to get worse. My son would be ignored. I would hate myself.
If I drank with my family the night before, I might not have drank alot at the restaruant but if I started drinking there I would have continued afterwards. I'm sure no one else did that.
That's the difference between me and normal people who drink. It's sometimes hard to tell the difference when people have their first drinks... but when they stop drinking, it is obvious how different I am. I would have kept going.
Today I feel good. It was a great party. I am in a great mood. My house is cleaned up. I'm going to have a great day with my son. I'm trying to hold onto this feeling... to remember the lessons of this party. I know when I am no longer pregnant, I will be tempted... and I won't have a pregnancy to prevent me. It will be all up to my desire to stay sober.
However, this is the first drinking event I've been to (let alone hosted) since I decided that I would continue to NOT drink even after the baby is born. Before, when I knew in the back of my mind that I could drink again once the baby was born, it was much easier. This time it was hard... at first.
When I was getting ready for the party, there were many things that did not go as planned. My 2 year old refused to wear the halloween costume he picked out and was excited about before. He also wouldn't let me paint his face. He threw temper tantrums all day and refused a nap. He wouldn't eat any of the nutritious food I made him. My husband kept disappearing for most of the day --making himself unavailable to help me clean. When he was around, he was rude to me. My sister was supposed to come over early to help me cook but she couldn't.
Then my husband cracked a beer and sat down to watch the football game. It hit me that if I were drinking too, I would be in the greatest mood in spite of all this. Not that I wanted to right then, I was pregnant.... but I mean, in the future, how could I NOT drink during times like this. This was supposed to be fun... a party. I started thinking the party was going to suck. I was going to be miserable.
Before people arrived, my husband also told me about the night before. We had met my entire family for dinner. 18 people all together. It was my mom's side, the non-alcoholic side. Now my husband tells me something I didn't notice.... everyone was drinking wine. My aunt had 3 glasses and announced she wasn't driving. (I didn't see that). My uncle was slurring when we were leaving. (I didn't notice that either). My other aunt had 2 glasses and looked tipsy. Everyone else only had 1.
When everyone arrived at my party, the men made margaritas. Everyone started drinking. Ok, so now I'm really starting to convince myself that maybe one day I can handle drinking again. Maybe I'm no worse than all these other people. My family, all these couples...
BUT that was the last I thought about. I got really busy with the kids and before long I was laughing. The whole group went trick or treating. My son didn't have a costume but he wore a halloween shirt... and he was adorable. I had a great time.
Afterwards, we came back to my house and I served dinner. Then the women continued to play with the kids and the men watched football. My son had the best time! He was shaking with happiness at times. All the kids did... and that made me SOOOO happy to watch.
When everyone left, I thought about the drinking thing again. Only one woman drank, and it was 1 glass of wine. The men drank for the first half of the evening but then all stopped after dinner. No one was drunk in the slightest.
If I had not been pregnant and had this same party... I would have pounded beers and thought everyone else was just as into drinking as me. I wouldn't have eaten all the food I spent the day preparing because I would be drinking. I would have continued drinking after everyone else stopped. I would have said stupid things I would later regret. My husband would tell me the next day how bad I was slurring. I would have continued drinking after everyone had left. I don't know how late I would have stayed up because I would eventually blackout. I would have eaten in this drunken state and got food everywhere, probably left food out that should have been in the fridge. I might have drunk emailed or something. I wouldn't have cleaned up after the party... it would have been a mess. I would have a terrible hangover the entire next day -- throwing up all day long. The mess would continue to get worse. My son would be ignored. I would hate myself.
If I drank with my family the night before, I might not have drank alot at the restaruant but if I started drinking there I would have continued afterwards. I'm sure no one else did that.
That's the difference between me and normal people who drink. It's sometimes hard to tell the difference when people have their first drinks... but when they stop drinking, it is obvious how different I am. I would have kept going.
Today I feel good. It was a great party. I am in a great mood. My house is cleaned up. I'm going to have a great day with my son. I'm trying to hold onto this feeling... to remember the lessons of this party. I know when I am no longer pregnant, I will be tempted... and I won't have a pregnancy to prevent me. It will be all up to my desire to stay sober.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
I'm so glad you had a good time and were able to see clearly what happens when we're usually drinking! You sound a lot like me, minus the pregnancy. I was surrounded by drinks this weekend, too. It's very different to not partake, but I'm glad I didn't. You're doing great...congrats! 
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Swish Alps, SF CA
Posts: 2,144
That's the difference between me and normal people who drink. It's sometimes hard to tell the difference when people have their first drinks... but when they stop drinking, it is obvious how different I am. I would have kept going.
It was very confusing, this was at a 3 day bachelor party with 16 men I had partied with for years, if there was ever a time and place to get picklefaced for days on end, this was it....
but no, no fist fights, no one cried, and no one fell in the fire, which wouldn't have been the case if I were drinking
it was quite an eye opener, and quite frankly taught me why I should just take my own inventory
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Norfolk, MA
Posts: 792
Great Story!
You used the technique that has kept me sober for eight years so far...
"Think the drink through"
Anyone who knows me knows I am not a slogan person but when I was 3 months
sober, I was on an airplane waiting to takeoff with my husband and 4 kids after a
trip to DisneyWorld. At the last minute, a woman literally stumbled onto the plane
with her arms just loaded with stuff and proceeded to weave her way down the
aisle. An attendant asked for her ticket and upon looking at it explained that her
seat was towards the back of the plane. Well, this woman went ballistic! She was
swearing and falling against the walls, complaining that she was sure that she was
supposed to be in first class.
I felt like I was watching myself in previous years-it was eerie. I knew she felt like
she looked all put together when in truth she was a mess. I knew she felt she was
making complete sense when in truth she was slurring and incoherent. I was
stunned. They finally had to have the police come and forcibly take her off the
plane by which point she was crying and threatening to sue...
To add insult to injury, to apologize for the whole incident, the pilot comes on and
announces free drinks for everyone! INSANE!!!!!
A part of me laughed at the fact that here we got free drinks and I didn't drink any
more and the other part of me was ~dying~ for a drink because of what had happen-
ed. Thankfully, I was with my family and so I had a coke.
However, the passenger in front of me had a gin and tonic and let me tell you I could
smell that drink! Boy, did it smell like heaven!! But I sat back, stuck with my sorry lot
in life, thinking: If I had that gin and tonic, it would taste SO good, I'd down it
really fast and have another. Then I'd begin to get a headache from drinking on the
plane and I'd want another. By then, I'd be short-tempered and my husband would
be anxiously having to watch the kids by himself while I accuse him of being "no fun".
By then, if I hadn't gotten sick-very discreetly, I'm sure-I'd want a last one for land-
ing. By the time we touched down, I'd be useless and we'd end the family vacation
in stony silence".
Well, from that day on, I have thought every drink through if I've ever been
tempted or missed drinking. It has worked wonders-but only because I have learned
to be honest with myself. What REALLY would happen if I took that drink?
You're doing great.... Find what works for you and WORK IT!!
You used the technique that has kept me sober for eight years so far...
"Think the drink through"
Anyone who knows me knows I am not a slogan person but when I was 3 months
sober, I was on an airplane waiting to takeoff with my husband and 4 kids after a
trip to DisneyWorld. At the last minute, a woman literally stumbled onto the plane
with her arms just loaded with stuff and proceeded to weave her way down the
aisle. An attendant asked for her ticket and upon looking at it explained that her
seat was towards the back of the plane. Well, this woman went ballistic! She was
swearing and falling against the walls, complaining that she was sure that she was
supposed to be in first class.
I felt like I was watching myself in previous years-it was eerie. I knew she felt like
she looked all put together when in truth she was a mess. I knew she felt she was
making complete sense when in truth she was slurring and incoherent. I was
stunned. They finally had to have the police come and forcibly take her off the
plane by which point she was crying and threatening to sue...
To add insult to injury, to apologize for the whole incident, the pilot comes on and
announces free drinks for everyone! INSANE!!!!!
A part of me laughed at the fact that here we got free drinks and I didn't drink any
more and the other part of me was ~dying~ for a drink because of what had happen-
ed. Thankfully, I was with my family and so I had a coke.
However, the passenger in front of me had a gin and tonic and let me tell you I could
smell that drink! Boy, did it smell like heaven!! But I sat back, stuck with my sorry lot
in life, thinking: If I had that gin and tonic, it would taste SO good, I'd down it
really fast and have another. Then I'd begin to get a headache from drinking on the
plane and I'd want another. By then, I'd be short-tempered and my husband would
be anxiously having to watch the kids by himself while I accuse him of being "no fun".
By then, if I hadn't gotten sick-very discreetly, I'm sure-I'd want a last one for land-
ing. By the time we touched down, I'd be useless and we'd end the family vacation
in stony silence".
Well, from that day on, I have thought every drink through if I've ever been
tempted or missed drinking. It has worked wonders-but only because I have learned
to be honest with myself. What REALLY would happen if I took that drink?
You're doing great.... Find what works for you and WORK IT!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 235
Great post!
I can relate to this on many levels. It amazing how when we're drinking we think everyone else has the same relationship with alcohol that we do...when really, they could give or take it, just have one, or have none at all.
Congrats on your sobriety.
I can relate to this on many levels. It amazing how when we're drinking we think everyone else has the same relationship with alcohol that we do...when really, they could give or take it, just have one, or have none at all.
Congrats on your sobriety.
Retired Pro Drunk
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Saint Paul, MN
Posts: 901
Originally Posted by LBW 
I am pregnant so I didn't even have the choice of drinking.
It's not like you were somehow physically restrained in some way that took the choice away from you, right?
To me it's sort of like when folks ask if the days they stayed sober in rehab or jail counts. Did you drink while you were there? It counts.
Anyone in rehab can leave, sneak in booze, whatever. Homemade hooch or pruno can be made in jail. Regardless of the circumstances, we all have choices and we deserve to give ourselves credit when making the right choice.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: eastern canada
Posts: 18
For the first few months after I quit drinking, I was still working the door part-time at the bar/folk club where I had previously spent almost all of my free time. I actually feel really grateful for this, because I play music and I love to see other musicians perform live, and this mostly happens in bars. Keeping this job got me used to being sober in a bar and sober around my drunk friends. I have met several other sober music fans won't go to bars, period, and I think that's kind of a shame. On the other hand, there were some very tense nights during my first couple of months of sobriety - nights where I could easily have picked up a drink if the wrong thing had been said or I had run into the wrong person there.
I've been sober for 15 months now, and I very rarely feel tempted to drink, and I am often around people who are drinking. When I'm around people drinking irresponsibly now I mostly just get irritated or bored. But I am always aware of the potential, and the thoughts sometimes sneak up on me. So when I make a decision to go somewhere I know there will be drinking, I make sure, regardless of my plans, that I have enough money with me to get a cab home. And if I want to leave, I leave. My friends are generally understanding when this happens, and regardless, my sobriety is my priority.
And great story, Ajax. "Think the drink through" is indeed great advice!
I've been sober for 15 months now, and I very rarely feel tempted to drink, and I am often around people who are drinking. When I'm around people drinking irresponsibly now I mostly just get irritated or bored. But I am always aware of the potential, and the thoughts sometimes sneak up on me. So when I make a decision to go somewhere I know there will be drinking, I make sure, regardless of my plans, that I have enough money with me to get a cab home. And if I want to leave, I leave. My friends are generally understanding when this happens, and regardless, my sobriety is my priority.
And great story, Ajax. "Think the drink through" is indeed great advice!
Lindsay Y.
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Odessa, MO
Posts: 1
I have never read something, and identified more with it than the following paragraph,
"If I had not been pregnant and had this same party... I would have pounded beers and thought everyone else was just as into drinking as me. I wouldn't have eaten all the food I spent the day preparing because I would be drinking. I would have continued drinking after everyone else stopped. I would have said stupid things I would later regret. My husband would tell me the next day how bad I was slurring. I would have continued drinking after everyone had left. I don't know how late I would have stayed up because I would eventually blackout. I would have eaten in this drunken state and got food everywhere, probably left food out that should have been in the fridge. I might have drunk emailed or something. I wouldn't have cleaned up after the party... it would have been a mess. I would have a terrible hangover the entire next day -- throwing up all day long. The mess would continue to get worse. My son would be ignored. I would hate myself."
You are very brave to face "what would have happened." I have been sober for one year and everytime my fiance and I go to a function or throw one, I always evaluate everyone else's drinking behavior and compare it to what I would have done. And just like you, I would have kept drinking, not ate, ate later and left everything out! I really empathize with you and one positive thing that came with sobriety is responsibiltiy. I love being responsible and dependable. It will become a motivating force behind your sobriety. I am glad you had a wonderful time with your son, enjoy your life, you are working hard!
"If I had not been pregnant and had this same party... I would have pounded beers and thought everyone else was just as into drinking as me. I wouldn't have eaten all the food I spent the day preparing because I would be drinking. I would have continued drinking after everyone else stopped. I would have said stupid things I would later regret. My husband would tell me the next day how bad I was slurring. I would have continued drinking after everyone had left. I don't know how late I would have stayed up because I would eventually blackout. I would have eaten in this drunken state and got food everywhere, probably left food out that should have been in the fridge. I might have drunk emailed or something. I wouldn't have cleaned up after the party... it would have been a mess. I would have a terrible hangover the entire next day -- throwing up all day long. The mess would continue to get worse. My son would be ignored. I would hate myself."
You are very brave to face "what would have happened." I have been sober for one year and everytime my fiance and I go to a function or throw one, I always evaluate everyone else's drinking behavior and compare it to what I would have done. And just like you, I would have kept drinking, not ate, ate later and left everything out! I really empathize with you and one positive thing that came with sobriety is responsibiltiy. I love being responsible and dependable. It will become a motivating force behind your sobriety. I am glad you had a wonderful time with your son, enjoy your life, you are working hard!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 91
Eastcoaster,
Yeah, I think that's my plan too... I have created in my mind that there's all these things that I can't enjoy doing without beer.
I mean I actually truely believed that I could not pay attention or enjoy a football game without drinking beer... isn't that ridiculous? I have said to myself that I can't enjoy a party without beer... I have said I can't enjoy a wedding without drinking...
However, in these last two pregnancies I have had to do many of those things without drinking and I actually did have fun. I think if I create for myself memories of having fun and doing things without drinking, then I will KNOW that voice in my head that tries to convince me to drink is lying.
ElleWhy,
I joined this website just a few weeks ago and this is the first time I have been completely honest with anyone about my drinking. I was always very honest with myself but I was too embarrassed to talk about it with anyone else. I certainly wouldn't say anything to my family... I share things here and there with my husband about how badly I let myself down... It has been mostly kept to myself. I would review in my head the drinking nights trying to remember every word I said... I would just beat myself up over and over again. Trying to figure out what I could have done differently so I didn't get so drunk. Eat a big meal beforehand, that's the ticket! Stay on pace with my husband, that'll work!
It's so enlightening to relate my experiences and hear about other people's... and find out other people have done the things I have. Alcoholism is an amazing disease!
LittleBlueDog,
I don't know yet. I'm not sure if I'm ready yet to talk about this stuff face to face with anyone.
Yeah, I think that's my plan too... I have created in my mind that there's all these things that I can't enjoy doing without beer.
I mean I actually truely believed that I could not pay attention or enjoy a football game without drinking beer... isn't that ridiculous? I have said to myself that I can't enjoy a party without beer... I have said I can't enjoy a wedding without drinking...
However, in these last two pregnancies I have had to do many of those things without drinking and I actually did have fun. I think if I create for myself memories of having fun and doing things without drinking, then I will KNOW that voice in my head that tries to convince me to drink is lying.
ElleWhy,
I joined this website just a few weeks ago and this is the first time I have been completely honest with anyone about my drinking. I was always very honest with myself but I was too embarrassed to talk about it with anyone else. I certainly wouldn't say anything to my family... I share things here and there with my husband about how badly I let myself down... It has been mostly kept to myself. I would review in my head the drinking nights trying to remember every word I said... I would just beat myself up over and over again. Trying to figure out what I could have done differently so I didn't get so drunk. Eat a big meal beforehand, that's the ticket! Stay on pace with my husband, that'll work!
It's so enlightening to relate my experiences and hear about other people's... and find out other people have done the things I have. Alcoholism is an amazing disease!
LittleBlueDog,
I don't know yet. I'm not sure if I'm ready yet to talk about this stuff face to face with anyone.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 818
Isn't it great when we discover that we think differently than normal people? Normal people don't pay attention to how much they drink, they don't have to. They don't concern themselves with what's going to happen when the baby's born, they don't have to. They don't look foward to slammig a few beers to get begin to enjoy the party. They don't need to. But we who are unfortunate to suffer from this disease called alcoholism do think these things. And recognizing that we're not really normal is a giant leap foward.
LBW, I strongly suggest you consider littleBlueDogs advice and think about a support group. You'll be discussing this face to face with people who are just like you are, who have the same problem you have, and are willing to help you. Please give it some thought.
LBW, I strongly suggest you consider littleBlueDogs advice and think about a support group. You'll be discussing this face to face with people who are just like you are, who have the same problem you have, and are willing to help you. Please give it some thought.
Love my puppies
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: lala land
Posts: 150
Hi LBW...one thing that I see here is that you are choosing not to drink while pregnant...awesome!!! One thing I want you to think about is the fact that after having this baby, you'll already have gone thru a thorough and total detox. Now you just need to detox your mind and hold onto those thoughts that you expressed about having fun, and especially being able to spend good time with your son. You're doing a great job! 
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: eastern canada
Posts: 18
Originally Posted by LBW
Eastcoaster,
Yeah, I think that's my plan too... I have created in my mind that there's all these things that I can't enjoy doing without beer.
I mean I actually truely believed that I could not pay attention or enjoy a football game without drinking beer... isn't that ridiculous? I have said to myself that I can't enjoy a party without beer... I have said I can't enjoy a wedding without drinking...
However, in these last two pregnancies I have had to do many of those things without drinking and I actually did have fun. I think if I create for myself memories of having fun and doing things without drinking, then I will KNOW that voice in my head that tries to convince me to drink is lying.
Yeah, I think that's my plan too... I have created in my mind that there's all these things that I can't enjoy doing without beer.
I mean I actually truely believed that I could not pay attention or enjoy a football game without drinking beer... isn't that ridiculous? I have said to myself that I can't enjoy a party without beer... I have said I can't enjoy a wedding without drinking...
However, in these last two pregnancies I have had to do many of those things without drinking and I actually did have fun. I think if I create for myself memories of having fun and doing things without drinking, then I will KNOW that voice in my head that tries to convince me to drink is lying.
And in a lot of ways I now have a much better time when I'm out at bars to listen to music. I was always so preoccupied with time - how soon until last call? how many more beers will I need to get drunk before this place closes? where can I go afterward to get more? Now I just enjoy being there.
So there are a lot of things I enjoy without alcohol today, even though I used to associate these things so much with alcohol.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 91
Eastcoaster,
I feel like I've brainwashed myself and created all these false beliefs about the magical powers of booze. I can totally relate to be preoccupied with trying to ensure I had enough beer and time to get drunk while other people were just sitting around enjoying the moment.
It feels like freedom to rid myself of these thoughts. A light has been turned on and it is getting brighter by the day... I can finally see clearly all these wrong headed alcoholic thinking patterns of mine. What a relief to regain control of my own mind!
Tigers13 & Joedris,
Thanks for the support. I feel like I'm making major breakthroughs every day. I'm going to think about going to a support group. The thought of it makes me nervous.
I'm trying to figure out why... Maybe it's because I have spent my entire life putting on this front for people that I have it all together. I realize I've been living a lie at times. The only person in the world who knows the real me is my husband. The only people I have shared my true feelings and thoughts about my alcoholism struggle with are the people on this message board. I haven't even talked to my sister who I talk to every day and who is going to AA every single day.
I have some more thinking to do about why I find it so hard to talk to anyone other than my husband and people on this message board.
I feel like I've brainwashed myself and created all these false beliefs about the magical powers of booze. I can totally relate to be preoccupied with trying to ensure I had enough beer and time to get drunk while other people were just sitting around enjoying the moment.
It feels like freedom to rid myself of these thoughts. A light has been turned on and it is getting brighter by the day... I can finally see clearly all these wrong headed alcoholic thinking patterns of mine. What a relief to regain control of my own mind!
Tigers13 & Joedris,
Thanks for the support. I feel like I'm making major breakthroughs every day. I'm going to think about going to a support group. The thought of it makes me nervous.
I'm trying to figure out why... Maybe it's because I have spent my entire life putting on this front for people that I have it all together. I realize I've been living a lie at times. The only person in the world who knows the real me is my husband. The only people I have shared my true feelings and thoughts about my alcoholism struggle with are the people on this message board. I haven't even talked to my sister who I talk to every day and who is going to AA every single day.
I have some more thinking to do about why I find it so hard to talk to anyone other than my husband and people on this message board.
Love my puppies
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: lala land
Posts: 150
The first time I went to a meeting I was scared to death. I was terrified that I would be judged, but it was the complete opposite...I was welcomed there with open arms by so many people that had already gone thru what I was going thru.
I also am one to wear masks...I don't want anyone to know of the turmoil going on inside me. I usually put on my happy face mask, even tho I feel like I'm dying inside. I'm in control and I don't want anyone else to see that I'm not. I think you probably only talk to your husband and people on this forum is because it is "safe" for you. I used to be like that in the beginning of my recovery. Now I have no problems sharing my story, especially with people I believe may have a problem.
I also am one to wear masks...I don't want anyone to know of the turmoil going on inside me. I usually put on my happy face mask, even tho I feel like I'm dying inside. I'm in control and I don't want anyone else to see that I'm not. I think you probably only talk to your husband and people on this forum is because it is "safe" for you. I used to be like that in the beginning of my recovery. Now I have no problems sharing my story, especially with people I believe may have a problem.
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