High Functioning Alcoholic
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Texas
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High Functioning Alcoholic
Anyone see Oprah this Tuesday? About Diane Schular, the woman who was apparently drinking vodka and smoking pot while driving. She went into oncoming traffic and killed herself, her 2 year old, her three little neices and three other men in another vehicle. Her blood and organ samples came back with .19 alcohol and some really high amount of THC. They found a vodka bottle at the scene.
What I cannot fathom is how everyone in her life claims they had no idea she was an alcoholic??!! How is that possible? Is it really possible this woman was able to hide it from everyone?
Now, I understand High Functioning Alcohlism. I was one. I think I was able to hide it well by mostly drinking alone after work. I was extremely successful in my career. Plus, my sister and father were such obvious alcoholics, by comparison I looked like a normal person. No one ever, not one person, has ever told me I have a problem. But oh boy, I did! And deep down I thought everyone knew my secret. They just didn't mention it to me because they thought I had it under control like everything else, I guess. Honestly, I don't know why no one has ever said anything... and I still haven't told anyone.
On Oprah's show they talked about high-functioning alcoholics (read below). In my heyday of drinking, I matched every single one of the check points. Every once in a while that alcoholic voice in my head tries to convince me I wasn't an alcoholic and I can handle drinking again if I control the circumstances and limit the days I drink. I didn't have the DWI's or ruined careers/relationships so it's easier to make that argument.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? Neither did Diane Schular!!! If I continued to drink, I could end up doing something like what she did. I mean, I don't think I ever would... but I know, under the influence, I can do lots of things I don't think I ever would. Over time, too, I was escalate... My alcoholism won't get better. It won't continue to be "managable", if you can even call what I was doing "managing" it.
Some people's rock bottom is death of themselves or others. It's stupid to wait to quit drinking until you hit rock bottom. If you know your an alcoholic, quit now while your still ahead! That's what I took out of this Oprah episode. When that voice tells me I can handle it, I hope I remember Diane Schular.
---------------
Here's the definition of a high-functioning alcoholic from Oprah's website:
A high-functioning alcoholic (HFA) is an alcoholic who is able to maintain his or her outside life, such as a job, home, family and friendships, all while drinking alcoholically. HFAs have the same disease as the stereotypical "skid row" alcoholic, but it manifests or progresses differently. Many HFAs are not viewed by society as being alcoholic, because they have succeeded and overachieved throughout their lifetimes. These achievements often lead to an increase in personal denial as well as denial from colleagues and loved ones. HFAs are less apt to feel that they need treatment for their alcoholism and often slide through the cracks of the healthcare system, both medically and psychologically, because they are often not diagnosed.
HFAs can exhibit different drinking patterns and warning signs at various phases of their drinking. Common warning signs include, but are not limited to:
- Experiencing a craving for more alcohol after having one drink, leading to a loss of control over alcohol intake
- Obsessing about alcohol and the next time they can drink
- Not being able to imagine their lives without alcohol
- Feeling shame and remorse from drunken behavior
- Having failed attempts to control drinking
- Surrounding themselves with others who drink heavily
- Compulsively finishing alcoholic drinks—even someone else's
- Being skilled at living a compartmentalized life in terms of separating their drinking lives from their professional/family lives
- Making excuses for their drinking or using alcohol as a reward for their hard work
- Thinking that drinking expensive alcohol or wine implies they are not alcoholic
- Hiding alcohol consumption by sneaking alcohol before a social event or drinking alone
- Drinking despite adverse consequences (either emotional or physical)
- Experiencing blackouts or memory lapses
What I cannot fathom is how everyone in her life claims they had no idea she was an alcoholic??!! How is that possible? Is it really possible this woman was able to hide it from everyone?
Now, I understand High Functioning Alcohlism. I was one. I think I was able to hide it well by mostly drinking alone after work. I was extremely successful in my career. Plus, my sister and father were such obvious alcoholics, by comparison I looked like a normal person. No one ever, not one person, has ever told me I have a problem. But oh boy, I did! And deep down I thought everyone knew my secret. They just didn't mention it to me because they thought I had it under control like everything else, I guess. Honestly, I don't know why no one has ever said anything... and I still haven't told anyone.
On Oprah's show they talked about high-functioning alcoholics (read below). In my heyday of drinking, I matched every single one of the check points. Every once in a while that alcoholic voice in my head tries to convince me I wasn't an alcoholic and I can handle drinking again if I control the circumstances and limit the days I drink. I didn't have the DWI's or ruined careers/relationships so it's easier to make that argument.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? Neither did Diane Schular!!! If I continued to drink, I could end up doing something like what she did. I mean, I don't think I ever would... but I know, under the influence, I can do lots of things I don't think I ever would. Over time, too, I was escalate... My alcoholism won't get better. It won't continue to be "managable", if you can even call what I was doing "managing" it.
Some people's rock bottom is death of themselves or others. It's stupid to wait to quit drinking until you hit rock bottom. If you know your an alcoholic, quit now while your still ahead! That's what I took out of this Oprah episode. When that voice tells me I can handle it, I hope I remember Diane Schular.
---------------
Here's the definition of a high-functioning alcoholic from Oprah's website:
A high-functioning alcoholic (HFA) is an alcoholic who is able to maintain his or her outside life, such as a job, home, family and friendships, all while drinking alcoholically. HFAs have the same disease as the stereotypical "skid row" alcoholic, but it manifests or progresses differently. Many HFAs are not viewed by society as being alcoholic, because they have succeeded and overachieved throughout their lifetimes. These achievements often lead to an increase in personal denial as well as denial from colleagues and loved ones. HFAs are less apt to feel that they need treatment for their alcoholism and often slide through the cracks of the healthcare system, both medically and psychologically, because they are often not diagnosed.
HFAs can exhibit different drinking patterns and warning signs at various phases of their drinking. Common warning signs include, but are not limited to:
- Experiencing a craving for more alcohol after having one drink, leading to a loss of control over alcohol intake
- Obsessing about alcohol and the next time they can drink
- Not being able to imagine their lives without alcohol
- Feeling shame and remorse from drunken behavior
- Having failed attempts to control drinking
- Surrounding themselves with others who drink heavily
- Compulsively finishing alcoholic drinks—even someone else's
- Being skilled at living a compartmentalized life in terms of separating their drinking lives from their professional/family lives
- Making excuses for their drinking or using alcohol as a reward for their hard work
- Thinking that drinking expensive alcohol or wine implies they are not alcoholic
- Hiding alcohol consumption by sneaking alcohol before a social event or drinking alone
- Drinking despite adverse consequences (either emotional or physical)
- Experiencing blackouts or memory lapses
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 91
SailorJohn,
I'm writting these posts as I'm watching the show.
Here's a quote from Sarah Allen Benton, a licensed counselor, recovering alcoholic and author of Understanding the High-Functioning Alcoholic,
"The profile of the high functioning alcoholic is to keep things looking perfect on the outside... overachieving in many areas.... So often the story of the high functioning alcoholic is not one of obvious tragedy, it's really one of silent suffering"
Oprah has this woman on now that was a HFA and was so successful at hiding it, no one, not even her husband, knew for 1-2 years. Eventually, it became difficult to hide it and she quit.
I don't know if I agree everyone who drinks is a HFA. Of course, I only know the alcoholics close to me... I've never been to a meeting or anything like that. What I do know is that not one of the people I knew to be alcoholics were successful at hiding it!
My uncle died at the age of 52, basically drinking himself to death. He got diabeties from drinking, his organs started failing, they removed an eye... and he still drank. My sister's drinking career was pretty bad... she quit everything she ever started, cost my parents thousands and thousands of dollars, and tried to kill herself. When my dad started drinking again after 13 years sober, he started losing jobs and getting DWI's. My best friend in college flunked out and proceeded to go to several rehabs for drinking and used to carry baggies of liquor in her purse to add to drinks... Last I talked to her, she had her pancreas removed from drinking so much -- and she was only 26! But she was still drinking.
It would be easy for me to look at all that and tell myself I am not so bad... But I refuse to be ignorant anymore. I'm not wasting my intelligence on trying to prolong and further my alcoholism anymore. From now on, I'm using my intelligence to confront it. You don't have to exhibit all those (as the lady on Oprah said) "obvious tragedies" before you can recognize you have a problem.
I'm writting these posts as I'm watching the show.
Here's a quote from Sarah Allen Benton, a licensed counselor, recovering alcoholic and author of Understanding the High-Functioning Alcoholic,
"The profile of the high functioning alcoholic is to keep things looking perfect on the outside... overachieving in many areas.... So often the story of the high functioning alcoholic is not one of obvious tragedy, it's really one of silent suffering"
Oprah has this woman on now that was a HFA and was so successful at hiding it, no one, not even her husband, knew for 1-2 years. Eventually, it became difficult to hide it and she quit.
I don't know if I agree everyone who drinks is a HFA. Of course, I only know the alcoholics close to me... I've never been to a meeting or anything like that. What I do know is that not one of the people I knew to be alcoholics were successful at hiding it!
My uncle died at the age of 52, basically drinking himself to death. He got diabeties from drinking, his organs started failing, they removed an eye... and he still drank. My sister's drinking career was pretty bad... she quit everything she ever started, cost my parents thousands and thousands of dollars, and tried to kill herself. When my dad started drinking again after 13 years sober, he started losing jobs and getting DWI's. My best friend in college flunked out and proceeded to go to several rehabs for drinking and used to carry baggies of liquor in her purse to add to drinks... Last I talked to her, she had her pancreas removed from drinking so much -- and she was only 26! But she was still drinking.
It would be easy for me to look at all that and tell myself I am not so bad... But I refuse to be ignorant anymore. I'm not wasting my intelligence on trying to prolong and further my alcoholism anymore. From now on, I'm using my intelligence to confront it. You don't have to exhibit all those (as the lady on Oprah said) "obvious tragedies" before you can recognize you have a problem.
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
I was an over-the-top alcoholic for a lot of years, had kids, reeled it in to the point that I became "high functioning," and then it all went to hell again. I could say that the earlier period had a lot to do with being young and out of control, even without alcohol, but after experiencing a period of compartmentalized drinking, I know one thing: it doesn't stay compartmentalized forever. Eventually, it all goes to hell. And if it hasn't yet, you just haven't drank long enough.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Peace & Love,
Sugah
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
They say you shouldn't label people but with the exception of maybe 4 people, every alcoholic/addict I know personally could be labeled high-functioning. Good homes, good jobs. Thing about your uncle, I'm willing to bet the death certificate didn't list alcoholism as the cause of death. Tragic how underreported the death rates from alcoholism are.
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 91
Maybe high functioning is just a stage. Some people are just really, really good at staying in that stage longer than others. It is a progressive disease though, so eventually everyone will start to experience the tragedies if they continue to drink.
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Northern Colorado
Posts: 143
LBW, great post! I too achieved quite a bit during my drinking days. Now I remember, daily, that I did have a problem even though hardly anyone else knew.
I got promotions and a masters degree at the height of my drinking. I could skip a few days if need be to hide my problem from the in-laws. My poor wife knew, and I knew that I was a very sick person.
By the grace of God I managed to drink for several years without too much consequence. Now, by the grace of God I have daily reprieve contingent upon the work that I put into the program.
In my eyes my brother was the drunk with the problem. He had five DUI's and other problems with the law. A few lost jobs and a lost marriage. It was obvious to everyone and to him that he had a problem. I compared myself to him and felt like a saint in comparison.
About one year ago he and his grade school aged son were killed in a car crash. I stopped drinking not long after he died. I got to see first hand the shame associated with the death of an alcoholic that dies in that fashion. Sure, I never lost what he lost but I still had a problem. I remain sober by attending AA and working the program. I am also going to try using this site to work with other alcoholics. AA meetings stop around 8:00pm in my area. I can work and talk with other alcoholics 24 hours a day on this site.
Stay sober my friends!
I got promotions and a masters degree at the height of my drinking. I could skip a few days if need be to hide my problem from the in-laws. My poor wife knew, and I knew that I was a very sick person.
By the grace of God I managed to drink for several years without too much consequence. Now, by the grace of God I have daily reprieve contingent upon the work that I put into the program.
In my eyes my brother was the drunk with the problem. He had five DUI's and other problems with the law. A few lost jobs and a lost marriage. It was obvious to everyone and to him that he had a problem. I compared myself to him and felt like a saint in comparison.
About one year ago he and his grade school aged son were killed in a car crash. I stopped drinking not long after he died. I got to see first hand the shame associated with the death of an alcoholic that dies in that fashion. Sure, I never lost what he lost but I still had a problem. I remain sober by attending AA and working the program. I am also going to try using this site to work with other alcoholics. AA meetings stop around 8:00pm in my area. I can work and talk with other alcoholics 24 hours a day on this site.
Stay sober my friends!
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 694
I am successful with my business, didn’t wake till 10 this morning, but a few white lies takes care of miss appointments, dang you guys keep talking about my life, we are a lot the same and not just this thread but ALL of them!
My wife is the one that’s feed up, it’s not my job I fear to loose... My promises don’t mean anything to her anymore; my clients however think I am the greatest.
I read a little last night “Under the Influence” excerpts thanks for posting them, I am beginning to understand why we crave; alcoholic bodies need the energy from it, I cant even do my “paper work” in the evening without it… so in affect I am sometimes more successful when drinking.
“Silent Suffering”, that’s about right…
My wife is the one that’s feed up, it’s not my job I fear to loose... My promises don’t mean anything to her anymore; my clients however think I am the greatest.
I read a little last night “Under the Influence” excerpts thanks for posting them, I am beginning to understand why we crave; alcoholic bodies need the energy from it, I cant even do my “paper work” in the evening without it… so in affect I am sometimes more successful when drinking.
“Silent Suffering”, that’s about right…
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I used to joke that I put the fun into functioning alcoholic.
Years went by ....my fun bottles were empty
and
I was astounded to discover I could not simply quit
and stay quit on my own.....
That powerlessness we hear about had become a fact for me.
I consider my "bottom" was mental....regardless of external appearances.
Chooseing abstinance...taking action ...making lifestyles changes
......The wiseat moves I ever made.
Please do make a decision to live sober.
You can save your life.....and perhaps others too.
Years went by ....my fun bottles were empty
and
I was astounded to discover I could not simply quit
and stay quit on my own.....
That powerlessness we hear about had become a fact for me.
I consider my "bottom" was mental....regardless of external appearances.
Chooseing abstinance...taking action ...making lifestyles changes
......The wiseat moves I ever made.Please do make a decision to live sober.
You can save your life.....and perhaps others too.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 105
SomethingBetter: I'm still praying for you and your wife...I know what she's going through, as I watched my husband continue to "function" while I knew the truth. In a couples' counseling session, he even said, "I'm a great guy---just ask anybody!" But I as his wife, and his four children do not see him as a great guy. We see him as a man in pain who won't/can't help himself and will leave his family rather than face a life without alcohol. So sad.
Hoping you truly will find Something Better. I'm rooting for you (and your wife!)
Hoping you truly will find Something Better. I'm rooting for you (and your wife!)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 694
Thank you, I do want to quit, each morning it’s all I rant about, how I found out how the body fights against alcohol, how I seen this documentary, how I promised my wife… I will quit! That evening its different, my cravings start etc… I have to really focus on a moment in time that I will try again, those moments for an alcoholic are few and far between, its their (at least mine) gateway to sobriety, and its fragile.
I will try again, but with my wife hating me it isn’t easy, I really wish we could talk, even my wasted promises are sincere…
Biggest problem is my Ego, it bruises easily, as if I can’t quit because she said so…
I will try again, but with my wife hating me it isn’t easy, I really wish we could talk, even my wasted promises are sincere…
Biggest problem is my Ego, it bruises easily, as if I can’t quit because she said so…
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 105
It may be that she doesn't hate you--but the disease--or what has become of the man she once knew. And it is only rational on her part to not believe the promises after many have been broken. Sounds as though she is trying to take care of herself, which, if you read the Friends and Family thread, is all she can do.
She can't make you stop and it's a helpless place to be, and the frustration of that can lead to anger....and you may be on the receiving end of that justified anger she has with you or her situation.
I know that now, after leaving us, if my husband came to me saying he had changed his mind, it would take a LONG time for me to believe him. He would have to show me.
Best wishes to you (and your wife) in the journey. Have you considered inviting her to read some posts on Friends and Family?
She can't make you stop and it's a helpless place to be, and the frustration of that can lead to anger....and you may be on the receiving end of that justified anger she has with you or her situation.
I know that now, after leaving us, if my husband came to me saying he had changed his mind, it would take a LONG time for me to believe him. He would have to show me.
Best wishes to you (and your wife) in the journey. Have you considered inviting her to read some posts on Friends and Family?
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 694
Thanks and your right I know, its good to see the perspective of another wife, and yes she reads but not here, and its made it worse for me (maybe better in the long run).
Her "hate" as i said which is tough love happens when she see me with a beer or walking in with a 12 pack or even a six or whatever because she knows i will be drunk that night, I have tried to prove her wrong but i cant.
Thing is she never seemed to care until i tried to quit, its like its normal, then I wanted to quit, now she expects it, its created kaos... I guess its got to get worse before it gets better...
Good night!
Her "hate" as i said which is tough love happens when she see me with a beer or walking in with a 12 pack or even a six or whatever because she knows i will be drunk that night, I have tried to prove her wrong but i cant.
Thing is she never seemed to care until i tried to quit, its like its normal, then I wanted to quit, now she expects it, its created kaos... I guess its got to get worse before it gets better...
Good night!
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: East Coast
Posts: 437
Thanks I wish I saw the show. Yes I had most of those signs too as do alot of people I know. I chose to quit because of a few. It does help me to reassure myself that I made the right decision when I see other's bottoms. Thanks for posting this.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sunny South
Posts: 1,666
Somethingbetter..
Hi...I am an alcoholic that made many promises to my husband.
Although I was sober for about 5 1/2 years (without AA), this year I fell back
to drinking, and I fell hard.
I know it will take time for him to believe I am committed to my recovery once again.
I have to let him have that time as he was an innocent passenger on the roller coaster ride to hell and back.
I love him...and hopefully, will be able to talk with him once again open and honestly about my struggles.
This time, I have begun to attend AA...there are people I can talk with and relate to with the same struggles I have. I need the face to face accountability to remain sober.
I know how hopeless you must feel, as I have those same feelings at times...just hang in there..and remember, your actions will speak volumes over your words.
Hi...I am an alcoholic that made many promises to my husband.
Although I was sober for about 5 1/2 years (without AA), this year I fell back
to drinking, and I fell hard.
I know it will take time for him to believe I am committed to my recovery once again.
I have to let him have that time as he was an innocent passenger on the roller coaster ride to hell and back.
I love him...and hopefully, will be able to talk with him once again open and honestly about my struggles.
This time, I have begun to attend AA...there are people I can talk with and relate to with the same struggles I have. I need the face to face accountability to remain sober.
I know how hopeless you must feel, as I have those same feelings at times...just hang in there..and remember, your actions will speak volumes over your words.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: New York City
Posts: 4
It's called DENIAL!!! This is the disease of denial!! I was a blackout drinker for five years and my best friend (not an alcoholic) saw it all the time. He rescued me many times.
He was shocked when I said I'm an alcoholic!
What difference does "why" make? The only thing that matters is that I know I'm an alcoholic.
He was shocked when I said I'm an alcoholic!
What difference does "why" make? The only thing that matters is that I know I'm an alcoholic.
Well, I'm on my way
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: El Paso, Texas
Posts: 276
High functioning, high bottom. That was me. I'm 38 days sober. Please God never let me forget I'm an alcoholic and may never test the theory. If I go back down I might never get up again.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
The single greatest element of my denial was the fact that, as a school principal, boss of 70, father of 3 college students, etc, "I was not like them."
Even when I went to treatment, after a family intervention, where I met other professionals, "I wasn't as bad as them." I drank only beer. I'd stop usually after a six pack. Drank good stuff.
Few, if any, at my local meetings had ever attended college. Great people, but still, I was "successful."
The majority seems to hold the image of the alcoholic as some troll living under a bridge. Or pushing a shopping cart. Oh man, is this ever an equal opportunity disease.
Thanks for the post. It is ironic that those with the highest level of education may in fact be the least likely to recognize the problem and/or seek help. Until it is too late and the "Addiction Express" has already left the station. Without an engineer.
The other day on NPR I heard that one of the most popular courses is in one Ivy League school is in the economics of life. Credit cards, interest rates, 401k's, yadda, yadda. All the stuff we had to learn by making mistakes. Great idea.
Perhaps school should include a class on the realities of addiction among the electives. Real case studies of people that the students are likely to know. Like their parents, relatives, teacher, pastor, neighbor. I got all kinds of degrees before I lost my ignorance regarding addiction.
I took all kinds of electives as an undergrad that had nothing to do with my major. Some were very interesting. Few prepared me for life. My two cents worth...
warren
Even when I went to treatment, after a family intervention, where I met other professionals, "I wasn't as bad as them." I drank only beer. I'd stop usually after a six pack. Drank good stuff.
Few, if any, at my local meetings had ever attended college. Great people, but still, I was "successful."
The majority seems to hold the image of the alcoholic as some troll living under a bridge. Or pushing a shopping cart. Oh man, is this ever an equal opportunity disease.
Thanks for the post. It is ironic that those with the highest level of education may in fact be the least likely to recognize the problem and/or seek help. Until it is too late and the "Addiction Express" has already left the station. Without an engineer.
The other day on NPR I heard that one of the most popular courses is in one Ivy League school is in the economics of life. Credit cards, interest rates, 401k's, yadda, yadda. All the stuff we had to learn by making mistakes. Great idea.
Perhaps school should include a class on the realities of addiction among the electives. Real case studies of people that the students are likely to know. Like their parents, relatives, teacher, pastor, neighbor. I got all kinds of degrees before I lost my ignorance regarding addiction.
I took all kinds of electives as an undergrad that had nothing to do with my major. Some were very interesting. Few prepared me for life. My two cents worth...
warren
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