Patk

Hi,

I am having a tough time staying sober. I was up until yeterday evening 3 months sober, but I got so depressed and discouraged about my current employment situation I drank. I am a teacher and have currently only 8 hours/week of work. I don't expect this schedule to improve for at least 5 months since the hiring period in Japan is in April. I last worked full-time in March 2008 when I was fired. After I was let go I did not work for about one year and since April of this year have been teaching about 7 hours. My wife is supportive and tells me not to worry about work too much, but I get really down about it. I find it difficult to remain positive. I do pray every day, try to work the steps ( I am at step 8, cannot move onto step 9 since an ammend involves a debt, which I cannot address until I secure full-time work), and try to exercise, meditate...

I would love to hear from others who are experiencing similar situations and how they cope?

Patk

Bamboozle

Just don't drink.

Sounds simple...but drinking always makes things worse. It costs money and amplifies life's problems.

If you can't get more hours or another job, what's something you like to do? Any kind of hobby? Now would be a good time for that...there are a lot of hobbies that are cheap or free. Besides...better to spend money on a healthy hobby rather than on booze.

If not a hobby...spend some quality time with your wife.

tyler

Try to do something productive with the time you have. If you can't find employment for all of that time, look into volunteering. I went about 4 months without work recently, and it was driving a good deal of depression. I started working with a group that collects excess food from resturants, groceries, wholesalers, etc. They process it, divide it up and then deliver it to groups that can use it, ie: soup kitchens, food banks, certain families that had signed up with us, etc.

I was fortunate that even though I was unemployed, I had a roof over my head, food, a car, etc. It was rewarding to help others that didn't have it as good as I did. It kinda brought things into perspective, even though things were not going as I would like in my life, there were many others who had it much worse. Hope that helps some. Take care.

Tazman53

Have you spoken to your sponsor yet? It sounds to me as though step one may be needing some serious work along with 2 & 3. Your HP will provide for your needs if you allow your HP to do so.

A few serious questions, the answers which you may want to really think about, did drinking last night help with the job situation? Did it help with anything?

jimhere

Why not do those amends that don't involve debt first?

Up to about fourteen months of sobriety I was doing great. I had went back to work when I was a couple of months sober for a company I had worked for in the past who was willing to give me another chance. When I was six months sober I got a good sponsor who took me through the steps.

I did the steps and was getting back on my feet. I was making amends, active in A.A., starting to work with others, all that stuff. I was making enough to rent a nice little place by the river, make payments on a fairly new truck, make my financial amends, and pay child support. Then it all fell apart.

One day at work, I injured my knee and had to reopen an old industrial insurance claim through the state. I went for three months with no income at all while the state was messing around reopening the claim. I went from making good money to living on less than a thousand bucks a month for the next three years. Many times I didn't know where my next meal was coming from. I couldn't afford cable TV, so I learned that I didn't need TV. I had to get rid of my nice truck and drive a $200 beater. Yet looking back, I get nostalgic for those days. I learned to live simply and frugally. I see now that I was given some time to recover, because it was during this time that began to seek out a prayer life and to really work with others. And I never went without, all my needs were, and still are met.

Taz mentioned that this is a Step Three question. I agree. Many of us miss the point of Step Three. There is a line that says "I offer myself to Thee to build with me and do with as thou will..." (something like that). That means that my life is no longer mine, it is no longer any of my business. It means from here on out, the deal is that are no more deals. It means that I could be rich or I could be poor. I could have a job or lose a job, be single or be in a relationship. I could get sent to Cleveland, or Indiana, or China but these days I think God just wants me to stay home and pay my bills. That is why it says to think well when considering the Third Step, because I've just offered myself up to God and having everything removed that stands in the way of complete and unconditional trust in God.
Jim

Big Book references from Alcoholics Anonymous, First Edition

tricky164

STEP 3,

made a decision to turn our will and our lifes over to the CARE OF god (as we understand him).

still our lives, just letting something else run the show.

god is doing for us what we could not do for ourselfs. (but he aint gonna do for us what we cando for ourselfs).

keep looking for work !! keep positive !! keep praying !! keep to the program !! make the amends you can !!.

peace and fellowship to you.

god bless

keithj

This idea keeps coming to my mind in a number of different threads, as well as with alcoholics around me.

I think that knowing why you relapsed is a delusion that needs smashing. Especially if you're taking the 12 Steps. Read pages 23-24 and page 37 in the Big Book. Keeping an open mind, is it possible that you drank because you have a mental obsession?

'Knowing' why you drank is a detriment to your recovery. Knowing implies that if you could avoid that thing in the future, you wouldn't drink. If I get things arranged so that nothing bad ever happens, or I'm never uncomfortable, I'm all set.

And it just doesn't work that way. There have been 'certain trials and low spots' in my sobriety. I'm sober only because I've had a vital and effective spiritual experience that keeps me safe and protected from alcohol. I couldn't drink if I wanted to.

I think the 'knowing why' is just an after the fact (sometimes before the fact) rationalization of succumbing to the obsession. And I can't help but succumb to the obsession unless I've undergone that transformation that the 12 Steps can help bring about.

When I give my will and my life over to the care of a higher power, I implicitly accept the outcome. If that means employment trouble, so be it. Gives me more time to help others. My real job is to fit myself to be of maximum service to my god and my fellows. With that as my real job, there is nothing life can take from me, but plenty I can give.

Wolfchild

i thought blaming people, places, and things for my problems was normal. Seems there's no end to the amount of victimization mentality these days. Taking responsibility for our attitudes & actions seems like it isn't the answear. But it is the only way any of us make progress! Becoming honest about myself and my problems brings me relief and puts me in touch with my willingness to find practical solutions for these problems. It also helps to break the patterns of denial and disharmony that fostered the creation of my character defects. My way of doing things, of looking at things, and of attempting to control my life have always failed. i did not understand what was happening to me and tried to remold myself time and time again to find some balance in the universe. The only method that i have found to give me the freedom my soul cries for is to accept myself and the world just as it is at any given moment. Now what do i do, because all these situations threaten to overwhelm me?? i surrender my will and my life to the God of my understanding and rely on the unchanging love and care which is always available to me. i let go of whatever needs to be let go of and find comfort thru the developing strength of my faith. It no longer matters if anything makes sense to me or not. i can rest in the hands of a kind and genorous power greater than myself. i can relax my mind from trying to understand everything that is going on around me and take courage from the fact that i have survived far worse circumstances in my life. Nothing outside of myself can make me drink or drug ever again!!

i hope that you will continue to reach out to those who are recovering
by living a simple & spiritual way of life found within the 12 Steps of A.A.
Keep coming back, give yourself a break, & don't pick up that first drink!

kurtrambis

I understand your despair at your situation pat I was in similar situation. People have mentioned getting a hobby, a voluntary job (that's what I did). Like you say its not your fault they aren't recruiting at the moment.

Remember your situation is only temporary, as a teacher you obviously have skills. You seem to have a loving wife.

You say you have only been sober 3 months so obviously this makes it harder with the more sober time you get the easier it becomes. If you can overcome this difficult period without alcohol then it can only make you stronger.

Maybe try writing down the positive things in your life and how alcohol will only make things worse.

Make your days constructive but don't overdo it. A trip to the doctors might be a good idea just to check your mental health. I know in my case it got really bad that it was so debilitating. I was unable to do anything constructive about my situation which was causing my depression, it was vicious circle.

Boleo

I agree. Since doing a sincere step 3 my life looks worse from an outside perspective. Yet for some reason, I feel less stress than I ever did when I was financially secure.

Bob Darrel (Las Vegas) mentioned that after saying the 3rd step prayer with a sponcee his life took a nose-dive. He lost his job, his girlfriend and his roommate all at the same time. As a result he ended up with a better job, better girlfriend and a roommate who helped become a super-sponsor.

This is a perfect example of a "Dark Night of the Soul" experience that literally burns away our old life by a trial of fire.

joedris

Actually, your decision to relapse probably started long before last night. Picking up the drink was tha last step and unemployment a convenient excuse. Relapse is a complicated process, and I'd recommend you read Staying Sober by Terence Gorski and Merlene Miller. You can also read a lot about the subject on the internet. By knowing what leads to relapse, we're more able to prevent it. But in any event, don't beat yourself up over it. Not too many make it through the 12 steps without relapsing.

As to the amends in step 8, I wouldn't get hung up about it. I still have amends to make years after I did the steps. There's no requirement that you complete the step entirely before moving to step nine. When the opportunity presents itself, then make the amend. and as Jimhere suggested, work on those amends that don't require money.

chango

My job has been pushing me towards relapse. There's always an excuse. You can remain sober. I will if you will.

jimhere

What's pushing you towards relapse is untreated alcoholism. Read Keith's post.

Mark75

I've always liked the way you approach step three, Jim.

It's liberating.

Mark

Boleo

That is a pretty "Audacious" thing to say!

Most people would say it is down-right Grandiose.

I am one of the few that would say that it matches my experience exactly:

"We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience."

- All quotes from the Big Book are from Alcoholics Anonymous 1st Edition -

Ago

I drank because of my job
I drank because of my lack thereof
I drank when I got laid
I drank because I couldn't get laid
I drank when things were bad
I drank when things were good
I drank when it rained
I drank when it was sunny
I drank because of stress
I drank to make happy times happier


Eventually I drank because I couldn't stop drinking, regardless of the ******** story I told myself and others

When I realized that and began working the steps my experience matched Jim's, Boleo's, Cube's and Kieth's.

Now:

I don't drink because of my job
I don't drink because of my lack thereof
I don't drink when I got laid
I don't drink because I couldn't get laid
I don't drink when things were bad
I don't drink when things were good
I don't drink when it rained
I don't drink when it was sunny
I don't drink because of stress
I don't drink to make happy times happier

I don't even drink during Niners games, and you don't get any more recovered then that, unless of course you are a sober Raiders fan.

I will reiterate what others have said here, the only thing that makes an alcoholic drink is untreated alcoholism

Ask us how to treat it, we will help you

CarolD

Well....
if living in rual Japan ...without a support system and
having job problems is keeping you drinking

you might consider getting yourself unstuck from the situation.

I would think there are other areas with better resources
that are suitable for your career......JMO

I can tell you that to protect my early sobriety
I did change jobs ...and it worked out for me.

mumbai78

My best day drunk is better that my worst day sober.

Drinking or using will only make things worse. Iif I do not intend to stay sober, eventually I will drink. If I lose my job, my alcholic mind will tell me "here's a great opportunity to relapse, you have something to blame it on"