LBW

I know I have a problem. I am tired of the shame and guilt and self-hate. I know I never want to drink again.

One of the obstacles I think I'm going to have with this is that I've been drinking for fun, to relax, to celebrate things ever since I was 16... and I'm 31 now. I realize that when I think about any really fun time I've ever had, I've been drinking. When I imagine having fun doing anything, I imagine drinking while doing it. When I look at people who I admire and I wonder what they do for fun... I even imagine them drinking (although less than I drink for sure).

How does one get past this? I think this is going to be my biggest challenge. I think I can be strong through hard times and sad times. I never really drank to escape difficulties or anything. But I'm going to have a big problem with the happy times. It seems that's when my guard is the most down. That "trigger" people talk about seems to hit me when I get really happy.

When I drink I get even happier and more carefree. I love everyone. The world is a great place. Then I keep drinking and keep drinking and I blackout. Next day I find out all the stupid embarrassing things I did and I'm ashamed.

Do I never feel that happy again? Do I learn how to have fun without drinking?

I think it's worth giving up the highs to prevent the lows... but I'm so worried that if I quit drinking for awhile, I will forget how bad the lows are and start to crave the happiness again.

What do ya'll do to overcome this?

Astro

We've got lists and lists of things to do........

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html

I enjoy spending time with my fiancee and kids, and I'm very active in AA, doing service work and going to recovery meetings. I like gardening, motorcycling, cooking, amateur astronomy, paintballing, reading, camping, hiking, etc. etc. etc.

It's been a long time since I've experienced any boredom, and I rarely have a spare moment to think about taking a drink.

Astro

BTW, I guess there were some years when drinking was fun, but alcohol never made me happy, that was an illusion at first, in the end nothing could really bring me happiness. In sobriety, I'm happier than I've even been, and it's all real

Gypsy Feet

It might sound stupid, but how you do it, is you do it. When I quit drinking I gave up football, camping, and entertaining guests. All things I thought I needed booze to enjoy. After the first few months of sobriety, I found myself really enjoying other things, like the gym, swimming at the beach and reading. After about 7 months of sobriety, I chanced a camping trip, and low and behold, I had a BETTER time sober than drunk (which may be in part because I remembered more). Now there isn't anything I can think of that I want to do that I cant have more fun doing sober.

When I see my friends laughing it up really drunk and listen to them (which more often than not ends up in some incoherent argument anyway), they are inappropriate, they are laughing at their own stupidity, and I shudder to think I was ever that obnoxious.

sailorjohn

Myself, I got to the point where my drinking wasn't fun anymore. I'm not sure any of us can get you to that point, something you have to do by yourself.

When I was drinking-an active alcoholic-everything seemed to revolve around drinking, after I got sober I wondered how I was going to live without alcohol.

Big surprise, I could still enjoy the things I love to do, in fact, I enjoy them even more, no longer being a slave to alcohol, and all of the very negative consequences drinking involves.

Down the road, hopefully you'll see this with a different set of eyes.

About two weeks after I took my last drink, I was invited to a social occasion, alcohol would be served there, I was a little hesitant to go.

Afterwards, I was stunned by the realization that people didn't drink nearly as much as I thought they did. The party-a Christmas party where children would be present-wasn't centered around drinking, the drinking was merely an adjunct.

Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.

Mark75

Gypsy is right....

I do lots of things like bicycle, ski, canoe, fish, camp.... there was always alcohol involved somewhere... Now there's not.

It's just as fun.

It does take an adjustment, I won't deny it.... but it's all in our own head.... so many of our problems are of our own making. Like gypsy said... just do it, or was that Nike, oh sh1t, I'm confused now

Mark

LBW

[QUOTE=sailorjohn;2399586]

Afterwards, I was stunned by the realization that people didn't drink nearly as much as I thought they did. The party-a Christmas party where children would be present-wasn't centered around drinking, the drinking was merely an adjunct.

QUOTE]

LOL!! I noticed that when I got pregnant the first time and quit. It was shocking that so many of my "drinking" friends only drank a couple here and there. I was used to pounding them all night. I thought everyone was. Why did they want to hang out with me??

CarolD

Well....
I always figured people hung out with me because
I'm interested in them and a fascinating woman.

Right or wrong...it's a great way to think of yourself.


Good to see you here again....

TheSunAlsoRises

I think the sailor made a good point. Most of us have gotten to a point where its just not fun anymore. I mean I still wanted to do it for relief but it wasn't fun it was just a addiction. Learning to have fun in sobriety is a little strange, but we all have done it.

trapeze

Your addiction is like a little gnome sitting on your shoulder, telling you that fun without alcohol is not possible. Tell the little gnome to shut up.

Life is better without alcohol. You have fun you actually remember. No euphoric recall (bs, false recollection of what really wasn't so fun) induced by your addiction.

Guilt-free fun!

smacked

That doesn't sound very happy to me.. but my idea of 'fun' and 'good times' has changed over the time I've lived sober.

Honestly, I finally do everything I really wanted to do, just sober.. and everything I had always done, just sober. Course, I turn down invitations to parties where drinking is the theme, I stopped hanging out in bars, mostly be cause the people there disgust me now, and changed up my drinking buddies for real friends.

This is going to sound silly, but I have also found the pleasure in doing NOTHING. After being drunk and high for so long, I was literally always buzzing, always something.. so when I got sober, I thought I had to always be doing something, Fill the void. I think that's important at first, if anything just to change up habits.. but after a while I became comfortable with myself, my home.. my environment, and sometimes just doing nothing in particular is enjoyable, my life is wonderful now... and I feel blessed.

After this long of doing things sober, I cannot for the life of me think of why I ever thought being drunk was "fun". That took time, but it can happen.

Freedom1990

Carol, I love it!

littlebluedog

I don't know when it happened, but it did. In the very beginning of sobriety, I dreaded weekends. They were a trigger. Weekends were when I would drink my wine and my husband would bbq(which consequently I would never eat...too busy drinking). So I would tell myself that the weekends were just another day.

Now, I look forward to them. I look forward to getting out and about, going to museums, garden nurseries, lunch with my family, movies, coffee, and of course, meetings. Even after the meetings, some of us will stay and chat for a while, bc we actually enjoy each other's company.

AA has been a life saver for myself. And to answer your question, yes, you will absolutely feel happy again. Stick around and keep us posted on your progress.

EvilBunny

I have the same problem. However, I know that drinking and using hasn't really been fun for a very long time, but I still think of it that way. I think I have been chasing the euphoria of the early years when the highs were incredible. Now I can drink and use all day and never get there.

JohnnyZ

>> This is going to sound silly, but I have also found the pleasure in doing NOTHING.

Absolutely! I often enjoy moments of solitude, of doing nothing. I find it physically relaxing and mentally cleansing. :-)

Draysin

another one who also enjoys doing NOTHING.

It's nice to read, and watch movies, research things on the computer without a beer in hand. I found I can actually TALK and laugh hysterically while sober. Never thought it would happen but it surely did.

For me, I had to sort of reinvent how to do things. Took a bit of time but doesn't most things?

Believe in yourself and keep posting!

TheMaster

I know exactly how you feel. I have sort of the same problem, except minus the guilt/shame. My problem is when I drink, I eat like a horse. I keep snacks all around me and I am type 2 diabetic, as of 2005. I know I need to stop to control it, but I have had a monstrous time doing it, because it is easy to live in denial and say "to hell with it" and drink, eat, etc.

Lately, I have noticed a few of things.

1. The drinking has become just as boring as not drinking.

2. The hangovers have become much more lengthy & painful (I am 40).

3. Drinking has turned into a prison. I arranged my weekends to suit my drinking schedule (start at 5PM, crash around 12-1AM) which is rather stupid.

4. I am 260 pounds and while I try to exercise, all effort are wasted, come Friday night.

I mean, I don't really go out & do a whole lot, but once I took the 1st shot of scotch, I was in the house for good, that night. Call me a safe drunk... I don't drink & drive, except maybe after 1-2 shots and a trip to the closest store to get some chips (not very often-I usually was prepared).

So, for me, it boiled down to this:

I have many reasons to not drink and only ONE reason to drink. What is that reason? Because I like it...

That's what makes it difficult.

traderjane

LBW -- I can totally understand what you are saying. I have felt that way myself, for a long time. I think we just have to shake the idea that drinking is fun. The truth is --- it's NOT FUN anymore. If it were, we wouldn't be here on this website!

I have looked at all the stupid things I have done in that wild, happy, carefree drunken state and am really ashamed of them. They are not *me* at all -- just some crazy drug making its way into my system.

I think we have to re-define "fun." That is what I'm working on. And I'm right there with you!

joedris

I'm having a tough time here figuring out why drinking until you blackout, doing stupid, embarrassing thing and being ashamed the next day is fun? The answer to your problem is total, permanent abstinence from alcohol. Hook up with aa or some other support group to help you in recovery. And don't worry, you'll be amazed at how much fun you can have without alcohol. If you keep doing what you're doing, it's not gonna be fun for much longer. Trust me on this. I've been there.

Learn2Live

That probably wasn't happiness. That was out-of-control-drunkenness. Having fun and being happy are two completely different things IMO.

You can have fun doing anything really. It's all about attitude and what you make of every situation you find or place yourself in. Happiness is elusive. I don't think there is anyone who is always happy. To me, happiness is a feeling. And feelings change from moment to moment. They have to because everything changes from moment to moment. It's hard to keep up. But it's easier to keep up when you are sober.

I think that depends on who you are behind all that drunkenness. After I sobered up, I realized that my person, who I am inside--not who I thought I was--does not even like loud, obnoxious, smelly drunken people and places. And here I had spent three to four nights a week for the last 10 years of my life in these places with these kinds of people.

We may have thought we were having fun at the time, but looking back on it, I realized that we were a bunch of very unhappy people, numbing the unhappiness, and substituting peace and serenity with debauchery and danger.

I have come to accept myself as a person who is mostly the opposite of who I was when I was drunk. I'm not going to lie to you and say, "Yeah! Everything is great now and I have fun every day!" It's not like that for me and I think that's probably why I drank in the first place; to loosen up. I don't know how to have fun. I do not do well in crowds. So my life can feel boring and routine at times and I rely on other people to show me how to have fun.

But I do know how to live a quiet, peaceful, serene life and how to maintain that. And I'll take THAT over drunkenness ANY day!

Keep a journal where you write down how bad the lows are (your specific reasons for wanting to get and stay sober) so that you can look back to it when you start to question why you are doing this in the first place.

Feel the fear and do it anyway.