Having fun or relaxing without alcohol?
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
One last thing I want to share LBW:
I am 42 now. And looking back, I see that at just about the turn of every decade of my life, the Universe brings me something VERY new and different. Usually, it is major, significant, and VERY scary at first. I think this happens to everyone, according to their own timing.
Those of us who are comfortable with change don't make a big stink about it and are able to just roll with the punches. But there are some of us who have to force ourselves to face it and adapt to it the best way we can, but with a lot of noise, kicking, punching, and screaming. And then there are some of us who dig in our heels and refuse to move. How sad for them because they remain stuck while the rest of us march onward.
The beauty of it LBW, is you get to choose which way you're going to approach it.
To me, knowing what little I know about you, all you are saying is that starting as a teen (which most of us did) and throughout your twenties (which is completely normal) you partied. Now that you are in your thirties, and have a family with children, you want to settle down more. How completely normal of you! So, you see? You’re just fine. And you’re going to be just fine.
You’re just like the rest of us.
I've been drinking for fun, to relax, to celebrate things ever since I was 16... and I'm 31 now.
Those of us who are comfortable with change don't make a big stink about it and are able to just roll with the punches. But there are some of us who have to force ourselves to face it and adapt to it the best way we can, but with a lot of noise, kicking, punching, and screaming. And then there are some of us who dig in our heels and refuse to move. How sad for them because they remain stuck while the rest of us march onward.
The beauty of it LBW, is you get to choose which way you're going to approach it.
To me, knowing what little I know about you, all you are saying is that starting as a teen (which most of us did) and throughout your twenties (which is completely normal) you partied. Now that you are in your thirties, and have a family with children, you want to settle down more. How completely normal of you! So, you see? You’re just fine. And you’re going to be just fine.
You’re just like the rest of us.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Hi LBW,
I can totally relate to your questions and do not have much experience with having fun sober. The last couple of weeknds I've spent with friends that have young children. I've found that they love to have fun, and just about anything they do is fun to them, be it watching tv, showing me their toys, running around in the back yard, petting the dog, it really seems to come natural to them. I think it's that way for us too, except that we have to get the toxic chemicals out of our systems, then in essence learn to be a kid again. When it comes to having fun, young children can be some of our best teachers.
I can totally relate to your questions and do not have much experience with having fun sober. The last couple of weeknds I've spent with friends that have young children. I've found that they love to have fun, and just about anything they do is fun to them, be it watching tv, showing me their toys, running around in the back yard, petting the dog, it really seems to come natural to them. I think it's that way for us too, except that we have to get the toxic chemicals out of our systems, then in essence learn to be a kid again. When it comes to having fun, young children can be some of our best teachers.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 694
I can relate, since September 20th 2009, I have drank 7 nights, used to be 7 nights a week, I just keep re-lapsing.
I re-quit last Wednesday, today is day 3, and Saturday night is a hard one to over come because of the "Fun Factor", since the day I really tried to quit (Sept 20th) I have relapsed twice, both on a Saturday night, but really it is no fun any longer, I am chasing something that doesn’t exist any longer.
I look back at both of those recent relapses and each time was at a restaurant, I seen others enjoying just one or 2 beers “relaxing”. Although I didn’t drink at the restaurant it never left my head and I eventually went and got loaded before the night was over, then night after night….
It’s no fun having to start all over again, it would have almost been a month for me, I’m disappointed in me, but tonight is night 3 and I really want to quit before things get worse.
Sorry for the long post but 1 more thing, My brother loaded up his truck to go hunting yesterday, had loads of beer, I seen them and it reminds me of the good ole days, I wanted to drink so bad, got depressed and even mad because I have made a promise to myself and my wife of 21 years, if it wasn’t for her I would have gave in I think.
Its going to be hard I know and the fun factor is my weakest area.
Thanks for posting this!
I re-quit last Wednesday, today is day 3, and Saturday night is a hard one to over come because of the "Fun Factor", since the day I really tried to quit (Sept 20th) I have relapsed twice, both on a Saturday night, but really it is no fun any longer, I am chasing something that doesn’t exist any longer.
I look back at both of those recent relapses and each time was at a restaurant, I seen others enjoying just one or 2 beers “relaxing”. Although I didn’t drink at the restaurant it never left my head and I eventually went and got loaded before the night was over, then night after night….
It’s no fun having to start all over again, it would have almost been a month for me, I’m disappointed in me, but tonight is night 3 and I really want to quit before things get worse.
Sorry for the long post but 1 more thing, My brother loaded up his truck to go hunting yesterday, had loads of beer, I seen them and it reminds me of the good ole days, I wanted to drink so bad, got depressed and even mad because I have made a promise to myself and my wife of 21 years, if it wasn’t for her I would have gave in I think.
Its going to be hard I know and the fun factor is my weakest area.
Thanks for posting this!
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Wow SomethingBetter, your post is so helpful to me this morning because I am going thru the same thing with the smokes right now. Your post really shows me how people, places, and things are so strong an influence when trying to make a new, healthier decision. I was just talking to myself this morning trying to be my own cheerleader about how these cigarettes are killing me and how I keep relapsing on them. And then I turn on the computer and here you are telling me the same things I was thinking! So Thanks!
Anyway, It's so hard to stop smoking and I think part of the reason is because they are so portable! Everywhere I go, I have taken them with me, so it's hard to avoid the places where I have smoked because those places are everywhere and part of my life (like home, work, car, etc). With the booze, it was easier because I was able to stop going to restaurants, and I was able to stop hanging out with my drinking buddies, but with cigarettes I can't do that as far as I can see.
Sorry if I'm rambling, just wanted to share.
Anyway, It's so hard to stop smoking and I think part of the reason is because they are so portable! Everywhere I go, I have taken them with me, so it's hard to avoid the places where I have smoked because those places are everywhere and part of my life (like home, work, car, etc). With the booze, it was easier because I was able to stop going to restaurants, and I was able to stop hanging out with my drinking buddies, but with cigarettes I can't do that as far as I can see.
Sorry if I'm rambling, just wanted to share.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 694
Learn2Live thank you, I gave the smokes up before I was 35, about 7 or 8 years ago, don’t really think of them any more, what done it for me was a documentary on smoking and what it does to you.
I seen Rain in my Heart last night, a documentary about drinking thanks to this great forum, it was hard to watch and I feel for the real people in that film, I hope it has the same long lasting sober affect on me that the smoking documentary had on my smoking.
If I calculated correctly I my have drank around 70,000 units of alcohol in my life, that’s scary, 1 a day from birth you’d have to live to be 191 years old, or drink around 12 a day for about 17 years, its amazing any of us survive.
Good luck with your smoking!
Well, its Saturday night again, this week I am staying in with my coffee, bring on day 4.
I seen Rain in my Heart last night, a documentary about drinking thanks to this great forum, it was hard to watch and I feel for the real people in that film, I hope it has the same long lasting sober affect on me that the smoking documentary had on my smoking.
If I calculated correctly I my have drank around 70,000 units of alcohol in my life, that’s scary, 1 a day from birth you’d have to live to be 191 years old, or drink around 12 a day for about 17 years, its amazing any of us survive.
Good luck with your smoking!
Well, its Saturday night again, this week I am staying in with my coffee, bring on day 4.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: NW Wisconson
Posts: 95
LearntoLive: I hear you on smoking! I managed to quit about 8 years ago after taking care of my Mum as she died of cancer. A motivator. however, my alcholism continued through that (think I drank at least a bottle of wine each day during my care of her), to this day. I'm on Day 2. I think I thought quitting drinking would be easier than smoking; both are awful!! True smokes are portable, but its hard to find anywhere *to*smoke anymore, and there's such a stigma about it, that I think that helped me. With drinking, its still such a social norm, and all the wine bottles look so pretty . . . not as portable, but easy to buy and there's all the joy of good wine/good food. Am rambling. I find the topic endlessly fascinating on the hells of quitting drinking and smoking.
Stick with it; when I quit, I dwindled down to 1 cig a day for 2 months. I had it right before I went to bed. It was such a part of me I clung until the last moment to the habit. It took me years of trying to succeed. Am hoping I can succeed w/recovery from drinking some day too.
Stick with it; when I quit, I dwindled down to 1 cig a day for 2 months. I had it right before I went to bed. It was such a part of me I clung until the last moment to the habit. It took me years of trying to succeed. Am hoping I can succeed w/recovery from drinking some day too.
I got nothin'
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
The fun part will come...stay strong and sober.
Find something you like to do that you couldn't possibly do while drunk...that helps me a lot. For me it's photography...I can't do art when I'm messed up.
Some of the stuff I used to always do with a drink in hand, like internetting or video gaming, I can now do completely sober...and I enjoy it. It took a little while to get used to it...but habits can be changed.
Hang in there and give your sober self a chance.
Find something you like to do that you couldn't possibly do while drunk...that helps me a lot. For me it's photography...I can't do art when I'm messed up.
Some of the stuff I used to always do with a drink in hand, like internetting or video gaming, I can now do completely sober...and I enjoy it. It took a little while to get used to it...but habits can be changed.
Hang in there and give your sober self a chance.
Thunderheart
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: North London
Posts: 1
LBW, you summed up my feeling exactly, except that I don't really feel shamefull. Just a bit dissapointed with myself.
This is an issue that i've been thinking about for a while and just decided to google 'Going out without alcohol' and stumbled across this forum - so glad that I did now, after reading all the helpfull comments.
I only drink on the weekend when out with friends but it's always a lot, it's just been standard procedure for so long and a way of life. I know i'm going to struggle going out without drinking but there's more to life than going out and getting hammered and making a tit of yourself lol. Though even when two sheets to the wind i'm shy with women and going sober is going to be interesting. The way i'm looking at it though is that people prefer to talk with someone who actually knows what they're are saying, not some gibbering buffoon clutching a corona and downing shots.
After reading the previous comments my resolve has been strengthened to follow through and enjoy life and be 'fun socially' without the liqueor.
Again thanks to the original poster and to the other people that commented. Peace and good luck to you all.
This is an issue that i've been thinking about for a while and just decided to google 'Going out without alcohol' and stumbled across this forum - so glad that I did now, after reading all the helpfull comments.
I only drink on the weekend when out with friends but it's always a lot, it's just been standard procedure for so long and a way of life. I know i'm going to struggle going out without drinking but there's more to life than going out and getting hammered and making a tit of yourself lol. Though even when two sheets to the wind i'm shy with women and going sober is going to be interesting. The way i'm looking at it though is that people prefer to talk with someone who actually knows what they're are saying, not some gibbering buffoon clutching a corona and downing shots.
After reading the previous comments my resolve has been strengthened to follow through and enjoy life and be 'fun socially' without the liqueor.
Again thanks to the original poster and to the other people that commented. Peace and good luck to you all.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: South Texas
Posts: 13
LBW,
Thanks for this post. I'm currently on day 7 (longest sober in a LONG time), but wow, you took the words right out of my mouth. How do I have fun without drinking? To be honest... I'm scared about that whole aspect, but looking forward to figuring it out. Stay strong.
Thanks for this post. I'm currently on day 7 (longest sober in a LONG time), but wow, you took the words right out of my mouth. How do I have fun without drinking? To be honest... I'm scared about that whole aspect, but looking forward to figuring it out. Stay strong.
I found some of the thoughts here to be really helpful. Definitely worth reading.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 139
I myself am about to go to the beach. It is actually illegal to drink on the beach in this county. I am not by any means recovered, but I am asking myself what I used to enjoy, and doing those things. Amusement park and rollercoasters is next on my list when I have the money. There are a ton of fun things in life we can do without alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 71
I think it's easy, but I'm not an alcoholic. I was an alcohol abuser but not an addict.
However, I did used to binge drink on the occasional weekend to party and have fun. It lessens my inhibitions and allows me to be more outgoing than I am normally.
But I stopped my occasional binge drinking a year ago in order to support my bf who was just beginning recovery from meth addiction. He is still in active successful recovery but we are no longer together. But I don't miss the drinking. It just doesn't appeal to me any longer, and I've learned that sober fun can be just as fun as drunk fun, if not more. No hangovers, no vomiting and it's cheaper too!
And to think ... it wasn't so long ago that I didn't think I could live my life if I were told I could never drink again ... but my life is actually more enriching and full of happier, more positive people than those I met while drinking to get drunk.
However, I did used to binge drink on the occasional weekend to party and have fun. It lessens my inhibitions and allows me to be more outgoing than I am normally.
But I stopped my occasional binge drinking a year ago in order to support my bf who was just beginning recovery from meth addiction. He is still in active successful recovery but we are no longer together. But I don't miss the drinking. It just doesn't appeal to me any longer, and I've learned that sober fun can be just as fun as drunk fun, if not more. No hangovers, no vomiting and it's cheaper too!
And to think ... it wasn't so long ago that I didn't think I could live my life if I were told I could never drink again ... but my life is actually more enriching and full of happier, more positive people than those I met while drinking to get drunk.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Having fun...see, I get confused when I think of that concept.
I used to think getting drunk, high or whatever, hanging out with my drinking buddies, laughing at stupid sh!t, and acting like fools was fun. Then I started embarrassing myself, doing stupid sh!t, acting like a total narcisstic jerk, putting people down, blowing paychecks that were meant for bills, telling my exwife to go f herself, and telling others to mind their own d#mn business, blowing off work because I was too drunk or hungover to show up, and it didn't seem like fun anymore.
Now, I'm looking at things differently. What is fun? Well, to me today, it's something I can be proud of, even if it's just doing the dishes. How can that be? Well, enough misery changed my perception of what fun really is, for it's fun to me today to just live life without acting like a drunken fool, and doing the dishes is just part of that. So is watching a movie and remembering it, talking with friends and having them say, "D, you sound great", cause when they say that, I feel great. Having fun is helping someone else in any way I can, because they need help, and I need to help them to help myself. That's all fun, and it's good healthy fun to me.
Today, it's fun reaching out to you and saying life is much more fun without the booze, the drugs, the hangovers, the remorse, and all that crap that went along when I was trying to have fun.
Don't mean to preach, just thought I'd drop in and say I hear ya and it gets better.
I used to think getting drunk, high or whatever, hanging out with my drinking buddies, laughing at stupid sh!t, and acting like fools was fun. Then I started embarrassing myself, doing stupid sh!t, acting like a total narcisstic jerk, putting people down, blowing paychecks that were meant for bills, telling my exwife to go f herself, and telling others to mind their own d#mn business, blowing off work because I was too drunk or hungover to show up, and it didn't seem like fun anymore.
Now, I'm looking at things differently. What is fun? Well, to me today, it's something I can be proud of, even if it's just doing the dishes. How can that be? Well, enough misery changed my perception of what fun really is, for it's fun to me today to just live life without acting like a drunken fool, and doing the dishes is just part of that. So is watching a movie and remembering it, talking with friends and having them say, "D, you sound great", cause when they say that, I feel great. Having fun is helping someone else in any way I can, because they need help, and I need to help them to help myself. That's all fun, and it's good healthy fun to me.
Today, it's fun reaching out to you and saying life is much more fun without the booze, the drugs, the hangovers, the remorse, and all that crap that went along when I was trying to have fun.
Don't mean to preach, just thought I'd drop in and say I hear ya and it gets better.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 91
It is an amazing coincidence that this thread was brought up again! I was just thinking the other day that I have come a long way since joining this site... and yet I still struggle with some of the same issues. The main one being... the issue I brought up in this thread.
To give you all an update on me since posting actively on this site... I am actually happier (all things considered) than I've ever been in my life. I had my second baby in February. He's wonderful! We call him "happy baby" because he smiles and laughs ALL THE TIME. My three year old is also doing great. He is so funny!
I started running again in April. I have thrown myself into running and my running group. Some of you have AA, I have running. I run 40-60 miles a week now. I love it. My whole focus is on races and healthful living so I can do the best I can. After a good run or race, I am more happy than you can imagine. There's just nothing better than those exercise endorphins and the feeling of acomplishment.
I have become a vegetarian too... and I'm considering taking it further to veganism... just kinda leaning into that though. I've never felt so alive in my life. I also look better than ever. I can't believe the difference in my skin! When I was drinking and smoking cigs, my skin was awful. Now, it's amazing. I really look younger and more "alive", more happy in pictures today at the age of 32 than I did in pictures at the age of 26 when I was drinking all the time and smoking.
BUT as for the drinking thing... I wish I could say I have that 100% figured out. I still struggle from time to time. After my son was born I "fell off the wagon". I started drinking again once a week. Then I decided to cut that back even more... I now only allow myself to drink when I get a babysitter and can go out with my husband.... this works out to be maybe once a month. I've only drank more than 2 beers in one sitting about 4 times since early July. But when I do drink more, I end up half the time doing something embarrassing on email or the phone. sigh. Then I get THE guilt...
On the other hand, sometimes I just wonder if I have excessive guilt and problems with perfectionism. I am also an adult child of an (recently recovering) alcoholic. Maybe I'm more like an alcohol abuser at this point rather than a full fledge alcoholic (although at one time in my life, I was an alcoholic).
I get the itch for alcohol less than ever before... but it's still there. I don't drink when I'm stressed, sad, mad, or bored. I have no triggers what so ever in those instances but every few weeks, I get this wild hair where I just want to go out and "party". Actually, those other things were never triggers for me.. it was always the party or relaxation thing.... just before I wanted to party almost every night.
Even though my definition of party is SOOO different now ... nowadays, I'd call "party" just sitting at a restaraunt with my husband and/or friends and talk while drinking... but I'd still be the one drinking twice as much as anyone else and embarrassing myself.
I continue the soul searching on this drinking and having fun thing. I think the itch I get to drink is because I want a break from working hard and thinking and analyzing about everything... I also like seeing the carefree version of my husband... He's so stressed and rude most of the time. It's so hard with young kids and very limited babysitting for us to talk. We are like business partner roommates most of the time. I have to email him if I want to talk about something for longer than 3 sentenses. When we do get the chance to go out, alcohol is very effective at letting us release some of the resentments we've built up against each other and just have fun and relax.
The above paragraph could be a bunch of lame excuses...
I read this quote the other day on a running website and I think it applies to almost every endeavor in life. "When you really want something, YOU WILL FIND A WAY. When you don't, YOU WILL FIND AN EXCUSE."
So, as you can see, I continue to struggle with this issue. It would be nice to have it figured out and not have to think about it so much. I think deep down I'm just not completely convinced I want to give it up for good... I'm still thinking I could tone it down... UNTIL the next big embarrassing thing I do.
To give you all an update on me since posting actively on this site... I am actually happier (all things considered) than I've ever been in my life. I had my second baby in February. He's wonderful! We call him "happy baby" because he smiles and laughs ALL THE TIME. My three year old is also doing great. He is so funny!
I started running again in April. I have thrown myself into running and my running group. Some of you have AA, I have running. I run 40-60 miles a week now. I love it. My whole focus is on races and healthful living so I can do the best I can. After a good run or race, I am more happy than you can imagine. There's just nothing better than those exercise endorphins and the feeling of acomplishment.
I have become a vegetarian too... and I'm considering taking it further to veganism... just kinda leaning into that though. I've never felt so alive in my life. I also look better than ever. I can't believe the difference in my skin! When I was drinking and smoking cigs, my skin was awful. Now, it's amazing. I really look younger and more "alive", more happy in pictures today at the age of 32 than I did in pictures at the age of 26 when I was drinking all the time and smoking.
BUT as for the drinking thing... I wish I could say I have that 100% figured out. I still struggle from time to time. After my son was born I "fell off the wagon". I started drinking again once a week. Then I decided to cut that back even more... I now only allow myself to drink when I get a babysitter and can go out with my husband.... this works out to be maybe once a month. I've only drank more than 2 beers in one sitting about 4 times since early July. But when I do drink more, I end up half the time doing something embarrassing on email or the phone. sigh. Then I get THE guilt...
On the other hand, sometimes I just wonder if I have excessive guilt and problems with perfectionism. I am also an adult child of an (recently recovering) alcoholic. Maybe I'm more like an alcohol abuser at this point rather than a full fledge alcoholic (although at one time in my life, I was an alcoholic).
I get the itch for alcohol less than ever before... but it's still there. I don't drink when I'm stressed, sad, mad, or bored. I have no triggers what so ever in those instances but every few weeks, I get this wild hair where I just want to go out and "party". Actually, those other things were never triggers for me.. it was always the party or relaxation thing.... just before I wanted to party almost every night.
Even though my definition of party is SOOO different now ... nowadays, I'd call "party" just sitting at a restaraunt with my husband and/or friends and talk while drinking... but I'd still be the one drinking twice as much as anyone else and embarrassing myself.
I continue the soul searching on this drinking and having fun thing. I think the itch I get to drink is because I want a break from working hard and thinking and analyzing about everything... I also like seeing the carefree version of my husband... He's so stressed and rude most of the time. It's so hard with young kids and very limited babysitting for us to talk. We are like business partner roommates most of the time. I have to email him if I want to talk about something for longer than 3 sentenses. When we do get the chance to go out, alcohol is very effective at letting us release some of the resentments we've built up against each other and just have fun and relax.
The above paragraph could be a bunch of lame excuses...
I read this quote the other day on a running website and I think it applies to almost every endeavor in life. "When you really want something, YOU WILL FIND A WAY. When you don't, YOU WILL FIND AN EXCUSE."
So, as you can see, I continue to struggle with this issue. It would be nice to have it figured out and not have to think about it so much. I think deep down I'm just not completely convinced I want to give it up for good... I'm still thinking I could tone it down... UNTIL the next big embarrassing thing I do.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,352
Congratulations on your baby LBW
As far as the drinking goes, I wish you luck - I'd always be the one who drank more than anyone else, who passed out, or was embarrassing, or in danger, or acted inappropriately....
My life is a million times better now - I think I'm a million times better - and it all came from accepting what I was...and finally putting down the drink.
D
As far as the drinking goes, I wish you luck - I'd always be the one who drank more than anyone else, who passed out, or was embarrassing, or in danger, or acted inappropriately....
My life is a million times better now - I think I'm a million times better - and it all came from accepting what I was...and finally putting down the drink.
D
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