Horrible Shape
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
Hi again Brian,
You wrote to Ninerfan:
"Why not AA meetings? Like I said... I don't share my problems with people like that.. (especially in person)."
I going to assume that when you say "people like that" you mean to say "in that fashion" as apposed to meaning "those people." What do you think the difference is in the people at an AA meeting and here on this board? Do you think you'll get any less compassion and understanding at an AA meeting?
The first thing you should do is get rid of those beers in the frig. The second thing is to get your butt to a doctor and get some help. All your best thinking got you right where you sit. I've read through the posts since my last and nowhere did you mention your son again, unless I missed it. What about him?
There's a quote from the AA Big Book that says in so many words that some people are constituionally incapable of being honest with themselves. Are you one of these people who just won't admit defeat? Booze has got you right by the shorthairs my friend and what's worse is you have the classic symtom of denial that won't let you do what has been suggested to you here on this board, which is to get some help. You seem to want to do it your way. I will remind you that your way got you here. You might want to consider getting rid of all the excuses about being shy and not wanting to share your secrets because in the end, that's exactly what you'll have to do or you just might end up like your grandfather only not in some place as nice as jail. Right now you have a computer to type on and apparently a roof over your head. Do you have to lose everything before you give up??
You wrote to Ninerfan:
"Why not AA meetings? Like I said... I don't share my problems with people like that.. (especially in person)."
I going to assume that when you say "people like that" you mean to say "in that fashion" as apposed to meaning "those people." What do you think the difference is in the people at an AA meeting and here on this board? Do you think you'll get any less compassion and understanding at an AA meeting?
The first thing you should do is get rid of those beers in the frig. The second thing is to get your butt to a doctor and get some help. All your best thinking got you right where you sit. I've read through the posts since my last and nowhere did you mention your son again, unless I missed it. What about him?
There's a quote from the AA Big Book that says in so many words that some people are constituionally incapable of being honest with themselves. Are you one of these people who just won't admit defeat? Booze has got you right by the shorthairs my friend and what's worse is you have the classic symtom of denial that won't let you do what has been suggested to you here on this board, which is to get some help. You seem to want to do it your way. I will remind you that your way got you here. You might want to consider getting rid of all the excuses about being shy and not wanting to share your secrets because in the end, that's exactly what you'll have to do or you just might end up like your grandfather only not in some place as nice as jail. Right now you have a computer to type on and apparently a roof over your head. Do you have to lose everything before you give up??
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: VA
Posts: 9
First... Yeah I did get rid of the beers in the fridge. Second... I meant when I said about "people like that"... meaning in that fashion. I'm probobly worse then my fellow alcoholics. Third... if ya gotta know.. I spent my child hood going to NA meetings with my mother who is in jail til she dies now, and I don't intend on doing it again. If it works for you, that's great man... But you are not me. Yeah you know what? I am gonna do it my way. I said if I fail that I would try something else. Fourth... I support my habit from the job I work 60 hours a week for a Lumber company. I don't sell drugs, steal, or hurt other people to get what I need to survive. Excuse me, old habit! 36 hours my friend! Fifth if you gotta know... I can't stay on here all the time because I don't have a computer. I use my girlfriends roomates computer... and no i'm not that well off in my living situation!
Excuses? This is the last type of support I needed signing on here. I'm glad your such a strong recoverd alcoholic my friend
Excuses? This is the last type of support I needed signing on here. I'm glad your such a strong recoverd alcoholic my friend
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: VA
Posts: 9
PS Music...
If you would please re-read my last post on page 1 you would see where I wrote..
"I'm gonna see how talking to you guys helps me first anyways. You are right... I would do even what I feared most for my child. I know he needs me. "
I am offended that you think I don't love my son. Things are not as peachy as it seems man. I kinda feel like you read what you wanted to respond with a bash.
If you would please re-read my last post on page 1 you would see where I wrote..
"I'm gonna see how talking to you guys helps me first anyways. You are right... I would do even what I feared most for my child. I know he needs me. "
I am offended that you think I don't love my son. Things are not as peachy as it seems man. I kinda feel like you read what you wanted to respond with a bash.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Brian, I'm very sorry to hear about your mother. That must be so very painful for you. And, you only need to share on this board what you feel comfortable with.
As for AA, many of the people on the board believe in AA and some don't. There are others who, like you, just find it simply doesn't work for them. The point is Brian, that anything that works for you is great. Some of us simply cannot face the things we need to deal with in front of others. And, I think that is why many people find this board to be helpful as a source of support and understanding. You will find caring and supportive people here Brian.
PS. Glad you got rid of the beer!
Keep coming back Brian. You're in my prayers.
Hugs and love,
Anna
As for AA, many of the people on the board believe in AA and some don't. There are others who, like you, just find it simply doesn't work for them. The point is Brian, that anything that works for you is great. Some of us simply cannot face the things we need to deal with in front of others. And, I think that is why many people find this board to be helpful as a source of support and understanding. You will find caring and supportive people here Brian.
PS. Glad you got rid of the beer!
Keep coming back Brian. You're in my prayers.
Hugs and love,
Anna
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Hi Brian and belated welcome!
Lot's of good advice here and I just want to say your not alone and never have to do this alone. We all have the same problem and alcoholism is just a bitch. Often we feel we were dealt a raw hand in life and ask why me. We are not to question the path our HP has dealt us, but we sure can learn to live again... sober. It's not easy in the begining , no fun at times, but in the end our lives depend on sobriety and we can learn to grow up and be happy, one day at a time, with much support.
Please look for Weibes' thread he's in your shoes now, and is making it one 24 at a time, I think you would be a great means of support for each other. Glad you found us and your never gonna have to do this alone.
Lot's of good advice here and I just want to say your not alone and never have to do this alone. We all have the same problem and alcoholism is just a bitch. Often we feel we were dealt a raw hand in life and ask why me. We are not to question the path our HP has dealt us, but we sure can learn to live again... sober. It's not easy in the begining , no fun at times, but in the end our lives depend on sobriety and we can learn to grow up and be happy, one day at a time, with much support.
Please look for Weibes' thread he's in your shoes now, and is making it one 24 at a time, I think you would be a great means of support for each other. Glad you found us and your never gonna have to do this alone.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
Originally posted by Eagles92401
PS Music...
If you would please re-read my last post on page 1 you would see where I wrote..
"I'm gonna see how talking to you guys helps me first anyways. You are right... I would do even what I feared most for my child. I know he needs me. "
I am offended that you think I don't love my son. Things are not as peachy as it seems man. I kinda feel like you read what you wanted to respond with a bash.
PS Music...
If you would please re-read my last post on page 1 you would see where I wrote..
"I'm gonna see how talking to you guys helps me first anyways. You are right... I would do even what I feared most for my child. I know he needs me. "
I am offended that you think I don't love my son. Things are not as peachy as it seems man. I kinda feel like you read what you wanted to respond with a bash.
There are many ways to show caring and support for someone. One way is to pat a person on the butt and treat the person like a little kid who needs to be spoiled into getting sober, the other way is to treat a person like an adult and not beat around the bush by telling it straight out. My way is the latter. The fact that I don't pull any punches is no reflection on how I feel about you. You've been through some tough times and there are more to come. If you can't handle honesty, then go ahead and do it your way.
I'm sure you do love your son. I loved my wife and kids too but they came in second when it came to drinking. That's what the disease does. You stated you "don't hurt other people to get what you need to survive." You've been hurt by your grandfather and your mother, to the point that you won't do what's necessary to take care of yourself. Think again my friend. I found out that I hurt almost everyone I came in contact with; even if it was something as simple as being grouchy because I was hung over.
I wish you the best Brian. I've said enough.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: the Netherlands
Posts: 141
Hi Brian. Glad to see you here. If alcohol were like unpaid bills then someone would certainly have the infinite wisdom to tell you that they have to be paid, but others may talk about budgets and actual plans to deal with the situation. You'll find both types of people here. When I came to the boards a few months ago I was a physical and mental wreck. Slowly, and with tons of support and excellent tips I got it under control to the point of being able to stop a few days at a time and drinking coffee in the mornings. It's a start, and for me a world of difference from a few months ago when it took both hands to get that first can of beer to my mouth at 6 AM. Ther are many people on the boards, and just as many differing opinions.
Hope you keep posting.
Wiebe
Hope you keep posting.
Wiebe
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Dreaming Summer
Posts: 821
Originally posted by Eagles92401
Man, if you only know the specifics as to what really makes me drink. Ah, it hurts! That just made the shaking more intense when I typed that.
-Brian
Man, if you only know the specifics as to what really makes me drink. Ah, it hurts! That just made the shaking more intense when I typed that.
-Brian
Think detox and meetings are a horrible thing?How can it be worse than alcohol poisoning,drunk driving charges,and the steady destruction of your life?
When you are finally tired of running you may find the willingness to go to any lengths.Until then keep posting.Listen to what everyone says.Even the ones who **** you off.There are people here who will risk hurting your feelings in hopes that it might save your life.
phoenix
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
Sheshie and Brian.
Welcome to the forum.
I abused alcohol for twenty years before I finally admitted I had a problem.
Today with the help of Alcoholics Anonymous I have been sober nearly six years.
After five years of drinking I began to seriously suspect that my drinking was out of control.
After ten years I knew for sure I had a problem.
After fifteen my life was in complete ruins.
The reason I continued my destructive behaviour for so long was because I kept telling myself that I could recover on my own terms.
I remained closed minded and defiant to just about every suggestion I heard ,especially AA because for me AA was the ultimate act of humiliation.
I tried doctors, pyschologists , counsellors ,ministers of religion ,spiritual healers, relationships and none of them suggested anything to me that I did not already know or could identify with.
Finally I was virtually dragged kicking and screaming to my first AA meeting.My money was all gone and I had nowhere else to go.
I sat in my first AA meeting expecting to be lectured about the dangers of drinking.I expected to be condemnded and ridiculed , none of which happened. Instead I heard men and women talking about their own experiences with alcohol in a way in which I could identify.
My original prejudices and misconceptions about AA went right out the window after my first meeting.
There are probably as many ways to recover as there are alcoholics. I can only refer to what has worked for me.
The reason for my success in staying sober for six years is because I try to remain openminded at all times and sometimes I have heard some things that sparked resentments.
Usually the things that hurt me the most are the things that are true.
Brian you mentioned following your mother to NA meetings.
Perhaps you had expectations of NA keeping your mom clean and out of jail.
I have seen people turn their backs on geeting the help they need from AA and NA because of unrealistic expectations.
Admitting we have a problem and getting rid of the booze in the house are important steps in getting sober but there is a lot more work to be done.
Whatever road you choose to recovery do it with earnestness and in the meantime keep coming back.
We are always open and always glad to hear from you.
Welcome to the forum.
I abused alcohol for twenty years before I finally admitted I had a problem.
Today with the help of Alcoholics Anonymous I have been sober nearly six years.
After five years of drinking I began to seriously suspect that my drinking was out of control.
After ten years I knew for sure I had a problem.
After fifteen my life was in complete ruins.
The reason I continued my destructive behaviour for so long was because I kept telling myself that I could recover on my own terms.
I remained closed minded and defiant to just about every suggestion I heard ,especially AA because for me AA was the ultimate act of humiliation.
I tried doctors, pyschologists , counsellors ,ministers of religion ,spiritual healers, relationships and none of them suggested anything to me that I did not already know or could identify with.
Finally I was virtually dragged kicking and screaming to my first AA meeting.My money was all gone and I had nowhere else to go.
I sat in my first AA meeting expecting to be lectured about the dangers of drinking.I expected to be condemnded and ridiculed , none of which happened. Instead I heard men and women talking about their own experiences with alcohol in a way in which I could identify.
My original prejudices and misconceptions about AA went right out the window after my first meeting.
There are probably as many ways to recover as there are alcoholics. I can only refer to what has worked for me.
The reason for my success in staying sober for six years is because I try to remain openminded at all times and sometimes I have heard some things that sparked resentments.
Usually the things that hurt me the most are the things that are true.
Brian you mentioned following your mother to NA meetings.
Perhaps you had expectations of NA keeping your mom clean and out of jail.
I have seen people turn their backs on geeting the help they need from AA and NA because of unrealistic expectations.
Admitting we have a problem and getting rid of the booze in the house are important steps in getting sober but there is a lot more work to be done.
Whatever road you choose to recovery do it with earnestness and in the meantime keep coming back.
We are always open and always glad to hear from you.
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: A van...down by the river!
Posts: 108
Brian & Sheshie,
The best option is to go to your family doctor and explain how much you've been drinking and that you want to quit, and he or she will be able to outline a plan of action for you. If you are a strong drinker, it may be that you need to go into some sort of detox unit for a few days (like I did). Like any other medical condition, coming off alcohol is a serious thing to do. So check with your doctor for the most advisable advice before coming off.
As far as AA, don't feel that if you DON'T go to AA, you can't make it sober. I don't go to AA, but I do find support through my church, counseling, and through this board which helps me personally. Others can't do it without the support of AA. Whatever helps each individual person stay sober is what they should do. In all honesty, most people need SOME type of aftercare program after detoxing to help them stay sober. There are many different avenues, so don't feel you have to settle down to one particular group or organization, because in the end, it's only you (not anyone else), that will keep yourself from drinking. Having support helps though, wherever you are to find that....
I didn't stop drinking until I realized that I had totally self destruct, even though I was almost dead by that time. If you feel you have a drinking problem, take a honest look at your actions, and be determined to do something about it now. Listen to the advice (even of those who may not say what you want to hear). Before I got sober, I was really defensive to everything everyone would say to me, mainly because I felt guilty and bad about my own self. Finally things started to make sense at some point. Stick to these boards and you may just read something that hits the nail on the head for you. Everyone here has a different story, and a different way of getting and staying sober. They can all help you get through this.
Take care
PG
The best option is to go to your family doctor and explain how much you've been drinking and that you want to quit, and he or she will be able to outline a plan of action for you. If you are a strong drinker, it may be that you need to go into some sort of detox unit for a few days (like I did). Like any other medical condition, coming off alcohol is a serious thing to do. So check with your doctor for the most advisable advice before coming off.
As far as AA, don't feel that if you DON'T go to AA, you can't make it sober. I don't go to AA, but I do find support through my church, counseling, and through this board which helps me personally. Others can't do it without the support of AA. Whatever helps each individual person stay sober is what they should do. In all honesty, most people need SOME type of aftercare program after detoxing to help them stay sober. There are many different avenues, so don't feel you have to settle down to one particular group or organization, because in the end, it's only you (not anyone else), that will keep yourself from drinking. Having support helps though, wherever you are to find that....
I didn't stop drinking until I realized that I had totally self destruct, even though I was almost dead by that time. If you feel you have a drinking problem, take a honest look at your actions, and be determined to do something about it now. Listen to the advice (even of those who may not say what you want to hear). Before I got sober, I was really defensive to everything everyone would say to me, mainly because I felt guilty and bad about my own self. Finally things started to make sense at some point. Stick to these boards and you may just read something that hits the nail on the head for you. Everyone here has a different story, and a different way of getting and staying sober. They can all help you get through this.
Take care
PG
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: VA
Posts: 9
Update
I wanted to let you guys know I read everything you guys wrote to me and it helped. I am going on day 5 sober!!!!!!!
Sunday when football was on it became to much, and went to an AA meeting by myself. I didn't talk besides introducing myself and letting everyone know I wasn't there court appointed.
It was a far drive but that was the only place I knew had them on Sunday. I must say it helped me. I chose between staying for another and going to church that evening. I decided to go to church (which I haven't done in over a year ) I must say if I didn't do these things I would have been drinking Sunday. I am going again on Wednesday night.
My body still has shakes... especially my hands.
Wanted to let you guys know I'm doing good for myself and I have been thinking a lot clearer. They can even tell at work I think because I have been more focused.
Thanks to everyone who's been responding too me, your words and advice mean a lot.
Hope you got those pictures anna, and weibe - hope your still doing good yourself bud.
K, I'm gonna go do some "typical" weather shopping before this hurricane runs my ass over : ) : )
Don't worry no beer in my cart : )
Take care you guys - I'll be back later!
Brian
Sunday when football was on it became to much, and went to an AA meeting by myself. I didn't talk besides introducing myself and letting everyone know I wasn't there court appointed.
It was a far drive but that was the only place I knew had them on Sunday. I must say it helped me. I chose between staying for another and going to church that evening. I decided to go to church (which I haven't done in over a year ) I must say if I didn't do these things I would have been drinking Sunday. I am going again on Wednesday night.
My body still has shakes... especially my hands.
Wanted to let you guys know I'm doing good for myself and I have been thinking a lot clearer. They can even tell at work I think because I have been more focused.
Thanks to everyone who's been responding too me, your words and advice mean a lot.
Hope you got those pictures anna, and weibe - hope your still doing good yourself bud.
K, I'm gonna go do some "typical" weather shopping before this hurricane runs my ass over : ) : )
Don't worry no beer in my cart : )
Take care you guys - I'll be back later!
Brian
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Hiya Brian!
Just posted a message but I think it's lost in space, my server at work is lagging big time!
Anyway in case that post does not stick, I just wanted to say how happy I am for you, as you must of felt like a peacock on Sunday! Double dose of Spirituality huh?
Keep up the good work it only gets better!
Just posted a message but I think it's lost in space, my server at work is lagging big time!
Anyway in case that post does not stick, I just wanted to say how happy I am for you, as you must of felt like a peacock on Sunday! Double dose of Spirituality huh?
Keep up the good work it only gets better!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Hi Brian,
I am so glad to hear from you and so thrilled to know that you're sober for five days. That's terrific!! You should be so proud of yourself.
And, you took yourself to an AA meeting. I hope it went well and you were welcomed. You sound like you're doing everything absolutely wonderfully.
I hope the hand-shaking stops soon and that the hurricane keeps out of your way.
Hugs and love,
Anna
I am so glad to hear from you and so thrilled to know that you're sober for five days. That's terrific!! You should be so proud of yourself.
And, you took yourself to an AA meeting. I hope it went well and you were welcomed. You sound like you're doing everything absolutely wonderfully.
I hope the hand-shaking stops soon and that the hurricane keeps out of your way.
Hugs and love,
Anna
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
Hey Brian,
Congrats on your double win. The 24K in Atlantic City and the most important win of all, your now 6th day of sobriety.
I'm proud of you for making that decision on Sunday. Keep up the good work and here's hoping you're feeling a little less shaky today.
Take care and please stay in touch.
Congrats on your double win. The 24K in Atlantic City and the most important win of all, your now 6th day of sobriety.
I'm proud of you for making that decision on Sunday. Keep up the good work and here's hoping you're feeling a little less shaky today.
Take care and please stay in touch.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 763
Hey Brian,
Congratulations on your 6th day of sobriety! And on the 24k...hmmm...that's about what I spent on drinking, and drinking-related losses the last 4 years. I wish I was kidding.
Good to see you here,
Gianna
Congratulations on your 6th day of sobriety! And on the 24k...hmmm...that's about what I spent on drinking, and drinking-related losses the last 4 years. I wish I was kidding.
Good to see you here,
Gianna
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