TheMaster

Well, I've come to the conclusion that I need to stop drinking, for the thousandth time.

What I do is drink on Fri-Sat nights only (unless there is a holiday where I am off work) but I put down a whole 5th of scotch.

Obviously, this is a large amount for one person at a time.

What I don't (and never have) do is wake up to a drink, go to work drunk (although I did, once in the 1990s by mistake - all nighter & didn't know I had to work the next day).

Anyhow, I am 260 pounds, type 2 diabetic, and eat like a horse when I drink & then eat like a horse the next day to kill the hangover.

I despise AA, because they can't seem to function without religion (at least around here). Last time I went to a meeting, this woman, thinking she was cute, kept getting me to say the prayer. After 2-3 times of her doing this, I quit going. I am not religious and it just made my skin crawl to do it. I suppose I should have just said so, but the cult-like way these folks were, I just stopped.

Is there a difference between a person that wants to stop & can't and a person that needs to stop & doesn't want to? I am the latter...

It would be different if I didn't eat uncontrollably when drinking & the next day(s).

JohnnyZ

It sounds like your only choice is to just will yourself not to drink ever again, and know that any amount of moderate drinking will absolutely not work and would most probably start you to drink even more/harder. If you can seriously commit to that and stay committed every single day, then it will work for you. I don't do AA for the same reason you stated, and my own will power and commitment to never drink again is working very well for me. I also credit this website and another form of outside recovery "hang out"...

smacked

Luckily (and with all due respect, Johnny), Johnny is completely wrong about there being no options besides willing yourself not to drink. There are dozens of other programs and methods to address overdrinking/alcoholism, and some of them are listed in this sticky:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...resources.html

I don't use AA in my recovery, but I sure as hell can't do this alone and without a recovery type program of support in place. For me, that included a lot of one one one counseling, bibliotherapy and guided relaxation training. That's what worked for me.. but it's only been a little over a year. This doesn't need to turn into an AA versus non-AA debate, we all find what works and doesn't work for us. Bottom line is getting and staying sober, if that's the plan.

Sounds like if anything else, your health would greatly benefit from sobriety.. the mind will likely follow in agreement

Welcome!!

JohnnyZ

Thank you smacked. I should have worded my thoughts much better. Yes, there are many other alternatives to AA and going it alone...

TheMaster

Last time I quit, I used this forum as a meeting. I just have a bad habit of changing my mind and going back to apathy regarding the whole thing.

Apathy is my biggest problem. By Friday, I stop caring about what I should do and do it again...

smacked

I lived like that for a long time.. it was HELL!

There are online recovery meetings here on Fridays and Saturdays, and they aren't specific to AA or 12 step 'meetings' either, just a bunch of people in recovery supporting each other for a bit in 'meeting' format. Also, the open chat area can be a good place just to have some immediate person to person interaction too..

TheMaster

I'll have to look into that... Since those are my drinking times.

sailorjohn

Welcome!!!

Apathy is my biggest problem.

I would dispute that statement.

Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.

sfgirl

I don't think the two are that different— I think that usually they are both functions of an addicted mind. I was in your position for a long time but sort of teetering. It sucked. I am not an AAer for many reasons and I'm in San Francisco where AA is much less God-based so I definitely understand your hesitation. I also understand that AA probably isn't the most ideal place when you are in the space where you aren't quite motivated to change.

As for the weight issue and binge eating. I feel I did similar things, carb loading when I had a hangover, basically my blood sugar was so out of whack and when I was wasted I would just binge. I have lost weight and gotten a lot healthier in sobriety and all of this is without effort and eating a lot of ice cream. I must say though that others have the opposite experience where they gain. However, I think that if you are already pretty overweight and binge eating while drinking, my guess is you will lose a lot of weight quickly. I also have to tell you that my cholestoral levels (I just went to the doctor recently) while never that bad weren't great are now perfect, actually fantastic (again eating a lot of ice cream)— sobriety and good recovery (by this I mean reducing stress, etc) can really change your body and I suspect affect your diabetes for the better.

Ok, all this being said these are my suggestions for jump starting the road to recovery. If I were you I would go see a counselor who specializes in addiction and make sure that they are not going to advocate AA as the only way. They should be trained in many methods and different types of counseling which will meet you where you are at and not necessarily confront you and force you into abstinence but help you explore all your drinking issues.

I would check out these websites to help direct you to local qualified professionals:

NAADAC
American Academy of Addiction Psychiatry
ASAM - American Society of Addiction Medicine

There are medicines that can help you cut down on and maintain abstinence. You can read about them here and discuss them with your treatment provider:

NIAAA Publications
(there are more than the ones mentioned in that link—you should talk about it with a doctor knowledgeable in addiction medicine—see above links)


If you want to find a treatment program the best place to look that up is:

Substance Abuse Treatment Facility Locator

Good Luck!

joedris

Do you dispise AA or that particular meeting you went to? I've been in AA for years and I understand exactly how you feel. If someone kept trying to ram a prayer down my throat I'd have walked out and never come back, too. The trouble a lot of people have with AA stems with their initial experience. Frankly, some meetings suck. It seems that all the idiots are drawn to the same home group. On the positive side, now you know where they are so you can avoid them.

AA is a good recovery program, and I disagree with your impression that it can't seem to function without religion. AA is a program that relies in part on spirituality, and there's a big difference between that and religion. Spirituality is a concept of recognizing the existence of a power greater than yourself and establishing a personal relationship with that higher power. Religion has nothing to do with it. But even if the concept of a higher power turns you off, don't get hung up about it. There are a lot of athiests and agnostics in AA.

Don't dismiss an effective program because of a few overzealous people. In your situation, I'd look for other meetings until I found a group I was comfortable with. If you do this and after a while still feel that AA isn't for you, then try another recovery program. There are a lot of them out there. Just please don't dismiss AA until you've given it a fair chance. With your health situation as you described it, you need to stop drinking. Now.

TheMaster

I guess I can maybe try it, somewhere else.

I have plenty of time to think about it...

JohnnyZ

Thank you so much for this post. I may even reconsider my position...

debs

Well I am a Christian... but I will admit, the 'Lord's Prayer' being recited after every meeting does get tedious.

I don't believe that memorizing and yapping in unison daily really constitutes sincere prayer.

I also think it's clear that someone's faith should never be PUSHED on another.

We share our faith by our actions- not by words or cramming into someone's throat.

Anyway, thanks for the post. I may try another group than the one I've been going to.

TheMaster

It was also rather depressing. The exact same people would tell the exact same story week after week. I just couldn't take it, anymore.

I don't know... Plus, sometimes I just don't feel like saying anything, but they would go down the line & get people to talk. It just sucked.

Wolfchild

Was it really that you couldn't deal with the exact nature of an A.A. meeting,
or was it that your disease made you feel so uncomfortable that you left?

When i became desperate enough to be willing to stop drinking & using no matter what, i found that i could hear clearly what people were sharing. If i am only looking for problems, i will never see a simple solution (even though it's right in front of me!). i was like a sponge that had been left out in the Mojave desert for years! i wanted what they had and the help they offered me at whatever it cost. That's why i started going and why i keep going back!! To keep what i have by giving it away to someone else. We all need help, one day at a time, from each other.

Your entirely free to do whatever you want. It's your life.
i hope and pray that you will find what works to get sober.

CarolD

TM....Welcome back to SR...

I'm not replying to you as an AA recovered alcoholic
but as a fellow Type 2 diabetic.

I sure hope this will be the time for you
to quit your dangerously risky drinking.

My diabetic meds clearly state....
Do not use alcohol with this drug.

Boleo

Here's how alcoholism typically progresses:

SOCIAL DRINKERS — Most Americans are characterized as social drinkers. Statistics indicate, however, that one of every 16 drinkers will become alcoholic.

WARNING SIGNS — The individual begins to drink more frequently and more than his associates. He drinks for confidence or to tolerate or escape problems. No party or other occasion is complete without a couple of drinks. Driving and drinking become routine.

EARLY ALCOHOLISM — With increasing frequency, the individual drinks too much. "Blackouts," or temporary amnesia, occur during or following drinking episodes. He drinks more rapidly than others, sneaks drinks and in other ways conceals the quantity that he drinks. He resents any reference to his drinking habits.

BASIC ALCOHOLISM — The individual begins to lose control as to the time, place and amount of his drinking. He gets drunk unintentionally. He hides and protects his liquor supply. He drinks to overcome the hangover from his prior drinking. He tries new patterns of drinking as to time and place of drinking. He attempts cures by moving to new locations or by changing his drinking companions.

CHRONIC ALCOHOLISM — The individual becomes a loner in his drinking. He develops alibis, excuses and rationalizations to cover up or explain his drinking. Personality and behavior changes occur that affect all relationships — family, employment, community. Extended binges, physical tremors, hallucinations and delirium, complete rejection of social reality, malnutrition with accompanying illness and disease and early death all occur as chronic alcoholism progresses.

Source: American Medical Association