shaun00

Please please dont drink while taking the valium.......you are asking for a whole world of trouble and possible serious medical implications...

i understand the shame.....about walking into AA.
But id run out of options.....well the last one wasn't worth thinking about.

but bottom line is......alcoholism will kill you eventually if you dont stop..
and its not a pretty.. peaceful death.....
it will worsen....maybe next week maybe next year.....but it will get worse.

if all your other methods have failed........do the deal and get to aa.
once you've done a couple you may realize your fears were unfounded..
you will hopefully be shown a program of action that has worked for countless hopeless drunks.

please dont be ashamed.......you have an illness.......your sick and need a solution.......like any other illness.

this year was my ninth without the need or want to drink.....im at peace and totally contented not drinking.
plus im not religous....not in the organized sense of the word anyhow.

how about call the AA help line and a female will take you to your first meeting.....?.....
id be interested on how you get on......please continue to post.

feel free to pm me if i can be of any help.......

NewMe11109

No, you haven't let us down. Remember, we are all just like you. We all have done what you have just done. You are back here posting and reading, right? So that is pretty good.

So, let's not look back, but instead look forward.

You have some worries about the religious thing. AA isn't really religious, it is spiritual - but definitions aside, you need to ask yourself a couple of questions:

Are you really ready to stop drinking? (We will assume yes.)

You have tried using your self-control to moderate your drinking and has it worked? (No? It didn't work for me either.)

Ok, so what is left. Other people seem to decide that they can't do it alone. Don't get caught up in this Higher Power thing, just think of SR as your partner in this process.

So, are you ready to admit that you aren't in control of your drinking (e.g. that you can't control it yourself) and can you admit that this isn't the way you want to live anymore? And, third, are you also willing to let SR help you through this?

If this doesn't seem so difficult, you have really done the first two steps of your recovery.

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

These were written many years ago so the style of writing can be hard for some people, but they are really quite simple (yet I know the implementation is hard).


So, good work. You've already made some good progress. Keep reading. Read the stories of others. Get those books. Call the AA hotline or another 12 step program.

Relax. Focus on not drinking for the next hour and then celebrate that victory. See what other successful people have done and be open to try new ideas.

But please don't do it alone.

Mark75

I was driving home yesterday from my Sunday AM meeting and as usual I listened to the Sinatra hour on my favorite local college radio station, and they played Summerwind as the lead song and I thought about you.

Thanx for posting, keep coming back.... Call the hotline like trucker suggested.... Get rid of the shame.... I know what it's like.... it's awful and totally useless...

Prayers to you

Mark

ElegantlyWasted

Your letting no one down. The hard thing is the sefl flagillation. We really feel it when booz goes out of the system. I'm on day 76 and just bEgnning to understand hat sanity rally is. I think in some ways I was
suspended n a sate of adolescense for about 20 years...

Creekryder

Let me squeeze in another welcome and I'll use my old worn out philosophy on you:

It doesn't matter how often you tried, or were unsuccessful at stopping the drink. That resides in the past, which is only a concept, a remembrance in your mind. The past does not exist, therefore has no bearing on the present unless you allow it to do so. The future also does not exist. It is an expectation, a fabrication based upon our past and present experiences and ideas. How many times have things not turned out as you expected them when the "future" arrived? Most of the time our future is adulterated by incorrect or inaccurate concepts we fabricated to shape it based on previous experience.
That is not how to truly shape the times to come. Our future is defined by what we do right now in the present. That is the only true existence we have. The weather is hot, so we adapt our clothing and activities to the heat. It is raining so we use an umbrella or a raincoat. Of course we project the future and take a raincoat in case it may rain, or a pair of shorts if it gets too hot, but only when those conditions actually manifest themselves do we react accordingly. So we should do that with our abstinence with alcohol. We do not drink today ( the present.) It doesn't matter if we drank like mad monkeys yesterday, today, we don't take that drink. Tomorrow?? What tomorrow? When tomorrow comes, it is "today" so we don't drink. Only today we keep our commitment. That is many times hard enough to deal with, without having past and future days to be concerned. So drop all old baggage from yesterday, don't worry about tomorrow until it get here. Just take it "one day at a time." My best to you and again, welcome!

Peace—
Padraic

trapeze

Summerwind, I can't count how many times I quit before I quit, but I quit for good 6 years ago. I was 45 years old and had been drinking for almost 30 years. Life is so much better without alcohol.

I can't wait to read your stories as you claim your happiness. Don't give up. Never, ever. You can do it.

naive

summerwind-

please reconsider going to an AA meeting. no one there is going to judge you. you don't even have to say anything. you can just listen and say nothing. everyone understands there, having walked a mile in your shoes.

one idea is for you to call your local AA and ask to be "12-stepped". this means that someone will meet you and talk to you, outside of a meeting.

remember, if you ask for help you help that helper alcoholic stay sober, by helping you. so it all comes around in a beautiful way.

why go through this alone? there is strength in the group. that's part of how it works.

thinking of you.
naive

summerwind

Thank-you all for your support and kind words. I'm still struggling with this, daily, alcohol is still a constant thought. I go a few days then the urge gets too strong. I never feel well anymore, my energy is non-existant most days. I used to walk 5 miles a day, that motivation is gone (my dogs are holding grudges). It becomes a cycle, the fatique and feeling under the weather depresses me, leading me to want relief.....from the bottle. I still try, I haven't given up. Lately, even not drinking, I feel hung-over in the morning. ;O( I guess the answer would be to force myself to get active again, every day, easier said than done, but I always felt my best and slept better when I walked/worked out, and ate better. Strangely enough I religiously take a handful of vitamens every day. I'm in a rut I suppose with not being active. I am on this forum daily though, I appreciate all of you, I'll get there. I went back to my Dr the other day to see what she could do about the Effexor being ridiculously expensive ($130 a month, and no insurance), she gave me 3 months worth in samples, the Effexor seems to work for my depression when I'm NOT drinking. I left there feeling God (and others, of course) were trying to help me, now it's my turn to accept the help.....Thanks again, I'm here everday and I pray for others here too, I feel your frustration, nobody is alone. I hope you all have a sober, peaceful day, thanks again.

CarolD

I certainly hope you will consider
walking to your local AA group....

Glad you checked in with us
Yes! you really can quit that vicious cycle.

summerwind

Thank-you Carol for being so supportive. I have, and still am considering AA, it's just such a major step for me (I'm "well known" here, because of running a business, it's almost a given that I'll run into people that know me and had no idea I'm such a "mess" ) Yes, I guess it's shame, I can't get past that, my pride won't shut-up. Something else I wanted to mention/ask, and I realize this sounds so vain, in light of things, as we all know, alcoholism can cause so many health problems, and ultimately death....but I'm going to say this anyway because I feel I won't be judged here. A major cause of my depression,(almost giving up sometimes) is the premature aging/weight gain caused by less than 4 years of drinking. It's horrible. I started drinking at 40 yrs old, the first few months I was buying alcohol, I was carded! Nobody would sell me alcohol if I didn't show my ID! I was in the best shape of my life, had always taken care of myself, probally looked 15 years younger than I was. Sadly enough, I'm mid 40's now, and I look at LEAST that. ;O( How do you get past the damage already done and find that peace within yourself to just accept it and move foreward? Drinking never got ugly for me, so, I really can't say I have horrible regrets with "others" caused by drinking, thank God, and I feel for others that have to deal with that. I just get so down about the damage already caused to myself that sometimes I say the heck with it damage it done. ;O( It's awful. I know this seems petty, but for a woman, it really isn't.....! (otherwise anti-aging wouldn't be a multi-million dollar business right? LOL. And I also realize the internal damage could be much worse then the external, I have not gotten my bloodwork done yet. Thank-you, all of you, I'm sticking around for the long run.

sailorjohn

Welcome!!!

Using outside help or not, I firmly believe one of the keys to success is accepting personal responsibility.

Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.

ClosetExtrovert

You might run into someone that knows you at an AA meeting, and you'd embarassed because they'd know you have drinking problems? Sweetie, why do you think they're at the meeting?

coffeedrinker

Hey there, Summerwind,
I have a slightly different spin on the whole A.A. discussion - while I believe in it whole-heartedly - I think there are a couple of key pieces that help to keep people sober.
These elements do not have to be done within the context of the meeting or even group. But its the Steps we take, that heal and offer a path to redemption. The only other thing that I am thinking of that's "A.A. but not" is to think about getting a sponsor. This is one person to whom you can go to, start to form a relationship with, that truly understands and listens with unconditional support. If there's any way you would consider getting a sponsor, that could be a big ticket item in your recovery.
Just pieces, the Whole can be intimidating. Baby steps.
Peace....

JoeRaisin

Summerwind,

I'm new to this forum and had planned on lurking a lot longer before posting, but found your story compelling.

I can understand your reluctance to attend a meeting, many feel that way. In your position you may try looking up AA in the phone book and asking them to direct you to a small closed meeting. Meetings are an important aspect of the program of AA but they are by no means the entirety of it - that can be found in the big book.

You said that you were going to pick up a big book, did you get one?

The big book was written when AA was very new Bill W had four or five years of sobriety at the time, if I recall correctly. It's purpose was to take the program to suffering alcoholics where there was no AA.

I know of at least one person ('cause he told me) who got sober by reading the book and doing what it suggested. He only started going to meetings later to work with others.

Get a book (if you haven't yet), read it and if you have any questions I'm certain (judging by what I've read so far) the folks here will be happy to help you out.

Take Care

Joe

CarolD

coffeedrinker....

JoeRaisin.....

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