Nevertheless

I have been doing fine up till a couple weeks ago. Someone in our AA group relapsed, and it occurred to me,I can also. (I think this is when this started but I'm not sure)
Next monday will be 6 months for me being sober, and there have been several times the last few days, I almost gave in. But I have been telling myself (wait for your 6 month coin). I am afraid after monday I might give in. I damn sure don't want to.
I really don't know what has changed in the last 2 weeks. I guess before I told myself drinking just isn't an option. But now I somehow have it in my mind that it is.
Before you ask (no I don't have a sponsor) and (I havn't got past step 4). I will certainly make this the topic of our meeting monday when I get my coin. But I just don't know. It's like someone flipped a switch,and my cravings came back.
Don't get me wrong, I havn't thrown in the towel. I have a lot of fight left. I have had cravings every 30 days, but this is just different. I guess this is what they mean by white knuckling it.
This is the longest I have been sober since I started drinking. So I'm in uncharted territory.
Maybe after monday I will be back to "drinking is not an option mode". I sure hope so.
Fred

Rob B

If you don't change, your sobriety date will. Get to work on the steps and helping others pronto, if you are like me, your life depends on it.

Ready to Change

Just don't drink today.

LuvinMe

It's really a good thing that you came here to express your thoughts, usually when we give away those thoughts we overcome them. However, it's very important to get a sponser.

Goodluck & stay strong! U CAN DO IT!!!

CarolD

Hmmm....
The final paragraph on page 43 in our BB has
saved my recovery quite often...

Mega Fred

Rob B

Nevertheless,
If you can actually choose not to drink, the good news is this, you are not powerless over alcohol, you certainly are not beyond human aid, and you definitely do not need a spiritual experience to recover from alcoholism.

That's the good news, the bad news is that if you are like me, this advice is useless. because you won't have the necessary power to just not drink. PM me if I can be of service. One last bit of advice, if you are in AA and serious about it, take with a grain of salt any suggestions or opinions that can't be reconciled with our basic text.

TheSunAlsoRises

True that.

I was talking to someone with about 5 years. He went out for 18 months after 7 years of sobriety. I appreciated his comments on the situation. He said I can say drinking isn't an option--but thats not true i'm an alcoholic. Willpower alone is not enough for the real alcoholic.
Congratulations on your time thats fantastic. Try to get into some more step work. If you can't do that your doing well talking about it. Stay strong.

sfgirl

You should probably work on yourself. If you feel you are stagnated you probably are. However, just because you are having cravings at six months doesn't mean something is wrong with you or your recovery. It happens. It happened to me, probably for about 2 weeks around 5 months and then again at 11 months when I really thought I was home free. The thing is a craving is not drinking. You get better at riding it out. You DO NOT HAVE TO ACT ON THE FEELING. Again, cravings are normal. Keep sobriety as your number one priority and you will be okay. Break up your time into smaller units, keep things simple. Just don't drink for the day. And then as an overarching goal if AA is for you get yourself a sponsor and start working the steps.

Nevertheless

Yea Rob
I think that's the problem. I was changing, and sobriety came pretty easy for me. I think I have been turning back into "my old self". I will have to work harder at not trying to run things myself,and think more of others. It's really easy to slip away (I was my old self for a long time)
Kind of like bad posture. It's really easy to let your back slump. It's work and takes concentration to sit up straight.
Fred

Dee74

Anniversaries seem to make a few people skittish Fred.
I remember feeling vulnerable myself at six months.

If you're an AA man, you know what you have to do, plug yourself into the network - reach out, be honest, take some advice - stay committed to your new way of life, and you can and will get through this.

and of course - keep posting here
D

Wolfchild

Being at the mercy of a craving or an obsession is not something to take lightly. It usually indicates a lack of spiritual maintainence and may weaken your resolve to the point of actually taking a drink. i would strongly encourage you to apply yourself rigorously to a simple program of recovery quickly. Why would you put your life or your recovery in jeopardy by not becoming entirely ready to find a new way to live through the 12 Steps & 12 Traditions? i hope and pray you will do whatever is necessary to reach out as often as possible and ask for help.

penny74

l am always scared l will wake up one morning shaking and needing a drink as happened many times in the past.
Now l realise it's my own choise. If l do it or don't. ( a lesson my GP taught me)
Common sense tells me not to !
Good luck and have some faith in yourself !

" Fear ends where faith begins."

shaun00

alright fred..

i see lots of posts like this.......almost like you need to type the solution.
which you did.

rob mentioned change.......i have nothing to add.
only that that change is vital..imo and comes in the form of 1 through to 12.

get a sponsor and do the deal

i returned to drinking..over and over and over and over........until i did.

keithj

Nevertheless,

I suppose that sfgirl's comments are appropriate here as it's not the 12 step forum. But since you're an AA guy, and have worked some of the steps, I assume that you understand alcoholism from the Dr.'s Opinion and the first 3 chapters. Advice like that is all over AA meetings, and it generally leads to disaster for alcoholics like me. It recommends an easier, softer way, and assumes that you have the power to not drink just for today.

It sounds so inviting. Just don't drink, work on yourself, change your routine, and oh yeah, if you're really bad, you might want to work the steps as an over-arching goal. This advice is given in the rooms of AA by people that have never had a spiritual awakening as the result of the steps.

I've seen hundreds of alcoholics fall for that trap. I fell for it myself once. Some people can stay sober doing just that. Just because it worked for some, does not mean it will work for you.

Just ain't so. The inability to go anywhere or do anything without cravings or triggers is a sign of something wrong with my spiritual condition. The steps promise the removal of this annoyance. I, and many others, can attest to the truth of that promise.

So, you can break your time into smaller units and see if that works. Or, you can finish the steps and have a spiritual awakening which will solve your problem.

Sfgirl,

I'm sorry in advance. I'm glad that your way works for you. I have to tell the truth of my experience, even if it's unpopular.

bugsworth

Nevertheless...good job on 6 months. I'm not sure how long you drank for but it takes quite a bit of time to come to a neutral place regarding alcohol. Cravings are normal...just like they are for ex-smokers, but you are entirely in control of how you react to them. Feelings are not facts unless you act on them. There will come a time like Keith says when you will have an awakening...one which will show you all the strength and power that you truly possess. You will be amazed...stay the course and you will see.

Jeb18

Well I'll put in my two cents. I was feeling cravings for awhile and it seemed like everyday they were getting stronger. But than when I drank it wasn't as fun as I thought it would be it sucked. Now I look back and think what a waste of time. So it's probably not worth it.

tigers13

Nevertheless...I agree with Dee on this. It seems anniversaries can be really rough...I know it was with me for the first couple of years. To me, it felt almost as if I knew I did good, now I could treat myself.Thanfully I was able to say no each time...and that is the power you have...to just say NO! Just for today, I will not drink. If you want it bad enough, you'll be able to say no. Give yourself some credit, you've made it 6 months and that is awesome!!!

Nevertheless

Thanks for all the responses
Yea I think it was a combo of anniversary,and me getting complacent.
I am back to working on being humble (living humble).
I wen't to a meeting and got my coin. I also brought up wanting to drink, and going backwards on the 4th step. I feel a whole lot better.
I'm gonna start working on my 9 month coin. (I know some of us don't believe in counting days. But I feel it's important to me).
And no ,I still don't have a sponser.
Maybe this is just an excuse, but if a sponsor can help keep you sober, isn't it also possible they could help you get drunk?
Idono, I'm gonna let the dust settle a few days, and see just where I stand.
I do feel "different" now. This is the longest I have been sober in 30 years, and to be honest, I really can't believe I did it.
Fred

NeverLookinBack

One day at a time, my friend. I have been in the exact same position as you, except I have a hell of a time just getting past 60 days now. For me-it's 30 days sober: relapse, 45 days: relapse, 21 days: relapse, etc. This has been my story for a year now, but I am getting better. I commend you for getting to almost 180 days. Just try to focus on staying sober for the next hour, and then focus on the next hour, and so on. Take it minute by minute if you have to. I am envious of your sobriety, I have much less time under my belt. Try going out and celebrate; do something good for yourself, without booze of course. Buy yourself your favorite food, buy a new movie, or just treat yourself to whatever you like. You deserve it, bud. Don't give up. Again, take it minute by minute if you must.

debs

Big huge congrats on 6 mo's!!!!

That's totally completely ROCKIN!!!

Keep on truckin, NTL....

You've been a huge source of support and inspiration to me on this forum on a number of occasions..

Don't be a dummy like me and keep on relapsing!!!

I'm back on the wagon again... been sober for a week and a half again..

And I'd be halfway to month TWO if I hadn't succumbed to those evil bastid demons that try and convince you that alcohol is a GOOD thing...

Yeah............ RIGHT.... we all know better.

Rebuke those thoughts.

You ROCK!