sfgirl

I am only at a year sober. I am not in AA so take what you want and leave the rest:

I don't believe that cravings are necessarily indicative of how well your recovery is going. They have hit me a few times. In the beginning, of course, then at 4/5 months, and again at 11 months. Of course, sporadically there is the fleeting moment of oh a drink would be nice, but that completely passes in an instant and then I am like, ew gross. The 11 month one was truly shocking. To each their own, but I could not view cravings like KeithJ mainly because then it seems like if a craving ever weasels its way into me, that I have some sort of failing. I view alcoholism like a disease complete with physiological processes. I don't think that I have a failing when I crave. All that being said, I do think cravings can be indicative of things within recovery. For me, I realized that the cravings around 11 months were actually surrounding me delving into deeper issues in therapy and life. These were things that I had always used alcohol around so naturally starting to think about them and delve into that pain and dealing triggered the craving. I almost thought of it like an onion. Get through the cravings and peel off another layer. I was just going deeper into my recovery. In that way, I saw them almost as positive.

I guess this is all a long winded response to say that I don't take them as a failing of one's recovery or spiritual awakening. I think they are a physiological response. I do, however, think they can have powerful psychological links and do warrant being looked at in terms of recovery. They could indicate something that is wrong or maybe something that is difficult. In any case, all I know, is each time I have these strong cravings, it humbles me. I realize the cunning and baffling nature of alcoholism.

mumbai78

There was a time when I looked at a lot of people who relapsed and thought this could happen to me as well. It scared me, but when I got honest with myself I realized that deep down I was looking for an excuse to go back to drinking. It is important that I take full responsibilty for any failure in my recovery and base my recovery on spiritual growth rather than on the number of sober days I have.

McGowdog

I think sfg describes her recovery method from her own experience and there's nothing wrong with it. I think Keith does as well with his method.

Now, these cravings that people describe happening to them don't usually line up with my own experience, so perhaps we differ on them physiologically.

Dr. Bob describes having cravings well into sobriety... as in 2 and a half years into sobriety! Part of me thinks, "He doesn't know what he's talking about! You only crave booze while drinking and obess after it's out of your body." But... perhaps some are different. I wish more people would read that story in the story section of the A.A. book called Dr Bob's Nightmare and see if they identify. I don't myself... with those cravings, but I like the rest of the story. I personally lose the cravings a day or two after a good bender. I especially crave booze when it's abruptly removed from me during a bender... like when I get thrown into a detox or a jail cell. But perhaps we differ. I'm willing to consider that.

one of

Hi Fred,

The fourth step was mentioned by you in two of your posts. My suspicion has been for many years that AA has lost a lot of people they didn't need to lose because too many members (and too many sponsors) think that once the traditional third step prayer has been prayed there is nothing more to do in step 3 and thus it is time to work on step 4. It might be wisdom for you, if you are not yet able to honestly, open-mindedly, and willingly enter into the humbling situation asked of you in steps 4 and 5 (without there being so much fear involved in the situation that drinking once more becomes an option) to see that step 3 can be a daily action step for as long as you need it to be. It can not only give you a full time job to do, but will, at the same time, move you along the continuum from egoism towards humility so that the day will come when the next two steps have lost most of their fear for you.

A part of step 3 (the largest part for me) brings into being within my psyche a new inner statement which by its very nature is designed to take away all my rights and excuses for being miserable for any reason. That statement, of course, is, "Thy will not my will be done." If Fred, no matter where the cause of your inner turmoil may arise, you are willing to take the situation back to step 3 and ask yourself, "How do I look at this cause of the loss of my serenity of spirit and peace of mind if I really want to continue to implement the decision I made here?" - then with only a modicum of meditation required, you will see that you are not really in agreement with, "Thy will not my will be done," and that if you are willing to come into agreement with that decree, you will lose your right to be miserable and can then laugh at yourself for being a spiritual baby and get back your serenity of spirit and peace of mind.

Every time you are willing to go through that process (maybe as often as 20 times a day in the first year of sobriety), you lose a bit of the old ego and find it replaced with a similar little bit of humility. The day will come when steps 4 and 5 will no longer have the power to chase you back to the bottle, and then you can move on. Love and Blessings - one of

McGowdog

That sounds like a neat tool, one of.

The "guy I did steps with" gave me a gift that reminds me of your technique;

He merely said, "Be open to your 1st Step and your 2nd Step as you go along from here." Be open as to ask, "Maybe I'm an alcoholic, maybe I'm not." And also the dreaded, "Maybe there's a God and maybe there's not."

I do it everytime and while I'm writing my 4th Step. But before I sit down and start writing, I review 1, 2, AND 3. To close the 1st and 2nd step considerations up with Step 3 gives me good closure to "decide", and move on as if.

tigers13

Nevertheless, one key that I found helpful is when you get your temptations, talk about it...talk about it as much as you can...it seems to deflate those temptations because you find yourself accountable to someone else.

I was lucky in the aspect that my husband was an addict(maybe lucky isn't the right word, but I hope you understand my meaning) and we only had a month of clean time seperating us, so whenever we had those urges, we had each other to talk to about it...knowing that the other would understand. My advice is to find someone that has been in your shoes and keep talking about it. My hubby died six months ago, so I had to find a different support system...I'm so glad a friend directed me to this site!!!

Nevertheless

Thanks for the support everyone. I really am trying to do this right
I am doing fine and feel like I did a couple weeks ago. Maybe it was the alcohol craving I have been getting every month,(only amplified) or a lack of effort on my part working the steps. But I'm not in any danger of going into a beer store anymore. I honestly don't know why, but I am thankful for it.
Tigers, I am sorry to hear of your loss. I don't know what else to say.
Fred

one of

Yes, That's real life. As an alcoholic, I have found that making a life-time commitment to throw all my eggs into the basket of "God Is" rather than, "god isn't" beats the old, "You've got to take it on faith," all to pieces. Too often, I've seen loss of faith give alkies the excuse to relapse. That doesn't happen with a lifetime commitment. Up front one can see that some days one will feel nearly certain that a loving God is backing up this business of life, while other days the only honest prayer begins with, "God, if You're there." Once the commitment is made however, then it follows that the committer has to change all his/her thinking to agree with her/his commitment. That keeps, "Thy will not my will be done" completely viable and useful even while allowing oneself to have an open mind.

There need be only one question: So long as the "still unknown" is not a void, is there a better base for one's logic than step 3, one that will afford an even better chance for long-term sobriety? The answer for me has always been NO! By making use of step 3 with a God of Perfect Love, Undeerstanding, Wisdom, and Truth as my new logic base, I have turned in the only possible intelligent direction and surrendered up that old idea that its important that I get my way. Faith no longer enters the equation. Obviously, if there is no ultimate meaning to life at all, then the utter meaninglessness of it all decrees anyway that it is not important whether or not I get my way. Love and Blessings - one of

mumbai78

One of the tiny issues I have with the BB is that it takes Bob's story as the general description of alcoholism. A lot of the old-timers say if you are a true alcoholic then your life gets even worse after you stop drinking. And the only way to get better is to work the 12 Steps or another Spiritual Program

That may have been true for Bob and a whole lot of other people but that was not true for me. I do believe that the Steps or a spiritual program are definitely required for me If I have to enjoy my recovery rather than simply endure it. But my life got better after I stopped drinking, it did not get worse. So does this mean that I am not alcoholic ? Does this mean that everyone that did not share the same experiences as Bob are deluded ?

24hrsAday

cunning,baffling and powerful alcohol is to "us" alcoholics.. even though i have been sober 2 years and 8 months now.. i am still just one drink away from a drunk..

Virch

Tomorrow will be a meager two weeks sober after 40 years of regular drinking, the last few months it has evolved to ridiculous levels. A month ago I drank 6 litres of vodka, 50 beers and 4 bottles of wine in 10 days. I wanted to die. The last two weeks have not been easy. My wife is leaving, our home is on the market. I will be alone...and likely depressed, which I think ultimately has led to my alcoholism. What works for me above the relationship collapse? Convulsions, losing 25 lbs, social anxiety, no self esteem or confidence, constant hand tremors....a long list. But the ace card is being admitted to ER twice...hooked up to all kinds of wires and my GP's face. Do it again and you're dead. I really don't want to drink anymore. Like enough already. It's only been two weeks, I'm still strong. I thank God for another chance, ran out of them with my wife. Be strong...it's poison.

one of

Hi Virch,

Sounds like a low enough bottom so that you'd be willing to go to any lengths to stay free from the need to drink. I suspect you've been to AA meetings already, right? Would this be the first time you tried AA? If not, I guess the big question is what are you going to do differently this time? If you haven't been a member of AA in the past, then welcome, and please know that if you really want long term sobriety and the opportunity to become, "happy, joyous and free," there is definitely some "trudging" ahead of you in order for a new life with a new you to come about.

First, you'll need to commit yourself to attending as many AA meetings a week in as many different locations as you can possibly attend in the first three months. Second, you'll need to buy, beg, borrow, or steal the book, Alcoholics Anonymous which will be available for purchase at many of the larger meetings you attend. You'll need to read the first 164 pages of that book (if you can't read and understand what you read, you will need to humble yourself to the point of asking someone else to read those pages to you). Third, whether or not you believe in any type of God, you need to be willing to drop to your knees each morning and pray to, if necessary, "God, if You're there," and ask for help in staying sober throughout that day.

Now, Virch, I will tell you that there are no rules in AA. All of the above are actually suggestions which have helped many people get the right kind of start in the program. In your case, considering the way you've been drinking, my wager would be if you don't want to take those suggestions, the odds are well against your being able to stay away from that first drink on a long term basis. Even though you might think with two weeks sober that you will be able to do so.

Finally, perhaps the most important thing to be able to hold onto during the coming weeks, is that the people you meet in the meetings who have been around for even a little while, are capable of loving you and will do so until you can love yourself. Again, welcome! With lots of AA love and blessings - Chuck

24hrsAday

welcome virch.. i also landed in the E.R. at the very end.. you can do it man.. (A.A. works!)

Nevertheless

Virch (or anyone else looking in)
I would like to second the fact there are no rules in AA. (except a desire to stop drinking). Yes AA varies from place to place. But where I attend, it's pretty laid back. I see a lot of people too much this or too much that.
All I can say is go and take what you need. If nothing else, it helps just to be with other people that are trynig to do the same thing. (STAY SOBER). It's a fact that it isn't easy, but seeing other people in the same boat helps me a lot. Just a bunch of people that drank too much, and it became a problem, and they are trying to stay sober. It's that simple
Fred

McGowdog

Do you mean Bob or Bill, or both? Keep in mind the book wasn't written and sent to press until they had a bunch of sober drunks... though Bill was the chief contributor to the original manuscript. It got picked over and changed a bit, but the general premise was there as you describe.

I don't know if you're an alcoholic or not. You really are the one who needs to determine that. You may have been a continuous hard drinker who didn't quite cross the line or one of the very few alcoholics who "for reasons yet obscure" have NOT lost the power of choice in drink... see top of page 24.

IDK. Only you can determine that and it can't be done by looking at current circumstances.

So I don't know about you, but for me... alcohol did something for me. It was wonderful... for a long time. I loved the stuff... even though it turned on me... like a false Power. So... being sober was never that and a bag of chips. I had to get off my aghghgh$$ and do something just to fit into this crazy world, do what other people do without making a big deal of it, and to find a Power on which I could live. But the Power is always deep down within me, as is the problem.

So if I don't stay spiritually fit, I drink again and all that time not drinking don't mean chite. It's just putting off the inevidable... jail, prison, straight-jacket and meds.

But that's me. That's my experience and how I see it.

av001

hang in there ...dont give in

mumbai78

I tried to convince myself of that for a long time. I definitely had a little ability to choose whether I drank or not. But after the first drink I had no ability whatsoever.