baldjim

have problems dealing with the guilt of being able to stop drinking but seem to be turning your back on your family or drinking partners

i'm not to good with my word skills so i may need a bit of help here

i'm worried that my family all massive drinkers will be a bad influence on me not drinking so if i visit them i try to make it early in the day so as they dont have the chance to be tanked up

or my drinking buddies i either wait till they are smashed and will really get on my nerves and i know i will think to myself jimbo we are never gona drink again

but a friend on another thread on SR said something about survivor guilt

i think he may be onto something there

i feel really bad as i know my sister will probably die from a booze related death like a few other family members have ,well as you can imagine i feel pretty bad about that but when ever i try to get her to stop drinking she gets upset and in return she tries to make me drink

i'm really so gratefull i have stopped drinking but i feel like i have just turned my back on the fam and friends

kinda like i'm allright ,you lot go die a horrible death see ya :praying

Gypsy Feet

I dont feel guilty, but it makes me sad to see people slowly killing themselves. Best thing I can do for them is live a peaceful, happy sober life.

mikefreak

You'll be ok Bald Jim- your'e just going through a period of adjustment that ALL recovering people have to go through. all you can hope is that maybe your family & old drinking buddies will see the example you are setting & want some of what you have for themselves.................

Charmie

i dont feel guilty jim,my mum is currently just about managing to still "function" as an alcoholic.my dad died at the age of 56 from this terrible illness too.you cannot live someone elses life for them as you cannot get them sober.all you can do is lead by example and hope one day they will ask you how you did it.if they were not sick they would be pleased for you.just keep doing what your doing and let them do what they are doing,as my sponsor would say,,,its none of your business! it is tough with family members,very.i have only learned how deal deal with all this stuff and anything else that life throws at me throught the 12 step recovery programme of Alcoholics Anonymous.i choose to keep sober company and if that has to mean excluding some of my family most of the time (different for family functions,wedding coming up!) and drinking buddies then so be it.i dont want to be around that sort of behaviour anymore,i lived it myself and it was sh!t!,i have lots of new friends and folk i spend my time with.

tommyk

I remember when people suggested that I quit drinking.

What a joke that was.

I suspect that me suggesting it to someone else is in a similar vein.

No guilt here over my choices, we each have choices, they make theirs, I make mine.

Sounds cold-blooded... but you really can only lead the horse to water.

Invite them over to dinner (no alcohol present).

aasharon90

We have no control over people
places or things. All we can do is
ACCEPT them or it for just the
way they r or it is suppose to be.

I am POWERLESS over people places
and things just as you have heard
countless times in recovery.

Im doing my best to stay sober
myself much less anyone else.

HOWEVER.....

By me sharing with the many following
in my foolwsteps, my experiences,
strenghts and hopes or in other
words, what it was like before during
and after then Ive done my part
in helping someone else.

I can plant the seed but they have
to have the willingness to do the
foot work just like what we r doing.

I am just one of many messangers
in an awesome fellowship of recovery.

WantToHeal

Jimbo, as the saying goes, "if you can't help yourself, you can't help anybody else."

I think you are right to put your sobriety first. It doesn't mean you don't still care for friends and family, it just means that you care for yourself as well.

Just my opinion, but I think you do the best for people you love by being clear-headed in your interactions with them, and by being an inspiration to them. Sounds like you are well along that path, so keep it up!

Be well!

shaun00

Tough Jim but life goes on even when we recover..
just be available if those close need and want to stop..

we are lucky here in the uk.....free medical.....funded treatment...
drug and alcohol support agencys..in your town..

aa........in your town....
the helps out there if they truly wanna stop..

youve come to the end of the line with alcohol....lets hope and pray that your loved ones reach that point...

your a walking advert for sobriety..........go advertise..

tigers13

Just remember Jim, you can't help someone that doesn't want help. Live life to protect your sobriety first, lead by example, and reach out to those that want help and show them the way.

I know an old friend that was literally drinking himself to death...I'd never seen someone so bloated from drinking. Everytime I saw him, we talked about it, and I told him my recovery story...each time was like a new time to him because he was so wasted the previous times he didn't remember much. When he finally reached his breaking point, I helped lead him and showed him the way and set a good example for him. He had a couple of slip ups, but every time he reached out, I was there. Today all the bloatedness has gone and he looks so much healthier. It is truly a great experience to help someone that really wants it.

ElegantlyWasted

Only thing I may be able to add is.... Outside support group; that others above have mentioned. We can define what our "normal" is. Sounds like youre doing great around drinkers. Normal as best I can figure ou is how we choose to live our life and what friends and company we choose to keep

coffeenut

I don't feel guilty. Sometimes....I even hope that they see that I can do it, so they can to.

Dee74

Sharons right Jim - I'm as powerless over other peoples drinking as I was over my own.

We both had a moment of clarity and changed our life - maybe seeing what will have will help others realise they want what we have, maybe not.

AlAnon have a 3 Cs motto: we didn't cause it, we can't cure it, and wecan't control it.
Its a great thing to remember.

Any guilt is misplaced here, mate.
D

Dee74

Sharons right Jim - I'm as powerless over other peoples drinking as I was over my own.

We both had a moment of clarity and changed our life - maybe seeing what we have will help others realise they want what we have...maybe not.

AlAnon have a 3 Cs motto: we didn't cause it, we can't cure it, and we can't control it. Its a great thing to remember.

Any guilt is misplaced here, mate.
D

Pinkcuda

All I can do is be a shining example of the life sobriety has to offer. In a nutshell we help those we can, we offer a prayer for those we can't and we bury our dead along the way.

bjork

Jim, my brother was in recovery when I was still drinking. He never lectured me or said anything. If he had, at that point in my life, I wouldn't of heard it. DENIAL!

Now that I am sober, I feel bad about my mother's drinking. However, I know that if I told her, she most likely wouldn't hear it (just like me with my brother).

I guess that's why they say nobody can make an alcoholic quit drinking, except themselves.

I will eventually tell my mother that I am concerned about her drinking. That's about all I can do. The rest is up to her.

I do feel bad that both of my brothers and my mother are alcoholics and drinking heavily. One brother is homeless and living on the streets. It sucks! I feel terrible! But I do realize that I cannot change things.

tigers13

My oldest brother who is 50, is a terrible alcoholic...to the point that I don't have much to do with him because he smells so bad of it. It makes me shudder at the thought that I used to smell like that. I have come to terms with the fact that I can't save him, but I can help him if he ever decides he wants it. He has trouble holding a job and is living with his mother. It really hurts to watch his downward spiral, knowing that I can't do a thing about it.