baldjim

thanks to everyone for your wonderfull replies


as i said i go to the docs on monday and i have another blood test its one of those no eating ones 14 hours before the test done ... oh the pain lol

but i may be jumping the gun here but i'm expecting to be given a clean bill of health

my eyes are normal looking not yellow and the pain in my liver has gone

so if i wanted to i could drink again i mean there is nothing stopping me health wise

but i mean this i never ever want to drink again ,hang overs,no money,mixing with aholes,bar fights and other such stuff has no place in my life anymore

i really do enjoy my sober life that much

clear thinking jimbo its the only way to be

chrisinaustin

Thanks for everyone's responses here. I found Ago's description very apt. I still don't know what happened the morning it was done for me. I had some "bottom-in-anyone's-book" moments over the preceeding six months, but I (emphasis on the "I") continued to forge ahead. Arrest; jail; hospital. None stopped me; stopped it. Then one morning, feeling the weight of being pinned to the bottom of the bottom of the bottom floor, what rose to the top of my agony was still:

"I can't be defeated"
"I can't let my family know how bad this is"
"I can't call for help"
"I can't let everyone know what a liar I am"

I. I. I. My ego's Waterloo.

Then -- as good a term as any -- a rift. Opened. The ego is sometimes described as being deflated; that's what it felt like. It was like all the dead air in the room whooshed out, and the room refilled with pure oxygen.

I still say "the calls got made" at that point because to say "I made the calls" seems inaccurate.

Since that morning it's never been the same. I've still had moments, but when they come they're more like stress reactions -- selfish moments wanting to be in a state where I could hide from reality again where I indulge my inner (and very real) child, rather then wanting the drink, the taste per se. But by and large, it's as if my current life was out-and-out severed from my drinking life in that moment. I've worked and continue to work the steps, seek sponsees, do the whole AA deal, which has allowed me to capitalize on that moment and grow and become truly sober. But that moment of grace, wherever it came from, it's the best gift I'll ever get.

That's why I'm sober. Moment on the floor or no, I'm convinced in my soul that everyone can have it.

navysteve

If they are alcoholics they may have no choice. I wanted with all my heart to "not drink" so many times, but I could not

tigers13

Jim, I firmly believe the saying "once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic". I also don't believe there is anything such as a recovered alcoholic. We are always in recovery no matter how much clean time we have. Read thru these posts and you will see real people that have had quite a bit a clean time, only to tempt fate and go right back to where they started from.

Stopping drinking because of your health is a good reason. Hold onto that reason. Just know that if you get a clean bill of health doesn't mean it's party time again cuz your health will go right back to where it was, and you might not be so lucky the next time. Don't ever get cocky or think you've got this beaten...that will be your downfall.

Hold onto and embrace your sobriety like your life depends on it...because it does. :ghug3

gravity

I don't know why I'm thinking about this but my two mates I used to drink & mess around with when I was a teenager:

One committed suicide (rest in peace Micheal) and the other was recently seen on the mean streets of a neighbouring city sucking on a crack pipe (praying for you Dwayne).

And I have been sober for 21 months.

I had not talked to Dwayne in over 20 years but he called me at my office two years ago when my Dad passed away, to give me comfort.



Unreal.

coffeenut

"I think we have what's known as a "moment of clarity", and in that moment the rules of the time and space continuum are suspended and the very fabric of reality is rent open and we have access to a moment of grace, which we can parlay into X amount of alcohol free time depending on how much work we put into it. "

AGO! I so appreciate this....you have put into words what I have been trying to figure out since my 'moment of clarity' last summer. Because that is what it was....and I finally found the strength to deal with it.

I love this thread...and I really appreciate Ago's post. Thanks to all.

baldjim

you can say that again

yeahgr8

Remember there are lots of resources out there for you if things start creeping up on you and life starts to become stale. There is no reason why you should ever have to start a thread named relapse if you are comitted to staying sober and willing to do anything to achieve it! A safety net if you like:-)

tricky164

tigers 13

my name is tricky, i am a RECOVERED alcoholic, by the grace of a loving god, the 12 steps and good sponsorship in my life i have been RECOVERED from the pain and misery of active alcoholism (not cured). let me explain that statement !!

one of my sponcees has a bullet in his neck that they couldnt remove, he has RECOVERED from the wounds, but that does not make him bullet proof.

(for me) 'recovering' means im always gonna be sick, as long as i keep to the principles of the program i never have to drink again and thats not "still sick'.

i want to have some hope and being told im always going to be recovering is NO hope.

so here i am 'recovered', now you can say you know of someone who is.

may your god bless you on your journey.

Sikkisirus

Tigers is right here. The human body can recover quickly from the damaging effects of alcohol but should the person resume their drinking after recovering then the body deteriorates just as fast.
Only last month I brought an alcoholic patient in on an emergency call out. He was fit again 6 days later. Presumably he thought all was well again because he continued drinking after hospital release. I attended to him again last night, he's gravely ill now.

NEOMARXIST

I think that you have to well and truly beat yourself into the dirt and have that "moment of clarity" where you either choose to do everything you can to commit 100% to a sober life or you ignore it and continue to get wasted and then eventutally lose everything and die being remebered soley as a waste of space drunk. The thought that I was being remembered as a drunk was beginning to hurt me so much as the person that was coming out in my depressive, alcoholic drinking binges was totally different to the shy, well mannered, peace and Love sober person that I am. I used to drink more and more to mask the shame that I was feeling.

I had many times over the last 2.5 years where I said right that's it I'm quitting for good, but I hadn't hit that moment of clairity where I knew I had to act on it by committing to sobriety and being able to live a happy life or choosing the easy option and getting wrecked for that quick fix and signing up for a sad life full of prison, mental instituions, shady characters, loneliness and a complete and utter waste of such a promising and gifted life.

I never get complacent though as I still feel a degree of "envy for the tramp" ... A sure indicator to me that I am 100% without doubt an alcoholic who is only one drink away from a life of misery and hopelessness.

peace and love and Sobriety. xxx

McGowdog

Tricky is right. I'm a recovered alcoholic.

Most people who say they are recovering aren't. They just don't want to be responsible for their lives. If they're recovering, they're still sick. If they harm you or don't want to get sober it's because they're "recovering". It's a treatment center "alcoholism industry" thing.

Go find the origin of the word "recovering" then go find the origin of the word "recovered".

Recovered does not equal cured.

Have a nice weekend kiddies.

ruletheworld

Jim, I have a similar story to yours. I am a person that has no self control when it comes to anything. Smoking, drinking, eating, you name the vice, I've probably had it. I don't know if it comes with age or what, but I do now feel this sense of responsibility towards myself and my family that I've never had in the past.

Like you, I just up and quit drinking. No AA, no therapy. I just hit my 10 month sobriety mark a couple days ago. For the most part it's been pretty easy, I haven't looked back. I've had a few bumps in the road, where I've really craved a drink, but I've remained vigilant towards myself and my addictions, and managed to stave those cravings off.

As to your question of why, who knows. We're all different entities, with different minds, different bodies, different histories, etc. I was the last person in the world that thought would be able to exhibit any sort of self-control. I was always the one that people had to take care of. To make sure I didn't get too crazy out in public. Now the tides have turned and I'm the responsible one. How it happened, I don't know. But I do thank God every day that I'm the sober one, and I can wake up in the morning with the confidence that I will remain that way.

I don't even know if this post pertains to anything, I just started rambling. Sorry.

yeahgr8

OK learned something today, recovered alcoholic not recovering...i like that, especially the implications of accepting responsibility for my life:-)

ruletheworld

I never said I was recovered. I realize that sobriety is an ongoing process that you must remain mindful and vigilant towards. Trust me, even though I don't attend regular meetings, I have my own ways of staying on top of things.

yeahgr8

ruletheworld i didn't even read your post but have now, i was referring to 2 previous posts and the chat i just had with my sponsor who said that it is written in the BB about 100 recovered alcoholics not 100 recovering alcoholics...

sounds like you are doing fine, as i said below just remember that there are lots of resources available and you don't have to live like life is a prison sentence if you should ever feel like that, and i hope you never do and remain sober as i would wish for anyone:-)

NEOMARXIST

I am a sober alcoholic. I will always be an alcoholic but I choose to be sober. Whatever you refer to it as... who really cares? I am sober and grateful that I am sober... Simple.

Ago

You are exactly right Neo, you are sober and that's what's important


to those of us that do the twelve steps though the difference between always being in recovery and being recovered is huge, one word, the problem is removed, the other word was introduced by a billion dollar big-business money making industry that jumped on the 12 step bandwagon and basically sells for $10,000 that which we give away for free and that want's to keep us in a fear based "always in recovery" mode, as long as we remain "sick" they keep making $$$, it's a built in obsolescence for them.

So when someone pops up with the "Industry Money Making Party Line" saying we remain sick forever using linguistic semantics by saying we will always be recoverING those of us that ARE actually RECOVERED alcoholics tend to bristle a bit and say "Speak for yourself please, My name is Andrew and I have RECOVERED from a seemingly hopeless condition of mind and body"

Seems like a little thing, but it's not to us, we actually agree with you exactly Neo, we are Sober alcoholics, but there is a segment of the money making rehab industry that wants to say we will always be "sick" therefore always in recovery, as opposed to recovered, and the truth of the matter is it's just not true.

tigers13

Trickey and McGowdog, I guess we'll have to agree to disagree on this one. My interpretations seem to be different than yours. Used as an example, a bullet wound heals and so you have recovered from it, you no longer have to worry about it because it is healed. I'm almost 6 years sober, am I recovered? No. Why? Because this sickness will always be there, and if I don't treat the problem continually, it will take me over again. An example I'd like to use is people that are diabetic. They have to continue to monitor their blood sugars and give themselves injections. They have to be vigilant in their process, knowing they will never be cured, but will do whatever it takes to keep it under control. This is how recovery works, at least to me. I have to stay vigilant in my recovery otherwise it could get out of control...so I'm continually caring for my "disease" to keep myself alive.

Ago

I understand your point of view, having heard it before but I have some questions if that's OK

Do you view yourself as still sick?

Did you work the twelve steps?

If you have diabetes and treat it with insulin, aren't you just treating the symptoms?

My father got adult onset diabetes and was able to "recover" from it by changing his diet, he no longer has diabetes, if he starts eating junk again he will get diabetes again but for now he is recovered from diabetes, that's how we view it, we have changed our "diet" thus no longer "suffer" from diabetes.

I find if I no longer shoot myself or put myself in situations where people shoot at me, and my gunshot wound has healed, I am recovered from gunshot wounds.

Anyhow, I agree we have to agree to disagree, I have heard some compelling arguments about the "always in recovery" model but agree with the way it was explained to me which is once I have worked the twelve steps I am a recovered alcoholic because I have recovered from a seeming hopeless condition of mind and body, and if I drink again it will be on a lie because I have admitted I am an alcoholic in step one, not because I suffer from a disease, once I take that drink I am suffering from alcoholism again, does that make sense?

Like if I were a diabetic and ate chocolate until I went into a sugar induced coma after I knew I had it, it's not the diabetes fault I ate chocolate until my heart stopped and I went blind, it's mine, I can't blame the outcome of that on my "disease".

The whole "in recovery forever" idea was put forth by the rehab industry and therapists, people who have a vested economic interest in insuring we "remain sick" and often those "in recovery forever" have a "fear based" program of recovery that we as recovered alcoholics reject. For us the problem has simply been removed. We can go anywhere, do anything, and we don't fear barbershops or barbers and don't need to change our playmates and change our playgounds.

We frequently do but it's because we find these people tedious and boring, not because they are a threat to our sobriety.

Anyhow, thanks for your response, I understand what it is you are saying, and my views are fairly close, but I reject the bit that says I remain sick forever.