Question - Outpatient
 

Hi all,

I hope it's ok if I post here. My husband is an alcoholic and he has agreed to outpatient treatment. He had an assesement appointment and was told that he will need to go to AA and will have group therapy once a week.

Just wondering what your experiences are with outpatient treatment centers? Group therapy once a week just seems like it's not enough... and wouldn't individual therapy be more helpful to work through some of his issues? what do you think? I know it's not my place to worry about this, but I'm still looking for some answers.

I did a long term outpatient and I went twice a week for 7 months. The other out patient people went 3 times a week for 3-4 months. I also attended AA at least once a week. There may be other outpatient program in your area that is more involved.

I don't know if group therapy would have done anything for me, but I felt I needed something more intensive than that. I found an addictions psychologist who worked a modified IOP with me individually. I saw him for an hour, twice a week for 6 months.

I get wary when people post here saying their loved one "agreed" to treatment as if it were a bartering chip or the result of some sort of ultimatum.. I sought out treatment when I wanted sobriety more than I ever wanted a drink again. The committment was already there, it was the support that I was lacking. I hope that your husband has the committment to sobriety already down pat.. IOP wont 'get' or 'keep' someone sober (like any other program of treatment) unless that's a place they already decided they ant to be, more than anything else.

My personal experience with outpatient treatment was not encouraging. I went of my own free choice after trying to quit on my own, Dr.'s and anti-depressants, and 1-1 counseling. I was highly motivated to quit drinking and took it very seriously. I think I started drinking again about a month or so into it, crashed a car, and slunk off to inpatient rehab (which had similar results by the way).

I learned by trial and error, and believe wholeheartedly today, that an alcoholic like myself needs a vast change in their reaction to life in order to quit drinking for good. And that psychic change rarely comes about by learning things in treatment. The things I learned were good and useful, just not sufficient for me. I needed a spiritual awakening as the result of AA's 12 steps, not just going to AA meetings.

I see this all the time in the diversion/drug court system around me. Some can come out of that 1-2 year intensive treatment and do OK, at least so far. The overwhelmingy majority of people have relapsed within a year of graduating that system. The ones that dive headlong innto AA along with it tend to stay sober.

I mention that only because that system is way more intensive and serious than any outpatient I've ever seen. I've gotten to know that program through H&I work in AA.

If what he needs is to work through his issues, any number of treatment options might work. If however, he is an alcoholic of the hopeless variety, he may find that only a spiritual solution can solve his problem. That's what myself and many other recovered alcoholics have come to believe through our own experience.

Did he 'agree' because he WANTS to go, or because someone else wants him to go?

It has been my experience that the person has really got to want it.

Keep coming back. ;)

The six week outpatient program I attended consisted of 3 hour and half information/lecture sessions a week, one hour and a half group therapy meeting a week, and one hour long individual therapy meeting a week. In addition, we were encouraged to attend at least 3 AA or NA meetings a week.

For me, the outpatient experience was valuable and I do not regret any of it. After I finished the six week program, I continued on with the treatment center's Early Recover Program (one hour and half group therapy session with additional individual therapy sessions available) for the rest of the first year. I don't regret that experience either.

However, all the time I was involved in treatment, I was also attending AA and NA meetings and I believe the 12 step programs were far more important for my long term sobriety and I continue to work them today.

By the way, for what it is worth, today is exactly my 7 year anniversary in recovery. I don't regret that either.

I was in intensive outpatient last fall. It was 3 nights per week for 3 hours at a time. Group setting. I agreed to go because of family pressure. I drank the whole time I was in there except for I think I managed to string together 11 days.

I agree you have to want to get sober first. The support would be helpful, but you have to WANT it yourself.

Thank you all so much for your honest answers. It sounds to me that what works best depends on the individual and his/ her motivation. It was very helpful to hear what your treatment plans looked like.

To answer your questions: I said "he agreed", because he said he wants to get sober because he doesn't want to lose me. I'm still questioning whether he really wants it for himself (which I know is critical for his success), but I guess time will tell. I have told him that it is up to him whether to get help or not, but that I no longer feel safe living with him if he continues to drink.

Findingout - CONGRATS on your 7 year anniversary :)

Lotus, Is your a husband a violent alcoholic? I'm just curious

Don't waste your money. Have him do either inpatient treatment followed by AA, or just straight into AA.

Trust me -- I've been to inpatient, outpatient, detox-only and AA. Outpatient is a joke. Waste of money and time.

Don't mean to be so blunt, but to many addicts fall into the outpatient game.

There's also AA-based inpatient, which for me was fantastic.

My IOP I went 4 days a week for three hours a session for 6 weeks then after care for a year we were requierd to go to aa meetings also I think it was like 30 we had to do. Im still sober today so it has worked till tomorrow.

In IOP I learned good life coping skills that changed my very mental and emotional make up. Its the living skills that help me maintain sobriety and it was the behavioral changes that started my recovery. Nothing has worked for me in the past be it AA or IOP until I changed my behavior first. Determination and motivation is good for maintaining my addiction treatment but all that goes for not if I still behave in my old drinking ways.

My IOP experience helped me enormously. There I learned how to put together an alcohol addiction treatment plan. One that I, as a non-theist, was able to carry over into the more popular faith based self-help groups. Having determination and being able to persevere is a main factor in my recovery efforts. With that I can make headlong progress in my personalized treatment program. Treatment works best to maintain my new non-drinking behaviors.

Thanks again for all your responses... it's good to get some feedback from the "other side".

Spensea - yes, he started getting violent (when drunk) in the past few months. Not to the point where he would use his fists and beat me or leave marks, but definetely violent. Not to mention the verbal abuse and threats. Which is why I told him that if he continues to drink, I would move out.

So he has already quit drinking.. right?

That really has nothing to do with any long term plans, I am only asking out of concern for your safety.

I went to a 22 week IOP with 1x weekly Group and Individual Therapy with a Professional + the Prescription Med Naltrexone for craving. Sober going on six months now. If spouse is getting sober because of you (not because he wants to) he will probable eventually relapse. Follow through with your Ultimatum to leave if it doesn't work.

Welcome

There are some great books such as Getting Them Sober and Codependent No More about living with an alcoholic, there are also great support groups, like al-anon, there is also a Friends and Family of Alcoholics forum here where you can get support for you during this process

Thanks for your concern!

I'm trying to go one day at a time... trying not to expect too much and hoping for the best. But I do have a plan, if he does get drunk and abusive again - I will leave!!

Ago - Thx for pointing that out. I know, got the books, have been to some AlAnon meetings and been reading and posting in the family section. Even though I'm kinda obsessing over his behavior right now, I am trying to work on myself. I guess I just needed some feedback from people that can understand what he's going through.

I only say this because I have so much experience with this, and so much suffering around this, but I have to remember that boundaries are there to protect me, not for behavior modification, I find myself standing in front of people saying the same thing over and over and over, thinking I am setting a boundary but what I am really trying to do is "modify" or "control" the other persons behavior.

This has brought me no end of suffering, because I keep thinking I am setting a boundary.

Let me put it this way, it was more difficult for me to deal with my codependency then it was for me to get sober, alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful, but codependency is tricky as hell, because it's someone else's behavior that apparently needs modifying, you know? I understand what you are going through, and it's serious and difficult.

The three C's are you didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you can't control it

Here is a great thread about Boundaries, I particularly reread Anvilheads response frequently

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...oundaries.html

I could have wrote findingout's post; except I have six years sobriety. The key factors for my success: I finally admitted to myself that I am an alcoholic (this was very hard!), I did not want to lose my family and I had a fantastic Outpatient Counselor - She was tough on us but you knew she really cared. To this day, I feel like I owe her my life.

I read some of the posts from people that this didn't work, but some people are ready to quit and just need a road map on how to make it happen. The key is the ready to quit part.

Dave