Notices

why do alcoholics attack those closest to hem

Old 09-15-2009, 06:11 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
RaggaJunglist's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Harrisburg PA
Posts: 1
why do alcoholics attack those closest to hem

I've been with my chick now for 2 years, her mom suffered from alcohol abuse and in turn my chick saw some unusurall things as a young girl. Before i met her she had already got hit with a DUI/Underage. and earlier this year she totaled her car. she now has to serve 45 days in jail and 90 days house arrest and 5 years probation...she is 20.

its like, she had to deal with her moms crap growing up, and now she is dealing with the repercussions of her actions ealier this year...she stopped smoking weed, but its like now she drinks more. Like as soon as she gets home its the wine, its like she needs to drink to function or be normal.

to be honest we split up earlier this week, and she says its cause we fight or she needs space, but we only fight when she is drinking, and she prolly only fights with me cause i care about what she is doing to herself.

I drink myself, but i dont drink to function, i dont even drink every weekend. its usurally a social thing with me. the last time we fought i told her she had a problem and she was apauled by what i said, and kept blaming other things for our problems, i love this girl so much and i want to help her but she has to want to help herself...

i used to deal drugs, i sold 2 pounds of nuggets a month for the longest time, and when i got set up, it opened my eyes, im tryin not to baby her on her journey, but its hard when you love someone soooooooo much. I keep praying that the 45 days in jail without any drinks will open her eyes to whats going on.

I'm a man, i will clean, sometimes cook, and wash n fold n put away her laundry, watch our finaces, i do it all, and she says that i am immature... i just want her to sober up so she can see what she has, and appreciate everything that i do. i feel like she pushed me away so she can just do whatever...

so now i have to sit and wait from afar and hope she dont do anything stupid with her stupid loser influence friends, is there any easy way to bide my time? this tears me apart
RaggaJunglist is offline  
Old 09-15-2009, 06:25 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 8
The member here "Ago" made a post today that will explain that: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...0-post134.html
Lo0p is offline  
Old 09-15-2009, 06:26 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
TheSunAlsoRises's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Traveling in Europe
Posts: 415
Hey man,

Sorry to hear about your situation. There is a family and friends forum here that you might find helpful. When I went into AA the first time last December my girl and I split up... we are both alcoholics and I wanted to do something about it. She wanted to stay in denial. It hurt a lot man even though the situations are different I think I can understand how you feel... its like she is choosing the drink over you. Well the fact of the matter is your girl is sick. She has a progressive fatal illness... until she is ready to admit that there really isn't anything you can do. It sounds corny but you gotta take care of yourself bother. What will happen will happen--good luck and all the best!

Clayton
TheSunAlsoRises is offline  
Old 09-15-2009, 06:33 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Southern Colorado
Posts: 1,167
True that.

I'm the alcoholic one in my marriage. My wife has never seen me drunk. She met me when I was sober, but I warned her I was in A.A. and was a bad alcoholic. She seemed to believe me and that was that. I gave her a ticket out and she didn't take it. That makes me wonder; why would anyone want to get into a relationship with an alky? I can think of four reasons;

1) I'm God. I will fix him/her.
2) Didn't notice how bad they were in the beginning.
3) Don't know why.
4) Maybe they'll get and stay sober... hope.

The suggestion to check out the Friends and Family subforum will lead to doors that will explain the social aspects of this... malady.

My first wife ... I met her at a bar and I drank the way I drank and she had absolutely no problem with it. I got in some trouble and ... we just sort of sailed through it. Could have killed myself.. hurt her, etc. But she stuck around. Then I got sober and she boogied.
McGowdog is offline  
Old 09-15-2009, 06:48 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
peaceful seabird
 
Pelican's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
I'm sorry about your girlfriends addiction.

As the child of an alcoholic, the deck is stacked against her to be a normal drinker. Maybe she will get help when she does the jail time for the dui. She will have to choose to get help for herself.

As her friend, you may find support through AlAnon meetings or our Friends and Family of Alcoholics section. One of the things I learned at Alanon and here was about the three C's of addiction:

You didn't Cause the addiction
You can't Control the addiction
You won't Cure the addiction

She will drink because she is stressed, she will drink because she is depressed, she will drink to celebrate, she will drink to reward herself, she will drink because you don't understand her, she will drink because you love her, etc.....

She will always find a reason to drink. When she can't she will blame you and start a fight to justify another binge drunk. You didn't cause this, you can't control this.

I hope she gets the help she needs, she is very young.
Pelican is offline  
Old 09-15-2009, 07:13 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Pinkcuda's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado Prairie
Posts: 1,417
The subject isn't limited to alcoholics. Everybody falls into this category. We are always the shortest with those that are closest to us whether it be wives, husbands, kids, best friends etc.. Alcoholic or not.
Ask any cop why they take the most precaution when going to a "Domestic" call. Those are the most dangerous for all involved.
Pinkcuda is offline  
Old 09-16-2009, 01:39 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
 
CarolD's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to SR...

Sorry to know the two of you are having problems.

Several members mentioned the Friends & Family Forum
you can find info there from those dealing with your situation.

Here is the link

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Reading the book "Co Dependant No More" by M. Beattie
is also helpful to many who love drinkers.

Best of luck
CarolD is offline  
Old 09-16-2009, 01:03 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
joedris's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 818
Why does she beat up on you? Probably because you're the closest target. And in her mind none of these problems are her fault, thay're everyone elses (read you here) fault. So she "needs more space"? She probably doesn't like having someone around who criticizes her behavior. It's easier to drink when no one is on your a** about it. As most posts have already said, there's not much you can do for her. Best thing you can do is salvage whatevers left of you and get out of the relationship. It's either that or she's going to drag you down.
joedris is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:33 PM.