Steven Calls
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 76
Steven Calls
Hi All,
After an emotional morning, waking up not feeling to good again, the usual head thing going & odd twicth and creep crawly feeling going in legs and arms, being 59 days sober i had this feeling of why me again and when will this stop, Had tears in my eyes again thinking for F..K SAKE what really is the point of this, i dropped my partner to train station and as i was driving back i thought again thats it, this is driving me F...ing mad i really cant do it anymore i am going back to the so called good old days i was happy drunk. I texted my partner that i couldnt cope with this anymore and thought i have given it my best shot for now, maybe doing it cold turkey, maybe doing it because of fear of illness or me mentally i just aint in the right place to do this at the moment. She replied "well do you think a drink would make things better" i know the answer to this question as we all do as any true alcolholics would, but for me 2 months was all i could give at the moment and felt i needed that feeling of what once was what i would call normal, in my head i truly beleve that i wouldnt have the twitching, creepy crawly feeling, head thing maybe, fear, anxiety, emotional feelings, crying and what ever else my body & mind is dealing with at the moment.
Then after wiping my nose i rang AA helpline and said i needed somebody to talk too, as Steff the only number i got from rooms is away. This lady took my number and got sombody to call me. Half hour pasted and then a call this guy asked for me and said his name was Steven and he was given my number, i almost poured my heart out to him i told him all my worries, symptoms and feelings and he must of listened to me for about 15 mins with his kids going nuts in background, he then told me that beleve it or not and as strange as it sounds all whats happening to you, is you and your body & mind getting better recovering, he said of his first year of sobriety and that he felt the whole left side of his body would go numb (thinking it was a stroke) and after talking to a doctor (of all people) in the rooms he said that the central nervous system can take 18 months to recover with a alcoholic, depending on amount and time spent drinking. He also said " think of these things like alcolhol saying to you yeah its been 8 weeks but see you still need a drink and i can take these things away for you" makes a little sense to me, Also that alcohol is cunning, baffling, will wait, will always be there and will try to get you when your down. He finished by offering to take me to one of the local meetings (i have been going further into town myself) and said remember take it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute for hi to call me on a Saturday morning not knowing me i think he ust be a special person and although he i yet another one that said "trust me it get better in time" i would like to share this and say thank you to Steven.
I dont honestly know if i will drink today, i have no strength mentally or physically anymore and truly beleve i have done my 12 rounds this time and i am on the canvas trying to get up, i have not drank, i have not smoked, i have taken vitimin b and mult Vitmins, i have drank lots of water, i have eaten a lot better, i have excercised, i have been to AA (maybe not as much as could have) and i have tried to be a better person. Yet still i have not have all this bagage i will now call it and none i can get rid of.
I remind myself that i me i am an Alcolholic, not a binge drinker, not a Pi.. Head, not somebody that goes over the top every now and then. I drank for 10 years or more and drank 8 or more pints a Day/Night with ease and i do miss it and have fought 12 brave rounds without any training (cold turkey)
Thanks for taking your time to read.
Robbo and good luck
After an emotional morning, waking up not feeling to good again, the usual head thing going & odd twicth and creep crawly feeling going in legs and arms, being 59 days sober i had this feeling of why me again and when will this stop, Had tears in my eyes again thinking for F..K SAKE what really is the point of this, i dropped my partner to train station and as i was driving back i thought again thats it, this is driving me F...ing mad i really cant do it anymore i am going back to the so called good old days i was happy drunk. I texted my partner that i couldnt cope with this anymore and thought i have given it my best shot for now, maybe doing it cold turkey, maybe doing it because of fear of illness or me mentally i just aint in the right place to do this at the moment. She replied "well do you think a drink would make things better" i know the answer to this question as we all do as any true alcolholics would, but for me 2 months was all i could give at the moment and felt i needed that feeling of what once was what i would call normal, in my head i truly beleve that i wouldnt have the twitching, creepy crawly feeling, head thing maybe, fear, anxiety, emotional feelings, crying and what ever else my body & mind is dealing with at the moment.
Then after wiping my nose i rang AA helpline and said i needed somebody to talk too, as Steff the only number i got from rooms is away. This lady took my number and got sombody to call me. Half hour pasted and then a call this guy asked for me and said his name was Steven and he was given my number, i almost poured my heart out to him i told him all my worries, symptoms and feelings and he must of listened to me for about 15 mins with his kids going nuts in background, he then told me that beleve it or not and as strange as it sounds all whats happening to you, is you and your body & mind getting better recovering, he said of his first year of sobriety and that he felt the whole left side of his body would go numb (thinking it was a stroke) and after talking to a doctor (of all people) in the rooms he said that the central nervous system can take 18 months to recover with a alcoholic, depending on amount and time spent drinking. He also said " think of these things like alcolhol saying to you yeah its been 8 weeks but see you still need a drink and i can take these things away for you" makes a little sense to me, Also that alcohol is cunning, baffling, will wait, will always be there and will try to get you when your down. He finished by offering to take me to one of the local meetings (i have been going further into town myself) and said remember take it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute for hi to call me on a Saturday morning not knowing me i think he ust be a special person and although he i yet another one that said "trust me it get better in time" i would like to share this and say thank you to Steven.
I dont honestly know if i will drink today, i have no strength mentally or physically anymore and truly beleve i have done my 12 rounds this time and i am on the canvas trying to get up, i have not drank, i have not smoked, i have taken vitimin b and mult Vitmins, i have drank lots of water, i have eaten a lot better, i have excercised, i have been to AA (maybe not as much as could have) and i have tried to be a better person. Yet still i have not have all this bagage i will now call it and none i can get rid of.
I remind myself that i me i am an Alcolholic, not a binge drinker, not a Pi.. Head, not somebody that goes over the top every now and then. I drank for 10 years or more and drank 8 or more pints a Day/Night with ease and i do miss it and have fought 12 brave rounds without any training (cold turkey)
Thanks for taking your time to read.
Robbo and good luck
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
HI Robbo :ghug2 do this for your wife & everyone else that cares about you (Steven too ;-). Don't give in now, you have already gone so far. Its not just dealing with recovering physically but facing life & straight on (without alcohol).
Have you seen your doctor & opened up about what you are going through? They can help you to get through this stage.
Keep sharing & posting, its 3:40 am here & I haven't slept but I am here & I am sober. I am about to watch a movie online & then try to sleep again.
Take care & be good to yourself, you have drank poison for years & your body is repairing, reconnecting & rebuilding itself. It takes a lot out of you physically & mentally. You can do this!
Take Care,
NB
Have you seen your doctor & opened up about what you are going through? They can help you to get through this stage.
Keep sharing & posting, its 3:40 am here & I haven't slept but I am here & I am sober. I am about to watch a movie online & then try to sleep again.
Take care & be good to yourself, you have drank poison for years & your body is repairing, reconnecting & rebuilding itself. It takes a lot out of you physically & mentally. You can do this!
Take Care,
NB
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 76
NB
Yeah seen doc (c my previous posts) many times and he puts everything down to Alcolhol, i suppose unless you have been through anything like what we have done the no one can really understand.
Thanks anyway
Robbo
Yeah seen doc (c my previous posts) many times and he puts everything down to Alcolhol, i suppose unless you have been through anything like what we have done the no one can really understand.
Thanks anyway
Robbo
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 652
Robbo, You would think that after 2 months things would be getting better.
And you are still feeling bad.
Instant relief in a bottle.
Only trouble with that is that it will come back worse.
l have fallen in to that trap many times.
Just a few drinks to feel better...
Even this morning l was thinking of buying a bottle of vodka and hiding it to take a few sips now and then when life really gets to me and my nerves are screaming for relief.
l will try not to and hope that you won't either.
But l would be the last person to judge you.
l just know how it feels.
Strength and Wisdom.
Life is a process. We are a process. The universe is a process.
And you are still feeling bad.
Instant relief in a bottle.
Only trouble with that is that it will come back worse.
l have fallen in to that trap many times.
Just a few drinks to feel better...
Even this morning l was thinking of buying a bottle of vodka and hiding it to take a few sips now and then when life really gets to me and my nerves are screaming for relief.
l will try not to and hope that you won't either.
But l would be the last person to judge you.
l just know how it feels.
Strength and Wisdom.
Life is a process. We are a process. The universe is a process.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Like I've said before Robbo - it makes no sense to me to drink again...you know you'll end up the same way and have to quit again - then you'll have to go through all this again somewhere down the track.
Keep looking forward - and keep trying to find a doctor who knows something about alcohol and anxiety.
D
Keep looking forward - and keep trying to find a doctor who knows something about alcohol and anxiety.
D
Miracles Happen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 9,977
Robbo, that is awesome you reached out and called the AA number. I'm glad there was someone to help you. In the rooms of AA you can get many peoples numbers so there will always be someone to be there for you in times like this. Be strong, this will pass, just hang on and keep posting and sharing.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 76
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Like I've said before Robbo - it makes no sense to me to drink again...you know you'll end up the same way and have to quit again - then you'll have to go through all this again somewhere down the track.
Keep looking forward - and keep trying to find a doctor who knows something about alcohol and anxiety.
D
Keep looking forward - and keep trying to find a doctor who knows something about alcohol and anxiety.
D
I know its make no sense but prehaps thats the disease,illness or addiction call it what you want, with out these feelings or symptoms maybe i wouldnt have a problem with alcohol. I remember somebody in the rooms once saying everybodys recovery is differnet and although some may have the same sort of symptoms or feelings everyones is different. I hear some say that they have 2/3 days and its all done, well if it was that easy anybody with a problem could just check them selves in for 3 days and wipppeee i am free of my 10/20/30 years addiction to their drug of choice.
Robbo
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Originally Posted by robbo78
Hi Dee
I know its make no sense but prehaps thats the disease,illness or addiction call it what you want, with out these feelings or symptoms maybe i wouldnt have a problem with alcohol. I remember somebody in the rooms once saying everybodys recovery is differnet and although some may have the same sort of symptoms or feelings everyones is different. I hear some say that they have 2/3 days and its all done, well if it was that easy anybody with a problem could just check them selves in for 3 days and wipppeee i am free of my 10/20/30 years addiction to their drug of choice.
Robbo
I know its make no sense but prehaps thats the disease,illness or addiction call it what you want, with out these feelings or symptoms maybe i wouldnt have a problem with alcohol. I remember somebody in the rooms once saying everybodys recovery is differnet and although some may have the same sort of symptoms or feelings everyones is different. I hear some say that they have 2/3 days and its all done, well if it was that easy anybody with a problem could just check them selves in for 3 days and wipppeee i am free of my 10/20/30 years addiction to their drug of choice.
Robbo
I bet you London to a brick those problems will still be there if you go back to drinking mate...and inevitably you'll want to quit again...and you'll probably have these extended withdrawal symptoms all over again...from scratch.
That's what I meant by it makes no sense to quit now. Every day without alcohol is another day of healing
I'm not saying your symptoms aren't real or that they're not causing you real bother - for the record I didn't have physical symptoms like yours but it still took me the best part of a year to feel 'right'...anyone who says it 'takes 2/3 days then it's over' is either making it up, is not talking about the same thing, or didn't have a very long drinking history.
I'm not suggesting you'll have to suffer for a year either LOL - find a doctor who knows about this stuff mate - that's the way to go....move forwards.
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 76
Originally Posted by Dee74
I'm presuming you had enough problems with alcohol to want to quit in the first place Robbo?
I bet you London to a brick those problems will still be there if you go back to drinking mate...and inevitably you'll want to quit again...and you'll probably have these extended withdrawal symptoms all over again...from scratch.
Prob 150% right
That's what I meant by it makes no sense to quit now. Every day without alcohol is another day of healing
Thats what i am hoping for
I'm not saying your symptoms aren't real or that they're not causing you real bother - for the record I didn't have physical symptoms like yours but it still took me the best part of a year to feel 'right'...anyone who says it 'takes 2/3 days then it's over' is either making it up, is not talking about the same thing, or didn't have a very long drinking history.
Thats why i mentioned everybody recovery is different and when somebody says " day 1 feel a bit like s..." Day 2 "Headache" Day 3 "can sleep" day 4 feeling much better on top of the world i totally agree with you that they must be on a different planet or talking about a differnt thing all together.
I'm not suggesting you'll have to suffer for a year either LOL - find a doctor who knows about this stuff mate - that's the way to go....move forwards.
Thanks
D
I bet you London to a brick those problems will still be there if you go back to drinking mate...and inevitably you'll want to quit again...and you'll probably have these extended withdrawal symptoms all over again...from scratch.
Prob 150% right
That's what I meant by it makes no sense to quit now. Every day without alcohol is another day of healing
Thats what i am hoping for
I'm not saying your symptoms aren't real or that they're not causing you real bother - for the record I didn't have physical symptoms like yours but it still took me the best part of a year to feel 'right'...anyone who says it 'takes 2/3 days then it's over' is either making it up, is not talking about the same thing, or didn't have a very long drinking history.
Thats why i mentioned everybody recovery is different and when somebody says " day 1 feel a bit like s..." Day 2 "Headache" Day 3 "can sleep" day 4 feeling much better on top of the world i totally agree with you that they must be on a different planet or talking about a differnt thing all together.
I'm not suggesting you'll have to suffer for a year either LOL - find a doctor who knows about this stuff mate - that's the way to go....move forwards.
Thanks
D
Good reply mate
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: KC MO
Posts: 980
Hello Robbo
Glad to hear you are keeping up the fight. Don't give up now, at some point here you are going to go ( you know I'm feeling better). It doesn't happen overnight or all at once, but it does happen.
I think I told you in another thread, I am just past 5 months, and I still have aches in my legs that I didn't have till I quit drinking. The first couple months I could barely make it through a days work. (I'm on my feet ALL day). Now they hardly ache at all.
I don't know how old you are or how much money you have, but something that has helped me is a chiropractor. They do know about the nervous system. If nothing else it really is some sort of relief to me to get my back (and neck) cracked. It has cured my headaches, which was a big part of why I quit. (headaches)
Just a thought
Fred
Glad to hear you are keeping up the fight. Don't give up now, at some point here you are going to go ( you know I'm feeling better). It doesn't happen overnight or all at once, but it does happen.
I think I told you in another thread, I am just past 5 months, and I still have aches in my legs that I didn't have till I quit drinking. The first couple months I could barely make it through a days work. (I'm on my feet ALL day). Now they hardly ache at all.
I don't know how old you are or how much money you have, but something that has helped me is a chiropractor. They do know about the nervous system. If nothing else it really is some sort of relief to me to get my back (and neck) cracked. It has cured my headaches, which was a big part of why I quit. (headaches)
Just a thought
Fred
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 18,299
Hi Robb, it is hard I know but it will get better, remember that. If you drink to "relieve" how you feel then the relief will not last and you will be back at square one. I know it can get dispiriting at times but keep trudging, you are walking out of hell and that is the right direction!
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