Excalibur

If we drink it is true that sooner or later we will lose everything that matters to us.

I drink to wrap myself in the "alcohol mist" to avoid the things that are painful, in contrast I have a public job which i can do very well.

I've never understood why drink takes over my life, I can only surmise that it might have been the boredom, the long sober hours to fill, which are still there even after you have done a 10 hour day.

You have a lot of friends, but your only friend is the bottle, gilfriends, jobs, tasks and hobbies simply drift away.

I used to play the piano, I doubt I could even open it up these days-let alone do any Chopin
I've thought of cold Turkey, but am afraid of what might happen if I do that.

How did I get here?
How do I get out of this place

Any comments good or harsh are welcome

Astro

Excalibur, welcome to SR!

We don't have to lose everything, but in every story I've heard we all have something in common, and that's hitting a bottom. It can be high or low, that's up to us to decide.

The way you're feeling now, you don't ever have to feel this way again. Your recovery can begin now. I don't recommend cold-turkey, please detox safely, just know that it begins with abstinence.

I chose AA, it's not for everyone, please find something that works for you and stick with it. Hope you keep reading and posting, welcome to our family in recovery.

keithj

Can't really say, and I'm not sure it matters. At some point, I lost control of my drinking. I crossed some invisible line where I lost the power to choose whether or how much I would drink. When that line was crossed, alcohol became more important than anything else in my life. Like you said, the rest of it just sort of slipped away and getting and staying drunk was all that really mattered to me. I rationalized, justified, and lied to protect my drinking. And it got worse in a hurry for me.

I tried everything I could think of or that seemed logical. I went to my doctor, started anti-depressants, started counseling, outpatient alcohol treatment, inpatient rehab. I even tried AA without really working the steps. The fellowship and the service helped for a while, but I ended up just as bad off as I was before.

I hit a point of surrender, Excalibur, where I couldn't go on living like that. I knew I was beat. I knew that I didn't have the power to stay sober. It was then that I was willing to take the 12 steps suggested by AA. I took those steps with a sponsor and I recovered. Alcohol ceased to be an issue with me.

Today I stay in that 12 step solution of practicing spiritual principles in my life, not because I'm afraid I'll drink, but because of the sheer, unmitigated joy of living this way.

I've been at this for a while, and I still love this way of life that AA has shown me.

least

I don't know how you got here, I only know how I got to this place... and how to get out of that place. One day at a time I don't drink. Yesterday's gone and tomorrow's not here yet so just do one sober day at a time.

Speaking to your doctor is also a good idea, as alcohol withdrawal can be dangerous, besides really annoying. Medical supervision can make a safe and more comfortable detox.

Welcome to SR!

Boleo

It was not until I recognized and addressed my "real problem" that
sobriety became comfortable. My real problem was in the form of the
"Four Horse-man of the Apocalypse " (Terror, frustration, bewilderment
and despair). Until I found a way of chasing them away, sobriety was
not worth having.

What keeps me sober today is what allows me to be comfortable in my own skin; serenity, humility and benevolence. I find that if; I practice these principles in all of my affairs, God does for me what I cannot do for myself. That’s the deal (literally). It truly is a deal.

Zencat

Welcome to SoberRecovery Excalibur and congrats on starting to make the necessary changes in your life that can bring you much well being.




I became addicted over time through repeated abuse of drugs and alcohol. Then at some point I erroneous believed that I didn't have the power to break the cycle of addiction. Beliefs are powerful, they can chain one down or liberate. I chose liberation and started to develop an addiction treatment plan. My treatment plan included; Buddhism, therapy, OP groups, medication, SoberRecovery, sober friends and a host of other healthy resources. As long as I stay in treatment, I keep making wholesome improvements in all areas of my life.

CarolD

When my doctor diagnosed me with situational depression
and suggested AA....I was floored. Who? Me?

I had all sorts of external trappings left in my life
but mentally I was cold...lost....miserable.
I was in a seriously dangerous place.

So Yes! I do know the dark side and
Yes! I have found my way back to the sunlight.

This can be true for you too...

Glad you decided to join us...many of us are
winning over alcohol. We do understand.

Lilly Burn

I hope you dont mind me responding to this as im supposed to be on family and friends. But i have to say that i believe my STBEXAH is on the dark side. We were together 7 years, married 6, he has another ex wife and ex partner and 3 children and then me and a dog (lovely puppy we bought together last year and who means i cant work full time now - ive overcome that though). He left in january to sort out our pension, a property left by his mother in the west indies, grand turk, he rang to tell me he wasnt coming back, he is an alcoholic and nothing will change that (he went to AA from Jan to jiune last year and to be honest the downhill slide was worse than ever before when he left) does anyone know about this? Anyway, he now lives on a tiny island (I know it and spent time there), There is nothing to do but drink,everyone there drinks, he wouldnt go and live there because of it with me( probably because i would have been a problem) but i didnt know that at the time...He left his 3 children, one of whom spent every 2nd weekend with us for 6 years and for whom our home was her sanctuary (his words). She is only 11 and he left her, and her sister and brother (more independent) and just went to live on this island.....I found out he was far from my loyal loving husband, he was my greatest detractor, if i wanted an enemy he was it....it came as a big shock as i wa always loyal to him and even now, i miss him although ive turned my life around so much in 7 months...He now has argentinian pole dancers as friends and he seems to just be happy with people who are transient...he is an intelligent man, i find it hard to believe he doesnt realise the dark place he is in at 43 years old having drunk heavily since 14, i know he was an alcoholic when i met him "I saved him from financial disaster" so i found out in something i read, was that all i was....anyway..how many people do you have to leave and let down before you get to that dark place...i ask this question as one who sometimes lets that dark place touch me...just not often anymore...thank you for your responses if it is appropriate... Lillyxx

Lilly Burn

Hi sorry, I forgot to say that one of the most signifcant things that happened to my Ah was the way he detached from everything and everyone ( his hobbies or interests were always persued with vigour, then dropped) his/our friends, not interested, he was much more interested with being with strangers. I also found out he was doing cocaine alot before he left (Dont tell the wife, like i was his keeper!!)...but yes it was like he found everything about his world boring.....how much better an island 8 miles x 3 miles to spend your time on, almost 3rd world....lovely, much better, why not jack in your business, your friends, your family, your wife, your everything for that...well at least there is quite a few bars for the divers, which he never does!!!!

Firehazard

How did WE get here? Well consuming a substance that is basically a poison into our system in order to feel good over and over again until we could not stop is the low down truth. No higher power(science) orspiritual force in the universe designed humans to behave as such a way without serious consequences.

How do WE get out of this mess? Well I admitted I had a disease that is never fully cured and got with the program AA. Before AA most folks died or lived out their lives in Funny Farms.

Thanks for posting, YOU ARE NOT ALONE

NewBeginning010

Yes Excalibur we can & probably will lose it all eventually. I didn't think I was "that bad" but slowly but surely...

Glad you are reaching out, keep reading & sharing here.

Lilly Burn, sorry to hear about your situation, active alcoholics dont have much going for them. So sorry that you & your family were touched by alcoholism.

All of the best,

NB

Excalibur

Thanks for all who replied with their views especially Lilly.
I've always drunk pretty heavily, but it got out of control after I lost someone 7 years ago, trying to do your job smelling like a brewery and looking like hell- I still got by, but that's all it was. Other things happened and I fell deeper and deeper into it. Losing friends and lovers, because of what I would say under the influence and finally last May my Job.

If I look back over the wreckage I have made, fortunately mostly to my self not others It makes me sad, because it was not necessary and many of the courses of action I took drunk- I never would have taken sober.

There's no point looking back though, there is seldom anything to be retrieved. I start a new job in October and as a man of 41, it might be one of my last chances to get a grip on life

I had my last alcoholic drink last Sunday and have had the headaches, sleep problems nightmares and bed drenching sweats. I've tried to balence the gap by drinking alcohol free beer, which is the same pattern of bevaviour only you stay sober- Not a good thing perhaps.

I have taken no medical advice and a good nights sleep would be very welcome instead of reading until 4am
Regards
Excal

Lilly Burn

Excaliber, good luck with your new job and your new life...Best wishes Lilly

Excalibur

UPDATE
Its been two weeks since I had my last alcoholic drink - not much of a milestone, I know- and the sweating and nightmares have stopped. I've been very busy and that has helped.

I am sleeping well for the first time in years and actually waking refreshed.
Next week I will go for a full medical and see if there has been improvement, the last time the Doc warned my liver was enlarged and the triglyceride values were at the end of the scale.
I still feel like I'm walking through a minefield though, alcohol is all around. In a moment of utter boredom or when things go wrong and I feel down there is always the propensity to slip; I don't know what tricks to utilise should that happen, I don't want to screw up as I have been more content in the past two weeks that i can remember

Dee74

Hi Excalibur

Well we're always here for support, but I don't know of any tricks - just commitment. Alcohol ruined my life and health - if I want to keep the life I have now, I can't drink.

Like you said

That's a pretty simple motivation, but if you commit to it, it works.
Give some thought to face to face support too - every little bit helps...you might be glad one day of a friendly face or a phone number

here's a link to some options
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...resources.html

best wishes to you

D

yeahgr8

Yep i have that too, have been on medication and also have changed my lifestyle bigtime. I didn't realise but this is the one that will put you down, with a stroke (although it does cause heart attacks too)...much more serious at any age, so i was told by doc and have researched, than elevated liver readings. So please take this one very seriously!

For me i found out it wasn't boredom, it was the simple fact that i hated living in my own skin...doing other things didn't seem like an option save drinking (which i didn't want to do) or just wishing the days away lying watching films, listening to music etc...

I went to AA, started working the steps with a sponsor and now have a chance at a much better future. I go out more, have new sober friends and see so much other stuff to do, that i now can do...i couldn't change myself, tried for years and years so i needed help to change and it wasn't until i was emotionally ****** that i could do it! I had to get the help to see what was broken before i could go about fixing it, i couldn't see this before...hope you keep on going:-)