I am ready to do this :)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 68
I am ready to do this :)
I'm not sure if this is the right sub-forum and someone can move this if needed. I think it would help me to type all this crap out.
I'm 30, I'm now 100% sure I have a problem (got 10 years of denial under my belt)
, and I know that I will never be able to socially drink.
For about 5 years (From when I was 22 to 27) I drank every single day. 12 pack of beer everyday was the norm with more on the weekends. I have cut down a lot since then, but it took me hitting a bottom to do that. I have wrecked my old car 3 times and SHOULD have gotten about 4 DUIs but I somehow got out of each one without getting arrested. At 21 I watched my father, who according to my mother had been an alcoholic since he was 15 die a slow aganozing death from liver failure at 47. I don't have a memory of him without a beer and after he and my mom divorced he went to vodka as many do and that was the end of him. You'd think that would be enough to stop .. but here I am, almost 10 years later. Both sides of my family have problems with alcohol. My dad especially did (though he was an all around great guy - never abusive - and I still miss him a lot).
What I have been doing the past couple of years is having 3 or 4 beers everyday and drinking beer until I can't walk on the weekends. I usually don't have a single beer (well, maybe one) on Sundays and I'm extremely hung over the whole day. Sometimes well in to Monday as well. I am pretty sure now that this is from some form of light or moderate withdrawal instead of just a hangover. Monday morning I usually wake up covered in sweat and then go to work, doing as little work as possible.
What really got me thinking about this was a friend of a friend died at 30 from liver failure. Granted, she drank like a fish, but still, that's awful. I know if I drink like I do now I won't die this year. I probably won't die 5 years from now either. But I will eventually and it will be too soon... just like my dad. I promised myself that on my 30th birthday I would quit for good. Well, that was a few months ago... so here I am.
I live in Oklahoma City and I really wish there was a secular recovery group around here but there isn't (that I can find anyways). I'm going to start going to AA meetings. I haven't had a drop since Sunday morning. Wish me luck... gonna stick with it this time.
I'm 30, I'm now 100% sure I have a problem (got 10 years of denial under my belt)
, and I know that I will never be able to socially drink.For about 5 years (From when I was 22 to 27) I drank every single day. 12 pack of beer everyday was the norm with more on the weekends. I have cut down a lot since then, but it took me hitting a bottom to do that. I have wrecked my old car 3 times and SHOULD have gotten about 4 DUIs but I somehow got out of each one without getting arrested. At 21 I watched my father, who according to my mother had been an alcoholic since he was 15 die a slow aganozing death from liver failure at 47. I don't have a memory of him without a beer and after he and my mom divorced he went to vodka as many do and that was the end of him. You'd think that would be enough to stop .. but here I am, almost 10 years later. Both sides of my family have problems with alcohol. My dad especially did (though he was an all around great guy - never abusive - and I still miss him a lot).
What I have been doing the past couple of years is having 3 or 4 beers everyday and drinking beer until I can't walk on the weekends. I usually don't have a single beer (well, maybe one) on Sundays and I'm extremely hung over the whole day. Sometimes well in to Monday as well. I am pretty sure now that this is from some form of light or moderate withdrawal instead of just a hangover. Monday morning I usually wake up covered in sweat and then go to work, doing as little work as possible.
What really got me thinking about this was a friend of a friend died at 30 from liver failure. Granted, she drank like a fish, but still, that's awful. I know if I drink like I do now I won't die this year. I probably won't die 5 years from now either. But I will eventually and it will be too soon... just like my dad. I promised myself that on my 30th birthday I would quit for good. Well, that was a few months ago... so here I am.
I live in Oklahoma City and I really wish there was a secular recovery group around here but there isn't (that I can find anyways). I'm going to start going to AA meetings. I haven't had a drop since Sunday morning. Wish me luck... gonna stick with it this time.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 128
Karma-
Good luck and welcome to SR. Be sure to join the Sept Sobriety Group. I was in the class of August and it helped me a lot. I made a lot of friends and we are still going strong.
You can do it!
I was born in OKC, by the way. Love that town.
Good luck and welcome to SR. Be sure to join the Sept Sobriety Group. I was in the class of August and it helped me a lot. I made a lot of friends and we are still going strong.
You can do it!
I was born in OKC, by the way. Love that town.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Traveling in Europe
Posts: 415
Hey Karma... denial can be a rough road. But we all have walked down it. The important thing is that you are past it. AA works for a lot of people... its not exactly a hotbed of mental health, but if you find the right people their support will aid you tremendously in your recovery. Did me. Anyhow stay connected on this board. Lots of support here. 100 days ago I couldn't imagine feeling as good as I do now. There are good days, as well as harder days. Nonetheless, sobriety is a real possibility... Congrats on your decision...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Wartrace, TN
Posts: 71
karma79,
It sounds as if you have had "the moment" of realization. I didn't have mine until recently at 46 years of age. I was a daily drinker of Vodka (100 proof). I just quit four weeks ago and I will NEVER drink again. I am not capable of being a "social drinker", I don't have what it takes.
It really does boil down to "one day at a time". In the four weeks since I quit do you know what has changed? I used to sweat excessively, it seems to have stopped. I used to wake up in the middle of the night with my pillow soaked in sweat. No more. I thought that my drinking "relieved stress", now that I have stopped I am as calm as can be, nothing seems to bother me. Things have gotten so much clearer to me, its almost as if I have gained a few I.Q. points. I look forward to waking up in the morning instead of five o'clock in the evening. I have a sense of peace and well being that I haven't had since I was a kid. I feel good about myself for the first time in many years. I am much less emotional, I used to cry a lot over sad stories. I am a dog person (I have six mutts I rescued), I used to cry every time a commercial came on for the humane society. I still feel sad for the unwanted animals but I manage to not cry now.
Please keep it going karma79. Try it for six months, see if you like the new you. I have a feeling you will.
It sounds as if you have had "the moment" of realization. I didn't have mine until recently at 46 years of age. I was a daily drinker of Vodka (100 proof). I just quit four weeks ago and I will NEVER drink again. I am not capable of being a "social drinker", I don't have what it takes.
It really does boil down to "one day at a time". In the four weeks since I quit do you know what has changed? I used to sweat excessively, it seems to have stopped. I used to wake up in the middle of the night with my pillow soaked in sweat. No more. I thought that my drinking "relieved stress", now that I have stopped I am as calm as can be, nothing seems to bother me. Things have gotten so much clearer to me, its almost as if I have gained a few I.Q. points. I look forward to waking up in the morning instead of five o'clock in the evening. I have a sense of peace and well being that I haven't had since I was a kid. I feel good about myself for the first time in many years. I am much less emotional, I used to cry a lot over sad stories. I am a dog person (I have six mutts I rescued), I used to cry every time a commercial came on for the humane society. I still feel sad for the unwanted animals but I manage to not cry now.
Please keep it going karma79. Try it for six months, see if you like the new you. I have a feeling you will.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 68
Amazing story Wartrace, keep it up. I have tried quitting in the past but I wasn't SERIOUS about it. Now I am.. especially after seeing a friend die like that.
I'm gonna be in the September thread a lot. Thanks gofish for pointing it out to me as I didn't see it the first time.
Aboveitall, glad to see you in the September thread!!!
I'm gonna be in the September thread a lot. Thanks gofish for pointing it out to me as I didn't see it the first time.
Aboveitall, glad to see you in the September thread!!!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
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Here in our Alcoholism forum....
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read the sticky posts at the top .
Ask questions too...we do understand
many of us are winning over alcohol.
Glad you found us....
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