odaat

Wondered if anyone can relate.

I had my last drink 2.75 years ago, when I was 19.

For a long time, I didn't have doubts. I had no problem saying I was an alcoholic.

A few things make me wonder. How do I know if it was anything more than normal teenage drinking? How do I know I wasn't just seeking fellowship? How do I know if I was just being dramatic?

Boleo

These are questions that only you can answer.

The only question that I have is - How did your last days of drinking work for you?

Don't expect it to be any better next time.

concolor1

Then I suppose it applies to me. That was in 1980, BTW, and there's never been much doubt whether I was an alcoholic. My terror in early sobriety involved whether I could stay sober; I attended my first meeting when I was 21 (when I'd only been drinking two years, but I was already "in trouble"), and I'd got drunk after several months of not drinking (no program) the year before I finally got sober. That drunk lasted about four months and thoroughly convinced me . . .

I used to work treatment, in an adolescent tract, and the "kids" I worked with are now in their 30's. I ran across one the other day on her way to a hospital emergency room with a serious infection in her arm from IV drug use . . . She'd been a gorgeous gal when she was younger; now she looked, well, well-traveled . . . It was kind of a bummer to see her, as you might guess, and I ran into another on the streets who was pretty drunk a few weeks earlier...

I don't have to make this stuff up in hopes of convincing you it's a fatal disease, and as tough and painful as sobriety is when you're young, the alternative is way worse . . . I also have a friend who's been sober a year longer than I have who quit well before his 21st birthday, and he's happily married, working a good job, and has two children . . .

Your choice: sobriety-based behaviors or the alternative . . .

Finally, I drive a bit in my job, and I picked up a new customer from a hotel a couple of months ago. The hotel was right next to a park where drugs are sold freely, and I made a remark that I hated to see that stuff since I'd quit that lifestyle years ago . . .

Guy asked how long, and when I told him, he replied he was 49 with 32 years of continuous recovery... Quit at 17 and never had a reason to go back (and yeah, like me, he still goes to those silly meetings).

I wasn't bothered much being the "newbie" in that conversation . . .

24hrsAday

i first came into A.A. at 24.. stayed sober for 17 months.. went back to drinking after i quit going to meetings.. i almost drank myself to death before my 42end birthday. yes, i was semi o.k. for years before things got really bad.. cunning baffling and powerful.

Ago

I got sober young, then after a few years began to question whether I was really an alcoholic

Eventually I drank....didn't really go as "planned", but I have to say it went about as expected

took me five years to make it back, was pretty painful, this is one of those "understatement thingies" like "for some of us this was a tedious process, we can only hope that many of you aren't as stupid and stubborn as many of us were"

we don't like to diagnose anyone as an alcoholic but you can quickly diagnose yourself. Step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try it more then once. It will be worth a good case of the jitters to get a good knowledge of your condition.

My experience is I was able to quickly diagnose myself, the bad news is by drinking after a period of sobriety I had let loose "the beast", which is "I am powerless over alcohol" and I had to run out the course until I made it back.

This was a excruciatingly painful and tedious process that cost me the last years of my twenties and lasted into my early thirties. I made decisions during this time that still define me today, as in professionally, I lost a great career.

You may make the decision to dance with an 800 pound Gorilla, thing is it may not be over until the gorilla says it's over.

The way I see it you have two choices.

Go drink.

Go work with others that got sober young and then, after a period of sobriety started wondering if they were an alcoholic or not and began drinking. See how it worked for them.

So you can either learn from your own experience or choose to learn from the experience of others, it's your choice.

I am by no means making any "judgment" about you by the way, personally I suffer from an absolute inability to learn from the experiences of others, and quite frankly from my own experience frequently. I don't just have to touch the hot stove, I have to sleep with it. Again. Even then sometimes I don't learn.

Most of my close friends either got sober in their teens or early-mid twenties and are still sober today. We have seen scores of people drink, and many have died, and many have wished they died, some are still drinking, and personally I don't find anything about them or their lives attractive.

Good luck

BB 1st edition probably misquoted in this post, as that was off the top of my head.

Rob B

I'll reitereate what Andrew said. Two Choices.

1. Go Drink: If you are alcoholic, the phenomena of craving will decide when you are done not you. FRom what I hear this gets worse even In sobriety, I don't know this 1st hand as I have never relapsed. I hope to learn from other's experience on this one. EVeryone I know who has made it back says it got much worse, like their drinking never stopped. This freaks me out, I can't imagine drinking more than I did at the end.

2. Work the steps as laid out in the Big Book have a spiritual awakening and then maintain it. This is what I have been doing. I like being sober, there is nothing in me that a drink could fix.

I was 33 when I crawled into AA, if I live to be 90 I will never feel as old as I did July 8th 2004. Good luck to you, PM if I can help.

penny74

Odaat,
l am 54 ( look a lot younger) and have had a lot of trouble because of my drinking.
But l have the same doubts as you have now each and every day.
Started as soon as l was feeling a bit better...
Peace and wisedom,

The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself.
Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)

sunrise1

Although I am beyond your age, odaat, I too occasionally wonder if perhaps I was just overreacting or over-analyzing.

But- I can quickly look back to the last few times I drank... none of them ended how I would have expected them to, and if I look further I can remember many more examples of such.

In the end, I have more bad examples than I do good... that tells me I am on the right side of the wagon. Only you can determine if the same is true for you.

spittake

So you must've just had your 21st? That's a tough time to be in sobriety!

I tried to get sober twice previously, at 19 and 22. Both times, I found my youth to be an obstacle. I looked at the long stretch of life ahead, and I would really start to miss the booze and drugs just as soon as I felt free of their clutches.

What most convinced me that I needed to stop, even if I am so young, are all the bad things that happened to me when I was wasted (and I always got wasted). I talk to people now and maybe mention one or two of the hundreds of astounding stories I have, and their reactions say it all. Normal people do not, would not drink to that level of excess. The fact that I did not kill myself or anyone else is something that I will always be grateful for. I did break some bones, crash some cars, humiliate myself irreparably, loose some valuables and blow a lot of money, but I'm alive and I've awoken to the fact that Me + Alcohol = Public Danger.

Ago

Oh, and as far as any of us being able to "relate"

We can ALL relate, it's what we all have in common
Things is to learn this first hand I have to give up "the power of choice", and as Rob said:

Many don't make it back, you see them sitting in meetings raising their hands for years, crying, not in control of their own lives any more, slaves to the phenomenon of craving.

There is a lot said about meetings pro and con, and how important they are to 'the program" but I got to tell you for me, watching some poor SOB go down the tubes because they decided to go see if they could "drink like a gentleman" just "one more time" but now they can't "make it back" and "put any time together" does WONDERS for my state of mind.

I mean I do have the whole "there but for the grace of God go I" because it HAS been me, but I have to also say I have a bit of "better you then me you poor b@stard" too, having "been there done that got the mug shots and finger prints taken" to prove it.

Seeing something like that is like meeting the poor crippled child that is dying of cancer and is all cheerful because they got someone to push their wheelchair outside in the sun and buy them an ice cream cone or something and I've been wandering around all morning whinging because my @ss was getting fat or some girl I'm dating isn't doing what I want or I could use a bit more money or some equally useless self centered crap, helps put things in perspective and show me what's REALLY important.

24hrsAday

very good stuff.. thanks ago..

geekorunique

Well honey...only you can label yourself an alcoholic but it's helpful to have some guidance I know. I was 27 when I came to AA and I was kept out for a long time because my drinking seemed to actually not be as bad as when I was a teenager. I thought that I had drank a lot more when I was at Uni but then when I thought about it I had more time to drink then!

I have sat in meetings and I have thought "Is this all my life is going to be?" and I've felt so sorry for myself that I can't go out there and have fun....then I fast forward the tape...I look at what I was like when I was drinking.

Try and do that - think about what alcohol did to you when you drank...did you like the person you were when you were drinking? Did you wake up in the morning with the guilt, fear and remorse? Could you just take one drink? Plus how bad did it get when you were drinking? It musn't have been great because it was bad enough for you to come to AA. Noone walks through the doors of AA unless they have major concerns about the way that they drank.

You may have more research to do...but I would ask you not to go out there and drink trying to prove you're not an alcoholic....stay in AA until you are convinced you're absolutely not...and don't leave five minutes before the miracle happens.

My best friend is back out drinking - he's been in and out for nearly ten years and lost everything he's had - he may never get back - I don't want that to be you.

God Bless and if there's anything I can do - if you need a chat or whatever just message me. I am here to be of service today - and as part of my 12th step to reach out the hand of friendship xxx

CarolD

Hmm...
I'm wondering if this could be attributed to your depression?
Sorry.....
I lost track of how you and your meds were
doing regarding your diagnosed past depression.

Just thinking out loud....

ClayTheScribe

I'm also young - 24 - and I had the same questions as you. I knew I was an alcoholic when I couldn't stop drinking despite the negative consequences in my life. That's usually a tell tale sign. Also, I couldn't drink unless I had enough to get me drunk, otherwise I would feel depressed and agitated right when I stopped drinking, another tell tale sign. I also found I had a higher tolerance for alcohol than my friends, another sign of the alcoholic. I think you're probably asking these questions because you're 21 now and the pressure to go out and drink with friends is high. You have to weigh between how you felt drinking, and most importantly, the day after, and how you feel now being sober. It could be you were just a problem drinker, only you can know that, but some studies suggest that problem drinkers couldn't become moderate drinkers until at least 5 years of sobriety. Maybe you have to relapse to really find out, but it is possible to find out if you're an alcoholic or problem drinker early, even at 19. You have to ask yourself some of those questions. You might've been melodramatic or you went with your instinct, your self-preservation. Most importantly you have to ask yourself what quality of life would you like to have?

AW2486

I was 18, two months shy of 19 when I sobered up. 42 now. Every 1st step meeting I attend I think of this passage from the BB..

"We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed."

If I went to a bar, would I be able to drink like normal people ? No .. I would be blacked out in a couple hours and a danger to everybody around me. I blacked out when I drank, and I got violent for no reason when I blacked out.

Without any doubt, I am alcoholic.

Wolfchild

It's a matter of faith for me. Sure, i could return to using drugs & alcohol and might be able to handle it...for awhile. Eventually, the uncontrollable obsession to have more of whatever gratifies a self centered lifestyle would return and progress to a full blown compulsion. i don't know how long it would take to get to a point of hopeless desperation, but i know that it would. i have much evidence of this throughout the course of my lifetime! That's enough for me to keep doing the right thing in the here & now with a clear conscious. The benefits of recovery are truly awesome!!

i hope and pray that you continue forward and to live a responsible life.

north

I am no longer in my 20s but here are some of my thoughts on the issue:

1. I quit drinking February of this year. Although my sobriety period is much shorter than yours, I also entertained the same idea of whether I might not be an alcoholic.

When I was drinking, I was not drinking every day... 1 to 2 times a week, and I only experienced 'over-drinking' regrets every 4th or 5th time. In fact, I am certain under some definitions of 'alcoholism', I might be classified as someone with a 'drinking problem' but not 'alcoholism' per se.

My wife even suggested I simply drink at home as I had never had an over-drinking issue.

Very quickly, I did a 'cost-benefit' type of analysis and determined whether I was a true blue 'alcoholic' or not, it did not matter. Not drinking anymore 100% has made my life a lot better... and I decided not to revisit the question again - ever.

2. Knowing what I know now ... if I had the foresight and opportunity to have quit drinking in my 20s, I would have done so. I know that the overall quality of my life would have been much better.

We might not have time machines, but we do have people similar ourselves, but older, who have both done the 'right things' and the 'wrong things'. Shortly after I got sober, I met up with someone I knew for more than a decade ... as it turned out, he had quit drinking about the same time I first met him. A real driven character, he had recently sold a majority stake in one of the companies he founded for a few hundred million dollars. I am very certain he would have not had the energy nor determination to achieve this had he been drinking his ass off as he was prone to do.

Midton

I missed the tell-tale signs for years then the bad times began to become more common coupled with the anxiety, regret, fear and whatever.

For what it's worth obviously I wish I had never started drinkng and I will try to gently advice my children not to drink or at least how do drink responsibly. Life without alcohol is just so much better.

You're in a good place now and I hope you see it. Maybe you're not an alcoholic and possibly getting drunk every so often might even add to your life but ifyou are an alcoholic then there is no turning the clock back. I wouldn't risk it.

joedris

One thing about alcoholism is that it's a disease that tries to convince us that it's not there. But it is and always will be - patiently waiting for the right moment to lure us to drink again. Every alcoholic will sometimes question whether or not he/she is really an alcoholic. Or even worse, begins to think that maybe it's ok to have a drink since they've been sober for a while. "Hell, one can't hurt." or "I can control it now" are famous last words.

I've often heard it said that picking up the drink is the last step in relapse. The process began long before the drink. We began to question the things that got us sober in the first place. The disease whispered in our ears. We should take a poll on how many people thought it was ok to have that one glass of champagne at the wedding and found out they were wrong. Somehow their thinking had changed. The disease had set them up. They didn't go into the wedding reception with the thought that they couldn't drink that day foremost in their minds.

I agree with everyone who said the only way to answer your doubts is to try drinking. But I suggest that little experiment would probably rank in the top three mistakes you make in your life. Is drinking really that important? As Midton just said - you're in a good place now. Why chance it?

cwdsi

This. I can totally relate to you and the post I've quoted above.

I'm 25, so we're basically in the same age group. I've spent age 18-24 getting drunk out of my mind and mixing it with various drugs-- pills, hallucinogenics, marijuana, cocaine, heroin, crystal meth -- you name it and I've done it. Yet, for me, the hardest drug to kick is alcohol. To this day, I still haven't been able to stay sober on a daily basis. I've quit all drugs besides alcohol. Ironically enough, it's the only legal drug that I've listed outside of prescription pills.

You're definitely on the right track on questioning your drinking as a whole. If you can drink two beers and stop without cravings (and without guilt the next morning), you're most likely fine. You've learned the value of moderation. If you drink one beer in the evening and absolutely fiend for an additional 12 pack with a bunch of shots of vodka and whiskey in between, then you're like me.

Just one question for you my friend; if you've been sober for almost 3 years, why start again? Is it worth it? If you don't start alcohol again, it eliminates any and all risks that it will ever be a problem in your future. Don't ever doubt getting sober at a young age! I can guarantee you that those 3 years of sobriety brought you more prosperity and happiness than 3 years of being drunk ever will. Take it from a college student who is seeking redemption, but is still struggling to kick the habit of being a daily drunk. If only I could take my own advice sometimes...