McGowdog

So I'm a bit confused here. If life is what you make it, then how can "It" play a cruel joke on you?

If you swore to never be in any kind of a relationship with an alcoholic, is that the same as not being in a relationship with a thief and a liar, or a cancer patient or a diabetic? Or would it be somewhere in between? Like someone with a social or a spiritual disease?

If one or both of our parents are alcoholic, does that doom us to the fate of either becoming one or hooking up with one? This issue seems to bleed over to alanonism...if there was such a thing; don't you think?

RobbyRobot

McGowdog,

Not to get into semantics here, of course to each their own, but what we make [[OF LIFE]] is entirely different then what we make life to be. The former is reality, and the latter is delusional. Thanks for a great post sesh!

ES&H



RR

sesh

Hi McGowdog,
sorry if I've offended you. When I said I swore never to be in any kind of relationship with an alcoholic, if you read my earlier posts in this thread you'd have noticed I was refering to how I've felt growing up with my AF. And to answer your question if he had been a thief or a liar, at the age 10 to 18 I'd probably feel the same. If he was a cancer patient or diabetic I most probably wouldn't as even at that age I was able to understand that in that case it was not possible for him to make a decision not to be one. And however that decison might be hard to reach for an A, it is still in his power to make it. And being a child of an AF, I could write you a book about it,...and my way of coping with it while being unable to change anything about my situation, was to decide never to have that in my life again.
Being an alcoholic in my humble opinion doesn't excuse one for having a responsibility towards his child. And also I thought I should have been good enough reason for my AF to stop drinking... he never did... so i guess I wasn't

And also when I said Life has played a cruel joke on me, I thought it was obvious from the context I was being metaphorical. Of course I' aware that any cruel joke played on me is my own responsibility, but to fully understand it, in my opinion, one must first realize that life is what you make of it. Which was my whole point really.

And for:
"This issue seems to bleed over to alanonism...if there was such a thing; don't you think?"

I really wouldn't know, as unfortunatelly there is no Al anon in my country, or any kind of support for people who's loved ones are A, or hardly any support for people who are alcoholic either... so I don't really know what qualifies as alaonism.

All I know is that I'm trying really hard to make a normal life for my kids and myself, to help my kids when feeling ashamed that their dad is spending every single day of his life in a pub drinking all day long, making all kind of excuses for not coming home, and even when he does he's fast asleep 2 second later and still can't see he has a problem, even after ending up in hospital so many times because of it.

I have left my Ah 3 weeks ago, I don't want our kids growing up thinking this kind of life is acceptable, and if you want it I do honestly hope they'll promise themselves not to marry an A, and even more to keep that promise. I take responsibility for letting my kids experience this kind of life, me being miserable all the time, while their AF was out drinking, while I was more than able to know how it feels for them, and I pray to God they don't do mistakes their parents did.

I'm sorry if I'm coming too strongly here (watching my kids through all this is making me so angry, and that is a new emotion for me), but your implying I don't understand alcoholism is a disease offended me. so if you're asking me Yes it is a disease, but a disease one has to make a decison to start recovering from, however that decision might be hard to reach it is still a decision. To me it makes a huge difference. So now imagine a cancer patient or diabetic being able to make that kind of decision...

Again sorry if you're offended by this, after all it is only my opinion...

Peace

debs

Ya know... it very well could be that you leaving him might be the trigger that wakes him up and gives him that 'epiphany' he needs to seek help successfully... I guess some may call it a rock bottom...

You can hold on to that hope and pray for that outcome, but what you must do at this point is exactly what you are doing- getting yourself and your family out of that situation... That not only benefits you and your children, but also, you're releasing any possibility of enabling your AH...

None of it's easy, I realize that... and there's no easy answers, but I think getting out is the best option at this point...

I pray that everything works out according to God's will for your life and that you find true serenity in life... I really, truly mean that...

In as much as your husband didn't ask to be an Alcoholic, you equally didn't ask to be married to one... until he's ready to seek help and do what he's got to do to fight this thing.... he won't be an asset to your life, unfortunatey... Pray without ceasing... not to be all religious on ya, but that seems to be the most effective method I've found.

Dee74

I'm sorry for your situation Sesh.

But it sounds to me like you're doing all the right things for yourself and your children - keep listening to the good folk at Fand F - they know what they're talking about

D

CarolD

Hello Sesh.....

I see you are sharing on our Friends and Family Forum too.
That is really the best place for you to find support.
So...
I will lose this thread for you
All my best to you and your children....

If anyone would like to share more with Sesh.
please use this link

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-one-out.html