gravity

Yesterday, my boss and I were having lunch with a group of people we work for (10 people in total).

One person mentioned that he was celebrating 16 years of sobriety and invited another guy to his AA "birthday" celebration.

All I said was congratulations.

My boss looked at me and said "are you in AA?"

A bit mortified at the time but I croaked out "yes."

He said "good for you!"

We then ate our appetizers.

Nobody stared at me. I have not been ostracized. No red "A" painted on me.

I'm still just Don, a good reliable worker with a twisted sense of humor. I just happen to go to AA.

Why am I sharing this? People finding out that I am an alcoholic & attend AA is no big deal. Life goes on. And you know, I think something good may come out of this!

jamdls

Good for you! I proudly tell people, even complete strangers, that I am a recovered alcoholic. I fought a battle and I WON! it is definetly something to be proud of.

sugErspun

And your still alive?



I have no doubt good will come of it. My assumption is he probably felt more uncomfortable bringing it up....and...why would he?

Thanks for sharing D

smacked

I'm not in AA, but the news that I'm no longer a complete drunken jackass is not a secret I keep from anyone!

Astro

So true, so true.

It's a badge of honor for me grav. I tried to hide my drinking for so many years, and did a really poor job of it. So I might as well shout it out, loud and proud. Well, you know what I mean

CarolD

I was a very public drinker .......
I choose to be a very public AA member.
Yes...
my car had a Circle & Triangle icon on the back
an "Easy Does It" sticker on the window
I use an AA key chain ...my current medallion
is in my billfold. ...I also have sweat shirts with logos.

So far....no one has shunned me tho I have had people
ask me what they mean.

Thanks for sharing your experience ....

FightingIrish

In general I'm not a big fan of people (my boss?!) asking me direct personal questions in front of other people. It seems to be a nervous tick that some people have.

Overman

I was a very private drinker, but have been very public about my alcoholism.

Not that I get on a bullhorn and announce to the community that I've been sober for almost a year, but I find that saying "I'm an alcoholic" or "I'm in recovery" to friends, coworkers, and family members can be a very liberating feeling.

I guess the pressure from hiding who I was for so long is relieved by actually being true to myself and accepting my own identity, even if it means putting it on the table for others to see.

Thanks for the thread Gravity, isn't it nice not to care for a change?

tomvlll

One of the meetings I go to is in a library. I'm always afraid of people asking me ' What are you doing here' when I walk out.
What would you all say?

Overman

"I'm just here to meet a friend of mine named Bill"

TheSunAlsoRises

Yeah I have just started at a new school. I was hitting it off with this guy during orientation... we talked for a couple hours. Then he mentioned partying, asking me if there was a big scene at my old school. I was just honest. Yes there was. But I choose not to indulge anymore. We still talk a lot in between classes and stuff but he knows I don't want to go out and drink. Honesty is liberating...

mikel60

I still try to keep it on the downlow, but people know. Early in sobriety I was talking to a friend, a drinking buddy, and as we parted he yelled across the street asking what I was doing that night.

The old lady across the street (the guys aunt) heard the exchange and answered for me.

"Take that bum to a meeting, Michael!", she yelled.

I thought nobody knew!

Mike

gravity

There is a flip side to this. That same gentleman with 16 years of sobriety twice half-jokingly told me "it's never too late, you know." He has known me for several years. He does not know that I am 20 months sober. He is a bit hard of hearing and I don't think he heard my AA admission.

Many of us think we did a good job hiding our horrible drinking from other people. But they knew.

And many of those people think we are still doing the same thing!

So what would you rather be known as? A drunk or a recovering AA member?

This reminds me of something my mother-in-law said a few months ago. She saw my friend (a local, well-known businessman) driving a bit erratically and commented "must be drunk again." But I know for a fact that he has been sober for over four years!

Ah well...maybe in the end it's that old cliche: "what other people think of me is none of my business."

Overman

So what would you rather be known as? A drunk or a recovering AA member?

IMO, 'drunk' seems to imply that the person still uses. Its more of a judgement or evaluation than description.

'Alcoholic' is a descriptor; a condition that someone is struggling to maintain, or working towards keeping in check.

Likewise in mental health settings, someone is referred to as 'psycho' or 'crazy' in a negative, judgemental sense...whereas 'schizophrenic' is a neutral descriptor of a medical condition.

ElegantlyWasted

a shame that in some circles there is still a negative stigmatism on addicts n general; especially those who choose to be forthright. Congratulation on the positive experience of your public outing!!! Should happen more often ....

Recovered1

I see no reason to advertise what is a DSM-IV diagnosis, but maybe that's just me (Gosh, like major depressive disorder, anxiety disorder, bipolar, schizophrenia, etc). Alcohol dependence (i.e. alcoholism) is in the DSM-IV.

The stigma IS out there.

Firehazard

Thanks for saying yes I Am. I have been in several situations where I have croaked out my affiliation and I really think that it helped me. Most times I don't but it is funny how we know when we should say it and when we should.
Congrats

Overman

@ recovered
The stigma IS out there.

I could care less if others feel that I'm a 'stigma'. I'm not getting sober for them. I'm doing it for me.

north

If made to chose between sobriety and being 'outed', then always the former.

However, that doesn't mean I want to be 'free & easy' with everyone regarding my condition. I happen to live and work outside the US in a society where alcoholism is definitely a stigma and as a result of a 'friend's' indiscretion, I've lost at least one significant business opportunity.

I also want to be respectful to other members who share the same desire for discretion and confidentiality. Sometimes it's hard if you get the enthusiastic individual who says in front of others "hey, North - haven't seen you at a meeting lately... you stayin' sober?" Try not to be that guy! Please.

Tazman53

I have to say I must have hit a fairly solid bottom, I do not advertise I am an alcoholic or in AA, but from day one in detox I had no issue with admitting I was an alcoholic to any one, and once I was out of detox and into AA the only thing that mattered to me was recovering.

I am no longer known as a drunk any more, unless some one has known me for over 3 years they would never have known me as a drunk, they know me as Martin and if the subject comes up where part of the answer may involve me outing myself as a recovering alcoholic & or memeber of AA I will reveal it with out hesitation, not for my own edification, but in the hope that I may be able to be of service to another alcoholic or addict.

Now if some one has an issue with me being in AA or a recovering alcoholic..... well that is not my problem, it is thiers to deal with.

If I, and every single recovering alcoholic kept our recovery some sort of deep dark secret then where would a suffering alcoholic ever get any experience strength and hope that they can recover?