Would like opinions from active / recovered alcoholics
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: London
Posts: 145
Would like opinions from active / recovered alcoholics
Dear all
I have posted this in family and friends section but I wondered if I could also seek your views on this. When I met my xabf he did wonders for my self esteem and his kind words probably helped actually save me from myself. I fell for him very quickly, without realising his problem. (This I now realise can be the trait of narcissism in him). Anyway, although we had our problems over three years we rarely argued and really did click. I loved him and while I think he was rebounding at first I know (as much as is possible within an abf) he loved me.
A year into our relationship he wanted to move in. But he wasn't working and I refused until he was. Actually he didn't work throughout the three years, plus he didn't work for about 10 months before we got together - so, in all, four years he's not been working.
He has had a few 'rock bottoms' in the time I've known him. The first 18 months we were together his family would have nothing to do with him, he was homeless, he wasn't seeing his children as his ex wouldn't let him.
Then earlier this year he went to prison for six weeks.
After his release his family rallied back round. I had only previously met his mother. Upon his release he introduced me to his dad, stepmother and very young brother, his other brother and his wife and child, their grandmother, and most importantly his two children. As I've posted before his ex was very much against this but his reaction was 'I've been with her for three years, we're together, I love her, we want the children to be part of our lives'. At Christmas he told me we would be living together by this Christmas, to which my reply was 'Yes, as long as you're working'.
Those of you who have read my posts will know he finished with me out of the blue just six weeks after introducing me to his children. We'd had an excellent time in the weeks beforehand, the days beforehand, even on the very last night we spent together.
Throughout our time together he said one of the things he loved about me was the fact I'd not had children and was not divorce - no baggage. Then he left me for a young mother-of-four who has just come out of a divorce. He moved in with her. I gather they had a few problems, just six weeks into the relationship, but, as far as I know they're still together.
Today I find out he's working! I am the one who was his emotional crutch for three years. 'I sometimes think you were sent to me.' 'I don't think I'd still be here if it wasn't for you', etc for three years. And now he has a job - just weeks after kicking me out of his life in the cruellest of ways and with no forewarning.
It probably doesn't sound like I am happy for him. But I am. I still love him and want to see him happy (he claims he's never been happy). But at the same time we went through the mill together and I had the worst of him. Now I feel like this woman, or any other woman, will get the best side of him, when I still feel he's my soulmate. When he broke up with me he gave me a thousand reasons but he also gave me no real reason. When giving me the thousand reasons he said he still loved me and was in love with me, but he felt like he'd softened too much and needed to harden up and stand on his own two feet without me to pick him up.
If he is getting sorted, will he even think about what I tried to do for him? Will he now hate me and blame me for everything? I want to contact him to say I'm happy for him but at the same time I don't want to break no contact. I now hope he will ring me, but is he even likely to? He is a good person. He's not a bad person. But the way he broke up with me was awful - so out of character for him. And since then I've had one text from him - threatening me - when all the time we were together he was so loving and protective and proud to show his friends (and later his family) we were together.
I have posted this in family and friends section but I wondered if I could also seek your views on this. When I met my xabf he did wonders for my self esteem and his kind words probably helped actually save me from myself. I fell for him very quickly, without realising his problem. (This I now realise can be the trait of narcissism in him). Anyway, although we had our problems over three years we rarely argued and really did click. I loved him and while I think he was rebounding at first I know (as much as is possible within an abf) he loved me.
A year into our relationship he wanted to move in. But he wasn't working and I refused until he was. Actually he didn't work throughout the three years, plus he didn't work for about 10 months before we got together - so, in all, four years he's not been working.
He has had a few 'rock bottoms' in the time I've known him. The first 18 months we were together his family would have nothing to do with him, he was homeless, he wasn't seeing his children as his ex wouldn't let him.
Then earlier this year he went to prison for six weeks.
After his release his family rallied back round. I had only previously met his mother. Upon his release he introduced me to his dad, stepmother and very young brother, his other brother and his wife and child, their grandmother, and most importantly his two children. As I've posted before his ex was very much against this but his reaction was 'I've been with her for three years, we're together, I love her, we want the children to be part of our lives'. At Christmas he told me we would be living together by this Christmas, to which my reply was 'Yes, as long as you're working'.
Those of you who have read my posts will know he finished with me out of the blue just six weeks after introducing me to his children. We'd had an excellent time in the weeks beforehand, the days beforehand, even on the very last night we spent together.
Throughout our time together he said one of the things he loved about me was the fact I'd not had children and was not divorce - no baggage. Then he left me for a young mother-of-four who has just come out of a divorce. He moved in with her. I gather they had a few problems, just six weeks into the relationship, but, as far as I know they're still together.
Today I find out he's working! I am the one who was his emotional crutch for three years. 'I sometimes think you were sent to me.' 'I don't think I'd still be here if it wasn't for you', etc for three years. And now he has a job - just weeks after kicking me out of his life in the cruellest of ways and with no forewarning.
It probably doesn't sound like I am happy for him. But I am. I still love him and want to see him happy (he claims he's never been happy). But at the same time we went through the mill together and I had the worst of him. Now I feel like this woman, or any other woman, will get the best side of him, when I still feel he's my soulmate. When he broke up with me he gave me a thousand reasons but he also gave me no real reason. When giving me the thousand reasons he said he still loved me and was in love with me, but he felt like he'd softened too much and needed to harden up and stand on his own two feet without me to pick him up.
If he is getting sorted, will he even think about what I tried to do for him? Will he now hate me and blame me for everything? I want to contact him to say I'm happy for him but at the same time I don't want to break no contact. I now hope he will ring me, but is he even likely to? He is a good person. He's not a bad person. But the way he broke up with me was awful - so out of character for him. And since then I've had one text from him - threatening me - when all the time we were together he was so loving and protective and proud to show his friends (and later his family) we were together.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: London
Posts: 145
I should probably add that the day he broke up with me, he then took it back and asked for time and space. He did contact me a few times in the couple of weeks after that but I've heard nothing since mid-June. So as far as he left it, we were giving each other time and space. It was his mother who texted me on July 1st saying he'd told her he'd finished with me. Does this mean anything?
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
Originally Posted by sclarke64448 
I should probably add that the day he broke up with me, he then took it back and asked for time and space. He did contact me a few times in the couple of weeks after that but I've heard nothing since mid-June. So as far as he left it, we were giving each other time and space. It was his mother who texted me on July 1st saying he'd told her he'd finished with me. Does this mean anything?
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by sclarke64448
... But the way he broke up with me was awful - so out of character for him. And since then I've had one text from him - threatening me - when all the time we were together he was so loving and protective and proud to show his friends (and later his family) we were together.
You are a good candidate for Al-Anon:
Welcome to Al-Anon and Alateen
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 758
His story sounds like the best of the best con-artists that I met in rehab. He is just looking for a better "enabler". Be grateful he ended it while you still have a bank-account. Sooner or later he will leave the current Ms Right for a younger or wealthier Ms Right-now.
It sounds like your a smart person by telling him he needs to be working before you live together, and you also sound like a very caring person. So my thoughts- Move on from this guy that took advantage of you and find a man that will return your care&love as much as you give. Dwelling on this other guy is just going to create problems for you.
My .02 for what it's worth.
Steve
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I strongly suggest you find professional assistance
for your self esteem issue. you are worth more
than settleing for a stone cold loser. ...
Hope you soon get on with your life....
for your self esteem issue. you are worth more
than settleing for a stone cold loser. ...
Hope you soon get on with your life....
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
Now I feel like this woman, or any other woman, will get the best side of him
Not saying that people can't change but I think you are seeing the "best" side of him right now.
And just from my perspective, I can't fathom how a guy like that can be truly happy.
Disposable Hero
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Being, ME
Posts: 3,758
It may feel like it has alot to do with you, but it doesn't. People make the decisions they make, often with little or no concern how it affects anyone else. Regardless, it is how you chose to handle this situation that it very important. You are only responsible for your actions and attitudes, not anyone else's. i hope and pray that you begin to heal from whatever damage may have taken place and that you take care not to form a resentment toward this person. Please let this go, in your heart & mind, and move on with your life.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 818
Some day you'll look back and be very, very thankful that this guy left you. I can't predict that he'll ever ring you again. But if his last contact with you was threatening then you had better hope he doesn't. The guy is a loser who used you and deceived you. You need to move on with your life. Carol's suggestion is a good one - think about getting some professional help. Since you fell for this guy you may be apt to fall for another just like him.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,697
A few thoughts as I read your post
Were you there for him because you loved him, or because of some future 'reward'? I only ask because I sense a bit of resentment (more than a bit actually), It doesn't make sense that you would be happy for him that he is finally moving forward -at the same time asking "What about me"?
I also think that this is completely normal reaction, and if you can get to the bottom of this resentment, you can see the truth inside you of where it all comes from.
Someone mentioned al-anon, I also thought that might be a good idea if you are still with this guy, or attract this sort of character into your life. IE - no need to repeat the mistake and maybe this experience, as painful as it might be, can be useful to someone else, helping them through tough times, or avoiding the depths of pain that you go to.
I have little parallel experience, but have contact with many of both sexes who have felt, thought what you describe above.
Most of all - I thought "a few weeks does not signify a true change compared to the previous (4?) years." and "if he ever really gets clear on his life, he will ammend the harms he is causing".
For now - you can clean your side of the street and move ahead with your life.
(Sorry if it comes off as critical, I wanted to share the thoughts I had reading your post and having no previous knowledge of the relationship).
Were you there for him because you loved him, or because of some future 'reward'? I only ask because I sense a bit of resentment (more than a bit actually), It doesn't make sense that you would be happy for him that he is finally moving forward -at the same time asking "What about me"?
I also think that this is completely normal reaction, and if you can get to the bottom of this resentment, you can see the truth inside you of where it all comes from.
Someone mentioned al-anon, I also thought that might be a good idea if you are still with this guy, or attract this sort of character into your life. IE - no need to repeat the mistake and maybe this experience, as painful as it might be, can be useful to someone else, helping them through tough times, or avoiding the depths of pain that you go to.
I have little parallel experience, but have contact with many of both sexes who have felt, thought what you describe above.
Most of all - I thought "a few weeks does not signify a true change compared to the previous (4?) years." and "if he ever really gets clear on his life, he will ammend the harms he is causing".
For now - you can clean your side of the street and move ahead with your life.
(Sorry if it comes off as critical, I wanted to share the thoughts I had reading your post and having no previous knowledge of the relationship).
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: London
Posts: 145
Hi everyone.
Wow many thanks for your posts. Smacked, I just can't see why he couldn't text me himself. His very last words to me re us were 'just give me some time and space'. That's exactly how he personally has left it. Bananagrrrl you're right, much as though I love him, I still see he's been a complete jerk over this - he NEVER treated me like this while we were together. Boleo I'm not sure about the younger, wealthier, etc, bit. I'm a career girl with a very well paid job, she is on benefits and is at home with her children. She is younger, but (and I don't mean this in a bitchy way) but he tends to go for people with something about them. With his ex, she had a stunning figure and was an attractive, bright girl who turned heads. Tall, thin, stunning figure, naturally curly blond hair and a good girl who has done a fantastic job as a single mother the last four years. Her children are a credit to her. With me, I'm a well educated, bright, attractive girl (who three or four of his mates fancied, according to him). I keep myself in shape and go to the gym. He was always complimenting me on my looks, figure, strength of character, saying I was sweet with a heart of gold. This woman doesn't have any money and I honestly don't mean it in a bitchy way against her as I believe if he was going to up and leave at some point he'd have done it anyway, if not with her then someone else, but she doesn't really take care of her appearance. (To be fair she probably can't with four young children running round!) She's out of shape, she's also tomboyish, but he's always gone for girlie looking girls if his three exes are anything to go by.
Daywalker I know you're right. Deep down after this I know he doesn't deserve me. I just know I still love him. I will move on one day but my heart is still with him right now. Thank you too for your kind words Carol. As I said I will move on one day. In the mean time I am trying to do some work on myself. I was so independent when I met him - had been happily single a long time. Didn't realise I had any issues until he left me. The only issue I thought I had was low self esteem from being overweight. But I sorted that before I met him and felt on top of the world. But I suppose I'd gone through a succession of flings before I met him and he said I was worth more than that, so I suppose I did have low self esteem which he eradicated with those words and the way he treated me in the three years. I guess as it's him who helped give me some self esteem back, that may be why this has been so hard. So yes I now realise I do have issues which were just being cloaked over while I was with him as I obviously felt he was all I needed to be happy. Does that make sense? Gravity thank you, I don't know why I all of a sudden think they're going to ride off into the sunset after just a couple of months when he couldn't sort anything for me or his ex. Shows I've totally lost perspective. Wolfchild you're right, I need to let go and move on. I know I do. And I really had started to, but this knocked me for six when I found out he started working just within a couple of months of us splitting, when it was all I wanted for three years, if we were going to build a life together. Joe I'm sure you're right. I have told myself that things happen for a reason and maybe I have had a very lucky escape. Time will tell.
And SugEr you're right, I shouldn't be basing this 'happily ever after' future on just the past few weeks when the last four years are taken into account. I don't resent he's done this. I just wish he could have done it before now so we could have stayed together. I genuinely love this guy. In all the time we were together he said I should be more critical of him and stand up to him more, I was too lovely to him. I only wasn't more critical because he was so critical of himself. So I would nod and agree with what he said, and say 'You know what you have to do then'. Four / five months ago we were 'in love'. Now it's all gone. I'm not filled with resentment. I just don't understand.
Thank you everyone for taking the time to post your thoughts. As I said I'm just trying to get my head around it. And yes I think I really should seek professional help (I really have been suffering - not about the fact we broke up - we've broken up before a few times - not because we don't get on but because he never thought he was good enough. But this time the way he broke up with me was cold and cruel and has profoundly affected me. So I feel I need to address some issues so I can untangle this mess in my head and move on.
Thank you again. You're truly wonderful people.
Wow many thanks for your posts. Smacked, I just can't see why he couldn't text me himself. His very last words to me re us were 'just give me some time and space'. That's exactly how he personally has left it. Bananagrrrl you're right, much as though I love him, I still see he's been a complete jerk over this - he NEVER treated me like this while we were together. Boleo I'm not sure about the younger, wealthier, etc, bit. I'm a career girl with a very well paid job, she is on benefits and is at home with her children. She is younger, but (and I don't mean this in a bitchy way) but he tends to go for people with something about them. With his ex, she had a stunning figure and was an attractive, bright girl who turned heads. Tall, thin, stunning figure, naturally curly blond hair and a good girl who has done a fantastic job as a single mother the last four years. Her children are a credit to her. With me, I'm a well educated, bright, attractive girl (who three or four of his mates fancied, according to him). I keep myself in shape and go to the gym. He was always complimenting me on my looks, figure, strength of character, saying I was sweet with a heart of gold. This woman doesn't have any money and I honestly don't mean it in a bitchy way against her as I believe if he was going to up and leave at some point he'd have done it anyway, if not with her then someone else, but she doesn't really take care of her appearance. (To be fair she probably can't with four young children running round!) She's out of shape, she's also tomboyish, but he's always gone for girlie looking girls if his three exes are anything to go by.
Daywalker I know you're right. Deep down after this I know he doesn't deserve me. I just know I still love him. I will move on one day but my heart is still with him right now. Thank you too for your kind words Carol. As I said I will move on one day. In the mean time I am trying to do some work on myself. I was so independent when I met him - had been happily single a long time. Didn't realise I had any issues until he left me. The only issue I thought I had was low self esteem from being overweight. But I sorted that before I met him and felt on top of the world. But I suppose I'd gone through a succession of flings before I met him and he said I was worth more than that, so I suppose I did have low self esteem which he eradicated with those words and the way he treated me in the three years. I guess as it's him who helped give me some self esteem back, that may be why this has been so hard. So yes I now realise I do have issues which were just being cloaked over while I was with him as I obviously felt he was all I needed to be happy. Does that make sense? Gravity thank you, I don't know why I all of a sudden think they're going to ride off into the sunset after just a couple of months when he couldn't sort anything for me or his ex. Shows I've totally lost perspective. Wolfchild you're right, I need to let go and move on. I know I do. And I really had started to, but this knocked me for six when I found out he started working just within a couple of months of us splitting, when it was all I wanted for three years, if we were going to build a life together. Joe I'm sure you're right. I have told myself that things happen for a reason and maybe I have had a very lucky escape. Time will tell.
And SugEr you're right, I shouldn't be basing this 'happily ever after' future on just the past few weeks when the last four years are taken into account. I don't resent he's done this. I just wish he could have done it before now so we could have stayed together. I genuinely love this guy. In all the time we were together he said I should be more critical of him and stand up to him more, I was too lovely to him. I only wasn't more critical because he was so critical of himself. So I would nod and agree with what he said, and say 'You know what you have to do then'. Four / five months ago we were 'in love'. Now it's all gone. I'm not filled with resentment. I just don't understand.
Thank you everyone for taking the time to post your thoughts. As I said I'm just trying to get my head around it. And yes I think I really should seek professional help (I really have been suffering - not about the fact we broke up - we've broken up before a few times - not because we don't get on but because he never thought he was good enough. But this time the way he broke up with me was cold and cruel and has profoundly affected me. So I feel I need to address some issues so I can untangle this mess in my head and move on.
Thank you again. You're truly wonderful people.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Southern Colorado
Posts: 1,167
Let me see if I can filter out the ... romance and see how this reads; Sorry if I'm oversimplifying this.
OK, I don't see what the problem is. You had a bad experience with deadbeat loser and he set you free. What's the problem? Honestly. You're free.
Originally Posted by sclarke64448
Dear all
Actually he didn't work throughout the three years, plus he didn't work for about 10 months before we got together - so, in all, four years he's not been working.
He has had a few 'rock bottoms' in the time I've known him.
his family would have nothing to do with him, he was homeless, he wasn't seeing his children as his ex wouldn't let him.
Then earlier this year he went to prison for six weeks.
Those of you who have read my posts will know he finished with me out of the blue just six weeks after introducing me to his children.
...he said one of the things he loved about me was the fact I'd not had children and was not divorce - no baggage. Then he left me for a young mother-of-four who has just come out of a divorce. He moved in with her.
Today I find out he's working!
And now he has a job - just weeks after kicking me out of his life in the cruellest of ways and with no forewarning.
Actually he didn't work throughout the three years, plus he didn't work for about 10 months before we got together - so, in all, four years he's not been working.
He has had a few 'rock bottoms' in the time I've known him.
his family would have nothing to do with him, he was homeless, he wasn't seeing his children as his ex wouldn't let him.
Then earlier this year he went to prison for six weeks.
Those of you who have read my posts will know he finished with me out of the blue just six weeks after introducing me to his children.
...he said one of the things he loved about me was the fact I'd not had children and was not divorce - no baggage. Then he left me for a young mother-of-four who has just come out of a divorce. He moved in with her.
Today I find out he's working!
And now he has a job - just weeks after kicking me out of his life in the cruellest of ways and with no forewarning.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: London
Posts: 145
I know McGowdog. And I know in the years to come I'll think what the hell was I thinking. But I truly held out hope for him. I knew some of his drinking friends and he was nothing like them. He seemed to have a bit more about him. Or so I believed. I know I'll look back on this and put it down to experience but right now I'm still caught up in the thick of the mess.
:-(
:-(
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
Ooh, good insight. I've been reading codependent no more and she talks about codependents who give and give expecting a reward. Instead, they're persecuted for it, and that then enables them to become the "victim". "How could you do this to me after everything I gave you, etc." Well, who ever TOLD you to give that much to someone who common sense and experience should tell you can't give back, in the first place? (sorry that was no dig meant at the OP but just a general way of summarizing this concept.)
Originally Posted by sugErspun
A few thoughts as I read your post
Were you there for him because you loved him, or because of some future 'reward'? I only ask because I sense a bit of resentment (more than a bit actually), It doesn't make sense that you would be happy for him that he is finally moving forward -at the same time asking "What about me"?
I also think that this is completely normal reaction, and if you can get to the bottom of this resentment, you can see the truth inside you of where it all comes from.
Someone mentioned al-anon, I also thought that might be a good idea if you are still with this guy, or attract this sort of character into your life. IE - no need to repeat the mistake and maybe this experience, as painful as it might be, can be useful to someone else, helping them through tough times, or avoiding the depths of pain that you go to.
I have little parallel experience, but have contact with many of both sexes who have felt, thought what you describe above.
Most of all - I thought "a few weeks does not signify a true change compared to the previous (4?) years." and "if he ever really gets clear on his life, he will ammend the harms he is causing".
For now - you can clean your side of the street and move ahead with your life.
(Sorry if it comes off as critical, I wanted to share the thoughts I had reading your post and having no previous knowledge of the relationship).
Were you there for him because you loved him, or because of some future 'reward'? I only ask because I sense a bit of resentment (more than a bit actually), It doesn't make sense that you would be happy for him that he is finally moving forward -at the same time asking "What about me"?
I also think that this is completely normal reaction, and if you can get to the bottom of this resentment, you can see the truth inside you of where it all comes from.
Someone mentioned al-anon, I also thought that might be a good idea if you are still with this guy, or attract this sort of character into your life. IE - no need to repeat the mistake and maybe this experience, as painful as it might be, can be useful to someone else, helping them through tough times, or avoiding the depths of pain that you go to.
I have little parallel experience, but have contact with many of both sexes who have felt, thought what you describe above.
Most of all - I thought "a few weeks does not signify a true change compared to the previous (4?) years." and "if he ever really gets clear on his life, he will ammend the harms he is causing".
For now - you can clean your side of the street and move ahead with your life.
(Sorry if it comes off as critical, I wanted to share the thoughts I had reading your post and having no previous knowledge of the relationship).
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
I know this feeling-that your ex wasn't like all the "drinking buddies" he called friends. But honey, why do you think he associated with those types of people in the first place? He is like them-he just had you fooled for a time. I say this cuz it happened to me, as well.
Originally Posted by sclarke64448
I know McGowdog. And I know in the years to come I'll think what the hell was I thinking. But I truly held out hope for him. I knew some of his drinking friends and he was nothing like them. He seemed to have a bit more about him. Or so I believed. I know I'll look back on this and put it down to experience but right now I'm still caught up in the thick of the mess.
:-(
:-(
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
Why are you obsessing so much about this new girl he's with? The way you portray him, he certainly doesn't sound like much of a prize. You might wanna consider feeling a little sorry for her instead of spending so much time wondering why he's with her.
Any of those external qualities about her don't matter. Her looks. Money. Whatever. He's just gonna latch onto the first available person who will enable him, because his primary motivation is to keep feeding the addiction.
Any of those external qualities about her don't matter. Her looks. Money. Whatever. He's just gonna latch onto the first available person who will enable him, because his primary motivation is to keep feeding the addiction.
Originally Posted by sclarke64448
Hi everyone.
Wow many thanks for your posts. Smacked, I just can't see why he couldn't text me himself. His very last words to me re us were 'just give me some time and space'. That's exactly how he personally has left it. Bananagrrrl you're right, much as though I love him, I still see he's been a complete jerk over this - he NEVER treated me like this while we were together. Boleo I'm not sure about the younger, wealthier, etc, bit. I'm a career girl with a very well paid job, she is on benefits and is at home with her children. She is younger, but (and I don't mean this in a bitchy way) but he tends to go for people with something about them. With his ex, she had a stunning figure and was an attractive, bright girl who turned heads. Tall, thin, stunning figure, naturally curly blond hair and a good girl who has done a fantastic job as a single mother the last four years. Her children are a credit to her. With me, I'm a well educated, bright, attractive girl (who three or four of his mates fancied, according to him). I keep myself in shape and go to the gym. He was always complimenting me on my looks, figure, strength of character, saying I was sweet with a heart of gold. This woman doesn't have any money and I honestly don't mean it in a bitchy way against her as I believe if he was going to up and leave at some point he'd have done it anyway, if not with her then someone else, but she doesn't really take care of her appearance. (To be fair she probably can't with four young children running round!) She's out of shape, she's also tomboyish, but he's always gone for girlie looking girls if his three exes are anything to go by.
Wow many thanks for your posts. Smacked, I just can't see why he couldn't text me himself. His very last words to me re us were 'just give me some time and space'. That's exactly how he personally has left it. Bananagrrrl you're right, much as though I love him, I still see he's been a complete jerk over this - he NEVER treated me like this while we were together. Boleo I'm not sure about the younger, wealthier, etc, bit. I'm a career girl with a very well paid job, she is on benefits and is at home with her children. She is younger, but (and I don't mean this in a bitchy way) but he tends to go for people with something about them. With his ex, she had a stunning figure and was an attractive, bright girl who turned heads. Tall, thin, stunning figure, naturally curly blond hair and a good girl who has done a fantastic job as a single mother the last four years. Her children are a credit to her. With me, I'm a well educated, bright, attractive girl (who three or four of his mates fancied, according to him). I keep myself in shape and go to the gym. He was always complimenting me on my looks, figure, strength of character, saying I was sweet with a heart of gold. This woman doesn't have any money and I honestly don't mean it in a bitchy way against her as I believe if he was going to up and leave at some point he'd have done it anyway, if not with her then someone else, but she doesn't really take care of her appearance. (To be fair she probably can't with four young children running round!) She's out of shape, she's also tomboyish, but he's always gone for girlie looking girls if his three exes are anything to go by.
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