sailorjohn

I think when we're newly sober, we tend to keep track of those days, then the emphasis shifts to months and years. Sober time is never wasted, but I've seen a revolving door syndrome where folks will go back out with the thought-my assumption-that they can just pick up where they stopped. Not so much recovery as abstinence between drinking bouts.

Have been down that road, don't feel like going back there again

matt88

I keep track of days. It's merely a matter of fact, and I read no more into it than that.

tiburon88

It's all about "bragging". I have more sobriety days than you, therefore, I am better than you. It's what goes on in the AA meetings that I attend. I lie and tell people I have a year or two. It makes me feel better and important. Of course I can only do this at meetings where people don't know me. People with long term sobriety don't impress me. I know a guy with 20+ years and still needs to go to meetings every day. Heck I'd rather be drunk as a skunk in an alley than suffer that fate.


Mr. Tib

McGowdog

In my A.A. homegroup, we only celebrate years. If you have a birthday, you get to celebrate by chairing the meeting and you get cake with candles. We're such a small meeting that it's not a big deal.

You'd better come with a prepared topic too because we ain't talking about you and how wonderful you are. Bring a topic and experience from the book and run it like a regular meeting.

Your 1st birthday, 1 year, that's something. That's something you can be proud of. You've done some good work. Any birthdays after that are not about you anyway, so don't worry about it. You don't even have to remember them. A good secretary will have a meeting list with your name, number, and sobriety date so the cake maker can prepare beforehand... oh, and you get to chair the meeting.

Oh, no chips or hugs in our group either. Bah humbug.

Why are the birthdays important in our A.A. meeting? It's about accountability and responsibility. Own up to what you've done, bad or good. Don't play small or be less than you are. You can try to be more than you are, ^, but that won't work either. You'll be a legend in your own mind. It's like those people who act like they know everything, but can't get and stay sober. Nothing anybody else would want.

jimhere

I once had a good friend that I was close to in early sobriety. I got into the Steps and he got into service and social activities. I lost contact with him when he had nine years. Five years later I saw him and he had sixty days. He kept saying "I just want what I had before." I told him that if what he had before was good enough he wouldn't have sixty days, he would have fourteen years. I told him he needed something better. My friend died trying to get what he had before.

To a lot of AA's time away from a drink is status. Lose that time, lose that status. We get attached to the past when really it's about being current, right now.

So to anyone who believes that the time you had before a relapse, is relevant to right now, I'll ask "How's that working for you?"
Jim

Rob B

TIb, I love your fighting spirit, still ornry as all get out, I assure you, I don't think I am better than you. That being said, I am certain I know how to stay sober for good and all. PM if you are interested in hearing what I did, if not,I'll continue to read your posts. I always get a good laugh at your AA bashes and rigorous dishonesty. Too bad it's going to be your funeral, that is not funny.

Faerie

Debs Baby,

I'm still working on weaning myself of pills so I don't have a sober date yet, although I do know I've been making an effort for a month now. I don't really have an opinion on this yet.

I just wanted to say it's great to see you posting again, your posts always make me smile when I see you are doing so well.

You are beautiful and I love you.

Faerie xx

Ago

It's incredibly relevant, it's my experience, which is my primary asset in helping others, I have been able to help people who have relapsed with long term sobriety make it back which sometimes a "factory model" AA'er can't, because they don't have the experience of coming back to AA after drinking after long term sobriety.

I'm also glad I drank, it made me address those things that were causing me such severe discomfort. I am obviously more glad I made it back, but my drinking is part of "my story".

My past and experience is my greatest asset in my primary purpose, which is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.

Nevertheless

My sober day number is very important to me. I have been sober a little over 5 months. I drank 30 years(yea I kept track of that to). In those 30 years I believe the longest I stayed sober was around 6 months. So I'm about to set a record. Am I proud of it? You damn right I am. No I don't brag about it, except right now, because the subject came up.
I do believe it helps me, because I feel if I drink I break the chain. I am pushing 50 and I hurt myself I am still feeling better every week. (I can almost stay awake past midnight now) 10 years ago when I quit, I felt great after the first month. I'll quit rambling.
Fred

jimhere

Knowing your history Andrew, let me clarify my statement. Seen from your perspective, I agree wholeheartedly with you are saying.

I agree with you say about drinking again after some long-term sobriety. I think that, for some, drinking again is necessary and can be a profound experience if it gets them to the point of being willing to go to any lengths.

I also agree that my experience, drinking or sober isn't for me, it's for someone else.

Where I was coming from is based on observations I've made from listening in meetings and sponsoring people who have drank again after a period of sobriety. They cling to their past experience and a lot of times it keeps them from being open to a knew experience. A lot of times it keeps them drunk. And sometimes it kills them.

By the way, I'm glad you made it back too.
Jim

debs

I don't think there's one dammn thing wrong with being excited about your days and telling people about them... And there's nothing wrong with keeping track and celebrating victories.....

It's the people that throw out all of the years they've successfully remained sober- immediately after they go back out there.... as if that sober time never existed...

Seems to me that mindset has potential of throwing someone into a hellish pit of depression- we beat ourselves up enough when we **** up... no need to add to it...

I dunno... I'd just hate to see someone give up because of a feeling of loss of time.... I'm comin up on my third week next weekend and I am strong in my faith that I will not drink again ever in my life....

But if (God forbid) I screw up.... I won't allow myself to forget the time I'm experiencing now... nor will I void it as legitimate sober time..

Hell, I've gon 'n dun confused myself now! lol

traderjane

Here is my two cents worth. I did NOT want to count days for a long, long time. Why? Because deep down, I KNEW I was going to drink again and have to start all over with the counting. Not fun at all. I was not fully committed to remaining sober, and that is why I avoided it. Very crafty of me!

The other day I woke up and made a commitment. I have been drinking for the majority of my 45 years on this planet and enough is finally enough. I am fully committed to staying sober now, and I DO want to count days. I think it is helpful in early sobriety to do so and see how far you have come. I can't say I'm going to count days for the rest of my life, but early on, yes... I want to.

Having said that, I think it's all a matter of personal choice. Either you like to do it or you don't --- no worries either way -- to each his own!

tiburon88

Always good to here from u too Rob. I work hard on my rigorous dishonesty.

Mr. Tib

baldjim

a great thread debs thanks

i do count my days and i'm really proud of myself

but on the three month day its also my 49th birthday i dont want to drink and i'm gona try not to damn hard to

but say i did fall off of the wagon so to speak ,would i be thinking on the day after my birthday dammit all that time wasted ,what is the point of starting again ?? shall i just carry on drinking again

or would i be thinking ok 3 months no drinking just carry on not drinking it is working for you hmmmm lets hope i dont find out

keithj

I'd just add (and I think you know this Jim) that clinging to past experience doesn't keep me sober whether or not a relapse is involved. I absolutely, positively can not stay sober on yesterday's experience. Profound as it was, I need to have that power alive, right now, in my life.

I've actually heard poeple with 20 years of sobriety openly state in meetings that after you've been sober for a while, you don't need to do any of this suggested stuff.

I don't know what program they are working, but it sure isn't AA.

jimhere

That is why I said that previous time sober has no relevance to right now. Except that it may be useful in working with others.

And previous trips through the steps have no relevance to right now either.

I don't come from the school of thought that I do 1-9 once and then maintain in 10, 11, & 12 the rest my life. It is about being current. What's my current experience with Step One? Do I believe that I'm the one doing it? How about Step Two? Are there areas in my life where I'm an agnostic, where God isn't everything? Step Three? Do I really live as if my life were none of my business? Four & Five? What are my current false beliefs and the roles I assign myself and others based on those beliefs? Six & Seven? Am I truly willing to abandon the self-determined objectives? Eight & Nine? What about harm I cause sober? Am I willing to humble myself at eighteen years away from a drink? Ten, Eleven, and Twelve-Am I willing to delve deeper into the truly rigorous disciplines involved so that I may grow in understanding and be more effective and useful in all areas of life? And am I really convinced that at any given time I am either removing what blocks me from my next drink or I'm removing what blocks me from God?

I don't get those questions answered by clinging to the experience I had with last year's trip through the steps.
Jim

yeahgr8

Sorry but i've got...we set out on a path of rigorous dishonesty...in my head now

Jeez Tib some of your posts do make me laugh, i hope you do get a bit of luck soon to change your circumstances and give you the push you need, be well mi amigo:-)

McGowdog

I'll reiterate what I was trying to say again here;

The first year is yours. Enjoy it because you've earned it. The subsequent years after that are not about you. They belong to A.A./the group/Program you used for recovery.

In a more practical sense, some fellowships require you to have a certain amount of sobriety to hold certain service positions or to chair a meeting.

What impresses me more than hearing a guy or gal has 20 or 30 years of sobriety is to hear that they've completed 20 or 30 sets of steps to go with that time (if they got sober in A.A. that is). If you got sober without A.A. or you used A.A. initially and tapered off of it... that's fine for you, but not me.

bugsworth

This is going to come as a huge shock but I disagree with some of the most recent posts. LOL
Firstly, past experience is a huge building block on which I continue to construct upon. Without reflecting and learning from my past in regards to alcoholism I would have no foundation and without a solid foundation anything I add is subject to collapse.
I can and do stay sober today because of what I learned yesterday. While actively addicted to alcohol my ability to process simple things was severely impaired, now in sobriety my brain functions as it should and I have the ability to amass information and utilize it to continue moving forward.

jimhere

What?!! You disagree? I'm shocked Bugs.