Finally admitting I'm an Alcoholic
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 48
Alcoholic
Hi all,
I'm new to the forums and have been a binge drinker for a number of years now. My last bout has got me at rock bottom and I think I'm finally coming to terms with Alcoholism!
It's taken a number of years now and not only is drink destroying my mental and physical strength, it's all destroying my marriage and family life.
I'm 39 now and over the last number of years have been binge closer and closer together. I had my last drink on Sunday and don't intend to go back on it again. I spoke to AA yesterday and a chap was kind enough to visit today and talk things through with me, he's also taking me to a meeting tonight. I've tried 1 - 1 counselling before, and visits to the Doctor, however none of this has helped me. I'm hoping that AA is what I need to help me with a sober life.
Any advice on how to help mend my marriage and family life would be appreciated? I know staying sober for my sake and theirs are the big one.
I've been going through withdrawal symtems the past couple of days, for example, sweats, stomoch / leg cramps, sore heads and not been able to eat.
Thanks
William
I'm new to the forums and have been a binge drinker for a number of years now. My last bout has got me at rock bottom and I think I'm finally coming to terms with Alcoholism!
It's taken a number of years now and not only is drink destroying my mental and physical strength, it's all destroying my marriage and family life.
I'm 39 now and over the last number of years have been binge closer and closer together. I had my last drink on Sunday and don't intend to go back on it again. I spoke to AA yesterday and a chap was kind enough to visit today and talk things through with me, he's also taking me to a meeting tonight. I've tried 1 - 1 counselling before, and visits to the Doctor, however none of this has helped me. I'm hoping that AA is what I need to help me with a sober life.
Any advice on how to help mend my marriage and family life would be appreciated? I know staying sober for my sake and theirs are the big one.
I've been going through withdrawal symtems the past couple of days, for example, sweats, stomoch / leg cramps, sore heads and not been able to eat.
Thanks
William
Last edited by william1872; 08-25-2009 at 08:48 AM. Reason: Thread Title Issue
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,385
Hi William. Welcome to SR...a community of people who serve to support each other for a multitude of reasons. You will find a lot of support here as well as advice. Keep coming back and make it a part of your recovery. Read a lot and keep posting when you feel the need.
The advice I would like to give is for you to have your wife involved in your recovery. She needs to be a part of what you're going through and you need her support and understanding.
Also, a very important thing for you to remember about recovery is that it takes piercing honesty in all things related to recovery and addiction. You have to stay away from the "shadows" that keep you in the realm of addiction. You will find a way as long as you never give up trying.
The advice I would like to give is for you to have your wife involved in your recovery. She needs to be a part of what you're going through and you need her support and understanding.
Also, a very important thing for you to remember about recovery is that it takes piercing honesty in all things related to recovery and addiction. You have to stay away from the "shadows" that keep you in the realm of addiction. You will find a way as long as you never give up trying.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 48
Originally Posted by KenL 
Hi William. Welcome to SR...a community of people who serve to support each other for a multitude of reasons. You will find a lot of support here as well as advice. Keep coming back and make it a part of your recovery. Read a lot and keep posting when you feel the need.
The advice I would like to give is for you to have your wife involved in your recovery. She needs to be a part of what you're going through and you need her support and understanding.
Also, a very important thing for you to remember about recovery is that it takes piercing honesty in all things related to recovery and addiction. You have to stay away from the "shadows" that keep you in the realm of addiction. You will find a way as long as you never give up trying.
The advice I would like to give is for you to have your wife involved in your recovery. She needs to be a part of what you're going through and you need her support and understanding.
Also, a very important thing for you to remember about recovery is that it takes piercing honesty in all things related to recovery and addiction. You have to stay away from the "shadows" that keep you in the realm of addiction. You will find a way as long as you never give up trying.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by william1872
Any advice on how to help mend my marriage and family life would be appreciated? I know staying sober for my sake and theirs are the big one.
I've been going through withdrawal symtems the past couple of days, for example, sweats, stomoch / leg cramps, sore heads and not been able to eat.
As far as withdrawal goes. Check out the following:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Welcome to SR
My advice is to get working in the steps and the program of AA, since AA is what you are interested in. Get working in the first three steps. For me, a strong third step was the turning point...
Also, get a copy of the Big Book. Read it over and over... If you are interested in your family, read the chapters... To The Wives and The Family Afterward... Get your wife to read them too.
You can only work on your recovery... That's what you can do.... If you grow into your recovery, the relationship issues will work themselves out...
Easy Does It
Go to more than one AA meeting, find a group you like and go back and let everyone get to know you and you them...
Keep posting.
Mark
Any advice on how to help mend my marriage and family life would be appreciated
Also, get a copy of the Big Book. Read it over and over... If you are interested in your family, read the chapters... To The Wives and The Family Afterward... Get your wife to read them too.
You can only work on your recovery... That's what you can do.... If you grow into your recovery, the relationship issues will work themselves out...
Easy Does It
Go to more than one AA meeting, find a group you like and go back and let everyone get to know you and you them...
Keep posting.
Mark
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: scotland
Posts: 1,493
hello william and welcome to sr.i too tried councilors,doctors etc.none of it worked.i wne to AA at the begining of the year.i went to lots and lots of meetings at first and got myself a sponsor as soon as i could.i have gone through the steps with my sponsor and my life has changed beyond recognition william.for a rock bottom alki like me this change is a miracle.all my relationships are better william and not just as a result of putting the plug in the jug but from the programme for living,the 12 steps.i would suggest your wife go to al anon.there she will find out about the illness and how it has affected her and how to deal with things,you could get well together.often folk do not realise just how sick anothers alcoholism can make a partner/spouse.she sounds very supportive so this may be a great option for her.i am glad you have decided to go to AA william.please go with an open mind and willingness and you will be ok.please keep us posted.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
The big book should only be around seven bucks at an AA meeting... don't leave without one... if you don't have the cash... write an IOU... sometimes our meeting will give a newcomer one...
Down the road, don't forget to pay it forward...
Welcome
Mark
Down the road, don't forget to pay it forward...
Welcome
Mark
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 48
Originally Posted by Cubile75
The big book should only be around seven bucks at an AA meeting... don't leave without one... if you don't have the cash... write an IOU... sometimes our meeting will give a newcomer one...
Down the road, don't forget to pay it forward...
Welcome
Mark
Down the road, don't forget to pay it forward...
Welcome
Mark
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
Your story is nearly identical to mine. I have been sober for 20 months through AA (steps, meeting, sponsor). I have to be very patient & gentle with my wife. All those years of hurt do not go away simply because I quit drinking. I'm still dealing with this issue today. But on the positive side, my wife is learning to trust me again and she does love me.
In early recovery, I think action speaks louder than words. I keep my wife updated on my challenges & progress and I reasure her that the drinking was not because of her. She also cannot comprehend why I would go on multiple day binges, like I had some kind of choice after I started drinking. I am trying to explain to her what I was going through. Not making excuses...just explaining my reality back then. It was not her fault.
I don't know what the future holds for my family but I do have hope. And in the end, all I can do is keep trying.
Best wishes.
In early recovery, I think action speaks louder than words. I keep my wife updated on my challenges & progress and I reasure her that the drinking was not because of her. She also cannot comprehend why I would go on multiple day binges, like I had some kind of choice after I started drinking. I am trying to explain to her what I was going through. Not making excuses...just explaining my reality back then. It was not her fault.
I don't know what the future holds for my family but I do have hope. And in the end, all I can do is keep trying.
Best wishes.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 48
Originally Posted by gravity
Your story is nearly identical to mine. I have been sober for 20 months through AA (steps, meeting, sponsor). I have to be very patient & gentle with my wife. All those years of hurt do not go away simply because I quit drinking. I'm still dealing with this issue today. But on the positive side, my wife is learning to trust me again and she does love me.
In early recovery, I think action speaks louder than words. I keep my wife updated on my challenges & progress and I reasure her that the drinking was not because of her. She also cannot comprehend why I would go on multiple day binges, like I had some kind of choice after I started drinking. I am trying to explain to her what I was going through. Not making excuses...just explaining my reality back then. It was not her fault.
I don't know what the future holds for my family but I do have hope. And in the end, all I can do is keep trying.
Best wishes.
In early recovery, I think action speaks louder than words. I keep my wife updated on my challenges & progress and I reasure her that the drinking was not because of her. She also cannot comprehend why I would go on multiple day binges, like I had some kind of choice after I started drinking. I am trying to explain to her what I was going through. Not making excuses...just explaining my reality back then. It was not her fault.
I don't know what the future holds for my family but I do have hope. And in the end, all I can do is keep trying.
Best wishes.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 48
Originally Posted by charmian
william,i too am up in scotland.i will send you a big book if you would like?
, sometimes take my son to Ice Hockey practice on a Thursday night in Elgin
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 525
Hi William,
I'm a binge drinker too. Once that 1st one starts, it takes over, doesn't it?
Your plans sound good! Keep moving forward with those, and you'll be laying a strong foundation for the future. You couldn't be doing anything better.
One thing that helped me. I'm sure from your post that you feel a lot of guilt and regret of your past actions. For me, being truly sorry for the past is healthy. Make amends to those you choose. But once you do, don't allow yourself to wallow in shame for the past. It will keep you down, and slow your recovery. Life is hard, and you got relief from alcohol. Unfortunately, like me and others, the chemicals take over. It's a mistake, and it causes you pain. But forgive yourself, right now. You did it, you wish you didn't, you're sorry, and that's all you can do. Now, don't let regret take over your mind and feelings. If you forgive yourself, you'll see others forgive you too. Sobriety has challenges, and one of those is to find pleasure in it. Sobriety doesn't magically make you happy (i sure wish it did
). So, focus on just this new challenge in your life.
Binge drinking has it's own patterns. High highs, and low lows. Sobriety may be like that too. or, it may be more lows than highs. But expect it. And most of all, don't try to change your mood with the bottle. It doesn't work! You know that. Take a nap, go for a walk, take a shower (a personal fav),
read and post here (another fav).
Best of luck! We're on your team.
I'm a binge drinker too. Once that 1st one starts, it takes over, doesn't it?
Your plans sound good! Keep moving forward with those, and you'll be laying a strong foundation for the future. You couldn't be doing anything better.
One thing that helped me. I'm sure from your post that you feel a lot of guilt and regret of your past actions. For me, being truly sorry for the past is healthy. Make amends to those you choose. But once you do, don't allow yourself to wallow in shame for the past. It will keep you down, and slow your recovery. Life is hard, and you got relief from alcohol. Unfortunately, like me and others, the chemicals take over. It's a mistake, and it causes you pain. But forgive yourself, right now. You did it, you wish you didn't, you're sorry, and that's all you can do. Now, don't let regret take over your mind and feelings. If you forgive yourself, you'll see others forgive you too. Sobriety has challenges, and one of those is to find pleasure in it. Sobriety doesn't magically make you happy (i sure wish it did
). So, focus on just this new challenge in your life. Binge drinking has it's own patterns. High highs, and low lows. Sobriety may be like that too. or, it may be more lows than highs. But expect it. And most of all, don't try to change your mood with the bottle. It doesn't work! You know that. Take a nap, go for a walk, take a shower (a personal fav),
read and post here (another fav).
Best of luck! We're on your team.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Arizona
Posts: 872
Hi William!
Welcome to SR, and let me say thank you for your honesty and openness in your post.
Stay close to AA -- go to meetings, get a sponsor, work the steps. Simple, but not always easy.
The mending of your family will come in time, my friend.
Most importantly -- take it one day at a time.
Let me know how I can help.
NoMoBeer
Welcome to SR, and let me say thank you for your honesty and openness in your post.
Stay close to AA -- go to meetings, get a sponsor, work the steps. Simple, but not always easy.
The mending of your family will come in time, my friend.
Most importantly -- take it one day at a time.
Let me know how I can help.
NoMoBeer
Blu**ed Lines...A ClockWork SR
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: AZ
Posts: 2,529
Welcome... I'm about your age (37) going on day 27. It will get better. Arm yourself with as much information as you can gather from this site. And try to get some real live sober support that you are comfortable with... AA (As you mentioned is great), sober friend etc. I can very much relate to where you are right now. The only thing I can think of is that getting the right Sponsor seems to be key. I can not speak from a place of wisdom but, conventional AA knowledge is to get someone with some good sobriety under their belt (I've been told at least 5 years) Any questions throw up a new thread. People are great here.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: scotland
Posts: 1,493
william,this is great news! i was wondering if you were close.my other half brian is also in the fellowship! please let me knoe next time you are going to be in elgin and we could meet up for coffee! i have to dash to work now but i will pm you later,and i will get that big book to you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 48
Originally Posted by AcceptingChange
Hi William,
I'm a binge drinker too. Once that 1st one starts, it takes over, doesn't it?
It sure does and I can relate to what your saying
Your plans sound good! Keep moving forward with those, and you'll be laying a strong foundation for the future. You couldn't be doing anything better.
I'm glad I've taken the first step now, although I had been feeling low again today
One thing that helped me. I'm sure from your post that you feel a lot of guilt and regret of your past actions. For me, being truly sorry for the past is healthy. Make amends to those you choose. But once you do, don't allow yourself to wallow in shame for the past. It will keep you down, and slow your recovery. Life is hard, and you got relief from alcohol. Unfortunately, like me and others, the chemicals take over. It's a mistake, and it causes you pain. But forgive yourself, right now. You did it, you wish you didn't, you're sorry, and that's all you can do. Now, don't let regret take over your mind and feelings. If you forgive yourself, you'll see others forgive you too. Sobriety has challenges, and one of those is to find pleasure in it. Sobriety doesn't magically make you happy (i sure wish it did). So, focus on just this new challenge in your life.
Binge drinking has it's own patterns. High highs, and low lows. Sobriety may be like that too. or, it may be more lows than highs. But expect it. And most of all, don't try to change your mood with the bottle. It doesn't work! You know that. Take a nap, go for a walk, take a shower (a personal fav),
read and post here (another fav).
Best of luck! We're on your team.
I'm a binge drinker too. Once that 1st one starts, it takes over, doesn't it?
It sure does and I can relate to what your saying
Your plans sound good! Keep moving forward with those, and you'll be laying a strong foundation for the future. You couldn't be doing anything better.
I'm glad I've taken the first step now, although I had been feeling low again today
One thing that helped me. I'm sure from your post that you feel a lot of guilt and regret of your past actions. For me, being truly sorry for the past is healthy. Make amends to those you choose. But once you do, don't allow yourself to wallow in shame for the past. It will keep you down, and slow your recovery. Life is hard, and you got relief from alcohol. Unfortunately, like me and others, the chemicals take over. It's a mistake, and it causes you pain. But forgive yourself, right now. You did it, you wish you didn't, you're sorry, and that's all you can do. Now, don't let regret take over your mind and feelings. If you forgive yourself, you'll see others forgive you too. Sobriety has challenges, and one of those is to find pleasure in it. Sobriety doesn't magically make you happy (i sure wish it did
). So, focus on just this new challenge in your life. Binge drinking has it's own patterns. High highs, and low lows. Sobriety may be like that too. or, it may be more lows than highs. But expect it. And most of all, don't try to change your mood with the bottle. It doesn't work! You know that. Take a nap, go for a walk, take a shower (a personal fav),
read and post here (another fav).
Best of luck! We're on your team.
I never considered binge drinking to be a problem before, well I guess up to the last 6 months I suppose I knew deep down I had a problem but didn't want to admit it to myself.
I certainly hope I never again try and change my mood with a bottle, your right it doesn't help, might make you feel good at first but once the low moves in there's nothing worse.
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