Slayer

Hey I am 22 years old and I have been drinking heavily for about 2 years now. I had my first drink at 18 and by 19 I was drinking 12-15 beers a night after work. By 20 I had been drinking just about all day everyday. On an average day I drink 20-30 beers at this point. Its become an obvious problem, I have done countless embarrassing things, I have lost motivation in all other aspects in my life, and I live my life based around alcohol. The problem is when I am drunk I am actually really happy, even if I am behaving like a complete jackass. I am aware that the path I am going on can only lead to bad things and I don't want to end up 30 or 40 and wishing I wouldn't have wasted my life on alcohol. I am not sure I could actually sit down through an AA meeting and work the steps. I never have been much of a "team player". I guess that could be the alcoholism talking, but even before I was drinking I always preferred to do my own thing.

My other question is... how long does it take for things to get back to "normal". I have quit drinking for periods of 2-3 weeks and the entire time I can't seem to enjoy anything. I try to force myself to do activities to replace alcohol and nothing is "fun". I realize you pretty much have to earn sobriety, but its hard to stick with it when nothing brings you pleasure and you feel no reward for doing it.

tommyk

"I have quit drinking for periods of 2-3 weeks and the entire time I can't seem to enjoy anything."

Does drinking make you enjoy things?

It didn't for me... I thought it did, but it didn't.

BoozeFish36

I wish I had a fool proof answer for you but I don't. I wish you luck in finding what you seek.

Boleo

Abstinence is NOT DRINKING and feeling bad about it.

Recovery is not drinking and felling good about it.

What you need is to find release from care boredom and worry. How do you find this? In a program of action that teaches you new principles to live by.

The right action will attract new insight, sense of direction and sense of purpose into your life making you comfortable in your own skin again.

yeahgr8

What you are doing with alcohol is suppressing your natural feelings and emotions, this does not last just when you are drinking but also the following day/s too as you will be hung up on your last night/hangover.

The reason why you are not enjoying yourself when you sober up(let's call it not drinking) is because all the feelings and emotions you have suppressed, even in your short drinking career, are coming back to the surface and you don't want them so eventually...a day...a month...a year...a decade...you will go back to what makes you feel ok again.

I was always a loner, well thought i was, y'know the one that no-one could possibly understand...i was actually considered to be quite cool at your age. Looking back it was the alcoholism taking hold as it thrives on isolation so gradually in my twenties my social circle went down and down in numbers. I did everything a good alcoholic should also which means getting a long term girl and putting the recovery and hopes on her, lots of moves around the country and to different countries, changed career 3 times, kickboxing, gym...all periods that soon got messed up by me. I always thought it was the situations that messed up but now i know it was me.

I go to AA and am working the steps because i want to and i know i have to, i have tried everything else out there to stop drinking but unless you deal with what you are suppressing you WILL GUARANTEED go back to drinking and will keep having relapses (hate that word, it really means you have CHOSEN to drink again).

The ONLY way for you to not eend up doing this at 38 like me is to go to AA, get telephone numbers, stay for coffees, make new sober friends and most important...WORK THE PROGRAM/STEPS (for the emotions/feelings etc we talked about earlier).

You can do it and it is going to mean you cannot listen to yourself with regard to not being a team player and all the ego crap. When i went to AA i got a sponsor and he made a remark about trusting myself and i replied at the moment i would not trust myself to go out for a loaf of bread without ending up at a bar...you got to trust someone to help you so go trust someone who got sober around your age and is living that sobriety as a happy, contented and peaceful individual.

If you do have issues with the trust, team, whatever...then the other route is to try and fight it by yourself until you can't take booze kicking the **** out of you anymore and you crawl into AA on your hands and knees...you should walk in now, same advice i was given at 22 and i gave the world a big **** you...really hope you don't:-)

Oh btw there is one other route which most follow and that's to die, a sad fact but true...accident, suicide, alcohol poisioning, choking on your own vomit, traffic, health, etcetc...remember when the death certificate is written it will just put cause of death and won't mention alcoholism...don't get on the BS liver bandwagon there's a load that will kill you before that!

Good luck!

Slayer

I guess in the early stages of my drinking it was the funnest thing ever, but I guess the novelty has worn off. I do have to admit when I get drunk I still get euphoric. I guess the euphoria does make me enjoy things to some extent.

I guess I just realized I am not far enough into my alcoholism to want recovery. I am sure that I would spare myself a lot of headache and pain to start now, but I just don't think I am ready. I don't want to give up all those fun times I have had getting blind drunk with friends. I am not kidding myself, I had a DUI, I have had horrible withdrawals (DTs), its destroyed friendships, its gotten in the way of things I once loved, I have had consequences, but I still don't think I am ready to quit. The best times of my life so far have been getting blind drunk with friends and having a crazy night. I guess I am just not ready to give up the fun side alcohol does have. It really sucks to be in that predicament and I just wish I could be one of those people who could drink and it wasn't a problem.

Slayer

I have to be as honest as I can. Getting people's numbers and getting coffee is the last thing I'd naturally do. Even before I was drinking I have always been a loner who prefers my own company. I can tell you right now its not an ego thing, but I just simply can't do that. Its just not my personality type. It just seems gay to me.

As far as crawling into AA later on when I have hit rock bottom, I have already realized this would probably happen. I have had a few moments of clarity to where I realize that's how most people sober up. They get in such a bad way that anything would be better than living the way they currently are.

McGowdog

Well... those people who don't have a problem can drink two beers a night every night.

Well it's good you have your personality intact. Maybe you DO demonstrate some control when you're sober. If you're anything like me, when drinking, not too many people would want to hang out with you anyway and being alone would come easy.

Most people don't sober up. Most people don't need to, for one... and the ones that need to don't. It's not a matter of hitting a hard enough bottom or having bad enough circumstances. We've got people from Yale to Jail... circumstances are not enough to get someone sober or to keep them sober... if they're a real alcoholic. We'll talk about that more.

That all implies control. That's great if you're a hard drinker. Being an alcoholic or a hard drinker has nothing to do with drinking 20-30 beers a day. you can be a "continuous hard drinker" and not be an alcoholic. Many real alcoholics were never or not always "continuous hard drinkers". I was more of a binge drinker. If, once you start, you can't control the amount... and after having stopped, you can't stay away from the first one... on your own power.

If you don't have those two things, then maybe you're not an alcoholic, but a hard drinker/potential alcoholic. If, when you really want to, you can stop or moderate your drinking, you might be in luck. But if you're a real alcoholic, then you cannot decide out of those two things and it only gets worse.

We cannot diagnose you. Only you know the exact truth about what happens to you before and after you start to drink. Yeahgr8 had a wonderful breakdown of what you have to look forward to if you're a real alcoholic. But you've probably already had some beers by now and will not make much sense of this.

If you're a real alcoholic and really really want help, then it's here for you. But you also have to really want to do something... even if it seems "gay" to you. Anything seems better to me than being locked up, permanently insane, or dead. Even the alcoholic has a knack for "the goose hung high" or the "fierce determination to win" and they build a structure up, only to "tear it down with a senseless series of sprees."

I, unlike you, came into A.A. with hope. But I drank again anyway. It only got worse. But I never doubted A.A. It was me that failed A.A. A.A. is a program of action from a book. A meeting is a vehicle of the fellowship and it may take a while to find one that is acceptable to you... if you choose this path at all. There are other ones in other places in this forum... like Secular Connections. But if you decide into A.A., you're going to have to do a few things. These spiritual principles don't just fall on you like rain. You have to be shown or be very diligent at working out of that book, doing what it says and you won't need to "quit" drinking anymore. God will do the quitting for you as you get on with your life. By then, maybe you'll want to go to a meeting or two here and there... to give away what you've received and show others what you've found.

But hey, it's up to you. Either you're going to give it a try or not. Hopefully you'll find out what you are and that in itself should provide a little motivation for you to act on it.

Go well.

PS: wasn't Slayer a hair band from the 80s?

Slayer

This is probably the case. I have developed a niche of friends though who get belligerently drunk with me and its considered having fun when we get belligerent etc.

I might be a continuous hard drinker. I used to black out when I was say 18, but anymore I never blackout. I do get drunk and tell people things I later regret, but I always still believe what I said was true. I seem to do this over and over. I guess that doesn't mean Im an alcoholic though. If I take that first drink I can't stop though. I don't know if I am powerless over the alcohol. I can't stop drinking once I start, but I can usually keep myself under control. For example I can drink 12-15 beers and then go drive across town to meet my family for dinner and they can't even tell i'm drunk. I've been very very drunk and for example my own dad has given me money to go pick up something and he is uptight and would never have me drunk drive. If I don't drink alcohol for a day or two I start jonesing for it really badly.

I understand if A.A. doesn't work nothing really will because it boils down to putting in the work.

shaun00

while there was things "i would or wouldnt do to get sober" for good....there was always room for another drink.

no lingering notions.......no back doors.....no bridges intacked...

AA was the last...and i mean last resort.......who wants to sit in cold rooms drinking sh@t coffee and have my ego deflated..
make ammends to people that i hate and pay my debts!!.....jeez .

Eventually i reached that point....That cross roads.. where i just had to find a solution or die....stark i know but thats the truth..mostly WITHOUT a drink.

then i learned the difference between the program of action and the fellowship of aa.

i dont spend huge amounts of time with other alkies..........drinking coffee and holding hands.....it aint my thing either.

once i cottoned on to the fact that the fellowship was just "part" of the deal then things started to happen......and i remained sober and happy.

CarolD

It's sad to see how alcohol is affecting you.

Alcohol is a toxin....it does damage to everyone who drinks.
Please quit ruining your brain and seek assistance.

Check out this link for solid info....

ALCOHOL'S DAMAGING EFFECTS ON THE BRAIN

Welcome to SR....

McGowdog

It's good conversing with you, Slayer. I thank you for describing some of these things in more detail. I'm no expert here. I've been sober for the last 5.5 years and counting. I've go ahold of something that I hope I never let go of. Sobriety is a good starting point. I want to stay sober. I want to help other alcoholics. I go to a meeting or two a week and if I go to more, it's because my wife is busy doing something with her friends or family.

Now I can relate to that.

Now, whether you're a full blown alcoholic or a hard drinker, this doesn't imply any less danger to you and others around you. The blackouts alone are a pretty ominous warning for you. Now what you later describe implies tolerance which is another warning sign for you.

See, that's a bad sign there. I don't even want to get into the driving thing. If you don't see that as a problem, then you're a bit detached from reality. A cop stops you today. Do you think he/she is going to give you the same grace as your dad? You will immediately know what your decision making is doing for you once those red and blue lights are behind you... that's assuming you don't wreck and kill somebody. The alky always lives, right?

Now I don't want to imply that. We are in the Alcoholism subforum and there are other recoveries besides A.A. I hear they take a lot of work too.

Look at it this way, Dr Bob said that if we go at this recovery with one-half the zeal we did to get another drink, we cannot fail.

Slayer

I do have pretty inhuman tolerance. A continuous heavy drinker would. If I am an alcoholic I am an alcoholic. I have only seen my dad drink ONCE in my life. I rarely ever saw my mom drink. So to my knowledge neither of my parents directly have the alcoholic gene. That lowers my probability quiet a bit doesn't it?

As far as the drunk driving thing goes believe me I am not out of touch with reality. You may think I am, but I am not. I am about 6' 7" 300 pounds. I am not a 120 pound sorority girl. That .08 ******** is a JOKE and all of you guys know it who were really drinking. I know this is a sober site, but I am being honest.

Latte

It was taking away everything I really love. Today I play the tape through.

I have two beautiful girls who count on me to be there for them and a husband who supports this family financially, emotionally and spiritually. I owe it to myself to be there for myself and for him.

Today I can be counted on, that what keeps me from taking that first drink.

debs

Hell yeah it does!

For me!

It's the spiraling out of control in the days after that 'fun time' that keeps me from drinking.

Oh yeah, and being able to wake up and feel refreshed and give my son the gift of a beautifully smooth and happy morning on his first day of school.

tommyk

"Getting people's numbers and getting coffee is the last thing I'd naturally do."

The last thing some people naturally do is much more (100%) permanent actually.

I hope you find AA before the last natural occurance occurs.

(Don't die before giving the people in AA just like you a chance. )

QuantumMeltdown

Slayer check out this thread. I too think a similar way you do about AA as being "gay".

I can't post links yet as I don't have enough posts but check under the 12 step alcoholism support forum for a the thread "Is it normal to think AA/recovery people are lame?" It may answer some of your questions. Part of the reason I think its lame is its my diseases defense mechanism. My disease wants me in isolation and will lie and tell me anything to get me alone where it has the best chance of working me over.

But at any rate untill you believe yourself to be an alcoholic your not going to go to any meetings or try anything recovery related. You just may have to suffer more consequences before you admit that your an alcoholic to yourself I know I had too. You might think the .08 thing is ******** but its the law and will get your freedom of mobility taken away then you will be a real hermit in your house not being able to drive anywhere, my license is revoked 5 years and believe me it sucks. Your kidneys and liver probably will start to ache in a few years and your drinking will probably increase in the amount and frequency, at this point you will no longer be able to quit for a few weeks or even a few days like you are now you will truly be drinking around the clock much more drinks then you 12-20 a day your at now, you will then likely need to be hospitalized or get inpatient treatment which sucks more then meetings. Good luck.

McGowdog

I don't care how big you are, you bend over just as easy as a 120 pound sorority girl. Just ask Bubba.

Oh, and STOP DRINKING AND DRIVING FOOL!!!!!!!!! What are you going off about .08? You think you can drink 20 to 30 beers and blow a .08?

What's your point?

Boleo

If you intend to wait till after you experience the YETS before you stop drinking here is a list of what you have to look forward to;

1. I have not been arrested YET
2. I have gotten a DUI YET
3. I have not been hospitalized YET
4. I have not been fired YET
5. I have not lost my family YET
6. I have not been in the psych-ward YET
7. I have not been homeless YET
8. I have not died from this disease YET

smacked

McGowdog.. thank you.