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Join Date: Jun 2008
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"I am also terrified to go to AA."
Is this fear much like the fear of doing many other things as well?
Fear of the unknown... like walking into a room full of strangers?
Go to an AA meeting, arrive 5 minutes late, sit in the back by the door, leave 5 minutes before the meeting is over. You'll never have to say a word. No fear.
Keep coming back.
Is this fear much like the fear of doing many other things as well?
Fear of the unknown... like walking into a room full of strangers?
Go to an AA meeting, arrive 5 minutes late, sit in the back by the door, leave 5 minutes before the meeting is over. You'll never have to say a word. No fear.
Keep coming back.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 88
Another really cool way to start AA if you are nervous is to find a Beginner's Meeting. The SFO area should have plenty.
The rules are more relaxed. Everyone there is a newcomer and just as nervous as you are, and the meeting moderators usually do an excellent job of making everyone feel welcome.
You'll also find there a set of people that have just reach one year of sobriety and are looking to begin helping others.
This is how I eased in to AA.
Find the AA site for SFO and search for Beginner's meetings. The letter 'B' is the code for a beginner's meeting.
Best of luck.
The rules are more relaxed. Everyone there is a newcomer and just as nervous as you are, and the meeting moderators usually do an excellent job of making everyone feel welcome.
You'll also find there a set of people that have just reach one year of sobriety and are looking to begin helping others.
This is how I eased in to AA.
Find the AA site for SFO and search for Beginner's meetings. The letter 'B' is the code for a beginner's meeting.
Best of luck.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 133
From the responses i conclude i should not waste money on inpatient before i drag myself to AA. I dread it, but i will try to find a meeting this week. This feedback has been amazingly valuable, thank you.
Love my puppies
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: lala land
Posts: 150
Hi RBgirl. I had no success with my IOP experience. The inpatient program worked wonders...like Tyler said, it takes you out of your using environment for awhile. I know you say you're not addicted, but may I suggest calling a treatment center that does both in and out patient to get an evaluation done. Most places do not charge for the initial evaluation.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado Prairie
Posts: 1,417
I am frustrated because even though I am not physically addicted to alcohol and am perfectly capable of staying away (for a period of time), i still feel i need help if i am going to live the rest of my life without using alcohol as a crutch.
From the responses i conclude i should not waste money on inpatient before i drag myself to AA.
Put me down for a "No" vote on this one. Alcoholics Anonymous is for Alcoholics. "Alcoholics" are the exact opposite of what you described in the first quote.
If for any reason someone can not or will not take all of the 12 steps as they are written, than Alcoholics Anonymous may not be the place for them.
Starting with Step #1
Admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanagable.
If you can "Honestly' take this step than please disregard this post.
Reason is that if non alcoholics fill the rooms of AA than what do we have to offer the real alcoholic that walks in needing our help.
We have nothing except a few slogans, hugs and a cup of coffee and we may have probably contributed somewhat to this mans demise when we could have helped him otherwise.
Not all better, getting better
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Originally Posted by Pinkcuda 
Put me down for a "No" vote on this one. Alcoholics Anonymous is for Alcoholics. "Alcoholics" are the exact opposite of what you described in the first quote.
If for any reason someone can not or will not take all of the 12 steps as they are written, than Alcoholics Anonymous may not be the place for them.
Starting with Step #1
Admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanagable.
If you can "Honestly' take this step than please disregard this post.
Reason is that if non alcoholics fill the rooms of AA than what do we have to offer the real alcoholic that walks in needing our help.
We have nothing except a few slogans, hugs and a cup of coffee and we may have probably contributed somewhat to this mans demise when we could have helped him otherwise.
If for any reason someone can not or will not take all of the 12 steps as they are written, than Alcoholics Anonymous may not be the place for them.
Starting with Step #1
Admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanagable.
If you can "Honestly' take this step than please disregard this post.
Reason is that if non alcoholics fill the rooms of AA than what do we have to offer the real alcoholic that walks in needing our help.
We have nothing except a few slogans, hugs and a cup of coffee and we may have probably contributed somewhat to this mans demise when we could have helped him otherwise.
I'm sure someone will correct me if I'm wrong on this one, but it has always been my understanding that AA is for "anyone with a desire to stop drinking." Please show me where it says meetings are for "real alcoholics" only. I'm not ever sure what that term means, though it is much debated around here.
Everything I've read from the OP states that she feels she has a problem with alcohol and wants help to stop drinking. She has reached out to several "rehab" places and they also seem to apparently think she is not a "real enough alcoholic" for their time. Nowhere has she said she is unwilling to work the steps, in fact she has expressed an interest in attending a meeting to find out what the program is about. As far as that goes, there is no "requirement" at all for attending an open meeting.
It really disturbs me that you would discourage a person who is reaching out for help and who has already been discouraged by professionals she has consulted. Maybe I'm off base here, and if so, I hope someone calls me out on it. But I think your response was completely unnecessary.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 679
Originally Posted by tyler
WOW!!
I'm sure someone will correct me if I'm wrong on this one, but it has always been my understanding that AA is for "anyone with a desire to stop drinking." Please show me where it says meetings are for "real alcoholics" only. I'm not ever sure what that term means, though it is much debated around here.
Everything I've read from the OP states that she feels she has a problem with alcohol and wants help to stop drinking. She has reached out to several "rehab" places and they also seem to apparently think she is not a "real enough alcoholic" for their time. Nowhere has she said she is unwilling to work the steps, in fact she has expressed an interest in attending a meeting to find out what the program is about. As far as that goes, there is no "requirement" at all for attending an open meeting.
It really disturbs me that you would discourage a person who is reaching out for help and who has already been discouraged by professionals she has consulted. Maybe I'm off base here, and if so, I hope someone calls me out on it. But I think your response was completely unnecessary.
I'm sure someone will correct me if I'm wrong on this one, but it has always been my understanding that AA is for "anyone with a desire to stop drinking." Please show me where it says meetings are for "real alcoholics" only. I'm not ever sure what that term means, though it is much debated around here.
Everything I've read from the OP states that she feels she has a problem with alcohol and wants help to stop drinking. She has reached out to several "rehab" places and they also seem to apparently think she is not a "real enough alcoholic" for their time. Nowhere has she said she is unwilling to work the steps, in fact she has expressed an interest in attending a meeting to find out what the program is about. As far as that goes, there is no "requirement" at all for attending an open meeting.
It really disturbs me that you would discourage a person who is reaching out for help and who has already been discouraged by professionals she has consulted. Maybe I'm off base here, and if so, I hope someone calls me out on it. But I think your response was completely unnecessary.
I think these sorts of comments are so detrimental and unnecessary that if they do not already go against some sort of SR posting policy then there should be some revision. This is just as bad as flaming, if not worse.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado Prairie
Posts: 1,417
Please show me where it says meetings are for "real alcoholics" only.
#3.) Our membership ought to include all who suffer from alcoholism. Hence we may refuse none who wish to recover. Nor ought A.A. membership ever depend upon money or conformity. Any two or three alcoholics gathered together for sobriety may call themselves an A.A. Group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation.
Therefore, if we are there for "sobriety" we must be able to honestly take all 12 steps as I said.
This is not simply "My Opinion" this is what the book says.
Not all better, getting better
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Much like the Bible you can take passages or quotes from the Big Book to support any number of arguments. This is the same problem I have with any "fundementalists", you are willing to take the passages you agree with, but ignore the one's that don't suit your needs.
I can't quote you a BB page number, but this is cut and pasted from the front page of Alcoholics Anonymous :, AA's official web page. I assume this to be a fairly reliable source.
Alcoholics Anonymous® is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. There are no dues or fees for AA membership; we are self-supporting through our own contributions. AA is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution; does not wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorses nor opposes any causes. Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety
I don't wish to hijack this thread with any further discussion on the matter. I have placed you on my ignore list.
I can't quote you a BB page number, but this is cut and pasted from the front page of Alcoholics Anonymous :, AA's official web page. I assume this to be a fairly reliable source.
Alcoholics Anonymous® is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. There are no dues or fees for AA membership; we are self-supporting through our own contributions. AA is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution; does not wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorses nor opposes any causes. Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety
I don't wish to hijack this thread with any further discussion on the matter. I have placed you on my ignore list.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 133
oh, i have no problem saying i am an alcoholic. i am also 24 and i have not gotten to the point of being physically addicted to it. yeah, i can stay away from alcohol FOR A PERIOD OF TIME. A day, a week, a month....but i havent been able to stay away from it permanently. and every single time i drink, i am incapable of stopping and i always regret it the next day. my health and my social life and my relationships and my professional reputation has been damaged by alcohol.
i realize that im not as bad as some in the rooms, but i never want to get to the point where i am homeless, jobless, and family-less because of alcohol. i want to stop it now, but i am having trouble stopping permanently on my own. hence why ive reachd out for help. it is people like pinkcuda that make me terrified to go into AA. thanks for that.
i realize that im not as bad as some in the rooms, but i never want to get to the point where i am homeless, jobless, and family-less because of alcohol. i want to stop it now, but i am having trouble stopping permanently on my own. hence why ive reachd out for help. it is people like pinkcuda that make me terrified to go into AA. thanks for that.
Love my puppies
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: lala land
Posts: 150
RBgirl...admitting you are powerless over alcohol is the first step, and to me, it looks like you've done just that. Don't let someone scare you from going to AA...you'll be amazed at how the people will welcome you there with open arms.
Don't think you are not worthy of going to AA cuz "you're not THAT bad". You WILL get that bad without help...that's what AA is there for. If you're still not sure, get yourself a copy of the Big Book and read thru it. I know I saw myself in so many of those pages...maybe you will too.
Don't think you are not worthy of going to AA cuz "you're not THAT bad". You WILL get that bad without help...that's what AA is there for. If you're still not sure, get yourself a copy of the Big Book and read thru it. I know I saw myself in so many of those pages...maybe you will too.
problem with authority
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 870
It sounds like you share traits with the description of the alcoholic in the Big Book. I wouldn't worry about external circumstances...those have nothing to do with diagnosing alcoholism...it just seems to take some pretty horrifying things for some of us to take a look at our drinking. If I go back to my first drink and then what happened shortly after whenever I tried not to drink...I'm an alcoholic. But it took me 20 years and a night detoxing in jail before I asked for help to see if I was an alcoholic.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 133
Thanks Tigers. When I drink, I become powerless over alcohol. And I KNOW I will get that bad, which is exactly why i dont want to keep drinking. But I am not able to do that on my own and I need help and support. I have read the big book and a couple other books on alcoholism and I do see myself in the pages.
I am shocked that someone on a site like this would discourage a person from seeking help. Clearly the fact that I am showing up at outpatient facilities looking for help and posting on this site indicates that I am having some serious issues with alcohol. Maybe in some people's minds "a Real Alcoholic" is only a person who has gotten to the last stages of the disease. If this is the case, my response is that i dont want to ever be a "Real Alcoholic." I do need support though in order to avoid the disasters that await me if i keep drinking. That is exactly why I started this thread, because I am not sure the best place to go for that help.
I am shocked that someone on a site like this would discourage a person from seeking help. Clearly the fact that I am showing up at outpatient facilities looking for help and posting on this site indicates that I am having some serious issues with alcohol. Maybe in some people's minds "a Real Alcoholic" is only a person who has gotten to the last stages of the disease. If this is the case, my response is that i dont want to ever be a "Real Alcoholic." I do need support though in order to avoid the disasters that await me if i keep drinking. That is exactly why I started this thread, because I am not sure the best place to go for that help.
Love my puppies
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: lala land
Posts: 150
Keep in mind that all sites have all kinds of different people with different thoughts and opinions. One quote I love is "take what you need and leave the rest behind". In otherwards, take with you the things that you believe will help YOU, and ignore the rest.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado Prairie
Posts: 1,417
If indeed you are powerless and any AA Member has determined that you aren't "Alcoholic" enough for their liking than they themselves are in the wrong.
This is from the 12&12
Your post #5 lead me to believe that you don't have a problem and can take it or leave it.
This isn't the first time I've quoted the book and been told I don't know what I'm talking about. Therefore I'll be content in my spot on Tylers ignore list.
This is from the 12&12
As this trend grew, they were joined by young people who were scarcely more than potential alcoholics. They were spared that last ten or fifteen years of literal hell the rest of us had gone through. Since Step One requires an admission that our lives have become unmanageable, how could people such as these take this Step? It was obviously necessary to raise the bottom the rest of us had hit to the point where it would hit them.
This isn't the first time I've quoted the book and been told I don't know what I'm talking about. Therefore I'll be content in my spot on Tylers ignore list.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 133
if my alcohol use is disrupting my life and i continue to drink despite negative consequences, i have a reason to seek help. and that is what i am trying to do. im not going to get into a debate about whether i am a "Real alcoholic." that label is neither here nor there and doesnt help me in my present situation.
my life is not unmanageable right now. but i can see it becoming unmanageable if i dont stop drinking. i am powerless in the sense that i cant seem to quit permanently and when i drink i have no control over when i stop and what happens to me while drunk. i think all that is enough for most to agree that i would benefit from support. i am not going to defend this decision in a recovery forum. thanks to those that offered helpful advice regarding their experience in outpatient rehab.
my life is not unmanageable right now. but i can see it becoming unmanageable if i dont stop drinking. i am powerless in the sense that i cant seem to quit permanently and when i drink i have no control over when i stop and what happens to me while drunk. i think all that is enough for most to agree that i would benefit from support. i am not going to defend this decision in a recovery forum. thanks to those that offered helpful advice regarding their experience in outpatient rehab.
Not all better, getting better
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Hey Rainbow Girl, this debate about what defines a "real alcoholic" is one that goes on frequently around here. Personally I feel it is very non-constructive. People don't just stumble across a site calles SoberRecovery just browsing the internet for fun. If you are here, chances are you either have a problem or think you do.
Please do not let Pinkcuda's comments discourage you from going to a meeting. I can assure you she is very much in the minority when it comes to her opinion. The vast majority of people in AA are more than willing to help anyone who comes to a meeting in search of help, regardless of whether you meet someone's defination of a "real alcoholic". Most would be envious that you have chosen to take steps to work on your issue before you life gets totallly out of control. Though I personally do not consider myself an "AA member", I have been to hundereds of meetings over the years and was always welcomed with open arms, even when I was unsure if I "belonged" there. As someone already mentioned, "Take what you need and leave the rest behind."
As you will find in any group of people, there will be those you agree with and those you disagree with. Pinkcuda has her opinions and interpertations of the BB, but plesae don't look at her, or for that matter any one person, as representative of AA as a whole. I hope you find the help you seek. As I mentioned before, if you find that AA is not for you, there are a wealth of other recovery programs available in the Bay area, such as Lifering, SMART, and SOS to name a few. You can google for more info, or check out the Secular Connections portion of SR for more info. There is a "sticky" at the top of the Seclular Connections forum that lists a number of alternatives to AA. The most important thing is that you find help somewhere, it really doesn't matter where. Take care.
Please do not let Pinkcuda's comments discourage you from going to a meeting. I can assure you she is very much in the minority when it comes to her opinion. The vast majority of people in AA are more than willing to help anyone who comes to a meeting in search of help, regardless of whether you meet someone's defination of a "real alcoholic". Most would be envious that you have chosen to take steps to work on your issue before you life gets totallly out of control. Though I personally do not consider myself an "AA member", I have been to hundereds of meetings over the years and was always welcomed with open arms, even when I was unsure if I "belonged" there. As someone already mentioned, "Take what you need and leave the rest behind."
As you will find in any group of people, there will be those you agree with and those you disagree with. Pinkcuda has her opinions and interpertations of the BB, but plesae don't look at her, or for that matter any one person, as representative of AA as a whole. I hope you find the help you seek. As I mentioned before, if you find that AA is not for you, there are a wealth of other recovery programs available in the Bay area, such as Lifering, SMART, and SOS to name a few. You can google for more info, or check out the Secular Connections portion of SR for more info. There is a "sticky" at the top of the Seclular Connections forum that lists a number of alternatives to AA. The most important thing is that you find help somewhere, it really doesn't matter where. Take care.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado Prairie
Posts: 1,417
Well I've been to a meeting or two myself and I've seen anyone and everyone welcomed with open arms whether they drink or not. In fact I've been to some meetings that don't even have any alcoholics in them at all. Mainly because anyone and everyone is welcome.
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